HOW COUNTRY ARE YOU?
1. Have you ever gone muddin?
Hell yea baby!
2. Have you ever lived on a dirt/gravel road?
3. Ever been swimmin' at the river?
Swimmin’ and canoeing
4. Ever had a bonfire party?
Yea, I’ve never thrown one except at sardis lake in college
5. Have you ever driven a tractor?
6. Have you ever been on a horse?
7. Ford or chevy?
8. kissed someone in a pick up?
Yea, many times
9. Whats your favorite country song?
Robert Earl Keen – The Road Goes On Forever
10. Ever done 90 miles per hour down a dirt road?
No. 50, but not 90
11. Worked/Lived on a farm?
12. Been to a rodeo?
No, I have been to a Dirt Track to watch stock car races in Batesville, AR. Fun!
13. Do you own cowboy boots?
Yea and I'm wearing them right now.
14. Do you have a cowboy hat?
15. Have you ever said git er done?
Yea, but as a joke. It is not part of my normal speech
16. country skyline or a city skyline
Looking over the Mississippi River at sunset from Memphis. Which is that?
17. Can you name a rodeo star?
18. Do you think tractors are sexy?
19. Ever rode a 4-wheeler?
I own one
20. Are you from the country?
21. If so, are you proud of it?
I would be
22. Gone hunting?
Not this week, but yea
23. Gone fishing?
Yea, deep sea fishing is the best. But I love crappie fishing.
24. Is your heart in dixie?
25. Been on a hay ride?
Yea, back in high school
26. Have you ever line danced?
Does the electric slide at an 8th grade dance count?
27. Camped under the stars?
28. Have you ever been cow tippin'?
No. I'd love to though
29. Do you drive a pick up truck?
30. fell asleep in a hay stack?
31. Own a pair of overalls?
32. Drank Moonshine?
33. Include the word "yonder" in your daily vocabulary?
Only when talking about Yonder Mountain String Band
34. Ever tried chew?
35. Milked a cow?
36. Is sweet tea your favorite drink?
Unsweet is better
37. Been to a race?
Not a Nascar one, but a dirt track
38. Country, Southern or Redneck?
39. Know all the words to at least one David Allen Coe song?
I know all the words to several DAC songs. And I know all the words to the songs that actually matter.
Ok kiddies, it's HNT time. Like a dumbass, I hadn't taken a pic for the HNT and left the camera at home. So I went through my old pics and found this. Here’s the story:
I had a beard all winter for hunting season and because I am that cool (sarcasm). Around the end of January, it was unseasonably warm around here and I was getting tired of the beard. This particular Saturday morning, I took my beard trimmer and started shaving it off. By the time I stopped this was all I had left. I looked at myself in the mirror and laughed. I had bushy sideburns past my ears and an “Earl” mustache. I walked into the living room and showed my roommate. His exact words:
“Dude, you look just like Earl from My Name Is Earl! You have to keep that look and wear it out tonight.”
So I went to a wedding shower and a concert like Earl that night.
This pic was taken by my roommate immediately after I shaved the beard. And yes, I did have a hangover that morning.
1. First time you ever drank?
I don’t remember. Probably 13 or 14.
2. More of a beer or liquor person?
3. What type of drunk are you?
Depends on the night.
4. Favorite Mixed Drink:
Depends on the situation:
Cranberry & Vodka in the spring
Hot Chocolate with Peppermint Schnapps in winter
Margarita in the summer
Bloody Mary in the morning
Red Bull & Vodka at night
5. Favorite Beer:
Ouch. Again it depends on the situation:
Heineken while duck hunting
Coronas during the summer & at the lake
6. Favorite Shot:
7. Top 5 Favorite beers (if applicable):
8. More of a Bar or Club person:
Bar. I hate clubs. It must be a southern thing.
9. Alcohol you absolutely despise:
I can't think of one.
10. Ever bought a stranger a drink:
Yea, last night
11. Been thrown out of a bar/club for fighting?
Yea in college
12. Ever make out with someone in front of a cheering crowd:
Yea again in college
13. Ever buy a round for random people:
Sometime in the past year I’m sure.
