Wednesday Night Recap

So I know this is really what you are waiting for…A DRINKING STORY!!!

Yesterday afternoon, I made my evening plans. I was going to work late then go to the gym before going home and having a big salad for dinner. I was going to watch “Rockstar: Tommy Lee’s Big Unit”. Then later I’d watch the season premiere of 30 Days which is by far the best reality show ever. Hands down. It’s entertaining and you actually learn things.

So that sounded like a good plan right? Well between 1 and 3 yesterday afternoon, HM called me and said “Dude, we’re going drinking. Meet at the Blue Monkey at 7:30.” I actually fought the idea for about 30 seconds then said “fine.” So I changed my plans: leave the office on time, go to the gym, eat a salad, head to bar by 7:30. Sounds possible. Well I worked late. By the time I got home, I would have had 30 minutes to get to the gym, workout, and get back to shower. So I said screw it. I ate a salad and watched “Rockstar: Pam Anderson’s Former Chew Toy” (which reminds me, how the hell has Zayra not been kicked off yet?). After that I threw on a shirt and shorts and headed to the Monkey. I got there at 8:15-ish. They were all at Celtic Crossing. So I jet to Celtic.

It was Brown G, Brown D, HM, MB, and Cort. I noticed Miniher at another table so I sent her a text message that said “only sluts hang out at celtic.” I hear her say “WTF!” and then I look over and smile. She was there with a couple of dudes. Then I ran into a buddy from college named Nolan. We had a good time. Then Brown G got the itch and wanted to go to, surprise surprise, Newby’s. We all piled in our respective rides and head to Newby’s.

At Newby’s Brown G won’t stop talking about the blog. MB and Cort had never seen it. So they asked questions. Then Brown G said “hey did you bring your camera? I wanna take pictures of stuff.” I said yeah and handed it to him. He ran into the bathroom to take a picture of his junk. Yeah, thanks dude. That’s really what I need: some dudes junk on my camera. The funny thing is that it is my digital camera. I have a blog. I have no fear in posting that on here. I’d prefer not too, but if he pissed me off I would have definitely considered it. Or maybe I’d make a separate blog for bad pics of people. Hmm…now that’s an idea.

Anyway, we took tons of pics. Here they are with the descriptions.

This is Brown G, MB, and Brown D trying to figure out how they can all get in a pic together and do something funny. I took this one to make them hurry the hell up. Then after this they took one that was hilarious. Brown G looked like he was licking the side of MB's head (I know his wife would have been proud of that). BUT we were all laughing so hard after the pic that I dropped the camera. Somehow every other pic was fine, except the one badass one. That's a memory that's now lost in space.

Here's a pic of Lauren, everyone's favorite. Unfortunately she is being bugged by one of those customer guys.Here's a pic of Cort with some stud. Next thing we knew her bf showed back up.So she took his mind off that pic.It was about this point in the evening where we started to lose control. Brown G decided that he wanted to become a photographer. So he started with a self portrait.Then he wanted a pic with Brown D. I'm sorry but it looks like Brown D is praying "Dear Lord, if you get me out of this, I will do anything. Just please let me get away." That's just what it looks like. These two have been good friends since childhood. But it does look like he doubts Brown G's photography skills.The longer we drank the more pics he took.I think he finally got tired of the self portraits so he started taking pics of others. Here he took a pic of HM. It kinda looks like he's saying "I'm here for your women!" Doesn't it?I really have nothing to say about that. It's just disturbing.At this point Brown's camera abilities began to disappear. He took this pic of MB, but I don't think he was doing a good job.Here he tried to take a pic of HM flipping the bird, but he got more bar than anything."No honey, I'm fine. Hey, where's my phone."

So we had a blast. Cort is originally from Brooklyn, but has lived down south for a while. She doesn't sound too much like a yankee, but there are a few words. MB told me that she's been training the dog to sit and shake. Down here the commands are usually "sit" and "shake." Up in Yankee land, apparently you teach the dog "sit" and "paw." Except she says it "PUUUAAAAAAAWW." He told a story how he told the dog to "sit." The dog sat. He then said "paw." The dog turned its head and looked at him. He said "paw" again and nothing happened. She said "PUUUAAAAAAAWW" and the dog presented its paw to shake.

Pretty damn funny. I'm going to end this post with a few short comments that only a select few will understand. Sorry, but I'm not going to explain everything. Come party if you want to know what's going on.

"Do you like the picture of my new watch?"

"Is this your gum?"

"200 euro, that's like $253 American."

The Amsterdam Story

Ok, yall have a good one and don't get none on ya.

Songs on the Playlist:
The Steve Miller Band – Jungle Love
Trick Pony – Pour Me
Van Halen – Eruption > You Really Got Me
The BoDeans – She’s A Runaway
ZZ Top – Legs
Coldplay – Daylight
U2 – One Tree Hill
Pearl Jam – Jeremy
ACDC – Whole Lotta Rosie
Frank Sinatra – The Way You Look Tonight
Stone Temple Pilots – Lounge Fly
Coldplay - Politik

HNT

Today's HNT is brought to you by Brown G. The title is "Brown, you drunken 'tard. Learn to step back when you take a picture in a bar so the flash doesn't make me look as pale as a corpse." It is a post-modern, during drunk piece that expresses the inner joy one feels at a bar with a camera. The artist decided to include the background as a contrast to the magnitude of the flash when he took the pic...2 feet from my damn face.

Happy HNT yall

Sela M-Fing Ward

Sela Ward needs to become familiar with my posterior. Or, as we would say in the parlance of our time, that crazy bitch needs to kiss my ass. I had closed down my hotmail account and saw a link to this story. I thought it would be something funny and that she would introduce us to all these magical, unknown secrets about women (ladies, it's not that we don't know these things, it's that we just don't care). So I read said article and I started fuming after reading items 2, 5, 7, 9, and 10. Here are my rebuttals to each item:
NOTE: IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE OR PREFER THINGS TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT STOP READING THIS ARTICLE NOW. THESE COMMENTS WILL BE HUMOROUS AND SEXIST. YOU KNOW, ENTERTAINING. SO IF THAT OFFENDS YOU, GO WATCH THE VIEW.
Rebuttal to item 2: There is no way for a woman to ever understand men. We think with logic and not emotions/hormones.
Rebuttal to item 5: We don't mind you complaining about your visit from "Aunt Flo." But don't you dare ask us to stop scratching our nuts ever again. And we can't take over the chores of childbearing, morning sickness, and postpartum emotional swings: we're not wired that way. But we have to put up with you during all this crap so if you're gonna bitch, then we should be able to bitch.
Rebuttal to item 7: We know suits look good, but we'll take our old college t-shirts and gym shorts any day of the week.
Rebuttal to item 9: So how many boyfriends did you have just before you married your husband, you tramp?
Rebuttal to item 10: "Men are free to think they are the boss, as long as they know we're chairman of the board." Is that why the company's stocks plummet every 28 days?

So ladies, we love you. But remember we have just as many comments about you as you have about us. Except when you make comments about us, we take it. If we make comments about you, we don't get sex for a month. Let's work through this.

