Anyone else up yet?

Last night I decided to take the hand that was dealt and stay in. I left work at 7 and came home. Yes, you read that, "I left work at 7" was what I said. I was working on invoices. And I was on and off the phone all the time. So what did I do when I got home? Fixed dinner, watch Austin Powers on TV (not as funny as on DVD, more on the A.P. on Tv thing in a minute), and fell asleep in the recliner. Yea, apparently I became a grandfather last night. No I don't have any kids or grandkids, I just zonked out after a glass of milk, a sandwich, and a few chips with Mama's Mexican Layer Dip. Not sure what did it, but I was out like a light. After I slept for about an hour or two, I woke up and said hmm, I could wake up and be up all night OR I can go to bed now and get a good night's sleep since I haven't had more than 6 hours one night this week. What would you do? Went to bed.

I know, it's boring. But I've had an eventful day today. Let's see, I...ate two bowls of Wheaties...messed around on the internet...went to the gym. Wow, what a waste of a day. Oh well, I had a big night Thursday at Mom and Dad's in G'Town and I'll have a huge friggin night tonight. You have to have boring nights in there or else you start to run down your engines. I find that I do more things on the weeknights lately than on the weekends. Don't know why. I'm sure the attack of WHITE DEATH 2006 PARTS 1 & DEUX had something to do with it. Oh well, I'll make up for it tonight at the
GRAND KREWE OF PTOLEMY'S 2006 CORONATION BALL at the UClub. Doors open at 8, with the presentation at 9.

Was that a good plug? I thought so. Well I'm charging my digital camera right now for plenty o' pics. I'll post the best on here.

What are we doing late night? Well probably going to the Monkey as we usually end up there after Ptolemy stuff. Of course we may all be too tipsy to go to a bar. Or we may go to Raiford's. Wait, they may go to Raifords. The only way I go there anymore is if I'm chasing. Or someone else is driving, paying my way in, and putting up with my Cootie Brown ass.

Anyways, who all will be there tonight? Don't know about bloggers other than Kat, maybe Joseph Koury. That's all I know of. I know he used to be a member or at least shows up to the parties. There's no telling. Oh yea, Mom and Dad will be there.

OH YEA! The Austin Powers thing. Ok, as I was watching Austin Powers 2 (Spy Who Shagged Me) those damn commercials came up so I started flipping channels and what did I find Austin Powers (International Man Of Mystery) on another channel. Either Lorne Michaels or Mike Myers made a deal with a red scaley guy with a tale who lives in eternal damnation. I'm not accusing anyone, I'm just saying that someone is getting some serious royalties outta this deal.

It's kinda funny to go back and look at these kinda movies and see who got bit parts and have now become more familiar faces to me. There's the tall guy from MadTV that you always catch in reruns on Comedy Central. And then of course the man who we now call Mr. Everywhere, Will Ferrell, had the Mustafa (sp?) part in 1 & 2. Those were the only two I really noticed before I fell asleep. I also did notice how bad Heather Graham's acting was in 2 (and the TV dorks couldn't figure out why they should have watched Emily's Reasons before giving it the greenlight). Ok, yea she is hot and yea she was actually good in Swingers and yea she got naked and freaky in Boogie Nights WITH roller skates on, but other than that what does she have going for her?

By the way, if anyone in Midtown is looking for some late-night sustenance, I HIGHLY recommend Destiny Diner at Printer's Alley. The BBQ pizza is really good (even better when you've had a few too many). The wings aren't that great though. The bones always break when I'm eating them. And everytime I go I always meet interesting crazy folks. Oh yea, if for some odd chance that couple from back in early January is reading this blog, sorry. I was very, very drunk (my roommate was driving) and I didn't realize that I said what I said outloud until after it was over. For those of you who are in the dark, good. I'm not reliving all my embarassments on the friggin internet.

Remember, Caffeine is the Debil, Bobby Buche!