14. Best band you've seen while drinking:
Robert Earl Keen, no wait, Jimmy Buffett. No it’s a tie.
15. Ever danced on the bar/stage:
Oh hell yea.
16. Best town/area to drink in:
Oxford. Just don’t drive
17. Do you forget a lot of what happens during a night of hard drinking?
Not always, but what I do forget I am usually reminded by someone else who was there.
18. Ever been drunk around your parents?
Oh hell yea.
19. Ever pissed yourself from drinking to much?
Honestly, no. I have come close.
20. What is the most shots you have had in one night?
I don’t know. There was that last little brother big brother night, but I really don’t know. And I don’t plan to find out.
21. Ever drank absinthe?
No, but I want to after reading the Tucker Max story about it.
22. What gets you into trouble when your drunk?
My words usually.
23. Ever blacked out while having sex drunk?
Not blacked out. I’ve stopped and just rolled over. Does that count?
24. Can you drink your friends under the table?
Some I can. Others I wouldn’t try to.
25. Who is your favorite person to be DRUNK with?
A HOT CHICK WITH LOOSE MORALS! (that was easy)
Remember tomorrow is HNT.
Last night after work, I stopped by the gym on the way home. I feel fine now, but I will be sore as hell tomorrow. After taking a fast shower. I got dressed and headed to Newby’s. My buddy’s wife ran for a county commission seat (yea I didn’t know they had them either). Unfortunately she didn’t win her primary. The good news is now she can sit back and relax. I was up there with a good 20+ friends. I think I showed up between 7:30 and 8. I started to leave around 10:30, but my buddy CT bought a round of RockStars (Vodka, Rum, Gin, Tequila, and RockStar energy drink). It’s kinda like a Red Bull & Vodka. Very nice, but it’ll wake you the hell up. I probably had two. Ok, three. Towards the end of my second one I tried to leave and PF gave me another $5 and told me to play some music on the jukebox to prove if I had good taste in music. The answer? Hell yea I do. I rocked that joint like you wouldn’t believe.
Funny story. There is this guy who is friends with my friends that was at the party. When I was young (i.e. before first grade) he used to mow our lawn. So that puts him about 10 or so years older than me. I assume that anyone who is that much older than me knows when a woman wants him to take her home. Obviously he didn’t realize it or doesn’t know how to close, otherwise I wouldn’t be telling you. So yeah, he sat there and talked to this girl for about an hour and half at a table, just the two of them. She started getting antsy and finally said she was leaving. He never realized what she wanted. Just sat there in a daze I guess. Oh well we all make that mistake from time to time.
We sat around for a while and they finally cut out. I didn’t leave until well after midnight. I got home and ate a little BackYard Burger. They have the best Black & Bleu Bacon Cheeseburger in the world.
I rolled into bed after that and put Open Range in the DVD player. I started watching it and remembered back to a time when I lived by myself in Midtown in ’03-‘04. I’d come home on weekend nights from the bar tore up and hungry as hell. I had gotten these ten pound bags of frozen Tyson chicken wings from Sam’s Club. I’d turn on the oven and throw them in there. Once they were done, I’d get two bowls: one for the wings and one for the bleu cheese dip. I’d chow down on the wings and watch Open Range or the Great Outdoors or whatever.
So I watched the big gunfight scene and fell asleep.
Songs on the playlist:
The Rolling Stones – You Gotta Move
The Grateful Dead – Jack Straw
Incubus – Drive
Foo Fighters – This Is A Call
Widespread Panic – Blackout Blues
Toto – Rosanna
Talking Heads – Once In A Lifetime
The Beatles – Penny Lane
Metallica – Fuel
Willie Nelson – You Are Always On My Mind
1. You are not a stoner.
2. You are not in high school.
3. You are not a thug.
4. You are not white trash and/or have a mullet.
5. You don't like to pay $7 for a lukewarm Miller Lite.
6. It will rain because it always rains.
7. It will be too hot.
8. Your friend will puke before you get out of the parking garage because he/she is such an amateur.
9. The porta-potties (no explanation needed).
10. You need to save your energy for BBQ Fest!
Please note that if you are not from Memphis or have never been to the Beale Street Music Fest, you may not find this that funny. The rest of you probably will (unless you fit into one of those categories).
