Saturday/Sunday Recap Jersey Trip (with HNT)

So hopefully you’ve finished reading the previous post before you start this one (it recaps Friday day and night). If you haven’t read it, GO READ IT! I’M NOT TELLING ANY MORE BACK STORY. Oh, and I’m sorry it was so long. But damn was it fun.
Well it is Thursday which means I have to do this damn HNT. So here is a pic of me with the bride’s sister. I hate this short week. If this doesn't count, oh well.
Now, back to the story:

So Saturday morning I awoke with a hangover I wouldn’t have wished on my worst enemy. Mikey had to pick up his tux at Chazmatazz. I honestly believe we were still drunk when we got in the Impala. We walked into the mall with our sunglasses still on. He went into the store while I sat on a bench and prayed for sweet release from the anguish my body was going through. I told you it was a bad hangover. Despite the hangover my eyes were actually working well enough to FINALLY see some Jersey hair. Yeah, I felt like I was at a Bon Jovi concert in 1986. It was ugly. She must own stock in Aquanet. But like an idiot, I left my camera in the hotel. So you can’t bask in the trash that is Jersey Hair.
After Mikey got his tux we walked to the car. We noticed on the way out of the mall that there was a TGIFridays. But it didn’t open until 11:30. We looked at our watches. It was 11. So do we wait for 30 minutes so we can get a bloody mary and cure our hangovers or do we behave and head back to the hotel? What do you think we did?!? It’s Bloody Mary time baby!!! So we stood like addicts waiting on the doors to open. Mikey stayed outside to finish a cigarette. I walked to the bar and ordered a bloody. The bloody mary came and I finally got my sweet release from that damn hangover. Then I noticed that we had two HOT bartenders. Smoking hot. I realized how much I was beginning to like New Jersey. Then they started talking. And they went from 9’s to 8’s. Yeah, I’m picky. Sue me. Anyway, this proves the old adage that
THE BEST DETOX IS RETOX!!!
We went back to the hotel and started watching world cup matches. The wedding was at 2, but we had to be there at 1:15 (I caught a ride with the bridal party up there). So I was there 45 minutes early and got a great seat on the groom’s side. I looked around the church which was a very old Catholic Church. This is the stained glass window in the back.
Then I looked down and read over the program or pamphlet or whatever the hell you call it. Schedule? I don’t know. This proves one of three things. Either the bride and groom have a great sense of humor or they have no sense of humor OR I have a dirty mind. You decide which it is. This is what I saw in the program:
It is the prelude. You know, the song that is played before they walk into the church and start the wedding mass. In case your eyes can't read it, the song title is "Air on a G String." I guess that must be the classical version of Thong Song.
So it was a beautiful service and a wonderful wedding. I was very thankful to be there. After it was over I hung out at the church. The night before I had asked the groom if I could catch a ride in the Hummer limo with the bridal party to the reception. He said it was cool since I wasn’t supposed to drive Mikey’s car. I really just didn’t want to drive up there and not party. So I waited while they took all the pics. “ALL” being the key word there. The photographer was German so the process was very efficient and organized. Very Prussian. “Ein! Swein! Ein! Swein! Ve are takink pictures now! Schnell!!!” Ok, she didn’t say that, but you get the idea. So after an hour and half of pics, it was time to pile into the limo and head to the rehearsal. I suddenly get the message that the limo is for the wedding party only. I was pissed at first but it ended up being cooler than I first thought. I got to ride with the bride’s brother and his wife AND their adorable 14 month old daughter. She was precious and I was in charge of the sippy cup. Momma had the goldfish, but I had the most important job. Why? Because the baby kept asking for it. Not with words, but with grunts, squeals, and hand gestures. So we get to the rehearsal way earlier than the limo. Sounded like more bar time for me.
The other upside of missing the limo ride was I didn’t get chastised for going to a liquor store for the ride to the rehearsal. AND I didn’t have to witness one of the bridesmaids get sick (read: friggin puke) in the limo. Fortunately they had a plastic bag from the booze they picked up.
The reception was held at the local country club in Princeton. Beautiful area. Beautiful setup. Full bar. Huge appetizer spread. Five course meal for a seated dinner. But the best part was being there with old and new friends. I’ll save you a full recap of the rehearsal. I’ll give you the highlights of the evening (as I’m not sure if I can remember everything that happened). But I’m going to start with the low point.
As much fun as the entire weekend was, there was one bad thing that happened. Before the reception began, one of the bridesmaids received a phone call from her husband. He called her to tell her that he was thinking about getting a divorce. I’m sorry. I understand that I don’t know the state of their lives or what’s going on, but that is not the time or place for that. I mean that is a real shitty thing to do. So the groom asked every single (unattached) guy there to dance with her once she came back up to the reception as a way to cheer her up. And at one point it looked like there was a line of men waiting to ask her to dance and all she said was no thank you each time. And each time I could tell she appreciated them asking, but she really didn’t want to dance or anything like that. From across the table, I said “hey, let’s go outside and get away from these dancing fools. What do you say?” She smiled and said “sure.” We went out and hung with a group of folks we both knew on the veranda. Everyone was laughing and telling crude jokes. It seemed like she started having a better time. I don’t think she forgot about things, but I hope it made her evening a little better.