Songs on the Playlist (random mix of stuff downloaded recently):
Slaughter - Up All Night
U2 - Angle of Harlem
Nick Glider - Hot Child In The City (this song sucks, delete)
Bob Dylan - All Along The Watchtower (much better)
Matisyahu - King Without a Crown (the rapping reggae Hasydic Jew, CRAZINESS!)
John Hiatt - Paper Thin
Michael Andrews feat Gary Jules - Mad World
Pink Floyd - Welcome To The Machine
Whitesnake - Slow and Easy (no Tawny Kataen, sorry, even I wouldn't put up with her psycho ass. Dude, she beat her husband who was a PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL PLAYER. Bitch can whoop some ass!)
Joe Cocker - My Baby Wrote Me A Letter
Kelis - Trick Me



Ok, here is the MILF of the month. Heidi Klum.

This isn't going to be a regular thing, but the other day I was flipping channels and landed on a special on the SI Swimsuit issue. I watched for a second and kept on (I'm not 14; it doesn't keep my attention that much anymore. Sorry). I happened back by after a few minutes and what happened? They were discussing how Heidi Klum was going to have a whole section to herself in an omage to the pinup models of the '40s and '50s...in the painted on outfits! So I found myself unable to keep flipping channels at that point.

I know some of you probably wanted to read some sort of insight into the Memphis social scene or read something philosophical or whatever. Sorry. This can't be passed up. Enjoy.

We will return to our regularly scheduled programming next time.

Congrats to the New Mama

My friend Mandy is a new mommy. And she never had to get knocked up. Check out her baby, Gibson. It's some kind of Aussie dog. I can't remember the type, but he is real cute.


Perverted Post of the Week

Ok, I'm skimming CNN's website a second ago when I read the following headline:


Sorry, but I had to do a double take. I didn't know if Steven Speilberg needed more money so he was going to direct a porn movie in the Jurassic Park series or if there was some special old timer's whorehouse in Nevada that had opened.

Of course this raises the question, during the whole Jurassic Park movie days, was there a porn created called Jurassic Beaver? If not, what about Jurassic Pork?
Makes you think.

Get back to work before your boss walks in


Calendar Dates

These are a few things that are on my calendar. I won't make all of them, but they should all be fun.

Feb 23, Thursday
Wayne Mills Band @ The Levee in Oxford
Wish I could be there. These guys needed a place to crash back in college and stayed with my buddies Gregg and Travis. Apparently they partied til the sun came up drinking whiskey and wrote the greatest song about whiskey ever, titled Whiskey. When everyone arose from their respective drunken sleep, they tried to find where they had written the song. They found the sheet. It looked like a baby had a pen and blank sheet. The only word that was even partially visible was “whiskey”. We caught their show the next night at the Library and it rocked. Check them out if you ever get the chance.

Feb 24, Friday
Gamble Bros. Band @ New Daisy

Feb 25, Saturday
Ptolemy Coronation @ the University Club
Black Tie
Free to Members, $30 to all others

Feb 28, Tuesday
I have no idea where I’m going

March 9, Thursday
Ptolemy Happy Hour @ the Flying Saucer downtown
6PM (more later)

March 11, Saturday
Phoenix Club Mardi Gras Party & Casino Fundraiser (see post below)
Awesome time. You need to be there. Let me know if you need tickets. I have plenty.

March 23, Thursday
Cowboy Mouth @ Newby’s
Be there. Don’t ask. Just be there. Cowboy Mouth always rocks! I have too many stories about them to post.

April 6, Thursday
Col. Bruce Hampton & The Code Talkers @ HiTone Café in Memphis

That’s all I’ve got for now. More later.