Have a good one and Ladies, don't get none on ya

Lance Bass Is Gay / Michael Jackson Rant

After lunch, I was scanning the net when I found this story: Lance Bass is gay. Not that any hetero man from my generation (i.e. in college when those douches in N’Sync started) ever doubted it. But my sister grew up listening to them. They were her first BIG favorite band. I showed her the article, and it has ruined her day. She left my office and came by a few minutes later to tell me that. I told her it wasn’t that big of a deal. She argued that it was because she grew up listening to these guys. I had to put things in perspective for her:
“Look, he’s only gay. At least he’s not a child molester like Michael Jackson (supposedly). How do you think that effected my generation?”
But that got me thinking: why weren’t we that shocked when he was charged with child molestation time and time again? I don’t think we were. I think we were slowly shown the insanity of Michael Jackson over years and years. He went from taking Brook Shields as his date to the Grammy’s one year to taking a friggin monkey some years later. What’s up with that? I’m not even going into the skin bleaching thing. Or the millions of plastic surgeries, which reminds me, does anyone else think that Lil’ Kim is looking more and more like Latoya Jackson every time she gets a new plastic surgery?
If you’ve ever seen Eddie Murphy Raw (I think it was Raw), I think he does a bit about Mr. T and Michael Jackson. He talks about how he did some jokes about both and found out they were both looking for him. He was afraid of Mr. T, but he wasn’t afraid of Michael Jackson. He took the joke and said “you know, we don’t know too much about Michael Jackson. You know, he’s a recluse; he could be a bad mother f*cker behind closed doors.” I guess history has proven that Eddie was on the right track but he made the wrong conclusion. He isn’t a bad m-f’er behind closed doors. He’s a nutcase who needs to be put in a rubber room and looked at through a small window for the rest of his life. But that’s just my opinion.

I have one final question for you, dear reader: why the hell do we actually care about these washed up, no talent, ass-clowns?

Tuesday Rockstar Recap

Last night I caught Rockstar:Supernova…or as I’ve heard some people call it Rockstar: Tommy Lee (I too feel he is taking attention away from the rest of the show). There were some badass performances and some that were just ‘bleh’. Here’s my recap and (this is for you MG) who I think will be in the bottom three.

Lukas Rossi started things off with “Bittersweet Symphony” by the Verve. A great song. He really took it from being a little pop to a lot of rock. I was enjoying it until they had the single spotlight on him just before the last verse or the last chorus (I can’t remember). As soon as they went into that chorus/verse, they kicked it up a few notches. Now my question is what the hell was that jacket? For a second, I thought he was wearing a straight jacket.

Zayra Alvarez came up next to sing Blondie’s “Call Me.” I’m sorry, but a few times I thought she forgot the lyrics or she took the mike too far from her mouth. I think the band was too loud for her. But you know what I couldn’t really pay attention to the music after seeing what she wore. I can’t find a copy of it on the net otherwise, I’d put it up here. It was some blue vinyl outfit that showed off all her best assets. Now, like Dave Navarro said, I don’t think she’s right for that band. She needs to do her own thing. Start a solo career now while she is still that popular.

Next Dana Andrews did an acoustic version of Nirvana’s “About A Girl.” You know Dana; she’s our little Georgia Peach. She (like most of America) only knows this song from Nirvana’s “Unplugged in New York” album. So that’s why she sang it that way (I’m guessing). At first I didn’t like it because she growled a few words in an attempt to be heavy. Growling does not equal heavy, just like Paris Hilton does not equal disease free (in my opinion). After a few lyrics, she started to put the appropriate anger and strength in her words as she sang. I really dug her performance. After her performance, she admitted that she chugged a beer before coming on stage. Now that’s my kinda woman! If I had actually voted last night, I would have voted for her in a heartbeat.

Patrice Pike came up and tried to sing The Black Crowes’ “Remedy.” ‘Tried’ is the key word there. It didn’t sound right. Her performance wasn’t overly energizing; it didn’t make you get into things. After the performance, she tried to argue with Dave like she wanted to bring the rock attitude, but I think that back fired in her face. She may not be getting what they are trying to tell her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s gone sooner rather than later.

Toby Rand showed up next. Everyone favorite Aussie sang Billy Idol’s “White Wedding.” It started off weak and uninteresting, but it got better as it went along. By the end I really enjoyed it.

Magni came out to do David Bowie’s “Heroes.” He took Bowie and made it heavy. David Bowie, although always great, is very theatrical rock, both musically and in stage presence. He’s never been overly heavy in my opinion (I was born after Ziggy Stardust so I don’t know if he was considered really heavy at that time). After the performance, they asked why he was strapped into his guitar and stuck at the mike. He said because he was singing to a person across the world in Iceland. He’ll perform for everyone else on other songs. Then he took a shot at Zayra on her outfit. Gilby Clarke thought that it was sang the wrong way, but it had a beautiful delivery.

Ryan Star came up next to sing Live’s “I Alone.” It was good and got better towards the end. I’ve never been a huge fan of that song (or even that band), but I like Ryan’s version. Dave Navarro said it was Ryan’s best performance yet.

Jill Gioia popped onto stage next to perform the Rolling Stones’ classic, “Brown Sugar.” Gilby Clarke came out to play guitar. They started it out and the camera cut over to the Tripod (Tommy Lee) who was getting into it and dancing. The camera cut back to Jill and Gilby who were singing into the mike like Mick & Keith. It was a high energy performance. I think she should be safe because of her performance, but the comments may have killed her. I’m not sure. Gilby shot her down saying that he doesn’t like how she was wiggling and grinding on him during the performance. He went into this whole sensitive man thing about how women should be able to perform without using their sexuality to keep everyone’s attention. Hey, Gilby! This is rock n’ roll. I’m sure you’ve heard (and lived) the old adage: SEX DRUGS & ROCK N ROLL! After he was finished, newly single Dave Navarro piped up and said he’d grind on her anytime if she were in his band.

Phil Ritchie came out to sing the Wallflowers’ “One Headlight.” It makes me ask how the hell is this guy still in the competition. He just sucks. I don’t like his performances at all. This time he had too much sneering while singing. His voice doesn’t sound right. It was a real disappointment after last week when he killed with Jason on bass. Supernova doesn’t like the “wobble” he does. Whatever that is.

Dilana sang Cyndi Lauper’s “Time After Time.” Do I even need to say how it was badass? She came out for a duet on it with a guy on guitar. She has a great voice that can get real hard and harsh. I wish I could find a pic of her because she looked like an evil fairy godmother. Dave said she always gives him chills. Tommy “The Tripod” Lee said she was enchanting. I honestly think she may get the Encore again.

Josh Logan tried to sing Blind Melon’s classic “No Rain.” Here are my two initial impressions in the song:
1. Not the right energy
2. Doesn’t sound right
I have a special respect for this band: I saw them open for the Rolling Stones at the Libertybowl here in Memphis in September 1993. I feel that Josh butchered this song. I don’t think he’s long for this show.

Storm Large came out last to sing Dramarama’s “Anything Anything.” I’ve never heard that song. I’ve never heard of that band. And you know what, I was mesmerized by her performance. Her performance was sexy without trying to be sexy. She had hard, cutting vocals at the right places, and soft vocals when necessary. She had a smooth transition between the two. I loved it; of course I may be biased after last week with her google comments. At the end of the performance she actually dropped the mike and did a stage dive into the crowd. Supernova loved it. They went NUTS!
For those of you who want to see more of Storm Large, this blog has another link to more pics (read: more frontal nudity). This is a link to the pics themselves. Otherwise you can go to my link from last week.

At the end of the show, Josh, Jill, and Zayra were in the bottom three. Tonight is the elimination show. I think it’s going to be Josh, Phil, and Patrice with a slight chance that Zayra may be in Patrice’s spot. I think either Josh or Phil will be gone this week depending on who kicks ass tonight.

Reason #1 why I miss college

There are many many reasons why I miss college. Reason #1 will always be the women. That is without a doubt the best thing about college.

Supposedly according to the guy who sent this to me, this is a chapter at Vanderbilt, but since there is no proof on the pic, I won't say it is. But for you Vandy men and women, take a look at the faces and see if you know any of them. Vandy men, these are the type of girls you want to party with.
Now please notice that I made a very strong attempt at covering the name of the sorority. I honestly doubt that you will be able to decifer which one it is. Ha.

Edit: Since I originally posted this last night, I have had about another 5 people tell me that this is a chapter of a sorority at Vanderbilt. One person specifically named one of the girls in the pic who pledged last fall. So congrats to Vandy, you have some hot smart chicks.
Now the next question is which of these lovely ladies is going to escort me to their spring formal?