I danced with three of the groom’s sisters…at once. Actually I started dancing with one and two others joined in. We hit about 5 songs. The first two were slow songs and then they kicked up the temp. As soon as they kicked it up, the other two jumped out there. We had a blast.
I’m trying to remember what else happened. So I’ll start by doing a drink recap. I started with 3 glasses of champagne. After that I switched and had 3 Coronas. I was about halfway through my third Corona when I saw someone with a draught Guinness. I said “whoa” and went straight to the bar. I think I had about 5 or 6 pints of Guinness the rest of the night.
I had a few rounds of tequila shots with both my friends and some Yankees. I think I told the Yankees that if they wouldn’t take the shot with me, I’d make the South secede, and we’d come back with an army to make them take shots. They laughed and we toasted the happy couple.
Another time at the bar, this one Yankee girl started flirting with me in front of her boyfriend/date. About 10 of us had just taken a tequila shot, and she starts in with the whole “you’re accent is so cute. Blah blah blah.” She was touching my shoulder and leaning up to me. I could see he was attempting to hide his frustration and anger. You see just before the shots, she had been chastising him for being a Nascar fan:
“I keep telling you not to watch that Nascar stuff. You are not a redneck!” Shortly after that we took our shot. Then she started flirting with me. I let her dangle her hook in my face for just long enough before I cut her line:
“Darlin, I must say that I am more than slightly disturbed with your previous comments. While I am from the Deep South and I am a Nascar fan, I don’t appreciate you saying Nascar fans are rednecks.”
I turned to her boyfriend/date and said “so, who’s your driver? I like Dale Jr.” His girlfriend just stood there speechless while we talked Nascar. Then I started talking to her friend. She started paying attention to her boyfriend.
I did a little more dancing and a little more drinking. After a while some friends of the bride from high school asked me to take another tequila shot with them. Well earlier in the reception we had watched the end of the France v. Brazil match. So after the shot, I started doing the soccer chant: Ole Ole Ole! Ole, Ole! Next thing I know the entire bar area is doing the chant. We were loud and obnoxious. How wonderful right? Right after we finished three guys ran up hoping to join in. They asked us to start again. I said, “Men, the moment has passed. I apologize for our finishing long before your tardy arrivals. However let’s get onto better things, such as charming the un-escorted ladies at this wedding.” Yeah, I was really hamming it up. I threw in an overly emphasized Southern accent too, just for the effect. They laughed. Some went to the dance floor. I went to the veranda. It’s always easier to chat away from the music.
Another funny thing: several of the bridesmaids wanted the band to play a few random selections. Unfortunately the bride gave the band a VERY specific list of appropriate songs for her wedding. They were not allowed to deviate from that list. A few of us offered the band $100 to play Dixie. That didn’t fly.
You know what else, I just remembered that the bride didn’t have the garter belt. So I missed another one. Someone else needs to hurry up and get married. I need to get more of those. I think the more you have the less power they have. I’ve got two now.
All in all I had a great time at the wedding and the reception. After the bride and groom left (which I think I missed), I caught a ride back to the hotel with the groom’s parents. I was traveling with Mikey and his two beers, the groom’s cousin Sam and his two beers, and my two pints of Guinness. Unfortunately the groom’s father doesn’t allow people to ride with travelers so I had to chug one pint and leave the other. (FYI: a traveler is a drink that you take with you when you leave a party).
So we headed back to the hotel. Mikey and Sam had brought the leftover beer from the limo ride to the reception. We came back with like 10 beers. I iced down the sink in my bathroom and we put the beers there. We all went down to the bar and hung out. Some of the other wedding guests showed up. Here are pics from there.
Ok this is the bride's sister, the groom's cousin Sam, and Mikey.Here's a pic of Mikey and one of the groom's sisters. There's 4 of them so I can't keep up with their names no matter how hard I try.Here's a pic of Tiff and Sam. (Tiff was in the last story)Here's Mikey and sitting next to him is a badass. Yeah we're drunk.Here's a pic of yours truly with Tiffany. A little less drunk than Friday night. That's for damn sure.Ok, I hope this turns out better on your computer than mine. This monitor sucks so I can't tell how this will turn out. It's a pic of Mikey and Tiffany. I'll probably have to repost an edited copy of the pic.After all that, I realized that I needed to be in better shape for my flight home. I went to bed. Mikey did not. He kept partying like a rockstar. Here is a pic of Mikey at the Philadelphia airport the next afternoon. And this is after two glasses of water, a beer, and a hot dog.
Yeah he looks rough. I flew back to Memphis through Charlotte. This is a pic from the flight back. Remember the Nautical saying from the last post? The is an evening pic of the clouds from my plane:
Red Sky at Night, Sailor's Delight. That's a nice way to end the trip.
I got home about 9, grabbed my bag and headed to the lake. I spent Monday and Tuesday at the lake relaxing. I’d say I had a great weekend. I hope yours was good.