Quick Post - Tucker Max

I was turned onto this site by my friend Mary. I have it linked on the left so even after this post is down the line you can check it out. Tucker Max is a drunk, asshole, etc. And he writes about his escapades. Read with caution because I have officially warned you.

This is a great site to read when you feel like laughing at someone else's unedited drunken mistakes. I'll put some things up here, but if I won't do anything like he does. Sorry.

Check it out.

I'm siding with Trey & Matt

So many years ago I was in high school and this crappy little cartoon came on the TV. It had a little hype but not much. For most people looking back into their past, that would be the end of the story.

But this was no ordinary cartoon. This was a cartoon created so two post-college males could poke fun at anything they wanted through 8 year old kids. Yea, I’m talking about South Park. Great show. It has made fun of anything and everything including themselves. The generalized morals of every story ever: don’t be a douche. Pretty simple to understand.

Well now there is trouble in this little world. Apparently they are being the subjects of censorship. No you liberals, moderates and conservatives, the antithesis of your respective parties is not the cause of this. In fact no government entity has any hand in this censorship. It is in fact the corporation that owns Comedy Central which airs the show. What happened? Read the story.

I like the version Drake & Zeke had on their show this morning. To surmise their discussion:
Tom Cruise threatened to not promote Mission Impossible 3 if the Scientology Episode (“Trapped in the Closet”) of South Park aired last week. MI3 (or as I like to call it, “The First Scientology promotional action film of next year”) is expected to be a huge cash cow for Paramount Pictures. The entire film industry is $truggling for any money they can get (this is direct cause of the SHITTY movies they have made in general over the last 5 to 10 years). Paramount Pictures is owned by Viacom. Viacom is also the parent company of the company (TimeWarner?) that owns Comedy Central. So the word was passed down through the official chain of companies that Comedy Central was not allowed to air that episode. It was also passed down that South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone were not allowed to comment on it.

But they did send a message to Variety who gives a good version of the story too.

So here’s to Scientology: Fuck You. I’m religiously tolerant and all, but this isn’t a religion. It’s a mind-fuck. And you are being a collective entity that I refer to as a douche.

Oh yea, I can’t wait for the child of Tomkat to be born. Or as some theologians have called it: the Anti-Christ.

Ok, I’m getting away topic from this before I get really mad.


Local Radio Station breakdown

I’m going to breakdown the local Memphis radio stations for those of you who are unsure what you might want to listen to:

99.7 FM, FM 100: This is for soccer moms who used to listen to rap, dance club music, and rock in their teens, college, and pre-marriage years and still want to feel “edgy”. They play a lot of Top 40 garbage with a high influx of Matchbox 20. They have 80s weekends to keep their fan base confused to the point where they think Kajagoogoo is still hip. The majority of FM 100 listeners are would have been classified as “Girls Gone Wild” in their heydays but felt like they needed to tone it down when they got married and joined the country club. Back when they were in their respective sororities at Tennessee, Alabama, and Ole Miss, they were the ones who would walk by you at class with their noses in the air and strip down to their panties for you after the first beer at night. They feel if they set a good example for their daughters by listening to the vanilla radio on FM 100. Too bad their mothers tried the same approach.

91.1 NPR: All things liberal. They take time away from bashing anyone who might disagree with what they think to beg for your money. They threaten to stay on the air if you don’t support them. Once every 63 hours you might get one hour of good classical music or a little jazz. Other than that it is a bunch of people talking about what is wrong with America. Basically, it’s your generic FM talk radio. This station is for former democrats who started to make money but what to appear connected to their liberal past.