Songs on the Playlist (country mix):
Willie Nelson – Can I Sleep In Your Arms
Roger Creager – Fun All Wrong
Pat Green & Cory Morrow – It’s A Great Day To Be Alive
Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire
Cory Morrow - Big City Stripper


Axel is back (or so the rumor has it, again)

I come home from working late and going to the gym, check the internet, and find some disturbing news. Axel Rose's current GNR lineup is almost ready to put out Chinese Democracy...30 years too late (or so it seems). Is anyone else to the point where they just don't care what a 44 year old Axel Rose has left to say? And hasn't this album been schedule to "go out later this year" for the last 10 years in a row? Sorry after the GNR behind the music on VH1, I really don't care too much about Axel. He just seems like a pompous ass.

But who cares about that? There are leaked tracks on the internet!!! What does every red blooded male born between 1970 and 1980 in America automatically want to do when he hears this news? Get copies of the songs. We are all desensitized from hearing the same story year after year since Slash, etc. left the band (Chinese Democracy Out This Year!!). So none of us are ready to wait for the album. But leaked songs? That's a different story. I guess it's time to find someone who's downloaded them and get a copy. Hmm..if I know anyone who'll have anything GNR, it'll have to be Mendi. She may not have a copy but she'll know someone who has it.

Ok, I'm going to hop in the shower and wash off the gym funk.

G'night fellas.
Ladies, I'll see you in my dimly lit room in 15.

Songs on the Playlist (80s Mix):
Mr. Mister - Kyrie
Simple Minds - Don't You Forget About Me
Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence
The Knack - My Sharona
Bad English - When I See You Smile
Pat Benatar - Hit Me With Your Best Shot


DH/GA recaps/thoughts & Deep Philosophy

Ok folks,
Here are a few items I didn't cover earlier.

TV shows:
Desperate Housewives
Ok, I apparently wasn't paying too much attention during the whole Carlos & Gabrielle's mom thing at the hotel. I thought mama was telling the truth and Gabs had lied to her husband. But I read the EW recap and everyone else noticed (and helped point out to me) that Gabs was telling the truth and her Mom is still in complete denial. Either that or a major bitch. Other than that I wasn't too focused on DH. Yea it's good and all, but I'm not too inspired by it. I am inspired by...

Grey's Anatomy
The only thing that I really feel like talking about on that show (I'm sure I'll rant my way into more topics from this show). Why the hell would Meredith sleep with George? I mean seriously? That I don't get. Is it because she had been drinking? Is it because she needed to feed the beast? That is my new favorite phrase by the way. That is an awesome way to describe that beast that all non-virgins feel. I'll go into that a little later.

Ok, here is something I noticed from the show: Meredith has been oblivious to George for the most part while he has been pining away for her for God knows how long (i.e. the whole damn show). It's like the geek in high school who dreams about the head cheerleader who barely knows anything about him because he won't get into her line of sight. He isn't in where he can be seen or noticed in her day to day life. He is off in the shadows of her life. I don't intend for that to sound creepy or anything. Imagine she walks down the hall giggling with one of her friends about God knows what. The young boy is on the side of the hallway watching her. Until he steps into her line of sight she won't notice him. You never notice something until it is right in front of you (i.e. line of sight) like George walking into Meredith's room to declare his undying love for her. So why would Meredith think/how would she know George has these feelings for her. No one but George will ever tell her. And how does he do this? He comes out of the dark shadows of her doorway into her eyesight in the light of the window and declares his undying love for her. Now she notices him. How does she reciprocate his profession of his undying love for her? She takes off his shirt which we are to assume that means she will sleep with him. She doesn't say anything to answer him. She does the only thing she knows how to do now that she is a hollow shell of her old self. She takes him to bed. That's how she first dealt with the pain of losing McDreamy.