Weekend at the Lake

So I’m back from the lake. We had a great time. I feel really rested now. Much more than the last time.
Well, when 4:30 rolled around on Friday, my truck was already loaded with a couch, a grill, and a new anchor to take over to the lake. I had to get to my house, pack my bags, wait for my sister to get there with her friend K-Razz, go pick up HM, and get some crispy strips from KFC. Why crispy strips? Because the next day after they’ve cooled off, they are incredible. So how did that go down? Definitely not according to schedule. I planned on being at the bridge heading into Arkansas at 5:45 at the latest. We didn’t pick up HM until after 6. We went to a KFC over on Summer Ave after we called HM and he told us he was getting in the shower. We waited for 20 minutes in line 3 cars behind the one at the speaker. It was so ridiculously slow that a car would wait about 8 minutes before they could give their order. Apparently customer service was not a top priority for them. The other problem was we were stuck in line and couldn’t hop out if we wanted to. Believe me, I tried. We were finally able to hop out of line and go get HM. We picked him up and stopped at the KFC in Marion, AR. There we got our strips. So after all that we were about an hour and half later than I wanted to be. But that worked out in our favor, because a huge rainstorm came across the entire path we were going to take before we hit it. So we never had to cover the couch. There was a break at the back of the clouds around sunset and this is what we got to see:
Now that’s gorgeous. We rolled into the house a little after 9. Everyone else (Mom, Dad, the brother, Aunt J, Aunt C, and Graves, my 7 year old cousin) were already there having fun. Mom had made spaghetti for dinner so we had a little red wine and spaghetti. We stayed up late drinking and listening to music.
Saturday morning came too early in the form of a 7 year old saying “Philip. Wake up. It’s morning. We’re going on the boat today. Wake up. Why won’t you wake up? Hey Wake up. Why are you turning over to the other way? Wake up. Why did you turn back after I walked to the other side of the bed? Wake up.” Apparently children that age have yet to learn how to take a hint. He walked to the otherside of the basement to wake up the brother. That didn’t work either. By this point I realized that resistance was futile, so when I heard him coming back, I feigned sleep. I had one eye cracked open enough just so I could see when he was close enough. He walked up to the bed and as he was about to say “wake up, Philip” again, I jumped up and grabbed him throwing him on the bed and tickling him. He laughed and howled as kids do. Then I put him back on the floor. He was still laughing. I said “I’m up” and went upstairs to get breakfast. After a while we loaded up our gear and coolers before heading to the boats.
Out on the water we went to this first cove just to the west of the marina. It has a very deep bottom right next to some high rock walls. There was a strong wind coming through. So the end result was our anchors wouldn’t reach the bottom and our boats almost floated into other people’s boats. After dropping anchor in three separate parts of the cove (none of which worked) we hauled over to another area of the lake. I personally had that area because it is full of stumps and you almost inevitably lose an anchor there every time. Well the anchors held and we got wet. HM had decided that he wanted to destroy some brain cells so he brought a jug of Sangria (or San Gria). Now whenever we go on the water, we always take San Salvador’s pre-mixed Margaritas. They come in little bottles and are great. We also take beer. Lots of beer. But you already guessed that. Well since HM was my guest and he brought the huge jug, I decided to try it. I’ve had Sangria before at Café Ole in Midtown, and it was great. But this was funky (we later read on the bottle that you’re supposed to mix it 4 parts from the jug to one part brandy and fill the pitcher with lemon and orange slices). It had a very fruit punch like flavor with an immediate after taste of red wine. Not a good combination. So I had one of those while HM and the brother kept drinking them. I switched to margaritas. I love those way too much. So we floated and drank. I played ‘shark boy’. That’s where I quietly slip off my float, swim under water, and grab the foot of some unsuspecting person. I usually try to yank them under water or throw them off their raft. It’s fun.
After a while they took Graves tubing. He was on the big tube with my sister and K-Razz was on the other tube. Remember, Graves is 7 so they went about 5 miles an hour. But he thought he was going “super fast.” They had a blast. Then they came back and swapped out people and I got on the boat. I drove for a while and then headed back to the pontoon boat to see if anyone wanted to ski. They were pulling up the anchor to go home and cook dinner. So we headed back before I could tube or ski. Damnit. But the good news is that Graves got to drive the ski boat back. Here are a few pics with him at the helm (with some guidance):
Here’s a pic of him with K-Razz and the sister:
After we got gas, we docked the boat and went home. We started preparing dinner. HM and I ran to the store to pick up a few items and came back. He went to take a shower while I messed with the dog. I decided to watch TV and wait until I could shower. I went to my bed, and the brother was trying to sleep in my bed by the TV. I kicked him out and told him to go to his bed. I laid down on my and fell asleep. Next thing I know an hour has passed and dinner’s almost ready. I take a quick shower and run up to eat. We had chicken and pork chops.
After dinner I put Raiders of the Lost Ark on the TV. Graves had never seen it so everyone sat down to watch it. Next thing I know HM decided to smoke a few cigars. I leave everyone in front of the TV and we go smoke. It was in the lower 80s/upper 70s outside. There were only a few lights on. After while Mom turned on the lights for the path to the water which illuminated the under side of the leaves and gave a nice effect. We just sat out there for a few hours smoking cigars, telling stories, and drinking. It was great. After a while we started drunk-texting people. From that we learned a new term. I won’t share it with you because it is that good. I want to be one of three people who know what it means.
We got up Sunday morning and had breakfast. Mom and Aunt J cooked a great breakfast: sausage, eggs, biscuits, watermelon, sausage gravy (white), and hash browns. It was a feast for a king, well, a feast for a southern family really.
We goofed around the house yesterday and finally realized that no matter what we were going back in the water to ski and tube. The sister and K-Razz wanted to come back to El Memfrico. So we took our time, packed up, and cleaned up. The ride back was pretty uneventful.
I had a very nice weekend. I hope you did too. Tonight I’m going to the Ducks Unlimited Fish Fry cookout. It’s a BYOB event. I’ll pick up a 6 pack probably. It’s way out in Arlington at someone’s house.

Have a good one and don’t get none on ya.

F.U. Friday!

Hey Kids! It’s F.U. Friday!

I was going to give a big F.U. to the phone that doesn’t do anything but ring all damn day. But instead, I have a bigger fish to fry. I am giving my official to everyone in Memphis who keeps pushing this voting thing down our throats.
I’m constantly getting emails from people who say crap like “I normally don’t do this but I want to tell you about candidate X.” If you don’t normally do it, then keep being normal, you jackass. I’m not voting in this fucking election. Kiss my ass. I got jury duty in September because I voted in the last presidential election. I’m not going to vote, because I really just don’t care. I don't want to hear how your candidate is going to solve the problems of the world. They won't. They never have and they never will. All beaurocrats do is create more bullshit laws that we don't need. Yeah, they get it right every once in a blue moon, but I really don't care about state senate. We'll get some dumbass either way you vote. So quit posting bulletins about your buddy the candidate on MySpace and quit sending me emails about it too. I really don’t care. And in fact you are starting to piss me off. So here’s to you, you arrogant bastards. Now Fuck Off!

Damn, that does make me feel better.

I'll post the recaps of Wednesday & Thursday night later.

Rockstar Elimination Show Recap

Rockstar Recap
For those of you looking for the HNT, it’s the next story down. For those of you looking for the ghost writer opportunity, follow this link to that story. And for those of you looking for the story of what I did last night, I’ll put that up later with a few pics (bad pics) from the Walrus show.

