Friday Night Recap / Plans for Tonight

So yeah. I bored. I should probably go run or something, but I don't feel like it.

Ok last night. I went down to the Pinch District (by the Pyramid) to the Balinese Ballroom for a birthday party for Gina (the Shady Hasbeen's Sister). It was a lot of Ptolemy folks so I knew most everyone there. The Shady Hasbeen assured me earlier in the week that there would be plenty of single women there. Apparently her definition of plenty and mine are totally different.
I had a good time though. Hung out with several folks and talked. You know normal laid back party stuff.

The downer of the evening had to be the band. I have no idea who they were. But all they played was covers (understandable). Unfortunately they didn't have a drummer. They had a bass player, two guitarists (one was the lead singer), and keyboard dude with foot pedals for the synthesized drums. The lead singer sang every song like he was J.B. from Widespread Panic. Literally. When I first got there, I was standing in the bar room and I heard his voice echo around the corner. I said "Are they covering a Panic song?" Turns out they weren't. It was just some pop song that he sang in the style of J.B. That killed the music for me all night. I couldn't even get into songs I love. I remember they played a Beatles song. I just looked at everyone and said "Are they really butchering the Beatles now? John and George are rolling over in their graves."

To make matters worse, the next building down the street was Westy's. They had a band playing out back. When we stood out front of Balinese Ballroom, you could hear the band echoing over. I heard them play Dylan's "Knocking On Heaven's Door" and "Tangled Up In Blue" as well as Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama." I kept wondering why we didn't go hear that band. But I was there for the party so I behaved myself.

The Shady Hasbeen had a quote last night in regards to her new title: "It is better to be a Hasbeen than a Neverwas." We laughed and went back to whatever conversation we were already having. I think she mostly said it just so I'd mention it here. There you go, darling. Now can you quit talking so much? :P

Apparently this was the birthday weekend. Of course we celebrated Gina's Bday last night. We called Little L to wish him a happy bday at midnight because today is his bday. He's in Colorado to see Panic at Red Rocks, I think. Duchess Jana apparently has a bday today. She was there so A.L. called her voicemail at midnight and we all sang happy birthday to her (she is notorious for leaving her cell phone off and/or at home). She walked out while we were singing. She was confused that we were already singing until A.L. handed her the phone. All the girls thought it was a very romantic move. We men went back to drinking after that.

After they kicked us and the band out of Balinese we all walked next door to Westy's. That band rocked. I danced with a few ladies and had a few beers. Then I went inside and sat at the bar. Gordo decided to go through his camera and show me ALL the pics he had on it. After pic 1,247 I quit paying attention (kidding). But the funny thing is, he was trying to talk to me about God knows what, when he over emphasized a word and all of a sudden there was this grimy dirt on my arm and face. Apparently Gordo didn't put his dip in properly and when he said some word, some dip got on my. Thank God it wasn't the dip spit but the actual tobacco itself. I wiped that off and chastised him for a good 20 minutes. He apologized profusely.

I got a reuben to eat after a while (they have a lot of good food there, FYI). With tots of course. I ate my reuben and started in on my tots. Then three vulters swooped in from the skies: Joey R., Gordo, and RD (yes, Kat's RD). Those bastards kept trying to eat my tots. Joey R stole the basket and gave them to RD. They laughed and laughed and before they could start eating them, I grabbed my effing tots back and wolfed them down. I said "how ya like me now, bitches?" Yeah I thought I was real cool after all those vodka tonics and Shiner Bocks.

Ok so final analysis of last night. Balinese Ballroom has big potential. That band sucked. The band at Westy's rocked. The reuben I ate at Westy's was badass.

So what's on the gameplan tonight? Well BG has invited me to meet him at Newby's. He is going to be there with BD. Supposedly HM and DM have been invited as well. There is really no telling what the hell I'm going to do. I know that Papa Top's West Coast Turnaround is playing there. I want to hear them play unless I get dragged to another bar with the guys. I've been invited to a Midtown Hipster bday party near the Buccaneer by Rachel. I'll probably head there unless I need to take a cab. At which point, I'll just take a cab home whenever I leave where I am.

Ok, I'm gonna head on. Go get you some ass tonight kids, you deserve it.


Memphis or Nashville: Pick Your Poison

Before I start, anyone who is even slightly in favor of Politically Correct things, stop reading now. A few comments made here may offend you. You loser. Get your underwear untwisted and leave my blog.

I was having an email conversation this morning with a few folks. One of them who lives in Nashville said this:

did I tell ya'll about the (gay man slang) that grabbed my pecker in the park?

