I heard a very reliable tidbit the other day that I've been reluctant to share. Supposedly, Raiford's Hollywood Disco is going to close so a condo building can be built there and will not be reopened elsewhere (or is it Hollywood Raiford's Disco). This came from a source in the real estate community. Hate to spread the bad news, but hopefully, putting this out there will prevent this evil from happening.

If you're looking for the recap from Saturday night, try the next post down. Sorry it's long, but if you were there at any point in the night, you know it is worth the time to read it.


Saturday Recap

So Saturday was a marathon. It was supposed to start around 5, but I didn't get to the Porter's preparty until 6. The basic plan was preparty from 5 to 7, go to the karaoke fundraiser from 7 to 8, preparty for the Walrus show at HM's from 8 to 10, and then go to the Walrus show for the rest of the night. Obviously that didn't work out just right.

The Porters were nice enough to fix mexican food for everyone. We watched basketball, listened to dogs that never stopped barking, drank, told jokes, and got tasered (spelling?). That's right, Tackleberry had a taser. Not a police issued one, but a self defense one. He asked who wanted to be tasered, but no one stepped up. He shocked his own arm and when he didn't fall down, we were a little less skeptical. I stepped up and let him taser my arm. It's more of a surprise than a pain issue. It's a little shock actually. Now I don't recommend being shocked by one of those police ones. Well after most of the guys got tasered, people started heading to the karaoke fundraiser. I hate to say it, but it was kinda boring. Other than a few funny people singing, I was ready to head out. Maybe that was because I was looking forward to the Walrus show at the Blue Monkey. But that doesn't make up for the fact that the karaoke party kinda sucked. I have a few pics that I took from the party and a few that were emailed to me.

Here's the Shady Hasbeen. Apparently last year when she was a Ptolemy duchess, she got first place in the solo female competition.
In between songs, I caught the Shady Lady V, Shady Hasbeen, and Duchess Worm hanging out (the night before April did...no, wait, she TRIED to do the worm at the royalty practice. There is a video of it out there but I can't get a hold of it for some reason. Probably because when I get it, I'm putting it on YouTube and here).
I'm not saying who this is, but most of his friends can figure out who it is. I don't remember the exact reason why we took this picture, but I do remember he said that he said it was ok to post online. Seriously why do people pose for pics like this? Thanks bud, but enjoy the ridicule you'll get for this. After a few folks sang, Big Poppa Rich got up to sing "Sexual Healing." Needless to say the crowd went nuts.For some reason he jumped on a chair during the song (btw, he won first place).
Actually Uncle Scottie Too Hottie jumped up and did his impression of Ol' Blue Eyes. He was already in a tux for a party later that night so he figured "My Way" was perfect.
After that, I snuck out to go preparty for the Walrus show. Now the next three shots I didn't take, but I thought were funny enough to include. First is the royalty doing a version of "Beauty School Dropout" from Grease. Am I the only person who hates that damn movie? Queen Valet is the one with pink hair.

Like I said, I have no idea what's going on, but apparently Duchess Worm wanted to pose for something funny.Here's Big Poppa Rich and Mailbox Mike.
That's all the pics from the fundraiser.
I went to HM's house for a vodka tonic while we waited on a cab to take us to the Blue Monkey. An hour and half and a few vodka tonics later, the cab finally showed up. We had called 5 times trying to get a cab, but they kept saying they were busy. When I got in the cab, I asked if it was a busy night. The cabbie said it was pretty dead. Thanks Yellow Cab. You Suck.
We finally got to the show a few songs into the first set. Fortunately, the second song they played was "Watusi Rodeo" by Guadacanal Diary which was the one song I really wanted to hear. Here are a couple of pics of the band.
One of the first groups of people I ran into was my buddy Chris, his wife Frances, his sister, and brother-in-law from North Carolina. First thing the sister said to me was "I hear you can drink. You don't look like much to me." Seriously, if you're in your late 30, have a 10 year old kid, and are a skinny woman, don't call me out. I said "Why don't you get a couple of jager bombs and we'll see just how long it'll take until you're passed out on the floor and I'm standing there laughing at you." She goes to the bar and comes back with her hands full of shots. Unfortunately she's not hip enough to understand the "bomb" part of jager bombs. She had four shots of jager and five people (someone was the DD). She and I took the shots while her husband and brother refused. She grabbed theirs and handed them to me. I said "goodby memories" and downed the second shot. An hour or so later I ran back into them. Guess who was in better shape.
Let's see who else did I run into. I think I ran into one of the bosses at my new job. Not sure because I only saw him on two interviews, but I acted like I knew him and shook his hand. Problem was that I had taken those jager shots ten minutes earlier.
After a while most of the folks from the fundraiser made it up there. Some hadn't seen Walrus and were very impressed. Walrus played one hell of a show, especially for a group that added two new songs and hasn't played or practiced since January. One of the guys who was impressed with the band was Big Poppa Rich. He was riding one hell of a high after getting first place for solo male. He thought it would be a great idea if he got on stage to sing a certain song with Walrus. I know their song list mostly since I've been to a lot of their shows. Unfortunately he wanted to do a song by a band they've never played. Despite my inebriated state I was able to convince him not to just walk on stage. I told him to wait until just before their third set. He didn't know it, but I had already seen a copy of the setlist and knew they were only doing two sets. But I kept him from running on stage. Sorry dude.
Of course Big D made it. And he didn't get kicked out of this bar. Aren't you proud of him.
At the beginning of the second set I started getting phone calls and text messages from Scottie Too Hottie. Apparently Lord T & Eloise were making a surprise last minute appearance at the birthday party he was going to. He wanted us to go, but we were having too much fun to leave. Here's a pic I was sent of Scottie Too Hottie with Mister E.
After the show was over I kept running around from group to group. I don't really remember what all I said or who I talked to because it was crazy. About 30 minutes after the second set, Holly offered to give HM and me a lift home. I wanted to keep partying so I tried to get her to drive us to the party where Scottie Too Hottie was. He said it was a great time. Well Holly wouldn't go for it so we jumped in a cab. Turns out it wasn't our cab but belonged to this couple who were also headed towards downtown. They were nice enough to share the cab with us. They weren't nice enough to stop playing grab and tickle during the entire cab ride. Seriously. Imagine an episode of taxi cab confessions where the couple is making out in the backseat and don't care if they're on TV or not. Then add two more people in the backseat who are trying not to laugh or stare. That was the ride.
We got to the birthday party. It was dead. I mean absolutely dead. There were still people there, but Lord T & Eloise had left and Scottie Too Hottie was nowhere to be found. I think I saw Eloise out of costume, but what the hell could I tell at that point. The bartenders at the party were making the drinks way too strong. I had a cranberry and vodka that tasted like vodka with red food coloring. "Stout" doesn't describe it at all. It didn't help my already inebriated state. We decided to leave and saw S2H just before we jumped in another cab. After saying "hey and bye" we headed back eastbound.
We walked into Newby's for a beer. TA handed me a tequila shot. It was that point that we decided to call it a night.
Turns out I went from about 6PM until 3AM. Definitely a fun night. The next morning I got a call from my buddy Chris about 9:30. I hadn't woken up and the only words I could muster were "I hate your sister." Of course I don't, but at that moment I hated anything that kept me from sleeping. Turns out she was in worse shape that I was. That made me feel better.
I finally got off the couch around 10:30. I had to head back home to rally with the family for a birthday party. I made a quick stop for some supplies.
All in all I had a great night. It was one hell of a night to celebrate my new employment.