So the other day in my comments, MG asked me who I thought would go. I told her instead who I thought the bottom three would be. This is what I said:
“Ryan - No Stage Presence. Too uncomfortable on stage.Jenny - Great voice, but not strong enough to keep her on the show. She needs to learn how to be louder.Toby - Song Choice maybe?Actually I threw Toby in there because of the song choice. BUT I doubt he'll be in there now that I'm thinking about it. I don't know who the third person will be.”
It turned out to be Jenny, Dana, and Josh. Looking back I can see that. I called Jenny’s choice. I wanted to say Dana, but I like her. She brings some Georgia Peach to the show. And Josh, well, I didn’t think he would be there, but I did say he did a weak performance of “Come As You Are” on the performance show. And the more I think about it, he has this odd voice. It’s like he is singing in the upper back of his throat or something. But not in a nasally way.
So after our rockers were called out, i.e. after Brook Burke bored us to death and sent us to too many commercials, Jenny came up and performed Stone Temple Pilots’ “Vasoline.” It wasn’t that great. Then Dana came and played a song called “High Road Easy” from a band called Sass Jordan. Never heard of them, but after listening to her kill it, I’ll definitely check them out. She was badass. Finally after more commercials, Josh showed up to cover Nirvana’s “Heart Shaped Box.” And this one he put a little bit more angst into it. Not enough for my tastes (I grew up listening to Nirvana), but just enough to keep him safe.
In the end, Tommy “The Tripod” Lee played hatchet man and axed Jenny. I think she has a lot of potential, but she’s going to have to take some lessons from Liz Phair on singing. She needs to be louder. Hopefully this will be the inspiration that leads her to a new level.
I noticed something at that point: Jenny went and said goodbye to her competitors. Last year, the INXS guys always invited the person booted off to come say goodbye to the band. Yeah I know a little nitpicky, but I just noticed it. It’s like they seem less genuine in finding a singer that they’ll have for years and more interested in finding a gimmick to sell a few albums before dissolving. I feel that Tommy Lee will be the first to leave the band. He just seems to have an ADD approach to his career path that will probably doom Supernova from the beginning. It's like he changes his mind all the time:
I’m with Motley Crue.
I’m doing a solo project.
I’m with Motley Crue.
I’m making porno flicks with my wife and my “third leg.”
I’m with Motley Crue.
I’m giving Pam Hepatitis.
I’m with Methods of Mayhem.
I’m with Motley Crue.
I’m going to Nebraska and shooting a reality show about it.
I’m with Motley Crue.
I’m with Supernova.
What’s the next step? I’ll let you look back and take one guess. Maybe it’s more schizophrenic than ADD.
So anywho, I can't wait for next week. I like what I'm watching.

That's all for now. Have a good one.

Songs on the Playlist:
Kiss – Strutter
Tom Petty – Don’t Come Around Here No More
The Grateful Dead – Me & My Uncle
Pat Green – This Bottle
Black Eyed Peas – Hey Mama
The Clash – Should I Stay Or Should I Go
The Who – Substitute
Willie Nelson – Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain
Robert Earl Keen – Undone
The Doors – Break On Through (To The Other Side)
Neil Diamond – Forever In Blue Jeans
Motley Crue – Same Ol’ Situation
Sir Mix-A-Lot – Baby Got Back

HNT Post

For those of you looking for my recap of last night's Rockstar:Supernova. I'll get it up later (no pun intended). I have to do this damn HNT.
Memphis readers, remember the Ghost Writer opportunity. And you can submit more than one story. Email them to me at memphisphilip (at) hotmail (dot) com.

Ok, here's the HNT. I don't have anything planned so here's a pic from the lake a few weeks ago. And this is what I'll be doing this weekend too.
Happy HNT yall.

Minor League Props, What's Happening this week

So I was screwing around on CNN.com when I found this article on renewed interest in Minor League Ball parks. Here is what it says about Autozone Park here in lovely crime-free downtown Memphis:
“AutoZone Park in Memphis, Tennessee, is steps from the renowned Peabody Hotel and two blocks from the music clubs on Beale Street.
The ballpark serves up barbecue nachos with pulled pork from a nearby rib joint. The smell of grilling ribs sometimes makes its way into the seats, said Kyle Parkinson, a spokesman for the Memphis Redbirds.”
Pretty damn cool. And the only pic of a stadium (besides some kid at the top) is a view from the sky of Autozone Park. How cool is that?
Now I know I’m going to have to get BBQ Nachos tomorrow night at the Redbirds game. Why am I going? Because the Ptolemy July Happy Hour is at the Redbirds game tomorrow. We’ll be behind the right field area like last year when we ate, drank, and had a great time hanging out. Of course, I’m going to drink more water than beer this year. It’s over 100 degrees outside. For those of you who don’t habla ingles, that means it’s friggin’ hot. We’re not talking 100 degrees like out west. No, we have a thing here called humidity. If you’re not from here, it’ll knock you on your ass. If you are from here, well you know how to deal with it: stay inside where the factory air is.

So what else is going on? I’m heading to the lake this weekend. Tonight I have two shows I want to see. The first is Walrus at the Brookhaven Pub. They always put on a badass show. Then there is this band called Creech Holler is playing at Murphy’s in Midtown. I found them through life according to jag. Their MySpace page says their style is Roots Music/Country/Blues. I've heard a few songs of theirs. Pretty cool stuff. It’ll be a nice change from the 80s sounds of Walrus. So which show will I see you at?


Item Next! I've been meaning to talk about this for some time, but I never get to it. I've been watching the tracker on this blog and over the last few days to a week now, my reader numbers have almost doubled. It's pushed my average daily readers from 64 per day to 69 per day. That doesn't sound like a big movement, but that is the average of readers per day since April 20. That's three months. And now BAM! I'm getting tons of new readers. So to you new readers, WELCOME.
But I wonder where do you come from? How do you get here? I checked the tracker on the search results that led people here. These are kinda normal:
mpact memphis "paul ryburn"
dilana supernova rockstar
rockstar supernova lukas
ghetto fashion
memphis lakehouse
These are all things that I talk about. But then there are some things that must be mixtures of words from different posts:
married ladies looking for sex in southaven ms
modeling in memphis tennessee for babies
So to the readers who found me while looking for modeling acts for their kids while they are looking to cheat on their spouse down in Southaven, Welcome you freaks!

Now, yall remember about the ghost writing opportunity. You have until July 31 to get your story in.

Ok, I'm getting out of here so I can get to the gym and go out tonight after dinner. Have a good one and don't get none on ya.

Songs on the Playlist:
Jimmy Buffett - The Great Filling Station Holdup
Robert Earl Keen - Dreadful Selfish Crime
The Clash - I Fought The Law
Widespread Panic - Sex Machine

Rockstar:Supernova Recap and Storm Large's Pics

Before I get to the recap of the show, remember after Storm Large's performance of "Just What I Needed", Tommy Lee (aka the Tripod) said something like "I want more!" Storm said "Tommy, I have a six letter word for you...GOOGLE." Well I was screwing around on the net when I said "Hmm..." So I googled Storm Large. After scrolling down past a few bogus looking links. I found her MySpace account. Pretty cool. Then I saw something else on google. I clicked on it and found pics of Storm. Holy crap. She's all tatt'ed up and dressed in panties, boots, and that's it. And fellas, she looks hot. I'm going to say it: DO NOT OPEN THIS LINK AT WORK. You will probably get in trouble. But damn is she hot. So I looked around the site and found a few pics of her with band. Check these out too. She's clothed, but a few are from performances and she is ridiculously sexual on stage. I can't wait until she blows it out for Rockstar. Hell, I'm going to vote for her a few more times just because of that. What can I say? I'm a man whore.

Ok, onto the show. I'm not recapping the drama from between episodes because that sucks. Here are my opinions on the artists and their performances.
Dana with "It's My Life." First I think it's a weak song. It's a latter day Bon Jovi song, and since I'm not from Jersey, I'm not too into Bon Jovi. I always thought they were more pop than rock. She did an okay job on it, but there were so many other badass performances that make her performance kinda bland.

Josh covered Nirvana's "Come As You Are." Sorry, I know the Supernova guys liked it, but I really didn't. He sang that very upbeat. It's Nirvana dude. It's supposed to be angst-ridden. Painful. It's grunge which means NOT HAPPY. Other than that he did an okay job.