We responded with the usual hetero-macho male comments:

“did you tip him?”
“did you thank him?”
“why would you call yourself a (
gay man slang) for touching yourself?”
“was he reaching around or something ‘for a towel?’ ”

We all had our respective laughs and then my friend from Nashville told us the story:

In all truth, I had gone for a long run and wore my self out. Went to the bathroom at the park to splash water on my face. There was a fellow in there taking a slam, I figured that out when he flushed the toilet. After he flushed I looked up and saw him, he said to me, in a straight voice, at least I thought, "its pretty hot out there isn't it."

Not thinking much of it I respond with "yes it’s really hot, I am worn out from the heat."

Now there are a lot of middle aged men that take their kids to the park, I thought he was one of them. He comes and stands right next to me to clean his hands. When I stand up and start walking out the door he says "how you doin" (this is when I first heard his gay voice) and grabs my pecker head. I must say I was in a bit of shock and all I could say back was "dude, I was doing better before that crap."

I didn't stick around, but after I was out of the bathroom I heard him say sorry in a gay voice…

After that point my friend goes on to discuss if he had hit the guy would have been a hate crime or self-defense. I think he argued that in a practical world it would be considered self-defense, but in today’s society it would be a hate crime. And on and on. I’ll save you those details.

So why am I sharing this with you? Because I have several friends who live in Nashville or are from Nashville originally. They all swear that Nashville is better than Memphis in every aspect. Memphis is full of crime and yada yada yada. I’ve heard it for years. Let me make this statement:

If I go into a bathroom in a Memphis park, I’ll probably be robbed (especially if it’s downtown, right Paul? FYI Paul is our newly appointed crime prevention blogger). But apparently if I go into a bathroom in a Nashville park, I’ll probably be felt up by some dude or even raped. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be robbed than “lose the lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed.” So to all you Nashvegans, don’t look down at your noses at the Memfricanos anymore. Your city is not that perfect. Our sketchy citizens may take your money, but they don’t take care of you prison shower style.

Now, please don’t read this as a declaration of war between our cities. This was just an attempt to show a bit of tarnish on Nashville’s collective ego as the premiere local in the state. Memphis still has a plethora of problems (why do you think so many people move to North Mississippi, the suburbs, Tipton County, and Fayette County?) But Nashville’s not perfect either.

So remember to guard your pecker head the next time you visit Nashvegas and have to use the bathroom. Apparently that’s where the gay men cruise for new meat.

Songs on the Playlist:
Pat Green – Here We Go
O.A.R. – Hold On True
Widespread Panic – Love Tractor
Widespread Panic – Imitation Leather Shoes
Oasis – Don’t Look Back In Anger
ZZ Top – Tube Snake Boogie (is that appropriate for this post?)
The Rolling Stones – Jigsaw Puzzle
Blue Oyster Cult - Don't Fear The Reaper

Wishful Thinking HNT

Happy HNT yall. This week's theme is what I'd rather be doing: FISHING. And if I were fishing, I'd like a lot more than this big boy.

I lent someone my digital camera today so I had to dig back in the files for this.


Wednesday Post

Ok I have something to admit. I have a song that I can’t stop playing: Ah Leah by Donnie Iris and the Cruisers. You probably know the song, but don't know it by name. Check it out on their MySpace page. The version they have up there is a live one. It is a badass song. I'm going to either download the live version or buy the live album.

Miniher has changed her MySpace page name to Master Polo II after the infamous, unknown Memphis Z List celebrity Master Polo. He is the unknown dude who is friends with most everyone on MySpace. His entire profile is a lie. But if you look at Master Polo II you’ll see a fuzzy camera phone pic of some dude. I believe (without any proof) that dude is Master Polo. So catch a glimpse fast before she reads this post and deletes the pic.

And Miniher, what’s up with changing your name to Master Polo II? Is it obsession or infatuation?

OK so what else is going on? Friday night I’m going to a birthday party downtown for the Shady Hasbeen’s sister. She turns 30. You have to know her to understand why this is a big deal. She’s one of those people who is obsessed with staying young in our eyes. I still love her to death, but damn woman, you’re gonna be thirty. Get over it! Oh and Happy Birthday.

I just got an invite to another b’day party in Midtown Saturday night from Rachel. She forwarded the info to about 100 folks. How I made the cut I’ll never know. I’ll probably go by. Actually I think I crashed this exact party last year. It’s very Midtown with a DJ playing and a bunch of angst-ridden 20 and 30-somethings. You know, the hipsters. Not that it’s a bad thing. I’ll probably drag Mr & Mrs P there since they were the ones who took me last year.