Speaking of McDreamy, what is up with McSteamy? I don't get him. It's like I said in Kat's comment section (there's your mention, KS You Skeezer): he looks like a reject from an open casting call for a Robin Hood: Men In Tights sequel (I really doubt they'll get Dave Chappelle back too). He just doesn't look like a stud. Ok, here's my hetero interpretation of both Mc's:
McDreamy looks like a real human being with depth and soul and also some very masculine traits (he likes to sleep with an intern wherever he can and he fly fishes). He just seems like a real man to me. Not a over testosterone idiot or a sensitive puss. The kind of guy I'd like to have a beer with.
McSteamy (McDouche-y) looks like one of those guys who spends 15 hours a week at the gym sculpting his guns (watch out for the guns, they'll get ya!). And what is up with the whole Earl Flynn as Robin Hood look? I don't get that. At least they gave him a little soul. I mean he did give the poor boy a chance to die with his face looking normal instead of one of Cher's kids (I can't reference that movie because I don't know the name...was it Mask?). He looks like one of those guys you see out at Swig. You know the kind. The ones who just think they are too cool to talk to anyone they don't deem 'good enough' by whatever arbitrary, ridiculous standard they come up with. He doesn't seem like the kind of man I'd have a beer with.

Actually that is a great, quick test of a man. Call it a gut instinct. Are you willing to have a drink with a man?
Yes? Why? No? Why?
You need to be able to perform that gut check. If someone is the kind of person you wouldn't want to share time over a drink with, what does that tell you about the difference between their character and yours? Get your head around that one for a while.

Ok kids, I'm jetting. I have too many errands to run tonight.
Keep Your Pimp Hand Strong

Songs on the Playlist:
AC/DC - I've Got Big Balls
Autograph - Turn Up The Radio
Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes
Mark Chesnutt - Bubba Shot The Jukebox
Marshall Tucker Band - Fire On The Mountain
Little Feat - Time Loves A Hero
Merle Haggard - Okie From Muskogee
Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band - Blue On Black
Cheap Trick - I Want You To Want Me
Beastie Boys - So Whatcha Want
James Taylor - Fire and Rain
Billy Idol - Rebel Yell
Ben Harper - Burn One Down/With My Own Two Hands (Bonnaroo 2002)

Weekend Recap

You know how you set all these illustrious plans and everything changes? Well that’s what this weekend was. How did that happen? Easy: WHITE DEATH 2006, PART DEUX came and changed all the plans. Here is the rundown:

I came home from the office early. I talked to one guy on the phone about running over to his place to check out the apt. I got off that and got a phone call from Tuesday returned. Caught me off guard. Literally. I answered the phone “wow”. I had just fixed two hot dogs to tide me over until dinner later.

Well I was on the phone with this lady for 2 hours. I’m never on the phone for 2 hours. I usually try to get my conversation/topic/objective/whatever done in like 15-20 minutes tops. If I want to have a long conversation with a woman, I’ll do it over a cocktail. Call me old-fashioned. Or maybe single. Whichever.

So I get off the phone and call the guy back to apologize (he called while I was on the phone with her). He’s already left for dinner and won’t be back until later. I told him that was cool because I had to head to Newby’s to meet a few friends for cocktails. So I change into another pair of jeans and a blue shirt. Grab my goose down vest (I love that thing) and go. (quick tangent: Goose down vests are great during the winter! You don’t need to keep your arms as warm as your torso. Plus if you start to get too hot, the heat can escape where the sleeves should be.)

I’m there 3 hours (nursing beer the whole time) when I get a phone call from my friend Mary. She and a few other folks are heading up to the Monkey for drinks. Her friend Patrick is moving to hot-lanta and this is a goodbye deal. Well I did something similar the night before so why not tag along? Here’s the situation: I’m at Newby’s with a bunch of 35 year old + guys who have a hall pass for the next hour or so before they have to come home. I’ve been with them for the last 3 hours. I have single people (mostly women too) at the Monkey. Hmm…what would your testosterone tell you to do? I say my goodbyes to the guys (the evening had started winding down anyway) and roll.