Last week Jason Newstead (bassist for Supernova, former bassist of Metallica) told Phil that his performance sucked. This week, Phil got the old Jefferson Airplane song "White Rabbit." Jason got out of his seat and came to play bass on the song. I'll tell you what Phil held his own and did a great job with that song. I liked it.

Zayra did REM's "Everybody Hurts". Great song. And she sang it perfectly. Complete 180 from the crap she did last week. I think she knew what she was doing with this one.

Ryan Star covered CCR's "Fortunate Song." And he kinda sucked as usual. He's too New York. He's always serious and doesn't smile. Even Dave Navarro said so. So during the comments he smiled. If he shows a little more energy on stage, he can stay for a while I think. He's a great singer, but needs to turn up the stage presence...or as the Tripod Tommy Lee said "Show me some boat, bitch" (personally I think that comment may rival most anything Drama says on Entourage).

Lukas Rossi got to cover the Rolling Stones' "Let's Spend The Night Together." Now this song has a special place in my heart. Two of my best friend-girls from college spent a year living in Liverpool. They came back for our senior year. We'd get together a group of folks and head to the bar (go figure right?). After last call we'd stumble back to their apartment just off the Oxford Square. They'd almost always put on this song and we'd act like fools while singing this song. So when Lukas cranked this up and tried to make it heavier than it was, I didn't dig it. The guys in Supernova and Dave dug it, but I didn't. It was too angry. Listen to what the song says, Lukas. It's a guy trying to convince a girl to hook-up with him. He's not angry; he's just trying to get some strange ass.

Magni, the Icelandic dude, covered Stone Temple Pilots' "Plush." I was a huge STP fan back in the early grunge days. I loved their first two albums. Didn't really dig the third and never bought the fourth. So I love "Plush." And while Magni was no Scott Weiland, he did kick ass with that song.

Dilana. Dilana. Dilana. What can I say? Each week I wait for her to repeat herself or just fall flat. Each week she comes out and blows my mind. I hope she keeps kicking ass. She did the Cranberries' "Zombie." I kept wanting to be like the Cranberries' version, but it never was...and I was never disappointed.

Jenny covered Incubus's "Drive." I love her voice and the way she plays the guitar...BUT her voice isn't enough to keep from being drowned out from the rest of the band. I honestly don't think she has the ability to front a rock band. But she'll be badass in another band. I don't give her more than 2 more weeks.

Storm. Yeah, the chick from the pics. Have you checked them out yet? Smoking. Oh, did she perform tonight? Yeah she did. She covered "Just What I Needed" by The Cars. She did a great job. It wasn't too strong or too weak. Just right. I hope she's around for a few more weeks.

Toby, the Aussie, covered Soul Asylum's "Runaway Train." Sorry, but that song is not right for this contest. I think it was a landmine. I dug his performance, but it wasn't his best. However if that costs him and puts him in the bottom three, I'll be pissed.

Patrice covered Charles Manson's favorite Beatles song "Helter Skelter." I honestly don't remember much about it. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't memorable. The crowd and Supernova liked it so I'm sure she'll be back for next week.

Jill covered Free's "All Right Now." She is smoking at 5' 2". And she has a voice and a presence on the stage that blows my mind. She did a good job for it too.

Overall, I enjoyed tonight's show. I'm gonna jet and hit the hay. Keep dreaming your dreams folks.

Who Wants to be a Ghost Writer?

I had an idea the other day and after much consideration, I’m going to post it:

I am officially offering the chance for one reader to tell his or her story from a night (or weekend) of debauchery anonymously. You can be a Ghost Writer for one post on my blog.

Here’s what you would do:
Write a decently detailed account of one night or one full weekend of drinking/partying. Provide photographic proof of said event. I’ll post the pics only with your permission and after hiding the faces. The pics will serve as a proof of said evening.
I will choose the best story (that I don’t think is complete BS). The events must take place in/around Memphis (example: any of my stories where I went out to a local bar or party) OR be a story from a local Memphian who went out of town (example: my wedding trip to New Jersey).

Why am I doing this?
I would like one of my readers to get the chance to tell one of their stories. Plus it’ll add a little variety to spice things up.
When does this have to take place?
The story must take place between now and the end of July 2006. I don’t want some story from back in college. So you have about two weeks to do it and email it in. I will accept all stories that I receive by 11:59 PM July 31, 2006 (CST).
Any other rules?
Like my stories I don’t want it to involve anything political or describe sex life. You can mention that two people were getting familiar or hooking up, but don’t say something like “Dude, Mike was totally about to tap that when everyone jumped out of the closet. We wanted to pull a rodeo.”
If you hook up, you can mention it, but don’t go into detail. Say something like “she and I left the bar together…”
Don’t make it profanity laced. It’s cool to have a few cuss words, but I don’t want an F-bomb every other word. It’s not creative or that interesting to read a 500 word story with 350 F-Bombs.
Use codenames for everyone involved including yourself so that neither you nor the other people in your story can be identified. Example: instead of saying John Smith find something that isn’t too obvious about him and call him “Blue Shirt Dude” or “Geek 3”. You can call Jane Smith “Chick With Issues” or “Hottie 1”.
If two people want to do it together, that’s fine (i.e. two people went out one night pub crawling and write it together).
You can name the bars if you want to.
Don’t make obscure references to things without a link to whatever your talking about or an explanation (i.e. COUGARS!!!). If you use some term that not everyone will be familiar with, we’ll need to define it or link to it in the urban dictionary.
If you are going to be drinking all night while doing this (otherwise, what chance do you have of winning), get a designated driver OR a cab everywhere. If I find out you were drinking and driving, that’s automatic disqualification. We aren’t suffering for our art and I don’t want your drunk ass killing some innocent person.
You can be critical of people, but be careful. If you write something too derogatory and I don’t want to associate myself with what you said, I will either throw your story away or ask you to rewrite it or that part. I will only ask you to rewrite it, if it is really good.

Now I reserve the right to edit the story. If I edit anything, I will send it to you before posting it so we can discuss what was changed and why.
In the event that there are two evenly badass stories, I will ask both authors if I can post two. Again they have to be two badass stories that I can’t pass up posting.

A couple of pointers:
Carrying a camera helps you recall the events, especially in chronological order.
You can carry a small notepad in your pocket to make notes if you want. I don’t do that, but you do it if you feel you need to.

This is open to men and women. I’m going to limit it to two writers per submission. You will have to identify yourself/yourselves to me. I won’t make your names public though.

How to contact me:
Send me an email: memphisphilip (at) hotmail (dot) com or my personal email if you have it.

Notes

Ok, I'm going to cover a few topics in this post:
Item 1. Holy Crap! I won some award naming this one of the best blogs in Tennessee. It even gave me a button to put on the side (down at the bottom of the stuff on the right).

Item 2. I'll post recaps of Deadwood, Lucky Larry, Entourage, and Chappelle Show later. They'll be kinda long. So what else did I do this weekend after Friday night? I slept late Saturday (obviously). I screwed around the house Saturday, avoiding drinking (read: spending money) Saturday night. Sunday I went to Oxford to help the brother move a couch, grill, bed, and other miscellaneous items back home. I watched my TV shows Sunday night and then went to bed. After Friday night, I felt I deserved to be low key. And I feel recharged today instead of drained. Nice feeling.

Item 3: Serrabee is putting together a "Blogger's Bash." Hopefully I will be able to make this one. I'd like to meet a few of the folks who's blogs I read. I just hope that it doesn't turn into a political discussion. I really don't need to hear that shite. One of two things will happen if it does: I'll leave or I'll start to belittle people for being intellectual idiots. As most of you know I keep this blog away from anything political. Mostly because I hate getting into arguments about it with people (read: people with different views) because I'm as hard headed as the next. I really don't need any added stress in my life.
So I'm going to suggest that we have two marked seating areas: one for the strict political folks (read: no social life) and the people there for fun and a good time.

