8/25/2006

Fashion Dog Owners Beware

There comes a point when you start to wonder aloud:

Should mandatory castration and/or a bullet between the eyes become legal?

What's that you say? How can I ask such a question? Well, as one begins to lose faith in society, one wonders if we should start speeding up the "Darwin" process a little. Take for example, the inventor of this crap:


Seriously, when did our society become so collectively retarded that we think this is a good idea? You want to carry a dog as you walk? THESE ARE CREATURES THAT HAVE LEGS!!! THEY ARE MEANT TO WALK!!! THEIR ANCESTORS ROAMED IN PACKS IN THE WILDERNESS. In case you didn't know "roaming" tends to involve a little bit of walking. Come on. The inventor of this should be shot. Well actually he should be shot after we shoot anyone who actually buys and uses this. I already hate the stupid carry bag for the mini-dogs (or as my dog Colonel calls them "Lunch"). But this is even worse. And now I have to ask at what point does it become necessary to carry your dog? He can't keep up when you walk? Well maybe you shouldn't take him/her with you. Let them be free and play in the backyard while you go wherever it is you go. These are domesticated creatures. Seriously, their ancestors are crying in shame wherever doggy ancestors are (doggy heaven maybe?).

I feel that all these people you see with dogs as fashion accessories (read: Paris Hilton and most other ditzy bitches in their late 20s and early 30s who carry "fashion doggies" with them everywhere) are going to drive us to have a social revolution. We, the people with good taste, will rise up as one entity and smite them. Yeah, I said smite. It's going to be so brutal that we'll go Old Testament on them. We don't need to just make them stop breathing as much as we need to utterly decimate them. Either that or make them the modern day social equivalent of lepers. That being said if you come around me with one of those little "shit dogs" that isn't as high as the bottom of my calf muscle, I will make fun of you like the breathing douchebag that you are. Trust me, it'll be brutal.

I apologize for this rant, but I needed to get this off my chest after seeing that damn pic. I do not mean to offend people with naturally small dogs. Just the jackasses with mini-whatevers. Please understand that I am a dog lover. I love dogs. I just don't understand why you want a dog that is the size of my foot.

3 comments:

AngieDawn said...

Haha-- just a note-- all the mini-dogs live in California... especially those that ride around in handbags.

MG said...

I havent' read all this post yet, I just wanted to vote early...."mandatory castration " YESS!!!

MG said...

lmfao...

that was GREAT.

smite=good word ;)

 
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