Quick notes

A few things I've learned lately:
- if you are into the whole "brunching" thing but you don't want to go to certain locations because they only have buffets and you don't want to serve yourself...you might be a little too high maintenance. You know who you are and you know I love you, but come down from your throne your majesties. A buffet is not beneath you.
- just because someone is "friends" with someone you know well on facebook, that does not give them an automatic character reference. Be careful.
- if you don't blog for a long time, most of your friends who read your blog will stop. When that happens you can start dishing stuff again. (I like that one)
- there should be a moratorium (sp?) on drama. Example: woman I know (won't say how or who, but you don't know her) has been telling me drama about some dude she met and had 1 date with. I think having to hear about your drama for three days where you won't do anything to stop the drama (or resolve it) is bullshite. You need to fix yo' life.
- if anyone ever tells you they are looking for an LTR on the first date, that's probably not a great sign. (Btw an LTR is a "long term relationship")
- if someone says they are Christian but keeps talking about their "witch" friends, run. Just run. I think that's pretty self explanatory.
- be wary of someone you have an entire conversation with (longer than 10 minutes) but he/she doesn't laugh or tell a joke. Probably not a fun person to be around. Generally they will have a one track mind. Seriously how does someone not laugh during a conversation. A social conversation. Especially when everyone else is still telling funny stories and laughing. Is there a proper way to call them out and say "Yo dude/chickie, you are allowed to laugh."
- you can put "dude" or "chickie" in a blog post, but if you slide that into polite conversation often, I will make fun of you.
- when you are on a first date with someone and all they can talk about is how much they can drink or how once every 2-3 months they get so drunk they fall and bust their nose open, they might be an alcoholic. They'll probably be fun to date for a bit, but I wouldn't go long term.
- being a Godfather rocks!
- if you put a pic of yourself with your Godchild on facebook expect everyone who isn't in touch with your life to think you're a new parent. Even if you put all the pics in a folder marked "My Godson"

That's all for now. I had some more social ones that I just can't remember all of a sudden.

Just remembered it!
- if you are worried about your appearance, maybe you should stop tanning yourself three times a week and walk your fat ass around the block a three times a week. Now that I work in Desoto County, I see all kinds of women who are REALLY out of shape and are terminally tan at the same time. I mean they are darker than my boots. Listen folks, tanning does not count as exercise. And no one is going to want to be with someone with the skin of a 45 year old when they are 30. Just putting it out there.

Polar Bear Plunges around Memphis

Are you looking for something really interesting that you've never done before? Might I recommend crack or meth. Not interested? Good, because I hate crack heads and meth heads. But here are two events that are similar in nature but in different areas of the city that might catch your eye. They are Polar Bear Plunges. Basically they are fundraisers for different causes where you the willing participant will jump into an outdoor body of water. Sound decent? Well this is in February. Yeah, it's going to be cold.

The first one is downtown at the 10th Annual Polar Bear Plunge and Chili Cook-off down at Mud Island River Park on Saturday Feb 7 at 2PM. It benefits the Torch Run for Special Olympics. You have a $50 entry fee. I believe you can raise the money by having people pledge X dollars so you'll go freeze your ass off for a quick dip in the Wolf River. But hey, don't worry, I'm sure the cold has killed/neutralized all pollutants that this fair city has dumped into the river.

The second is in Collierville at the YMCA at Schillings Farms out there. It's Feb 14 at 10:30AM. Of course that raises money to help the YMCA teach children how to swim (if families can't afford it, they will help cover the cost through fundraisers like this).

Take a look at those. They might be something you might want to try. I did the one in Collierville last year and had a blast. Of course I thought I'd be "Billy Badass" and it would be no big idea. Unfortunately for me, I was no badass. I jumped in and quickly had to rely on my instincts. I turned around and tried to get out of the pool as quickly as possible. But it was really badass. I am definitely doing it again. I recommend one or the other for you.

Speed Dating in Memphis or Nashville

Are you tired of the BS in the dating scene in Memphis? The immature people. The games. Probably not, but I did get this emailed to me by Rachelandthecity. So I thought I'd pass this along to all of my 5 remaining readers. I'm sure everyone remembers reading about the miracles of speed dating from a few years back before they just disappeared. No, you don't? Oh well, at least you remember it from The 40 Year Old Virgin. So if you're interested in meeting someone new OR you just want to tell everyone you meet that you're Dr. Mantlebaum or Gina ("Hey, sup?"), check this out: www.meetfundates.com.

I read the site and apparently it's for Memphis AND Nashville. There are 4 upcoming events in Memphis: Jan 28, Feb 7, Feb 11, and Feb 21.

Spalding! Noooooo!!!!

Last week I had a Caddyshack moment. I was swimming laps at the gym in "Cowtown" when I noticed the majority of the people in the pool were getting out. I didn't think anything of it and kept swimming my laps. Around the mile and half mark, a guy from the lane next to mine was standing on the edge of the pool motioning for me to stop for a second. He said that I probably would want to get out of the pool as someone got sick on the other side of the pool. I quickly climbed out of the pool and said absolutely. I didn't hear the lifeguard's whiste because I swim with ear plugs.
Anyhoo, as I am walking towards the sauna, I pass the lifeguard. I said "too bad someone threw up in the pool. How long until it reopens?" He said no one had thrown up in the pool, but some neglectful parent didn't put a diaper on their young child. He didn't go into any more specifics and really didn't need to. Some jackass parent didn't put their kid in a swimming diaper and the little tot left a "baby ruth" in the pool. Of course the lifeguard had fished it out with a bucket, but it really makes you wonder. Are people really this stupid? If your kid isn't potty trained yet, how can they just get into a pool or anywhere else without a diaper.
Anyway, I played the part of Spalding from Caddyshack: I didn't realize what was going on and kept swimming. The good news is that it was on the other side of the pool from where I was swimming laps and the lifeguard had already removed it from the pool. Kinda gross huh?