Insecurities of Old Fuckers and a Wonderful Rumor

Hope you had a restful weekend. I did. Before I continue the spread of a rumor that's started, I'm going to cover a topic that I have to share.

The other day I was swimming laps at the gym. I stopped at the end of my workout and noticed some older guy in another lane swimming. This isn't out of the ordinary. Most people who swim laps at my gym are either in high school/on a swim team or are "older" (read: age of parents/grandparents). I wouldn't have paid any attention other than the fact that he kept stopping at the end of each pool length to fix his combover. Yeah, you read that correctly. He would stop and fix his combover while swimming. I wanted to tell him to just go buy a swim cap, but I laughed to myself and called it a night.

This isn't the only time recently I've seen an older man with a hair malfunction. A while back I was with a family and one of the children kept coming up to the father and saying "Daddy, would you please do something about this? I'm tired of fixing your combover." Literally, the father's combover would start to slide forwards or backwards on his head, and the child (who is my age) would reach up and put it back in place. I can't make this up.

I wonder, why do men of the previous generation feel that a combover is an appropriate response to hair loss? Seriously? It's really one step above a toupee. The only thing that distinguishes the combover from the toupee in the realm of "pathetic ways to cope" is a combover is real hair. Really your own hair. What little bit you have left of it. Only strangers and your childrens' friends will laugh at your combover. With a toupee, even your friends and family members will laugh at you.

I know that losing your hair is a huge confidence killer for men. But instead of worrying about that little patch of hair you're losing on top of your head, why don't you worry about something you can control, like the spare tire you're carrying around.

But back to the original guy in the pool, why would he fix the damn combover every lap. He would literally stop, fix the combover, catch a quick breath, and start all over. It was almost like he was thinking "alright if I fix this really quickly, the cute lifeguard won't notice it slipping. And maybe at the other end of the pool it will still be in place!" Do you know what the definition of insanity is? Insanity is performing the exact same action(s) repeatedly and expecting a different outcome every time.

Okay enough of that crap. On to the rumor...

I've heard this also, but Downtown Paul posted that Raiford is going to do one final party. I don't have the date or location yet, but it's supposed to be somewhere downtown. I hope it's going to be as badass as everyone will make it out to be. I'll post more on this when I get it confirmed.

Have a good one and don't get none on ya.

Raifords

I heard a very reliable tidbit the other day that I've been reluctant to share. Supposedly, Raiford's Hollywood Disco is going to close so a condo building can be built there and will not be reopened elsewhere (or is it Hollywood Raiford's Disco). This came from a source in the real estate community. Hate to spread the bad news, but hopefully, putting this out there will prevent this evil from happening.

If you're looking for the recap from Saturday night, try the next post down. Sorry it's long, but if you were there at any point in the night, you know it is worth the time to read it.

Last Week Notes

I've got a few things to post covering last week before I get to the Saturday night recap

- I have a new favorite deal in town that I thought I'd share with yall. The brother told me about it. Apparently Little Caesars has this $5 "hot & ready" pizza deal. You get a large cheese, sausage, or pepperoni pizza for like $5. The trick is getting there when they just finished making them.

- Have you seen those ads for the Blockbuster Total Access? I heard a rumor about how it's not going to work in several cities. Apparently if your local Blockbusters are part of a franchise, you can't return the tapes you get in the mail and exchange them at the store. Why? Because the tapes that are mailed to you belong to Blockbuster the corporation.

- Supposedly the Brookhaven Pub has had a series of events where a stink bomber has attacked the bar randomly over the last few months. How do I know this? Well one of the waiters explained it to me after my friend got kicked out last week. Here's the story:
Some of my friends were out at a fundraiser. One of them had a bottle of "French Parfume" for whatever reason at the fundraiser. They came to meet us at the B'haven Pub afterwards and he had the bottle in his pocket. Someone asked him if they could see it. He handed it to them and they opened it up before quickly closing it. Our area of the bar stunk for a brief moment. Someone else got a hold of the bottle and did it again. I walked over and asked to see the bottle. I immediately walk outside to chunk it in the trash. Apparently the B'haven doesn't have any trash cans outside. I asked the bouncer where the closest one was, he said the big dumpster out back was the only one. I said screw that and started to head back in. He said he was headed that way so he'd throw away whatever I needed gone. So I handed it to him and went back inside. Fifteen minutes later the bartender grabbed my buddy and kicked him out (turns out he followed me outside when I took the bottle). A waiter happens to be an old friend of my buddy and explained the situation to him. Funny thing is my friend is getting blamed for the repeated attacks while he only did it once. He had just bought that bottle that day. The best part is that the Brookhaven is his favorite bar, he lives about a mile away, and he goes up there about once every two weeks.
And his wife is mad at me for him getting kicked out.

- What else did I learn last week? Oh! Apparently Cougars In Training can't bake cookies. I guess no matter how late into the evening it got, CIT's burn cookies while I make them just right. Maybe that's why she got a divorce. Hmm...

- I just heard that Sunday night (i.e. Easter Sunday night) is going to be one of the best nights on television. Why? The Sopranos and Entourage return to HBO, baby!!!

That's all I've got for now. Have a good one and don't get none on ya.