I get to the Monkey after 3 hours of drinking (but amazingly only 4 or 5 beers) and order a Guinness. When I decide to order a round of shots, everyone decides that the jager and goldschlagger are both bad ideas and even worse when combined. So we get a friggin’ round of buttery nipples because those are Nicole’s favorite. (Her name was Nicole right?) Next thing I know we are leaving and I get my tab for…$50! Apparently the shots were 6 a piece and I got 7. Then I had two Guinness at $4 each on top of that. Nice job ego! I’m not buying a round of shots for at least another month or two.

Side note: Patrick was really interested in catching Shirley Q Liquor until he found out he/she was performing at Backstreet Memphis. For those of you who aren’t in the “Midtown-Know” and aren’t versed enough to know where to avoid if you are of a certain persuasion or not, Backstreet is a gay bar. A drag bar. A sausage factory.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that” Jerry, George, Kramer, and Elaine exclaimed at the same moment.

After I quickly informed Patrick of this info, it was easier to convince them that not only would I not go there, they probably don’t need to go there either. So the debate raged about as to where to head next. The Mt Moriah Performing Arts Center was mentioned. But no one wanted to blow that much cash (ha, did you catch the 8th grade pun there?). So we decided to roll over to Yosemite Sam’s. After that part of the evening, I lose track and the events that I do remember don’t need to be posted as every party involved officially lost the control over their actions and shall henceforth forget all events and people involved. Ha. We had a blast.

The one thing I will mention is about some dude (not in our party) who obviously came from the backwoods of either Frayser or North Mississippi OR Rhodes College. During his duet with “his ol’ lady” he was going to do his best impersonation of Kevin Federline. That of course involved him trying to take his shirt off while his pants defied gravity and clung to the end of his boxers without falling down all the way. Unfortunately for us, he almost succeeded his delirious strip tease before his friends realized exactly what he was trying to do and they tried to stop him and the old lady bartenders ran onto the dance floor to stop him. Oh, you want a review of his performance? Ok, I’ll say that…I would rather watch Billy Bob’s strip tease from Varsity Blues than this knuckle dragging retard’s strip tease. Even in HD. I think I would ralph a whole lot less.

And we got to watch the streets ice over from inside that warm dive! Fun stuff.

So why am I just now posting this, you ask? Well great question. I started to use the internet Saturday when all of a sudden I was connected but couldn’t receive anything from Susie’s wireless modem downstairs. Sunday night at 11 it was still the same problem. How much does that suck, you ask? Well a lot. Imagine being stuck inside your place for over 48 hours without internet and reruns on TV, or worse the Olympics. If it hadn’t been for the Daytona 500 yesterday, I would have grabbed my laptop and run to one of those internet café’s with a bottle of water. (yea I don’t drink coffee)

BTW, I had a haircut at 10:30 on Saturday morning. I didn’t go to sleep until around 4:30/5 that morning. Ever have your haircut in the same clothes from the bar and a wicked hangover? I can now say I have. Getting my hair shampooed was awesome (Melanie always massages my scalp whenever she washes it, but usually the shampoo ladies do it). Getting my hair cut was horrible. Every cut was loud and my eyes were so bloodshot, they were as red as Melanie’s hair. Oh yea, it was bad. But my hair is now cut and not as shaggy as before. Hoorah. :P

Oh yea, I didn’t make it down to Beale. I’m not going to listen to Zydeco music in 9 degree weather! Sorry Beale, I guess Newby’s, the Monkey, and Yo Sam’s got all my cash money. Better luck next time.

Get back loving whoever you gotta love baby!

Songs on the Playlist:
Bob Dylan – Simple Twist of Fate
Black Crowes – She Talks to Angels
Steve Perry – Oh, Sherry
Aerosmith – Big Ten Inch Record
Led Zeppelin – Rock N Roll
The Rolling Stones – She’s a Rainbow
AC/DC – Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap)
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band – Fishin In The Dark
Cream – Strange Brew
Ugly Kid Joe – Everything About You
Dave Matthews Band - #41
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