Friday I was working late (again) for the end of the month. DP & AT called me to see if I’d go to dinner with them at the Belmont (at Poplar & Mendenhall in East Memphis). I said sure and we met for dinner and beers at 7. They were late of course. They live 3 minutes away. I live 10. I beat them by 20 minutes. After that I actually talked them into going to Newby’s with me. We got there. DP was going to only have one beer and leave at 9:30. At 9:30 I had bought him 2 beers and he still hadn’t looked at his watch. We had a few great lies told. There were a lot of jokes. In general we had a great time. About 10:15, he said he was tired of beer, so I ordered him a Jack & Coke. He said he didn’t want it, but he drank that one and another anyway. AT didn’t need any convincing to keep drinking Coronas. Here are two pics from that night:
Because of this night I think I have found the way to keep DP at a bar. Let me explain: DP is getting married this coming weekend. Since he got engaged, he never goes out anymore. The fact that he came out Friday night after dinner (and again on Sunday) blows my mind. In a good way. He is always fun to hang around. So here’s the secret keep buying him drinks. The only real reason I was willing to do that initially was because he bought dinner for all three of us. So I didn’t mind buy their drinks. It was fun.
Saturday I woke up about 9:30. I rolled out of bed and screwed around for a while. I went to the gym, took a shower, and got ready for the Memphi & Ptolemy Picnic in Nesbit, MS. Let me describe the weather to my non-Memphis readers:
Windy between 20 & 30 MPH. Slight rain on & off all day. It was in the 60s for the high. Normally it is sunny and breezy and warm in Memphis this time of year. It was an absolutely freaky weather. So it made the layout of the party different.
The family who hosted it have about 150 acres or so. A huge house and a huge barn. Because of the bad weather, everything was set up in the barn (tables, buffet, band). Of course the petting zoo was still outside. They had a pond and I brought my fishing gear, but the weather wasn’t that great, so I blew that idea off. I had about 4 beers over the 2 hours I was there. I had a great time. I didn’t get any pics though. I am pissed about that.
After that I drove like a bat outta hell getting back to Memphis (15-20 minute drive) because I had Ross & Sloan’s wedding at 6:30 in Cordova. Logistically, there was no way I could leave the picnic after 5 and get to the wedding in time (I had to shower). I left the picnic at 5:20 and got to the wedding at 6:24. Absolutely amazing. I didn’t even get dressed in the car either!
Ross and Sloan had a wonderful wedding. The reception was great except for three things:
1. All single women there had dates.
2. There was a pregnant woman with a physically enhanced chest wearing a ridiculously low V cut dress. Don’t call me a perv yet. It was cut so low that it showed below where the breasts touch each other. It showed to the point where they stop touching each other. How did I know she was pregnant? Well no, she didn’t have a pregnant belly. She told me in line when we were at the sushi table (random chance btw) with these exact words:
Her: “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t get that one!”
Me: “Why not?”
Her: “Well, I’m pregnant and I’m not supposed to eat the raw ones. But I am craving it so I guess I’ll have it.”
I really hope her kid turns out ok other than the fact it’ll have a ditz for a mother. I actually had to scratch my head after she left to eat the raw sushi.
3. I didn’t get the garter. Ross threw it and as I reached up, some 16 year old cousin of his (with braces!) elbowed me in the stomach and boxed me out as he grabbed it. It happened so fast that I stood there staring in shock as I tried to figure out if that had actually just happened. So much for my streak of garters (this was going to be #3 in a row), I’ll have to start over this weekend at one.
Another funny thing at the wedding: I was exhausted about halfway through the reception (I ate a TON of the sushi). I actually walked outside to leave early. As I was looking for my truck, a giant gust of wind came and hit me in the face. I literally got my second wind and went back in. I walked back in and said to my buddies “I’m back baby! I got my second wind!” They proceeded to laugh before I could explain the wind thing. They started hinting that I had gone to my truck to do cocaine. Ok, they know me. I don’t do coke. I don’t see the appeal in it (although I know plenty of people who do). I never have and I never will. I told them to “f off” and went to grab another beer. About 45 minutes later (post-garter debacle) I cut out. I was exhausted again. I went home.
