6/27/2006

More On Cougars

I had written a nice post about my upcoming schedule. Then I realized none of it was a social calendar for local events so I have decided to rewrite this post about something better:

COUGARS!!!

Or at least a better definition for several readers who are still confused from the Saturday Recap. Of course we have our urban dictionary’s definition of a cougar. But several women readers were afraid they might fall into that category. K from yogacoffeeoutlook was afraid of what age she would become a cougar because she’s about to turn 32.

Let me explain it this way, not all women will necessarily become cougars. Cougars tend to have most of the following characteristics:
A raspy, whiskey voice from too many years of smoking and drinking straight whiskey.
They are divorced and/or separated AND instead of dating men their own age, they try to get younger men (younger as in there tends to be an age difference of at least but not necessarily 10-15 years).
They wear too much hairspray with long black roots (or gray roots) and obviously dyed hair. (note: if I can tell a woman has dyed hair, it is a bad job). They have poofed up hair, sometimes called Jersey Hair or Southaven Hair.
They spend too much time in the tanning bed, which long time ago in their 20s was ok, but in their 40s and 50s gives them the appearance of a leather hide.
They look like they were “ridden hard and put up wet.” In other words they tend to look rough.
They appear to have no class or self esteem.
Although they hunt for younger men, they can’t ever be categorized as a “Mrs. Robinson.” They don’t have any class or dignity. There is an allure for a Mrs. Robinson, the classy older woman who makes a real man out of the young man by teaching him how to make love like a sophisticated man. Cougars tend to be trashy.
They are not put together well. Too much makeup.
They have a strong lack of sophistication.
They tend to be in their mid to late 40s through their 50s (maybe even in their 60s?). They dress like they are 18.
They have a lot of plastic surgery.

Please note that NOT ALL older women who are interested in younger men are cougars. Any woman with any sophistication, is not a cougar. And note that there is nothing wrong with an older woman and a younger man. If you make each other happy, that’s great. But men, beware of the cougars.

Examples:
I think that Dannah Harryl would be a cougar just because she annoys the hell out of me. But someone else may not see her as a cougar. Same goes with Kim Cattrall’s character in Sex and The City. She could be seen as a cougar (only because we know of her open sexuality), but she’s really not. She’s a very open and independent woman. One woman that I know for a fact should always be characterized as a cougar (EVEN THOUGH she’s married) is Sharon Stone. Not Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, but Sharon Stone the red carpet hasbeen. See this pic. It is a perfect visual example of a cougar:
Ok, I know Lindsay Lohan isn't a good contrast as she's headed to be a cougar one day probably. But doesn't it look like Sharon Stone is telling Lindsay "Hey, we need to go out sometime. You can be my wingman since I like guys your age." Again, I know she's married or something, but come on! Tell me she isn't a perfect candidate for Cougar of the Year.

Ok so you may not get it yet. Imagine that old single friend of your mom’s who used to come to stay with your folks once every year or few years. She’d flirt with you (or a brother) and it made you feel uncomfortable. You knew there was something “not right” about her, but you could never tell what it was. She could be a cougar. Or say one of your buddy’s moms was a divorcee and she always flirted with you and her son’s other friends. It always made you feel really uncomfortable. She might be a cougar. Remember that older lady at the restaurant the other night drinking the martini at the bar and eyeing any man without a woman on his arm? She’s probably a cougar.

Like most things in the world, the definition of a cougar is as varied as the crazy women we try to put in the category. So the lesson of this is to sit back and beware of any woman you think may be a cougar until you can tell for sure.

Songs on the Playlist:
George Strait – You Know Me Better Than That
The Grateful Dead – Looks Like Rain
Paul Simon – Me And Julia Down By The Schoolyard
Jack Johnson – Dreams Be Dreams
INXS – New Sensation
The Beatles – With A Little Help From My Friends
Patsy Cline – Crazy
The Who – Behind Blue Eyes
The Doobie Brothers – Long Train Running
The Cars – Shake It Up
The Gap Band – You Drop A Bomb On Me
Toad The Wet Sprocket – All I Want
Aerosmith – Angel
David Gray – In Your Eyes
The Righteous Brothers - You've Lost That Loving Feeling

8 comments:

Kat said...

Muy impresado! I think Maxim may be calling you soon.

MG said...

hmmm.... thanks for attempting to clear that up.

Maybe you and I should hit the bar one night though, just so you can give me an educated determination.

Shit.
That may have sounded like something a cougar would say...

Philip said...

I was talking to Joey D. last night, and he said that his favorite part of the previous story was the internal monologue while I was talking to the Cougar. I told him that it was not internal. I actually said those things to her face.

MG - A cougar wouldn't take you to the bar, they'd be there from Happy Hour until they found someone to take home. Besides it's gonna be pretty hard to go to the bar with you since you're in georgia and I'm in Memphis.

Joey D. said...

Makes the story even funnier. I cannot imagine the look on her face as you were yelling "COUGAR"!

Philip said...

I was actually yelling "BAD TOUCH!!! BAD TOUCH!!! I NEED AN ADULT!!!" while she was hugging me.

Philip said...

I was actually yelling "BAD TOUCH!!! BAD TOUCH!!! I NEED AN ADULT!!!" while she was hugging me.

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