92.9 MFS: Formally known as Howard Stern in the morning and nothing the rest of the day (unless you get a clear signal in your trailer park and want to hear the latest Papa Roach crap). They are now following the local trend of “reprogramming” their playlists and including a lot of older rock. They actually played a heavy rock song from the Grunge days of the early 90s besides Nirvana the other day (SHOCK!!!). Oh yea, if you are a Midwest expatriate living in the South, you might want to listen to their morning show. The rest of us cringe whenever we hear them refer to corn as “KARN”. This station is for teen males who feel disillusioned with their suburban life and want to rebel by listening to crappy heavy metal or hard rock. This is also for folks in the trailer parks who don’t understand that the tobacco stains on tank tops aren’t the same as tie dyes or that owning an inflatable pool on the side of your trailer doesn’t mean you have the right to skinny dip.

89.9 FM, WEVL: This is the station for the Midtown hipster and the common schizophrenic. Why the common schizo? Because they have completely different programming every day at every hour. You will have one hour of dance hip hop followed by an hour of bluegrass followed by an hour of delta blues followed by an hour of acid rock. The cycle continues on from there. Why the Midtown hipster? Because this isn’t corporate radio therefore the hipster thinks he/she is sticking it to “THE MAN” by not listening to their commercials which infect the air waves and ajakdalshdf******.
Sorry about that I just had a seizure trying to understand and explain that logic. Why specifically the MIDTOWN hipster? The signal is too weak to reach past Downtown or Midtown.

94.1 FM, the Buzz: This station is for suburban princesses and their mothers (who want to be a little edgier than their FM100/soccer-mom counterparts). They like a little rap that is from after 1995 thrown in with the rest of their vanilla pop rock. Most listeners are girls in high school who think they are listening to the same thing as “the college girls” and are therefore mature and cool even though “Jimmy Johns didn’t ask me to the prom! Oh my God, I hate my life! I wish I was never born! Hey, is that the new Pink song? Oh my God, I feel so much better!!! Yay! I think I’ll go eat 14 diet pills for dinner!” How is this different from the mature/cool college freshman girls they emulate? The college freshmen would have a Smirnoff Twisted Black with their diet pills. Duh!!!

107.5 KISS FM: Same as 94.1 the Buzz but with more hip hop and club music. Still pretty vanilla though.

97.1 FM, K97: Crazy hip hop and jammin’ ol’ school. This station is geared towards 65% of the potential listening area. A lot of edited rap and hip hop. Once DJs get over 30, they are moved to another station. I don’t know much more about this station. Sorry. I can’t stand edited rap because you miss every other word.

103.5 FM, Soul Classics: A station most anyone can listen to. They broadcast all the Grizzlies games. The rest of the time they play soul, R&B, funk, etc. Great station for anyone who has ever felt the music. Not just heard it but “felt” it. You listen to this station and in less that 15 minutes you will want to dance.

102.7 FM, Rock 103: Classic Rock perfect for the older trailer park crowd and drunken former frat boys all over Memphis. This station is 30 years old. It used to be edgy. But Tim with the Wake Up Crew got sober and isn't as bitter and cynical as I remember from my childhood (are those things related? I hope not). And Drake & Zeke left the afternoon show. But this is a great station if you like to Heart’s Barracuda and Steve Miller’s the Joker 14 times a day. Although they have many thousands of songs, they only play the same classic rock all the time. A lot of the trash in the trailer parks like this. Well a lot of the ones over 35 who like to reminisce about that time in the parking lot before the Journey concert in 84, baby! Woooo! Oh yea, they have a great website, but when you can’t back it up on the air, what’s the point? The afternoon guys (Dennis & Ric) and the guy at night (Jarman) are funny and great. They each kick ass! Bad Dog in the morning is still funny. Bev is still too violently feminist. But the station is starting to feel like it’s on repeat. A lot of great personalities (especially afternoon & night folks) but THEY REPEAT THE SAME SONGS TOO MUCH. Someone tell them there are other Bob Seger songs besides Night Moves & Turn the Page. They too are starting to follow the trend of expanding the playlist on the airwaves, as evidenced when they played a Bob Dylan song the other day that wasn't Rainy Day Women, All Along the Watchtower, or Knocking On Heaven’s Door. (FYI: I’ve met Dennis, Ric,, Luca, & Jarman at various bars around town before. They are all really cool people in real life too. “They is good people!!”)