Item 4: Upcoming schedule:
Wednesday July 19: Walrus plays at the Brookhaven Pub. They just added one of the keyboard players from HiFi Evolution (after HiFi broke-up, major downer).
Thursday July 20: Ptolemy Happy Hour at Autozone Park Edit: This is open to anyone, not just Ptolemy members. If you are interested, come hang out with us.
Monday July 24: Ducks Unlimited Memphis Chapter Kick-Off Fish Fry! Email me if you want to hear more about it and/or would like to join. Edit: I decided not to leave my email address on the net. If you want more info, leave a comment with a way to contact you. After I get your contact info, I'll delete the comment.

That's all I've got for now. Have a good one and don't get none on ya.

Friday Night Recap - Newby's

Ok, as I was going over the evening for this post, I looked at my bar tabs from last night. Holy crap. I'm not going to say what I spent, all I'm going to say about it is that I am shocked. Kinda blows my mind. Enough of that. Let's talk about last night.
I started emailing, making myspace comments, and sending text messages to everyone around 3:30. Some bug must have bit my ass because I wanted a ridiculous crowd to come drinking with me. Here's the general message that many of you got:
"Hey, come to Newby's tonight. Marc Broussard is playing. I'm ready to party."
Funny thing is they sold out of tickets for that show before I got to the bar. But I'll get to that later.
I ended up leaving work around 6. I got home and just wanted to unwind before I started partying. I picked up some McAllisters and grabbed a bite to eat. DP & AP wanted to eat at Newby's so they got there at 8. I hung out at home and eventually got in the shower about 8:15. The brother got to my house about 8:45. We hopped in the truck and picked up HM. We rolled to the Highland Strip and walked to the bar. It turns out that DP & AP left within 5 minutes of us walking in. They were never to be seen again (apparently if you get married in your 20's, you lose all your coolness and have to be asleep before 10 on a Friday night).
The bar side was crowded and the band side had a friggin line out the doors. We walk in and order a few cocktails. I started with a Rockstar and Vodka. HM and the brother both had 1792 with a splash of water (damn good bourbon). We walked the room and I saw Dom. He said that the show sold out about a good hour and half before we got there. So basically I had told a ton of folks that I was going to a show that I couldn't even get tickets for. Oh well. After that show ended I heard that it was so packed in there that the A/C couldn't keep it cool.
We saw a few more folks around the room and then headed to an open booth in the side room. We were there a little while when the Shady Hasbeen showed up with Kenny and his wife Mallory (whom the last time I hung out with them I thought was called Valerie). We hung out for a while until Gordo showed up. I'm not going to give a chronological recap of the evening because I'll miss stuff. Here are a few stories I remember and then I'll post pics:
The Shady Hasbeen got up to go see the bouncer at the door. She walked over there and he said hello in a too familiar way (he playfully grabbed her butt when she hugged him hello). This freaked Mallory out. She would not stop saying how she thought he was molesting her. That led to the running joke of the night. Anything we did somehow revolved around someone "being molested."

The last time I went drinking with Kenny, Mallory, and the Shady Hasbeen I learned that these two have a strong love for buttery nipple shots. After they had been there about 15 minutes, I ordered a round for the two of them. They both said "Yay! Our favorites! Thank you!" I told them these were the only ones that I was going to get them. Then I bought another 6 rounds throughout the rest of the night secretly. Lauren (our badass waitress and all around hottie) would bring two shots, set them in front of the girls, and leave without saying anything. She was a perfect accomplice. The girls kept asking who was buying the shots and trying to get me to confess. I kept reminding them that I was only going to buy them one for the entire night. Yeah, they were drunk after the last one I bought. But hey, we all were. At the end of the night, I blatantly ordered another round for them and forgot to do it where they couldn't see me order them. Oh well. I got busted:
Them: "Philip, did you just order shots for us?"
Me: "Shit. I mean, no. No I didn't."
Them: "We knew it!"
Me: "Shit."

At one point in the evening Gordo (or "shutterbug" to several of his friends) decided to take my camera so he could get pics of people in the bar (read: hot chicks). These are the two pics he took:

Ok the guy in the blue hat in the pic above is our buddy Todd who owns Newby's. But we have no idea who the rest of the folks are. Gordo just wanted pics of people.After taking pics, Gordo came back and said "You know Philip, I couldn't really find an excuse to take pics of any of the hot chicks. I felt like some dirty old guy with a camera." I said "Gordo, you felt that way because that's what you were doing. You were being that guy with the camera."

While we missed Marc Broussard next door, there was a band on the bar side. Chris Brown played and did a damn good job with Voodoo Chile (Slight Return). He was good. He had a ton of girls dancing. Todd told me that this was Chris's last gig in Memphis. He's heading to LA. He's got talent.

Ok, here are the other pics from the rest of the night and the stories that go with them.

We are going to start our pics towards the beginning of the evening before the debauchery got too bad. Here is a pic of some sexy dude with a Shady Hasbeen.Here is a pic of Gordo with the Shady Hasbeen.Here I am with the brother. Yeah, if you can't tell, we are some sexy mofos, and we have the attitude to prove it. Seriously when the hell did I start channeling the Rock and going that damn eyebrow thing? Now can you tell a difference between this pic of me and the earlier one? You can watch throughout the pics as I get sexier and sexier. Ha.The Shady Hasbeen grabbed my camera and decided we needed a self portrait of this.I told her I had a better idea for a pic. If you can't tell, the running joke from the evening is in the pic (hint: look at my right hand). I had just said something like "Hey Mallory, is this me molesting her? I want to make sure I know which lines I'm crossing."Ok, what the hell is the deal with the pic of legs? Can anyone tell me?Ok, this chick in the shorter jean skirt was dancing by their table all night...WITHOUT SHOES. Let's recap a few details to better explain the absurdity of this. She is dancing without shoes in a bar. They serve beer in bottle in bars. When bottles are dropped, they break. Broken glass is sharp. Sharp things cut your skin. So what have we learned? This girl is a real blonde.Here is a pic of the brother, the Shady Hasbeen, and HM. Gordo decided he wanted pics of the booth crowd. You know, after all the pics I've seen him take (millions) I'm surprised he hasn't learned about having glass behind someone when taking a pic.Here is Kenny, Mallory (or as I had blatantly started calling her at this point, Valerie), and the sexist dude in the bar.Here Gordo finally figures out how to take a pic of the whole table, but forgot about the flash off the glass.AAAA! The Rock has possessed me again!I guess only one person was ready for this pic. Can you guess which one?I totally forgot who took this pic, but it is most of us around Lauren.Here is Lauren and Gordo.Here is Todd and Lauren. Why does it look like the pic is being shot from on top of a mountain? Because at this point in the evening, I was sitting on the back of the booth with my feet in the seat. WTF?

That's all the pics I have...that I can post without losing a friend or two. Ok, I'm exhausted just reliving it. Have a good rest of the weekend.

Don't get none on ya

Weekend Plans

So I’ve done the FU Friday thing. Now I have to decide what I’m going to do for the rest of the weekend. Here are the temporary plans:
Friday night:
I’m going to Newby’s with DP & AP. Some dude named Marc Broussard is playing. He’s supposed to be good, and I’m supposed to know his music. But I don’t know him off the top of my head. I just listened to him on MySpace. Damn he’s good. I may enjoy this.

I also have to head to Oxford to help the brother move the last stuff out of his apartment Sunday. I promised Mendi that I’d try and make her Sunday drinking team. Sounds like a fancy name for a bunch of future alcoholics anonymous. I’m also going to grab a bite to eat with my grandmother.
As far as Saturday night, I have no official plans yet. So we will see.

Have a good one and don’t get none on ya.

Edit 3:36PM: MG just emailed me a Marc Broussard song called "Where You Are." It's pretty good. So she is now on my good graces. I told her I'd do a toast to her tonight. And she knows what she'd have to do to get several toasts.
I'm trying to get several folks to go tonight. So far I know the Shady Has Been may go. The rest of you need to get off your butts and get up there. Let's have a ridiculously huge crowd show up. That'd be badass.