I think Paul mentioned something on his blog about an MPact Memphis party next Wednesday:
“Mpact Memphis is having its After Hours on the rooftop of The Lofts, Tennessee at GE Patterson, next Wednesday at 6 PM, with music by The Glass. I haven't done anything with Mpact in a while but this event sounds pretty cool.”
I may check that out too. I'd like to see The Glass because everyone in the blogosphere talks about them. I also need to go to an MPact event sometime. I think I’ve been to one of their events since I graduated from college.

…which was four years ago. That blows my mind. This time four years ago I was talking my final summer school classes during the morning and laying out by the pool drinking beer every afternoon. For any of you who are still in college, walk with your class in May and then take summer school classes. It beats going to work all summer long.

Other than that I’m taking it easy to prepare for my big trip to New Jersey for the Deuce’s wedding next weekend. More on that story another time.

Have a good one and don’t get none on ya.

Songs on the Playlist:
Chris LeDoux – Copenhagen
The Grateful Dead – Little Red Rooster
KISS – Rock and Roll All Nite
O.A.R. – Hey Girl
Frank Sinatra – When I Was Seventeen
Black Crowes – Twice As Hard


Weekend Recap

Yeah yeah yeah. You're tired of waiting on my weekend recap to get here. Well here it is.

Friday I got off work and was driving home. I decided to be good and stopped by the gym first. I had a nice workout and went home. On the way home I was making the "what the hell are we doing tonight" calls. I called the former Shady Duchess. She was on the other line so I left her a voicemail:

"Hey. How are you? I'm well. I really hope you're doing OK now that you can't wear your crown anymore when you go out in public. Are you going to be OK with being a normal person again or do we need to schedule counseling or something for post-Carnival depression?"

Ok, I didn't really say that verbatim, but that's basically what I said. I got the call 3 minutes later:

"That was so horrible. How could you say that? You don't know how much I miss it. I was just talking to (another duchess) saying how I couldn't believe that I actually had a weekend without a party scheduled."

She told me that she was going out with two friends from college who are newlyweds, V (wife) & K (husband). I told her I'd meet her at her place around 8. I showed up around 8:45. I walked in and she offered me a beer. I got a nice, cold Michelob Ultra. Halfway through I felt like a woman after 28 days. I felt bloated. I really felt like someone had taken an air hose and filled up my torso with about 25 lbs of air. I did appreciate the beer, of course, but damn if I forgot how much Ultra sucks. Of course it is a "weight loss" beer. You drink one and you feel full.

So we duck out of the apartment and head out to Newby's first. Someone suggests that we all ride in one car. They said "Hey, Philip do you mind driving? We've all been drinking for over an hour." I tell them if two of them want to crawl in the backseat of a truck, we can take my car. Otherwise, I'm driving someone else's ride. We take the former Shady Duchess's Nissan Riceburner. I don't know what kind it specifically was, but she had the seat up close to the steering wheel and the top leaned back. I was flexing, yall. After I adjusted everything to make it drivable (sp?), she put in some crappy rap mix. We roll to Newby's at 9:30. It was dead. We stayed there about 2 hours. We got there and saw our buddy Little L.

After a beer, I order a jagerbomb for myself and K. I heard them talking earlier about how much he likes jager. Then the ladies decided to start taking buttery-nipples. Ever had one? It's totally a chick shot. (By the time I left the group that night they had done about 12 between the two of them). We hung out and shot the proverbial shiznit for a while.

Funny story! While we were there, there was some dude sitting on my right. Apparently he was on a strict budget, because he was keeping track everytime he ordered a beer. How do I know this? Because he had only 30-something in cash and was trying to drink as much as possible in beer and be able to leave a tip. I think at his last beer he had his $28 on his tab. I don't remember exactly how much Bud Light was, but he was nice and shithoused. How do we know he was f'ed up? Well the best clue was when he kept shouting to another couple down the bar and they wouldn't pay him any attention. He asked me to get their attention. I said "excuse me, but this guy would like to tell you something apparently." He then said the following words (I shite you not):

"Yall are a great couple. I mean you've got it going on. Good for you."

Some of you (read: my women readers) may say "Aww, that was so sweet of him." Well read it now as he said it:

"Listenyallareagreat couple! I mean you've got...it...going...on. Goodforyou."

