6/22/2006

Memphis or Nashville: Pick Your Poison

Before I start, anyone who is even slightly in favor of Politically Correct things, stop reading now. A few comments made here may offend you. You loser. Get your underwear untwisted and leave my blog.

I was having an email conversation this morning with a few folks. One of them who lives in Nashville said this:

did I tell ya'll about the (gay man slang) that grabbed my pecker in the park?

We responded with the usual hetero-macho male comments:

“did you tip him?”
“did you thank him?”
“why would you call yourself a (
gay man slang) for touching yourself?”
“was he reaching around or something ‘for a towel?’ ”

We all had our respective laughs and then my friend from Nashville told us the story:

In all truth, I had gone for a long run and wore my self out. Went to the bathroom at the park to splash water on my face. There was a fellow in there taking a slam, I figured that out when he flushed the toilet. After he flushed I looked up and saw him, he said to me, in a straight voice, at least I thought, "its pretty hot out there isn't it."

Not thinking much of it I respond with "yes it’s really hot, I am worn out from the heat."

Now there are a lot of middle aged men that take their kids to the park, I thought he was one of them. He comes and stands right next to me to clean his hands. When I stand up and start walking out the door he says "how you doin" (this is when I first heard his gay voice) and grabs my pecker head. I must say I was in a bit of shock and all I could say back was "dude, I was doing better before that crap."

I didn't stick around, but after I was out of the bathroom I heard him say sorry in a gay voice…

After that point my friend goes on to discuss if he had hit the guy would have been a hate crime or self-defense. I think he argued that in a practical world it would be considered self-defense, but in today’s society it would be a hate crime. And on and on. I’ll save you those details.

So why am I sharing this with you? Because I have several friends who live in Nashville or are from Nashville originally. They all swear that Nashville is better than Memphis in every aspect. Memphis is full of crime and yada yada yada. I’ve heard it for years. Let me make this statement:

If I go into a bathroom in a Memphis park, I’ll probably be robbed (especially if it’s downtown, right Paul? FYI Paul is our newly appointed crime prevention blogger). But apparently if I go into a bathroom in a Nashville park, I’ll probably be felt up by some dude or even raped. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be robbed than “lose the lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed.” So to all you Nashvegans, don’t look down at your noses at the Memfricanos anymore. Your city is not that perfect. Our sketchy citizens may take your money, but they don’t take care of you prison shower style.

Now, please don’t read this as a declaration of war between our cities. This was just an attempt to show a bit of tarnish on Nashville’s collective ego as the premiere local in the state. Memphis still has a plethora of problems (why do you think so many people move to North Mississippi, the suburbs, Tipton County, and Fayette County?) But Nashville’s not perfect either.

So remember to guard your pecker head the next time you visit Nashvegas and have to use the bathroom. Apparently that’s where the gay men cruise for new meat.

Songs on the Playlist:
Pat Green – Here We Go
O.A.R. – Hold On True
Widespread Panic – Love Tractor
Widespread Panic – Imitation Leather Shoes
Oasis – Don’t Look Back In Anger
ZZ Top – Tube Snake Boogie (is that appropriate for this post?)
The Rolling Stones – Jigsaw Puzzle
Blue Oyster Cult - Don't Fear The Reaper

10 comments:

charly said...

Well-known fact about me - I love Nashville. Love, love, LOVE Nashvile. Hate Memphis. Hate, hate, HATE Memphis.

Why am I still in Memphis? School.

Where will I be when I graduate? Nashville.

:) Biotch.

Philip said...

Charly - unless there is something you're hiding from us, I doubt you have much to worry about from gay men in parks in Nashville.

Got Sense? said...

Just left Memphis for Nashville about 3 years ago and I remember gay sting busts all over town at the Wolf Chase Men's Bathroom, Audubon(sp) Park, rich mall on Poplar. Memphis is just as much if not a little more man lovin than I think you realize.

No I will say there was a gay pride picnic at centennial park a few weeks ago but there was a estimate of about 1/2 of the gay folks there where from out of town..

Philip said...

Charly - I just found out that it did happen in the West End in Centennial Park across from Vandy.

Got Sense? - There are places like that all over every city. Why do you think it was such a big joke in "Something About Mary"? You may hear about places where gay men go to meet (no pun intended), but you don't hear about gay men walking and just grabbing the next swinging dick that walks by. At least I don't, but I try not to avoid the gay gossip circles.

Got Sense? said...

I have been lucky in the department of not being in the same area of other nekkid guys very often. Someone point me to a coed bathroom..

Serrabee said...

If you were trying to declare a war between the cities, you'd be a little late for that.

Philip said...

got sense? - After watching Harold & Kumar go to White Castle, I never want to visit a women's or coed restroom.

serrabee - I'm not trying to declare war, I'm just trying to remind Nashville that their shit does stink.

Got Sense? said...

it is not our shit that stinks, it is our water that stinks. That is the biggest thing I miss of Memphis. The nuclear reactant water neutralizes the stank..

Philip said...

got sense? - Nuclear Reactant? WTF? I think you are refering to the artisian wells that we get our water from. It is the purest natural way to get water.

Got Sense? said...

I am talking about Nashville Water being shit Philip, I meant that was one thing I missed about Memphis was actual good water. I guess I made a bad attempt at a funny.

 
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