Britney Spears Posing Nude

Three or four years ago there was one headline that would have solicited a unanimous cheer from straight men across the globe:

Britney Spears Poses Nude For Magazine.

Simultaneously young boys across the country would have started puberty. That was a headline that we males hoped and prayed for. But alas it never came.

Fast forward to summer 2006 (i.e. TODAY). Britney (or Brit-Brit or Lurlean or Cleatus’s meal ticket) is more of a joke than anything. She is a poor white trash girl from the backwoods of Louisiana who made it big on being sexually suggestive in her actions and lyrics. She came to the height of celebrity status only to begin her ridiculously rapid decent back to poor white trash status (only now she has tons of money). She “falls in love” with Cleatus (Kevin Federline) and starts popping out babies left and right. But obviously she still craves the attention that she used to get. The paparazzi is still there, but the fans, well they’ve grown up and realize that she’s not that talented. She is more of a pop culture joke now. So what does she do?

She poses nude for a magazine.

Sorry Brit-Brit, but too little, too pregnant, too late. You know how some women look absolutely beautiful while they are pregnant? You’re not one of them. So please, fade into obscurity. For our collective sanity, just go away (and take Paris, Nicole, and Lindsay with you).