Songs on the Playlist:
Stone Temple Pilots – Big Empty
Bush – Greedy Fly
Led Zeppelin – Ramble On
Boston – Smokin’
Van Halen – Eruption
Jimmy Buffett – Domino College

FU Friday

Ok, so MG, TequilaGirl, and some other bloggers are doing some new thing called FU Fridays. There are no rules so I guess I can do whatever the hell I feel like doing. So who do I tell off? I really can’t think of anyone. So here’s my official response:

FU “FU Fridays”
I guess this only works if you have someone or a group who have pissed you off lately. But I’m in a good mood because it’s a Friday. Why do we have to have all this anger and negativity on a Friday. This is the start of the weekend. You should be happy because whatever has pissed you off is going to leave you alone now.
So let’s change this or something. We bitch enough in the blogosphere. Let’s do something fun or cool. Like Drunk Pics Day or something. Party Pics. Anything. I don’t want to start my weekend off by being in a bad mood. Come on.

HNT

Ok, here's my damn HNT pic:
Yeah, I'm tired. And I think a little cranky. But here's what happened. I met a few buddies at the bar last night. Hung out and left around 12ish. I got home and even though I knew that I had to go to work today, I decided to skip sleep and watch a few shows I'd been dying to get to. So I put on Tuesday night's Rockstar: Supernova. Then I said "well I may as well watch the elimination episode too." So I finished both shows around 1:30. Then I decided, in my infinite wisdom, to watch this week's episode of Deadwood. Man, I'm glad I did, because it was badass. But now I'm stuck at work tired because I didn't get to bed until 2:30am. I know this is all my fault and I'm not trying to escape blame. But damn, I just want to go to bed.

Happy HNT.

p.s. I'll post recaps of the shows later, because they all deserve posts.

Pour Some Sugar On...A Hot Chick

In my neverending effort to provide info and entertainment for you my loyal and hungover readers, I pass along this email I just got from Miniher (also known as Master Polo II in the myspace-osphere):

I haven't heard this advertised anywhere, but according to both of their websites, Poison and Cinderella are playing Mud Island Saturday, August 26th. I'm a sucker for silly 80s bands, so I'm pumped. Can't find anything on Ticketmaster's site, but wanted to let you guys know anyway.
Rock on,

Now that sounds interesting. What do you think? Is it worth the ridiculous price they will probably charge? Or will they actually be cool and charge around $20-30 a ticket? I hope they'll do that. It's actually cool to see bands that are past their prime who don't rip off the fans who are still supporting them after all these years of being pop culture jokes.

And what kind of crowd should you expect? I'm thinking it'll be a cross-cultural crowd. It's going to be a lot of 30-40 something yuppies/moms and dads who grew up with...the posters of these bands on their older siblings' walls. The other half of the crowd with be the absolute white trash:

Yeah those two dressed up as a joke, but I guarantee you there will be people there just like that. You know a bunch of real winners.
The unofficial word around the campfire is that there may be an announcement this Friday or sometime in the near future about this. So keep your ears open.

All right get outta here and don't get none on ya.

Weekend at the Lake Recap

Friday after work, I ducked out of the office and headed for the lake. My brother and Brandon (a.k.a. WB) had left town about 3:15. I didn’t hit the bridge until about 5. Mom and Dad hit the bridge about 6:30. I got to the lake just before sunset which made for some beautiful scenery on the way over.

I got there and heard a commotion down at the beach. I walked out and saw my brother and WB floating in the water with a cooler full of cold beer and the ghetto blaster turned up. I quickly changed into my swimsuit and raced down with a float and a margarita. We floated, shot the proverbial bullsh*t, and drank beer. WB couldn’t stay on his float. It wasn’t a drinking thing. It was more of a lack of coordination thing. Apparently Texas boys have such huge egos that they are a little too top heavy and fall over a lot. I don’t know.
I’d been at the beach for about an hour when the ‘rents pulled up. We hopped out of the water and unloaded the trucks. We kept drinking and hung out for a while. Dad decided he wanted to read his book. WB, the brother, and I wanted to drink out on the deck. We went out there and I lit up a cigar. I think it was a Carlos Y Torano from a little town called Habana. I only had a few cigars left so we only lit one. I wanted to save the others for after HM got there. We drank for a while and finally went to bed.
The next morning there was a terrible noise at my door. I slowly realized that I was a little hungover, and it was just someone knocking. HM was at the lake house before 9AM. He had left Memphis about 6ish. He said that he had stopped at a gas station in Fair Oaks, AR, on the way to the lake. He asked the lady at the counter “what’s the earliest you can buy beer around here?” She said “I guess now is fine.” He picked up an Arkansas six-pack of Coors Light (aka a 30-pack of beer).
We eventually got the brother up and went to the water. Mom and Dad took the pontoon boat and the rest of us took the ski boat. We went into a cove and dropped the anchors. We floated for a while. HM got some great pics of that, BUT I forgot to get them for my computer. So I’ll post them after I get them. Here are a few pics from my camera: Here we have HM & WB saying "wussup!" Yeah, how white are we? Here we have WB & HM on tubes. This is before we throw them off.

Here we have WB & HM after being thrown from the tubes. Yeah boy!

After a few hours we skied a few folks. Then the pontoon wouldn’t work. I love drama. We had to drag it back to the dock. After that we took the ski boat back out, just the guys. We tubed for a while. HM asked us how he had lived for so many years without ever tubing. He said it was a blast.
We came back to the house after a while. I was in charge of grilling the bratwurst and the hamburgers. They weren’t ready yet so I took a quick shower. I raced upstairs and the brats were ready. I grilled them and hung out with HM and WB. We told stories and tried to recover from the day. I took the brats off the grill and put the hamburgers on. Everyone agreed I did a better job with the bratwursts than the hamburgers. I think I over cooked the burgers.
Sunday just the guys decided to go out on the ski boat and leave Mom, Dad, and the dog at the house. They wanted to leave earlier than we did so they were going to leave while we were out. We did a little tubing and then decided to drop anchor and float. Well it was at that time that we busted out the cigars. Everyone got one. We all hung out on the boat listening to music, smoking cigars, and drinking. Here are a few pics of us on the boat:

This is HM, the brother, and yours truly. Yeah, I busted out the ol' cowboy hat. Here's the brother with WB. WB has a nice margarita. Here's yours truly, HM, and WB. I think it goes pale, less pale, and Jamaican.

After we finished our cigars, we all hopped in the water and hung out. After a while we hopped back in the boat and did some more tubing. HM drove the boat while WB and my brother tubed. I laughed and kicked back. It was nice to not have to drive. After a while we swapped and the brother drove while HM and I got on the tubes. We have a tandem rope so we can have two tubes at once. It’s pretty fun.
I honestly think my brother was trying to kill me while we were going. I was doing a great job of hanging on despite all the waves he drove us through, but finally he found one that was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. I was on the port side tube behind the boat. My brother was turning us to the right (starboard) which meant that those of us on the tubes were being swung as far to the port side as possible. All of a sudden there were these three HUGE waves in front of me. I mean three feet tall. I know that may not sound like much to those of you who have been to the ocean, but this is a lake and these were waves we’d just made ourselves. Ok, most waves you’ll see in a lake are just under a foot tall at most. These were monsters. The tube hits the first one and it bounces me a little. I come down into the swell and go up catching a little air. I come back down hard into the swell of the third wave. It hurt, but not that bad. Then I go up to the top of the third wave getting a little more air than I did off the second wave. I come down real hard from the third wave and realize I’m going up a fourth wave. A FOURTH WAVE!!! WHAT FOURTH WAVE?!? I never saw it coming. I went and over the top of the fourth wave while praying. WB, HM, and the brother all say that I was 3 feet above the tube which was a foot above the water. Here’s their description of what happened after I went up on the fourth wave:
I went up and my hands lost their grip on the tube’s handles. Then almost in slow motion, you could see my hands reaching for the tube handles as they were pulled out of reach by the boat. I fall four feet to the water while twisting sideways in the air.
Then I hit the water. And let me tell you it hurt. When I came down after the third wave, I had slammed my nose into the tube. When I came down after the fourth wave and hit straight water, I hit my side and somehow my shoulder. It almost knocked the wind out of me. I have made some bad spills skiing and tubing before, but this one really hurt. They all thought I was in trouble. I just needed to catch my breath. We tubed a little more and then called it a day. When we got back to the dock, WB wanted to catch some of the carp that were swimming around where we fill up with gas. He put on a glove for better grip. Here are a few pics of him trying to get a fish:

He never got one. I guess he needed two hands or something. After we went home and packed up, everyone headed back to Memphis. That was pretty uneventful. I saw more cops on the way back than I did on 4th of July. I caught a glimpse of this car on the way to the I-40 bridge coming into Memphis. It was some mom and her daughter. Apparently they either found a time warp to bring the from the 1980s to today or the mom has repetitive amnesia like in 40 First Dates.The window says "HALL + OATES" with "ROCK + SOUL" below it. Is it just me or is that VERY random?
I had a great time. It was very relaxing. I can't wait to head back.

