Quick Update

So it's late at night and I can't sleep. I guess I'll do a little quick blogging...which I'm sure will turn into a long post.

First thing's first: I am no longer unemployed. I started a new job last week. It's great, but I'm not going to go into it. But I did have a nice 2 month vacation. I just wish I had done more while I was unemployed. I should have gone to the lake for a while or just gone to the pool. I really should have trained more though. I did the Mighty Mite triathlon this past weekend in Forrest City, AR, and I could tell I was out of shape. I mean bad. So I'm going to turn that into motivation to get my butt to the gym or riding my bike afterwork.

Let's see what else...there's nothing really. I have found that I've lost my desire to post pics on my blog anymore. It's really time consuming when you use blogger, because you can only add them one at a time. And blogger tends to add extra spaces/lines in between the pics so you have to delete the lines. If you don't have a lot of time on your hands, it can be quite a pain in the ass. But it used to be the way I would get party pics to my friends. Now I'm on facebook and it's easier. Plus a lot of my friends are on it too. I do like it better than myspace...well except for Mailbox's facebook page. He has way too much crap on there.

My new job is down in Horn Lake, MS. I'm really thinking of doing a "Best of Horn Lake Scenery" post, because I have seen some funny shit down there. Really detail jobs on piece of shit cars. Rednecks that you wouldn't believe. All kinds of strange stuff. OH! That reminds me. Thursday I was stopped at a stop light not really paying attention to anything else when I noticed a door open that belonged to the car two ahead of me and in the right lane (I was in the left lane). This girl who had to be somewhere between 16 and 19 leaned out and dropped a jumbo fountain drink on the ground. I know you're saying "well she just poured out her drink, what's the big deal?" No, she just dropped it on the ground: cup, drink, lid, and straw. Before I could even comprehend what I had witnessed, the light changed and traffic started moving. How the hell do you react to that? Well I had maybe a dozen ideas pop into my head of what I or anyone else should have done had there been ample amount of time. These are my favorites:
1. Walk from my car, pick up the cup, tap on her window and say "you dropped this" before handing it to her (I think that would be funny and convey the right message)
2. Pick up the cup and stick it under her windshield wiper (it would be funny and a little mean, helping vent the anger)
3. Pick up the cup and throw it at her windshield (definitely a little more rage filled but still good)
4. Pick up the cup and shove it in her car's tailpipe (if I or anyone else did this, we would need some serious therapy time with Dr. Melfi)
What do you think?

I did see the new Batman movie this weekend. If you haven't yet, I recommend going soon. It was unbelievable except for this old couple behind me who made comments to each other everytime something happened.

Speaking of old people, what is the etiquette with cougar cleavage? I won't say where it's happened, but there have been a few separate occasions over the last month where I have been in the presence of cougars with over-zealous plunging necklines. One time it was a gray panther (i.e. too old to be a cougar). Actually the gray panther was too old to be a gray panther. She was old enough to have great-grandkids. It was at a large cocktail party and she was talking to everyone (she was a friend of my friend's family member...long, long story). It begs the question: is there a statute of limitations on cleavage? How old is too old? Honestly I can't define the cutoff point, but I know she was about 20 years past it.

Ok, it's getting late and this probably should have been a few separate posts, but oh well. G'night.

A Post with Two Opposites

I have two posts in my head which I am now combining into one. I probably should make them separate, but I have a feelin whichever one I post first will be skipped over. These are important items that I feel need to be addressed. We'll start with the good news one and then I'll go on a rant (at this point I haven't typed it out yet, but I know it's going to be a big bitchfest rant so be ready).

ITEM ONE
I've decided to become a triathlete. I've been toying with the idea for a while now, but that's all it's been: an idea. I opened a magazine from January the other day and as I was skimming the pages there were a series of articles on improving yourself professionally, personally, physically, etc. Well, what else do you read on the can? Anyhoo, I landed on a short bit on becoming a triathlete. My initial idea of a triathlon was swimming 2 miles, biking 50 miles, and running a marathon. Then I looked up triathlon distances on wikipedia two days ago (link to triathlons on wikipedia) and found that there are shorter distance marathons and longer. So after that I made a life decision to become a triathlete (it's not a huge life decision, but it a bit of a lifestyle change). I went back to the article in the magazine and found they mentioned a website that lists all the triathlons in the country and there are a few coming up nearby. Awesome!!! Now I just need to buy a bike.

Now if you want to end reading this on a good positive note, stop before we get to item two. It's going to make you depressed/angry/pissed off.
I warned you.

ITEM TWO
I went to a store the other day in the suburbs to do a little shopping. I won't name the store because it's not their fault it happened. I wanted to come up with a funny nickname so you'd know what store it was in code, but that's really not fair to a place I actually like shopping at. Anyway, I felt the natural urge to sit down for a few minutes and let the Cosby kids go for a swim. So I did the normal thing and visited a room where you're not allowed to bring merchandise for a good reason. I walked into stall number 1 and someone hadn't flushed it. That pissed me off because people are just jerks sometimes. Then I walked into stall number 2 and realized that people are absolute pieces of shit. How do I know that? Well there were two pieces of that person on the floor next to the toilet. Seriously someone dumped outside the toilet on the floor. I imagine this was some high school kid from the cities of Germantown, Collierville, or the surrounding area who thought it would be funny to do that. I want to find this kid and after rubbing his nose in it ask him why he's so pissed at the world:

-Did Mommy and Daddy not buy him the brand new Hummer H3 or Mustang he wants even though he already has a new BMW?
-Or have the fumes from all the black fingernail polish finally gone to his head with the jet black hair and strong lack of pigments?
-Or did he take so much ecstasy at school that it felt good to have only one cheek on the seat and the other suspended in the air?

Enough of the hypothetical explanations based on broad stereotypes of high school pieces of shit. For all I know this could have been a grown man (I'm not even going to touch that one). Either way this person is an absolute piece of shit and I actually hope that karma exists to get him back (Help me My Name Is Earl, you're my only hope!).

The most pathetic thing is he did this in the damn handicapped stall. So some person with disabilities might have had to go in there and see that. They have enough hurdles to overcome and don't need this one too. This was just one of those moments that brings you down and puts a huge lack of faith in humanity in your head.

After I left the restroom, I quietly told one of the employees of the store that there was a bad mess someone left in the men's room that actually needed to be handled soon. She was polite and thanked me for letting her know before wishing me a great day.

Most men have been to bathrooms in bars. Some of your seedier bars have bathrooms where there's pee all over the seat/floor/wall (i.e. any college bar, most bars on Beale, bars in Midtown). But you never see that kind of disregard for your fellow man in friggin stores at 6PM on a weekday. This is just blatant contempt for every other person on the planet. I actually hope that this is something this piece of shit will remember and regret for the rest of his meaningless life.

So I have to ask myself, what exactly would I have done if I had walked in immediately after the offender deficated? Would I have called him out in front of everyone? Would I have taken him to the manager? Would I have actually called him the piece of shit he is and used the other toilet? I honestly don't know. I actually hope I never have to deal with this again.

Ok, that's the end of my lengthy rant. If you wish you hadn't read it, I'm sorry, but I wish I hadn't seen the two Mr. Hankeys on the floor. I just hope that this story will inspire all of us to raise our children with a little more respect for everyone else.

Have a good one and don't get none on ya.