Sound a little creepy? It kinda was. Somehow I got associated with him in the dude's mind. By the way, dude of the couple was NOT happy. He just stared and looked at us both. The drunk to my right was trying to give them a compliment, but it came off all creepy. It turns out that they have been married for 7 years and yada yada yada. But apparently drunk dude was in love with some girl (hmm...I wonder where she was on a Friday night) and felt this cosmic bond with the rest of the lovers in our world. Everytime he sees a sunset, his heart fills with love and hope for the rest of us. Or as he tried to explain it to them:

"You'rereallylucky. I just found a great girl. And yall are really lucky. We've been together about month. And yall areagreatcouple. She is really special to me so I feel it. You've got...it...going...on."

This of course segue wayed into a conversation between that married couple and the married couple in our group. You know the conversations married couples who don't know each other have:
So how long have you been married?
Oh that's a pretty ring?
Do you have any kids yet?
When are you going to have kids?
blah blah blah

The former Shady Duchess and I both rolled our eyes. Oh yeah, she is no longer called the Shady Duchess. She renamed herself by accident. We were talking about God knows what when she said "Yeah, I can't be called a duchess anymore (or even a Shady Duchess). Now I'm just a Hasbeen." So she is now our official 'Hasbeen of the Month'. What's her prize? She can by me a drink.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the only quote of the night. V apparently has a tendency to say funny things without meaning to. The girls were using the women's facilities when V pronounced to the Hasbeen the following statement:

"It's hot and I'm stuck in the bathroom!"

Yeah, I know it's not the funniest thing I've ever heard either, but they were laughing and made me promise to post it if I actually wrote anything about that night.

After a while I decided that it was in my best interest to clog my arteries. So I ordered Newby's smothered tots. Let me explain how great these are: tater tots with ketchup & sour cream on the side. The tots are covered in melted cheese and bacon bits. Sounds great right? It is. Well apparently V is a big fan of eating while drinking. Here are three pics of her eating and trying to hide it. Think I made her a little self conscious?

Yeah I do too. FYI, the brunette is the Hasbeen. The blonde is V. K is in the green shirt. They are really cool folks and I hope we can hang out again.

So after a while, we left and went to Brookhaven. I stayed out until about 12:45. I caught a cab home because I had to the family thing Saturday. I'm glad I did because they stayed out drinking till 3. Little L met us out there and drove them home after his shift.

Saturday I drove to Batesville for an early Father's Day with my grandfather. When I got there I found that my 7 year old cousin was there too. Guess what that means? A slightly hungover 26 year old in loafers gets to play baseball with a 7 year old. Yeah! It actually was a lot of fun. I got home around probably 5 or 6PM. I was going to go out with the Hasbeen again, but she didn't call me back until 8:45 to make plans. By that point I had my weekend's moment of clarity and decided to stay in. So yeah, I didn't do anything Saturday night. And you know what? I had a blast.

Sunday I spent most of my time doing laundry and watching World Cup. I don't even remember who we watched, but it was all good. I picked up my grandmother and drove to the 'rent's house in G'town. We had steaks and lots of food. Dad got a new DVD player because he'd had the same one since the mid-90s. No, I don't think you understand how old this is. When you put in a DVD, you have a menu on the player itself pop up on screen that asks what you want to do. How 'tarded is that? It simply blows my mind. There were no subtitle capabilities with it (at least none that were worth anything). On top of the DVD player, I got him Band of Brothers. If you've never seen that and you like war movies, I highly recommend it. I love it. It is a 10 episode mini-series from HBO that tells the story of the 101st Airborne from training through the end of WWII. Amazing.

I raced home after dropping my grandmother off and caught Entourage. I missed Deadwood but I'll catch it today after I get home.

Alright, I'm outta here. I hope you had a good weekend.

Songs on the Playlist:Widespread Panic - Heroes
Widespread Panic - Wondering
The Black Crowes - Soul Singing
George Clinton & Parliament - Flashlight
The Black Crowes - Jealous Again
David Gray - This Year's Love
The Beatles - I Am The Walrus
Garth Brooks - Two Pina Coladas
Weezer - Say It Ain't So
Dave Matthews Band - So Much To Say
Green Day - American Idiot
Van Halen - Can't Stop Loving You
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band - Fishin In The Dark


Did you watch Saved By The Bell?

I did. Loved it. Not the second group of kids or when they went to college. But I really dug it as a kid.

Now the question arises: was I a big enough fan to help out Screech? Hmm...I don't think so. But you can at least check out the story. You'll probably get a good laugh about it.
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