This Football Season Sucks For Everybody

So after a long weekend of football, one must look back and say “What the hell!?!” Yeah, my beloved Ole Miss Rebels lost to the Kentucky Wildcats. Bad. Turnovers and penalties killed us. Everytime we started to get a little momentum, we’d F it up somehow. Oh well, misery loves company, so I’m very happy to remind you that Memphis lost to East Carolina, Tennessee lost to Florida, and Mississippi State lost to Tulane. Wait. Does Tulane even have a football team? I thought their university president was trying to get rid of football there? Damn.
Well to be a good sport I give you a few football jokes:

A high school senior goes to his school guidance counselor and says “I’d like to go to a religious sponsored school.”
The counselor says “well, are you Catholic?”
The boy says “No, I’m not.”
The counselor says “then you can’t go to Notre Dame. Are you Methodist?”
“No,” the boy replies.
“Well then you can’t go to SMU. Are you Baptist?” the counselor asks.
“No, I’m not,” the boy replies.
“Well you can’t go to Baylor either,” the counselor says.
The boy says “well, I’ll be a no good son of a bitch.”
The counselor says “I think I can get you into LSU.”

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Mississippi State jersey and helmet, and has a small cowbell hanging under his neck.

The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are allowed! You'll have to leave."

The guy begs him, "Look, I'm desperate! We're both big fans, the TV's broken at home, and this is the only place around where we can see the game."

After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him thathe and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The big game begins with MSU receiving the kickoff. They march down field, get stopped at the 30, and kick a field goal.

Suddenly, the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.

The bartender says, "Wow, that's the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"

The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for three years."

1 comment:

MG said...

that was funny.

I've never been a huge football fan, but the excitement of the season makes me want to be one...

I need some enthusiasm.

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