105.9 FM, Kix 106: Nashville Country. Translation: bored ass, vanilla Country. You won’t hear Willie Nelson or any of the Hanks. Don’t even try to request it. Just move along boy.

98.1 FM, 98.1 the Max: Formerly Star 98. Formerly THE KAT (roar!). This station has had more identities than a drag queen with multiple personalities. Just under a year ago the afternoon guys from Rock 103, Drake & Zeke, left and took control of this sinking ship. They looked at what every station was doing and decided to do their own thing. How did it work out? Listen and you’ll hear some Dwight Yoakam, James Brown, Police, and The Who all in the same hour. They play only music they find good. Who is this station for? Can’t define it really. Just about anyone can find something they like. Typical listener? Men between 18 & 45 I guess. They have made their purpose playing things that are good, but you don’t hear on regular commercial radio. They have surrounded themselves with a great supporting cast of regular DJs as well as “Little Steven’s House of Garage Rock” for the weekends and “Alice Cooper Nights” during the week. Both great shows in their own respects.

AM Talk Radio: does nothing but raise your blood pressure. Ignore at all costs.

104.5 FM, The River: I refuse to consider an explanation of this station as I am subjected to it every fucking day at work. Quick profile: easy listening. What does that mean? It means you hear the exact same songs every damn day but always in different order. End of discussion.

I hope you've enjoyed this dear reader. I'm always willing to do what I can to make your world a little easier (unless I feel evil, then you're in trouble).


Let me begin this post by stating the following facts (or as I call them, obvious facts):
I am not gay. I don't know much about fashion. I am not a girl. I am lucky if I can walk out of my house and look decent.

Having said that, I can now say that the attire that the young lady in the pic above wore to work the other day made my head hurt. Why? Because I couldn't understand what woman would think this looks like something I'd wear out of the house (or even in the house for that matter). Yes, she is a college freshman who is working part time during her spring break, but come on! Purple Ugg boots, black jeans and a red shirt? I am retarded or is that bit of a stretch?

Please tell me if this is a nosebleed or not. Thanks.

Oh, you want to know what am I wearing today? Blue jeans, brown boots, and a yellow golf shirt. What did I wear to work during the week? Same outfit but with different colored golf shirts.

Do you do this?

Get a coke. Grab a small bag of regular salted peanuts. Mix in a cup. Drink & eat it. Delicious.

This is an old Southern treat that not many people of my generation or the generation before me know about. It comes from long time ago when the kids from the farms would ride their bikes to the local general store. They'd buy a bag of peanuts and a coke bottle. They'd drink about an inch or so of the coke, then pour as many peanuts into the bottle as they could. Why? Because you can't ride a bike while holding a coke bottle and eating nuts. Hence a great Southern delicacy was born.

Most of my friends who have witnessed this or whom I have told think this is crazy. But it is great. Try it sometime.



Ok devoted readers, here is the upcoming social and concert calendar that I feel like putting out there. If you want to know about every little stoner with a guitar or x-head with a turn table, I can give you links to other folks who know more about which are the good ones to see.
As far as I'm concerned, I'm only going to tell you about artists and events that I know are good and I would enjoy seeing. Here ya go:

Saturday March 18 (afternoon): St. Patrick's Day Parade on Beale St. According to the folks at Ptolemy, the parade begins at 4PM.
Saturday March 18 (evening): Kid Rock at the FedEx Forum baby!!!

Sunday March 19 & Monday March 20: Ladysmith Black Mambazo at 2nd Presbytarian Church. In case you don't know who this is, listen to Paul Simon's "Diamonds On The Soles Of Her Shoes". They are on that song.

Thursday March 23: Cowboy Mouth at Newby's. I'll be there.