Songs on the Playlist:
Lynyrd Skynyrd – Tuesday’s Gone
George Thorogood and the Destroyers – One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer
The Beatles – For You Blue
INXS – Mystify
The Rolling Stones – Dear Doctor
Jerry Reed – East Bound N’ Down
Clint Black with Steve Wariner – Been There
Gary Numan – Cars
The Doors – Light My Fire
The Offspring – Why Don’t You Get A Job
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Under the Bridge
The Grateful Dead – Dire Wolf
The Allman Brothers Band – You Don’t Love Me
The North Mississippi Allstars – Drinking Muddy Waters

TV Show Recaps

Ok, I’m going to post the weekend recap after I get pics from HM. He brought his camera to the lake and we both got a bunch of great shots. I’m also going to crop some of mine too.
So on other topics, here’s the TV I’ve seen lately that’s actually worth writing about:

Chappelle’s Show (New Episodes Sundays on Comedy Central)
I’m glad they are actually able to point fingers at the situation they’re in. It was pretty funny. I like the revenge sketch with Dave. That was funny. Some of the bits didn’t flow as well as previous years. I’m looking forward to other two episodes. Hopefully they got some really good sketches done too. I do like the way that Darnell Rawlins (I think that’s his name) and Charlie Murphy can keep things flowing. They aren’t Dave, but you know they’re not trying to be him. They’re just trying to be themselves.

Rockstar: Supernova (Wednesdays and Thursdays on CBS, I think)
Holy Friggin’ Cow! Supernova has Gilby Clarke on guitar, Tommy “the tripod” Lee on drums, and Jason Newstead on Bass. That’s three of the best rock bands of the late 80s and early 90s represented in one band. Yeah, former members of Guns N’ Roses, Motley Crue, and Metallica are all in that band. I hope that they actually rock though. I know that none of them were the main song writers in their respective bands.
So that blew my mind, but then there were some of the performances. I dug a lot of them but the one that kicked my ass was that Dilana chick. Here’s her backstory according to the short video before her performance:
She grew up in Africa. She was dirt poor. Her mother used to have to beg the neighbors for bread to feed her kids.
Her appearance is frightening to say the least (and also intriguing at the same time). She has piercings all over. There are three studs in her lower lip with the middle one being a piece of metal that looks like a hawk’s talon. She has these green eyes that are absolutely mesmerizing.
Her performance was breathtaking. She did Nirvana’s Lithium. She started out and sang three quarters of the song the exact same way. She stood WITHOUT moving in front of the microphone stand. She stared intently into the camera that was zeroed on her face. The director of the episode would try and cut away to other people, but quickly came back to her as if he was afraid to miss something. They showed Tommy Lee’s face at one point and he looked like he was hypnotized. My roommate and I were both freaked out a little by this. He said that she looked like that Darth Maul character from Star Wars episode 1. We were both commenting on how scary she looked when she busted out for the final verse and danced like a crackhead all around the stage. If you haven’t seen it, try and find it. I am still blown away.
Quickly, I also like the guys who did “Knocking on Heaven’s Door” (Toby Rand from Australia), “She Talks To Angels” (Josh Logan), and “Rebel Yell” (Lukas Rossi from Canada). There was also this 22 year old girl from somewhere down in Georgia named Dana Andrews. She’s a single mother and has made it all the way to LA for this. She sang Melissa Etheridge’s “I’m The Only One” and killed it. I really dug this Canadian girl named Storm Large and her rendition of the Who’s “Pinball Wizard.”
On the second episode from last Thursday, Supernova had Dilana perform and encore of her song. She moved a little more during the performance in front of the microphone stand. But she went nuts. It didn’t have the same effect as the first night, but it was still a badass performance.
They ended up cutting Matt Hoffer after he tried to turn a Duran Duran song (“Planet Earth”) edgy enough and hard enough to survive. Dude, you just went up against a guy who did The Doors’ “L.A. Woman”. Are you really that retarded? These are former members of MOTLEY CRUE, METALLICA, and GUNS N’ ROSES! Do you know nothing about music? Why didn’t you just sing some Boy George and walk away? Wow. And you know what? That didn’t take balls. It just took a lot of stupidity. Ok enough of that. My one other criticism of the show was the band wasn’t edgy enough on LA Woman. It didn’t have the testicular fortitude that The Doors had when they played it. The house band needed to put a little more anger or strength or something like that into it. This isn’t some stupid pop show. This is a rock show and you must rock out when covering The Doors. End of discussion. Don’t make me come to LA and kick your collective asses.
I think the next episode will come on Wednesday with the encore and elimination this Thursday.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (Thursdays on FX)
I watched that show last year when it started. It is funny. It involves 3 jerks and the jerk sister of one of them who own a bar in what appears to be a semi-shady area of Philadelphia. The father of the brother and sister (played by Danny DeVito) is divorcing their mother and now wants to be part of the gang. Pretty funny. I really like it, and if you like non-Politically Correct humor, watch it sometime. Wait, if you only like PC humor, why are you reading my blog?

Entourage (Sundays on HBO after Deadwood):
Ok, real quick. Entourage is getting good. I really like what they’re doing with Vince having to fight for what he wants. I loved the quote: “I can’t have my Aquaman doing blow on multi-plexes.” I like the previews for next week too. The studio comes back with $10 million against Vince’s request for $20 or he walks off Aquaman. You know he won’t take it. The first Aquaman that Vince did had James Cameron direct it. Now they have Michael Bay directing it and Kevin Smith writing the script. For those of you who don’t know James Cameron did Titanic. Yeah, I don’t like it either, but he also did Alien and Aliens as well as Abyss and tons of other badass films. He is an incredible director. Now in our fictional Entourage world they have Michael Bay directing the sequel. What does that mean? Well I don’t know what Michael Bay has directed besides Pearl Harbor, or as I’ve always called it “The Hawaiian Love Triangle That the Japanese Decided to Interrupt.” Yeah, as much as Titanic sucked, it was 500 times better than Pearl Harbor. AND they have Kevin Smith writing it. I am assuming here that they are referring to the Kevin Smith of “Mallrats”, “Clerks”, and “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back” fame. I love him. He is a great director and write…for his films. I don’t see him doing well on an Aquaman follow-up to Cameron’s blockbuster which broke Spider-Man’s record. So I say Vince needs to walk and go play Medellin in Colombia with the badass, nut-so director.
But that’s my opinion. It’s getting interesting folks. But I’m gonna jet. Watch over the next day or so for the weekend recap with pictures.


Songs on the Playlist:
Semisonic – Closing Time
Van Halen – Jump
Widespread Panic – Hot In Herre (live Nelly cover)
The Who – Amazing Journey/Sparks (Live at Leeds album)
The Rolling Stones – Stray Cat Blues
Stevie Ray Vaughan – Pride and Joy
The Doors – LA Woman