7/27/2006

Sela M-Fing Ward

Sela Ward needs to become familiar with my posterior. Or, as we would say in the parlance of our time, that crazy bitch needs to kiss my ass. I had closed down my hotmail account and saw a link to this story. I thought it would be something funny and that she would introduce us to all these magical, unknown secrets about women (ladies, it's not that we don't know these things, it's that we just don't care). So I read said article and I started fuming after reading items 2, 5, 7, 9, and 10. Here are my rebuttals to each item:
NOTE: IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE OR PREFER THINGS TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT STOP READING THIS ARTICLE NOW. THESE COMMENTS WILL BE HUMOROUS AND SEXIST. YOU KNOW, ENTERTAINING. SO IF THAT OFFENDS YOU, GO WATCH THE VIEW.
Rebuttal to item 2: There is no way for a woman to ever understand men. We think with logic and not emotions/hormones.
Rebuttal to item 5: We don't mind you complaining about your visit from "Aunt Flo." But don't you dare ask us to stop scratching our nuts ever again. And we can't take over the chores of childbearing, morning sickness, and postpartum emotional swings: we're not wired that way. But we have to put up with you during all this crap so if you're gonna bitch, then we should be able to bitch.
Rebuttal to item 7: We know suits look good, but we'll take our old college t-shirts and gym shorts any day of the week.
Rebuttal to item 9: So how many boyfriends did you have just before you married your husband, you tramp?
Rebuttal to item 10: "Men are free to think they are the boss, as long as they know we're chairman of the board." Is that why the company's stocks plummet every 28 days?

So ladies, we love you. But remember we have just as many comments about you as you have about us. Except when you make comments about us, we take it. If we make comments about you, we don't get sex for a month. Let's work through this.

Have a good one and Ladies, don't get none on ya

4 comments:

Frank Garrison said...

where is the article to which you are referring?

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