Wednesday March 29: Grand Krewe of Ptolemy PokerRun Fundraiser Kickoff Party (long ass title) at TJ Mulligans in the Pinch District downtown. $10 at the door for everyone. Proceeds go towards our goal of raising $10,000 for First Works (one of the children's charities picked by Carnival Memphis this year). 6-8PM

Thursday March 30: Garrison Starr @ HiTone (I know Mendi will definitely be there)

Saturday April 1: Lucero @ the Deli (Young Avenue Deli for those of you who are unhip, haha)

Thursday April 6: Col. Bruce Hampton & the Codetalkers @ the HiTone

Friday April 7: Hayseed Dixie @ Newby's (awesome bluegrass cover band!)

Saturday April 8: David's Bachelor Party

Monday April 10: Dinosaur Jr @ the Deli. I know Shannon M. will be there he loves that stuff.

Thursday April 13: Shooter Jennings @ the Deli. Hey this is Waylon's son who is making a name for himself. I haven't heard him yet, but everything I hear is that he's staying away from Nashville's mass produced bubble gum country. I'm happy to hear that.

Thursday April 20: Ptolemy Happy Hour @ Cafe Ole in Midtown. Starts at 6PM. Ends whenever you need to pull up your diaper, ese!

Friday April 21: INXS at the Orpheum

Monday April 24 & Tuesday April 25: BOB DYLAN & MERLE HAGGARD AT THE ORPHEUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday April 30: Ptolemy Poker Run Fundraiser benefitting First Works (more details on that later)


What the Hell is wrong with People?

Ok, I was going to make this a real quick, two sentence post, but I have to bitch about something now. I was just on the phone. I was leaving a message for someone else who obviously wasn’t there. The man I was speaking to took my name. This is how it went. See if you can find where an elementary education didn’t come into play:

Me: “Ok tell her to ask for Philip when she calls back.”
Man: “Now that’s P-H-I-L-U-P right?”
Me: “Uh, no. P-H-I-L-I-P.”

Did you catch it, dear reader? I can’t describe the puzzlement I feel right now. Have you ever met anyone, anywhere who spells “Philip” any way besides the one or two ‘L’ way:

Please tell me what you think. Am I making a big deal out of this or do I justifiably have reason to fear for human existence beyond the next few generations?

I mean it's not like this is a unique name like Nosmo King, Nopar King, Lemonjello, or Oranjello. My name is the same as one of the Twelve Disciples. It's like someone trying to spell "Mary" as "Mari" or something. Completely blows my mind. I’ll post the other thing later when I’m not so shocked and distraught over the direction our collective knowledge is headed.

Philup, I mean Philip

Quick Recaps

I know I promised the other recaps last night, BUT long story. Quick version:
We don't have wireless at my new place yet so I was using my roommate's computer which is in his room. He goes to bed at 10 every night. So I had to hop off after the last post. So here is a quick rundown of Grey's and DH.

DH sucks now.
Grey's still rocks.

Kidding. I'm going to go a little more in depth before work starts.

DH sucks now. It is becoming more and more predictable to me. It must be in a sophomore slump. Can we get to the end of Bree's fight with her gay son? And what happened to her slutty daughter who just threw men under the bed?
Carlos and Gabby doing whatever it takes to get a kid. Cool, but I would still have to say a bit of a stretch. I know a family who went to Texas to adopt a kid. And they were from Mississippi. So send Gabby & 'los on location to...wherever.
Tom & Lynette solving their differences by screwing in an elevator before a presentation? I don't know about you, but I've only seen one elevator going to that office. So not only were they late for the meeting, but they kept the clients in the lobby while they violated each other in the elevator.
And Susan? She is just a clusterfuck. Sorry. This woman must have kicked puppies as a child to deserve this much bad luck.
Overall they have too many stories going in too many directions. The show used to work because they were all entertwined somehow. The only real plotline that keeps me interested is a continuation (basically) of last season with the Mike/Paul Young/Zach Young fight against the old grandad. And that's still not worth reviewing.