Sunday I got up at 11:00. I woke up several times before that and everytime I looked at the window I couldn’t believe there was sunlight coming in (it was supposed to be miserable like Saturday). I ran to the gym and raced home. DP came over about 1:15 and we headed to the poker run. That was a blast. Here is a quick explanation of a Poker Run:
There are 5-6 locations for stops. You go to each one and get an envelope. Each envelope has a card in it. When you get back to the home base, you open all your envelopes and make the best poker hand you can. Best hands win prizes.
Here’s how we did it:
You have each location be a bar on Beale Street. The headquarters is at T.J. Mulligans in the Pinch District by the Pyramid. You start at headquarters and ride a trolley down main street to Beale. Afterwards you take a trolley back to the Pinch District.
So DP and I got to T.J. Mulligans about 1:40. We registered and grabbed a bloody mary to start off. “The ex” wanted me to run her hand since she had to work one of the locations. I told her no thanks and she got pissed. She still doesn’t understand Quid Pro Quo I guess.
DP, Scott, Dominic, Matt, Jason, and I started out together. I think that was probably the last time all of us were together. We take the trolley with a bunch of other folks and start towards Rum Boogie Café. It was so crowded I said “let’s get a drink at the next spot”. The next spot was crowded too (King’s Palace outside). So we went to the third bar: Silky O’Sullivan’s. We rolled in there and it wasn’t as crowded. Mark asked if I wanted in on his diver. So we stayed there for about an hour drinking. I had more than my share of two divers and then two Coronas. Here is a pic of us drinking the first diver.
I’m on the right. You can see (left to right) Mark, Felix, Jennie, and Chris. Chris is the crazy guy looking at the camera and not drinking (amateur). If you've never had a diver, you don't know what you're missing. It's a touristy drink with beer and some fruity drink mixed together and put in that bucket. They give you a ton of straws and people act like idiots and drink it (see pic for example of idiots, me included, haha).
After that we went to the next stop at the Pig. Unfortunately the table was set up outside and it wasn’t anything fancy. So we went to the next stop for more drinks. We headed to Club 152. This was literally my first time there. Yea, I don’t like clubs. But it reminded me of everyone I went to back in Cancun years ago. I may head back sometime (despite the metal detector thing). We stayed there for…I don’t know how long. But I had 3 and half Coronas. Why only 3 and half? I finished the second half on the trolley.
When we got back to T.J. Mulligans, I didn’t have a good hand. I could have bought more cards for $5 each, but when I saw some dude pull out 4 kings, I decided to save my money. I did decide to enter the drink contest. Different groups (i.e. the other Krewe’s royalty) made drinks for the contest. It ended up being 10 drinks (Ptolemy removed theirs from the running in good taste). Each drink was about the amount of a shot. I didn’t do the one that smelled like Jagermeister on purpose. But I ended up doing the other 9. In three minutes. Everyone else was tasting and enjoying. I walked up and somehow channeled Tucker Max:
I grabbed number one. It was smooth. Number two was also smooth. After that I forget which ones tasted good and which didn’t. I just shot them all in three minutes. One of my friends (Joey R I think) just stared like “what the hell are you doing?”
I do remember that number 8 was awesome (turned out to be my mom’s group). I found out later it was a frozen mint julep. Badass.
After that I had a few more Coronas until DP decided to get revenge for making him drink a few whiskey drinks Friday night. He said he was going to buy my next and brought me a Red Bull & Vodka. It went down smooth.
After that I decided to walk around the silent auction again. I wrote down bids again on the massage and the dinner for two at Jim’s Place East. I ended up getting both. Funny thing is the massage is from King Trip’s sister-in-law. Is that a bad thing? I don’t know. But it is funny because I recall joking with him about her giving me a massage one day back at the Xmas party.
After this debacle ended, DP and I took off back to the Ponderosa (i.e. my house). He went home in his car, and I raced to Memphis Pizza Café. I got a large Alternative. I really like that. We watched Sopranos.
