Local Radio Station breakdown

I’m going to breakdown the local Memphis radio stations for those of you who are unsure what you might want to listen to:

99.7 FM, FM 100: This is for soccer moms who used to listen to rap, dance club music, and rock in their teens, college, and pre-marriage years and still want to feel “edgy”. They play a lot of Top 40 garbage with a high influx of Matchbox 20. They have 80s weekends to keep their fan base confused to the point where they think Kajagoogoo is still hip. The majority of FM 100 listeners are would have been classified as “Girls Gone Wild” in their heydays but felt like they needed to tone it down when they got married and joined the country club. Back when they were in their respective sororities at Tennessee, Alabama, and Ole Miss, they were the ones who would walk by you at class with their noses in the air and strip down to their panties for you after the first beer at night. They feel if they set a good example for their daughters by listening to the vanilla radio on FM 100. Too bad their mothers tried the same approach.

91.1 NPR: All things liberal. They take time away from bashing anyone who might disagree with what they think to beg for your money. They threaten to stay on the air if you don’t support them. Once every 63 hours you might get one hour of good classical music or a little jazz. Other than that it is a bunch of people talking about what is wrong with America. Basically, it’s your generic FM talk radio. This station is for former democrats who started to make money but what to appear connected to their liberal past.

92.9 MFS: Formally known as Howard Stern in the morning and nothing the rest of the day (unless you get a clear signal in your trailer park and want to hear the latest Papa Roach crap). They are now following the local trend of “reprogramming” their playlists and including a lot of older rock. They actually played a heavy rock song from the Grunge days of the early 90s besides Nirvana the other day (SHOCK!!!). Oh yea, if you are a Midwest expatriate living in the South, you might want to listen to their morning show. The rest of us cringe whenever we hear them refer to corn as “KARN”. This station is for teen males who feel disillusioned with their suburban life and want to rebel by listening to crappy heavy metal or hard rock. This is also for folks in the trailer parks who don’t understand that the tobacco stains on tank tops aren’t the same as tie dyes or that owning an inflatable pool on the side of your trailer doesn’t mean you have the right to skinny dip.

89.9 FM, WEVL: This is the station for the Midtown hipster and the common schizophrenic. Why the common schizo? Because they have completely different programming every day at every hour. You will have one hour of dance hip hop followed by an hour of bluegrass followed by an hour of delta blues followed by an hour of acid rock. The cycle continues on from there. Why the Midtown hipster? Because this isn’t corporate radio therefore the hipster thinks he/she is sticking it to “THE MAN” by not listening to their commercials which infect the air waves and ajakdalshdf******.
Sorry about that I just had a seizure trying to understand and explain that logic. Why specifically the MIDTOWN hipster? The signal is too weak to reach past Downtown or Midtown.

94.1 FM, the Buzz: This station is for suburban princesses and their mothers (who want to be a little edgier than their FM100/soccer-mom counterparts). They like a little rap that is from after 1995 thrown in with the rest of their vanilla pop rock. Most listeners are girls in high school who think they are listening to the same thing as “the college girls” and are therefore mature and cool even though “Jimmy Johns didn’t ask me to the prom! Oh my God, I hate my life! I wish I was never born! Hey, is that the new Pink song? Oh my God, I feel so much better!!! Yay! I think I’ll go eat 14 diet pills for dinner!” How is this different from the mature/cool college freshman girls they emulate? The college freshmen would have a Smirnoff Twisted Black with their diet pills. Duh!!!

107.5 KISS FM: Same as 94.1 the Buzz but with more hip hop and club music. Still pretty vanilla though.

97.1 FM, K97: Crazy hip hop and jammin’ ol’ school. This station is geared towards 65% of the potential listening area. A lot of edited rap and hip hop. Once DJs get over 30, they are moved to another station. I don’t know much more about this station. Sorry. I can’t stand edited rap because you miss every other word.

103.5 FM, Soul Classics: A station most anyone can listen to. They broadcast all the Grizzlies games. The rest of the time they play soul, R&B, funk, etc. Great station for anyone who has ever felt the music. Not just heard it but “felt” it. You listen to this station and in less that 15 minutes you will want to dance.

102.7 FM, Rock 103: Classic Rock perfect for the older trailer park crowd and drunken former frat boys all over Memphis. This station is 30 years old. It used to be edgy. But Tim with the Wake Up Crew got sober and isn't as bitter and cynical as I remember from my childhood (are those things related? I hope not). And Drake & Zeke left the afternoon show. But this is a great station if you like to Heart’s Barracuda and Steve Miller’s the Joker 14 times a day. Although they have many thousands of songs, they only play the same classic rock all the time. A lot of the trash in the trailer parks like this. Well a lot of the ones over 35 who like to reminisce about that time in the parking lot before the Journey concert in 84, baby! Woooo! Oh yea, they have a great website, but when you can’t back it up on the air, what’s the point? The afternoon guys (Dennis & Ric) and the guy at night (Jarman) are funny and great. They each kick ass! Bad Dog in the morning is still funny. Bev is still too violently feminist. But the station is starting to feel like it’s on repeat. A lot of great personalities (especially afternoon & night folks) but THEY REPEAT THE SAME SONGS TOO MUCH. Someone tell them there are other Bob Seger songs besides Night Moves & Turn the Page. They too are starting to follow the trend of expanding the playlist on the airwaves, as evidenced when they played a Bob Dylan song the other day that wasn't Rainy Day Women, All Along the Watchtower, or Knocking On Heaven’s Door. (FYI: I’ve met Dennis, Ric,, Luca, & Jarman at various bars around town before. They are all really cool people in real life too. “They is good people!!”)

105.9 FM, Kix 106: Nashville Country. Translation: bored ass, vanilla Country. You won’t hear Willie Nelson or any of the Hanks. Don’t even try to request it. Just move along boy.

98.1 FM, 98.1 the Max: Formerly Star 98. Formerly THE KAT (roar!). This station has had more identities than a drag queen with multiple personalities. Just under a year ago the afternoon guys from Rock 103, Drake & Zeke, left and took control of this sinking ship. They looked at what every station was doing and decided to do their own thing. How did it work out? Listen and you’ll hear some Dwight Yoakam, James Brown, Police, and The Who all in the same hour. They play only music they find good. Who is this station for? Can’t define it really. Just about anyone can find something they like. Typical listener? Men between 18 & 45 I guess. They have made their purpose playing things that are good, but you don’t hear on regular commercial radio. They have surrounded themselves with a great supporting cast of regular DJs as well as “Little Steven’s House of Garage Rock” for the weekends and “Alice Cooper Nights” during the week. Both great shows in their own respects.

AM Talk Radio: does nothing but raise your blood pressure. Ignore at all costs.

104.5 FM, The River: I refuse to consider an explanation of this station as I am subjected to it every fucking day at work. Quick profile: easy listening. What does that mean? It means you hear the exact same songs every damn day but always in different order. End of discussion.

I hope you've enjoyed this dear reader. I'm always willing to do what I can to make your world a little easier (unless I feel evil, then you're in trouble).

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