And Grey's. It was good. Good to see Meredith trying to take responsibility for her mess up with George. Good to see George playing hard to get (with the anti-Ellen Pompeo, i.e. the new love interest who won't blow away with a slight gust of wind)...or just plain stupid. You decide.
I'm glad Christina doesn't have the skills to handle every task thrown her way. I mean she wants to be the best and always in control, but hey, she can't even handle a baby. (yet another great move by George when he held the baby and it stopped crying).
The Alex, Izzie, & heart-dude love triangle: let's speed it up people. It's getting stagnant and repeatitive (sp?)
Finally, I like where the whole Addison & McDreamy thing is heading. Him apologizing at the end was great. I like how they worked in the woman with the aneurysm and her renewed love affair with her husband to open McDreamy's eyes. That was cool. I really felt like the actor playing the husband was feeling all those feelings.
Well next week should be great.

Ok, go to work. It Tuesday which means it's almost Friday.

No songs on the playlist today.


TV Show Recaps - Sopranos

Ok folks, I finally understand what our (yes, including my) enjoyment was with Desparate Housewives for so long. We (yes, including you) were waiting for The Sopranos to return with a bang...and a jerk...and a baby...and everything else that made that show so damn great. So we put up with mediocre crap until it finally came back.

I love it! You can see a little of Livia coming out in Janice who obviously disapproves of her new kid. Did you see the way she was looking at her child while she was feeding on those ridiculously huge (and tatted) teats? It was a look of contempt, in my opinion.

Did anyone else see the hanging coming? I figured that was far away down the road. But obviously I was wrong. Then the shooting? WTF?!? That completely caught me by surprise.

I have to say I'm going to watch the show one more time this week because of two reasons:
1. I want to figure out what that song was at the beginning or at least what the hell the guy was saying.
2. I was watching it with 4 people who had never watched more than 2 episodes in their collective lives (which also affected #1)

But man that blew me out of the water. I kept reading articles saying that after Tony's mother died, he lost a worthwhile antagonist and the show was hopelessly (sp?) afloat. I don't think so. I believe that David Chase has plenty in the writing for us.

Did anyone else notice (except when they were eating) how most shots of Carmela and Tony were mostly from a distance? I thought that was rather interesting.

Oh, and how about Meadow dancing for Fin in the beginning? That was hot!

Ok, I'm going to publish two more tv recaps tonight. One post though. I definitely don't want to mix DH with this show. Two different levels. And if you couldn't tell, the Sopranos is 100 times better. Grey's is closer to the Sopranos, but not that close.

Hood Drinking

A few weeks ago, this downtown blogger Paul put a post with pics detailing “what the bums downtown are drinking”. It was funny. It gave me an idea (hey all ideas are stolen/borrowed):

What are the homies drinking in the ‘hood down by my office (South Memphis). “They” have a great affinity to park in our late afterhours and drink. During the colder months we’d find Smirnoff bottles. No not the vodka, but the…wine coolers? I don’t know what the hell they are. Smirnoff twisted whatever.

But now it is getting warm outside. I wonder what they’re drinking now. It looks like 40s and cans. So if you are ready to blend in with the locals, I recommend drinking some of these in parking lots in industrial areas of South Memphis.

While we are on the subject of thugs and substance abuse, guess what I saw yesterday afternoon in the Target parking lot as I walked back to my truck. There was this thugged out bro with his old lady ROLLING A FUCKING JOINT IN THEIR CAR! What the hell? It is 4 in the afternoon and these two are sitting in the parking lot at Target in East Memphis ROLLING A FUCKING JOINT! I mean come on you hoodie, this is SUNDAY at TARGET and there are FAMILIES walking by you...WITH LITTLE KIDS. I thought about getting the security guy to drive over or something, but he probably wouldn’t do anything. Just pull up and ask them to leave. He was an urbanly indigenous individual in a tank top with big dredlocks. If I had said something, I would probably have been shot. People are idiots.
eXTReMe Tracker