I left their house and went home. Had a great weekend. I think I need another one just to make up for and this next one won’t be it. It’s going to be just as crazy.
Have a great evening.
Songs on the Playlist:
Barenaked Ladies – Brian Wilson
Tim McGraw – Something Like That
Jimmy Buffett – She’s Got You
Jack Johnson – Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
Stevie Ray Vaughan – Texas Flood
Dave Matthews Band – Crush
Jimmy Buffett – They Don’t Dance Like Carmen No More
R.E.M. – Stand
Pink Floyd – Eclipse
Wilson Pickett – Mustang Sally
U2 – In God’s Country
George Strait – The Chair
Stone Temple Pilots – Silver Gun Superman
Weezer – Beverly Hills
Lemonheads – Into Your Arms
Jimmy Buffett – Frenchman for the Night
Stevie Ray Vaughan – Stang’s Swang
Beastie Boys – Intergalactic
O.A.R. – Hey Girl
Alice Cooper – No More Mr. Nice Guy
Marvin Gaye – Let’s Get It On
The Band – Forever Young (from The Last Waltz)
Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell – You’re All I Need To Get By
I don’t remember how long ago it was that I started this playlist, but it has been at least three or four weeks. We are now up to song #1801 and going strong. Some of the songs in the last hour or so have been blowing my mind. It’s amazing what you don’t think about until it is played. Today’s songs began around #1736. Here are some of the songs I’ve heard today (not all just starting at #1790):
#1790 Beastie Boys – She’s Crafty
Al Green – Here I Am (Come And Take Me Away)
Aerosmith – Janie’s Got A Gun
Coldplay – Clocks
Robert Earl Keen – I’m Comin’ Home
Cowboy Mouth – Jenny Says
Chris LeDoux – This Cowboy’s Hat
Brooks & Dunn – Brand New Man
Widespread Panic – Hope In A Hopeless World
Pink Floyd – Run Like Hell
Phish – Free
Willie Nelson & Waylon Jennings – Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys
Shaggy – It Wasn’t Me
Allison Krauss & Union Station – The Lucky One
#1804 Faith No More – We Care A Lot
This a really eclectic song list. I get into one groove and then I roll into a completely different style but still enjoy it. Very odd sometimes from one song to the next, but very cool too.
For those of you who don’t have a clue what I am talking about, let me explain:
I have a bunch of songs on my computer at work. I went through the library on Musicmatch Jukebox and added artists’ catalogues to one large playlist. I hit the ‘random’ button and it sorted all songs randomly (duh). There was a rut for a while where I had a bunch of songs I didn’t really want to hear and then it hit great strides. This is just something fun to keep a random soundtrack in the background at work besides the crappy radio station we have to hear over the intercom. The last number on the playlist is #2579. That's a ton of songs.
These pics are supposedly from the University of Colorado at Boulder on April 20. For those of you who have never subjected yourselves (voluntarily or otherwise) to the pot smoking/hippie culture, let me give you a quick lesson:
April 20 is 4/20. In the collective mind of all stoners 4:20 in the "international smoke out time" bro. How or why this came about, I will never know (you might want to check the urban dictionary or wikipedia). But every stoner thinks that it is the best time to get high. I think that's just because they have just gotten out of bed. Also people have said that the University of Colorado at Boulder is one of the biggest concentrations of stoners in the collegiate world (I'm not saying it is a bad school or it promotes pot smoking, but there are a lot of stoners there). Hey, it's in the Princeton Review every year for it (I tried to link to it for you but you have to sign up, so wait until the review comes out and some news service will report it. UCBoulder will be in the top 10 as usual).
So at 4:20 PM on April 20 (4/20) these stoners at the University of Colorado at Boulder (supposedly) got together and got high in a massive crowd. Kinda makes you want to slap a hippie, doesn't it? I bet none of them even showered that day either.
I know this is last minute, but if you want to do the Ptolemy Poker Run this afternoon downtown, go to TJ Mulligans in the Pinch District. Registration is from 1-2 and the Poker Run starts around 2ish.
I'll post a recap of the Poker Run and the rest of my weekend later with pics. The weekend wasn't legendary, but I had fun.