Revised Easter Weekend

What did I go with last night? Shooter Jennings at the Deli. I’ll post that story after work tonight with pics. So to answer your question K, there’s nothing wrong with the Tshirt and jeans crowd.

Since the last post the weekend plans have changed considerably. Here is the revised schedule:
Tonight I’m going to be before 10PM. Why? Because I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow morning to go fishing. HM found some buddies with a boat so we can go on the water to fish. No more bank fishing. So sorry Phoenix Club, I’m not going to the fundraiser. I get to save my hard earned cash money. So I’m going to get up tomorrow morning, head west bound across the river and hopefully come back with an assload of fish. How much is an assload of fish? I think that’s a lot. After we finish fishing, hopefully we’ll have to clean a bunch of fish and freeze them or cook them. Then I’ll head home to shower and probably take a nap. Tomorrow night I’m headed to the Redbirds game at Autozone park.

Sunday the plans are still the same, but I am not responsible for cooking my badass tomatoes. I learned the recipe from HM. I still have to get a bday present for the brother. I don’t know what I’m going to get him so I’ll have to figure that out by Sunday too.

That’s all for now.

Songs on the Playlist:
Jimmy Buffett – Little Miss Magic
The Grateful Dead – Terrapin Station (I lasted for about 5 minutes of this song before I had to skip ahead)
O.A.R. – Hold On True (live)
Twisted Sister – We’re Not Gonna Take It
Drivin N Cryin - Straight To Hell


Easter Weekend

Ok, I have no plans yet, but things are starting to flow together for tonight and the rest of the weekend.

I have two options for tonight. I can either head to the Peabody Rooftop with the roommate and his buddy from college. Or I can go to see Shooter Jennings with ‘MiniHer’ and friends at the Young Ave Deli. Let’s think logically about this:

If I go to the Peabody, I’ll probably pay a large cover, hang out in a meat market, and pay for expensive ass drinks. But there are always HOT women there and I may have a DD. I will have to dress up in a Lacoste and slacks with loafers though.
If I go to the Deli, I’ll pay a decent cover, hang out with the Midtown hipster crowd, and drink PBR. There aren’t always as many hot women there. Very unkept, jeans/tshirt type crowd. I can wear a polo shirt with jeans and boots and be fine.

I think I may go with Shooter. I don’t know though. I’m sure it’ll all depend on who’s leaving when and when the night will end, etc. I do have to work tomorrow. I think the deciding factor will be at which one will I have more fun. And that’s the tough question. Or as Barney would say: Which one will be more Legendary? (see Tuesday’s post on How I Met Your Mother)

Tomorrow night the Phoenix Club has a fundraiser at Newby’s for (of course) the Boys & Girls Clubs of Greater Memphis with a show with Ingram Hill. Here is the breakdown:
$25 general admission for the show
$65 for the show and a preshow cocktail meet & greet with the band
If you need tickets give me your email address. I don’t know if I want to go or if I’ll get into the show. That’ll be a gut decision tomorrow night.

Saturday I’m going fishing then probably going to watch the Redbirds with Z and several others that night.

Sunday is Easter and I’ll be in church with the brand spanking new seersucker suit. I bought it in August and still haven’t worn it (you don’t wear it before Easter fool!). After that I’m running out to the folks’ house for bday lunch. The brother has a birthday on Tuesday so the whole fam damily will be together again. Sunday is Sopranos night also. So that’ll be fun.

Anyway I’ll post a recap of whatever I decide to do over the weekend.

Songs on the Playlist:
George Strait – Amarillo By Morning
Chris Clagle – Laredo
Pink Floyd – The Happiest Days Of Our Lives
Ray Charles & Bonnie Raitt – Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?
Tom Petty – I Won’t Back Down
Pat Green – Here We Go
Hank Williams Jr – Whiskey Bent & Hell Bound
Robert Earl Keen – Gringo Honeymoon
Pearl Jam – Better Man
The Rolling Stones – Jumpin’ Jack Flash
Pat Green – Holdin’ On
Lynyrd Skynyrd – Free Bird (live)
Owen Temple – Dry Creek
The Grateful Dead – (Walk Me Out) In The Morning Dew
Robert Earl Keen – What I Really Mean


Happy Half Nekkid Thursday. This one is for the guys who read my column.

In case you can't tell, this isn't a pic of me.

But it is a lot sexier than I can ever be.


An Old Promise to Myself

I read Kat’s blog post about the single thing and being a candidate for a good girlfriend. It got me thinking about what kind of qualities I would want in a woman. Then I remembered a promise I made to myself years ago:

I will not try to define a perfect or ideal woman or look for specific things such as blonde, tall, good laugh, etc.

Where did this come from? Years and years of bad experiences. I all of a sudden say something like “I’d like a petite blonde”. I get one but she was not what I want (and made my life hell). After several experiences similar to that very vague (on purpose) example, I realized that trying to pinpoint your soul mate based on physical appearance or personality of a potential mate was a very stupid thing to do. Since then I’ve had better relationships. Not necessarily great ones but the quality has gotten better.

Partly because of this epiphany I eventually came to another realization which ties into Kat’s blog post: I shouldn’t put out things about me that I think might attract someone to me. Just be yourself and the right person will fall in love with you. Yeah, you may need to polish a few rough edges and drop a few bad habits, but for the most part being yourself is what you have to do. Because when you hide certain things and they later come out, you are basically caught in a lie about yourself.