Songs on the Ipod:
Michael Buble - Sway
Jack Johnson - Do You Remember
Big & Rich - Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)
George Thorogood & the Destroyers - Move It On Over
Emmylou Harris - Jambalaya
Juvenile - Back That Ass Up
Robert Earl Keen - Gringo Honeymoon
Jefferson Airplane - Don't You Want Somebody To Love
Dave Matthews Band - Drive In Drive Out
Nirvana - Pennyroyal Tea
Robert Earl Keen - Corpus Christi Bay
Led Zeppelin - Moby Dick


Last Week Notes

I've got a few things to post covering last week before I get to the Saturday night recap

- I have a new favorite deal in town that I thought I'd share with yall. The brother told me about it. Apparently Little Caesars has this $5 "hot & ready" pizza deal. You get a large cheese, sausage, or pepperoni pizza for like $5. The trick is getting there when they just finished making them.

- Have you seen those ads for the Blockbuster Total Access? I heard a rumor about how it's not going to work in several cities. Apparently if your local Blockbusters are part of a franchise, you can't return the tapes you get in the mail and exchange them at the store. Why? Because the tapes that are mailed to you belong to Blockbuster the corporation.

- Supposedly the Brookhaven Pub has had a series of events where a stink bomber has attacked the bar randomly over the last few months. How do I know this? Well one of the waiters explained it to me after my friend got kicked out last week. Here's the story:
Some of my friends were out at a fundraiser. One of them had a bottle of "French Parfume" for whatever reason at the fundraiser. They came to meet us at the B'haven Pub afterwards and he had the bottle in his pocket. Someone asked him if they could see it. He handed it to them and they opened it up before quickly closing it. Our area of the bar stunk for a brief moment. Someone else got a hold of the bottle and did it again. I walked over and asked to see the bottle. I immediately walk outside to chunk it in the trash. Apparently the B'haven doesn't have any trash cans outside. I asked the bouncer where the closest one was, he said the big dumpster out back was the only one. I said screw that and started to head back in. He said he was headed that way so he'd throw away whatever I needed gone. So I handed it to him and went back inside. Fifteen minutes later the bartender grabbed my buddy and kicked him out (turns out he followed me outside when I took the bottle). A waiter happens to be an old friend of my buddy and explained the situation to him. Funny thing is my friend is getting blamed for the repeated attacks while he only did it once. He had just bought that bottle that day. The best part is that the Brookhaven is his favorite bar, he lives about a mile away, and he goes up there about once every two weeks.
And his wife is mad at me for him getting kicked out.

- What else did I learn last week? Oh! Apparently Cougars In Training can't bake cookies. I guess no matter how late into the evening it got, CIT's burn cookies while I make them just right. Maybe that's why she got a divorce. Hmm...

- I just heard that Sunday night (i.e. Easter Sunday night) is going to be one of the best nights on television. Why? The Sopranos and Entourage return to HBO, baby!!!

That's all I've got for now. Have a good one and don't get none on ya.


Great Change to a Classic Joke

My Daddy, the Dancer

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

Waiting on a Friend(s)

I'm waiting on people to send me pics from this weekend before I post the long post recaping Saturday night. So hurry up and email them to me you bums.



I had WAAAYYYY too much fun last night. I'll post the recap later today or tomorrow.
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