The other thing I have learned is be patient. I won’t go into details, but it involves an egging of a car and worse things. To give a vague but acceptable answer, I’ll say you don’t need to rush things or else you end up in an f’ed up situation.

So the rules we learned today are be honest with ourselves, be honest with others, and be patient. You will find love and be happy.

By the way, does anyone else think it is kinda funny that the first song on the playlist for this post was I Want You To Want Me? Sorry if this was a rambling post but I wrote it in a hurry.

Songs on the Playlist:
Cheap Trick – I Want You To Want Me
Johnny Cash – Boy Named Sue
Ugly Kid Joe – Everything About You
The Grateful Dead – High Time
The Beatles – Mean Mr. Mustard
Jack Johnson – Fall Line
Dave Matthews Band – Let You Down

Cleatus & Lurlean: The Agony Continues

Now who didn't see this coming eventually? I thought the kid would make it until 9 months before they nearly killed him again.

Now let me say this before I finish: I don't wish any ill will on the kid. I hope he turns out very well both healthwise and as a man. But how can you expect two people who have had every done for them for the last 4-7 years to take care of a baby. Cleatus (aka Kevin, K-Fed, Mr. Britney) isn't even interested enough in this family to stay at home. Lurlean (aka Brit-Brit, Britney, the scourge of everyone from the South who is not white trash) probably hasn't wiped her own ass since she "Hit Me One More Time" came out. So how are they supposed to be responsible parents?

The Letter

Ok, I try not to get political on here because...well that's not funny. Plus if I were to start saying one thing, go into a rant, and contradict myself without realizing it, I would look like an idiot. I may be an idiot, but I don't want to look like one (kidding). And do not turn this into some sort of political debate over immigration or illegals' rights.

Another thing I try not to do is throw emails on here, but this one is pretty funny. It came from a friend through business who is about 60 years old and usually sends "old man" humor. It is rarely funny, but every once in a while he will forward a jewel. To me, this is a jewel. I hope you enjoy it:

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P.

Thank you so much for your kind help.


Is it Tuesday already?

Ok, I’m sure you’re still waiting on a post-Friday night weekend recap. Here’s a quick one:
Bachelor party was awesome. But I have one warning for everyone else in the world: no matter what the bachelor wants, do not let him drink a half bottle of red wine with dinner because he will probably take shots later.

Shots + beer + red wine + jack + red bull = an early ending AND a terrible hangover for the fool of honor.

Sunday I went to the Memphi Queen’s coronation at the Hunt & Polo Club. The Queen is really nice and really cool. And I hear her eldest son is a friggin’ stud. It was really good to see all the folks I saw there. I’m sorry I couldn’t say hi to everyone. By the time I got home from that Sunday night, the roommate was watching recorded shows. He is about 3 episodes behind on the Sopranos so we didn’t watch it. Now it is Tuesday at lunch and I still haven't seen it.

Last night was Mom’s bday so by the time I got home I was tired. But I did have enough energy to watch How I Met Your Mother, which was a new episode. I have finally figured out CBS’s collective mind on this. They go 4 weeks of reruns (or bball) and then play a new episode. So now we have to wait until the first week of May before we get another episode.

So anyway, last night’s episode rocked…on the Barney front. What Up! We have two ideas of what happens after 2a.m.: Barney’s philosophy and Ted’s philosophy. Ted takes the pessimistic view based on what his mother told him (Go to bed. Nothing good ever happens after 2a.m.). Barney takes a more optimistic view based on…well no one knows exactly where his philosophy comes from (Only legendary things happen after 2a.m.). After watching this episode, I officially am no longer in Ted’s corner. He takes this stupid, pessimistic attitude and ruins his chances with Robyn. He is such a loser. He used to be a lovable loser, but I can only deal with someone screwing up so many times and not learning their lesson before I don’t care anymore. This goes with both people on TV and in real life. Perfect example: I know a girl from college who started seeing this guy. She played hard to get in the beginning. He told her in the first few dates that he was really into her. He brought her flowers on a random date. Not a little flower, but flowers. Not 15 dates in, but around date 5. So she started getting interested and chasing him. He’d go a while without calling her back and she’d never take the hint. Then she’d get upset because he gave all these signals. And she’d wonder what she did to make him change his mind. This is the female equivalent of Ted. You shoot yourself in the foot and wonder why you are in such pain. Yeah, I know it’s easy to see what to do when it’s not you, but still. You can see Ted screw up a mile away and you could see this girl screw up a mile away too. She was such a sweet girl, but just couldn’t do the right thing with this guy and it messed her up for about 6 months.

(FYI, she eventually started to learn her lessons and ended up very happy with someone else for a few years. He treated her very well. We’ve lost touch unfortunately because she graduated before me and moved to the east coast. She’s one of those folks you wonder about and have no way of finding out until you randomly cross each other’s paths in the future)

My point is you need to learn from your mistakes and if Ted doesn’t, I’m going to be very, very pissed. Barney obviously learned from his mistakes and “suited up.” He seems happy and Ted seems down. So remember, everything after 2a.m. becomes legendary!

Wow, that was way too deep for a Tuesday. Finish your lunch and go back to work.

Songs on the Playlist:
The Grateful Dead – Ramble On Rose
Jerry Jeff Walker – I Feel Like Hank Williams Tonight
Pete Townsend – Let My Love Open The Door (E.Cola Mix)
James Brown – Sex Machine
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – Don’t Come Around Here Anymore
Traffic – Empty Pages
The Steve Miller Band – The Stake
Widespread Panic – Action Man
Pink Floyd – Comfortably Numb
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