...

I am at a loss for words. We lost to State after leading the game in every statistical category for more than three quarters of football. What the hell? The words that could possibly begin to explain the levels of frustration, anger, and total humiliation that I am experiencing right now are escaping me. I am emotionally drained. This sucks. At least I don't have to watch the Rebels play football again this year. I'd look forward to going hunting, but that's going to suck too. It's going to be too cold, and there will be no ducks.

Shit.

I think I need a new hobby.

And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming...

So I've been MIA for a while. I know it. I don't really take all the blame because Blogger just wasn't cooperating. I got frustrated and just stopped trying. But I had an early dinner tonight and while watching TV started working on this "Best Of" post. So here are a few highlights of things that I've meant to get to.

We'll start with the Florida at Ole Miss football weekend. SEC football fans tend to back their teams. We back our teams through thick and thin. Hell, I'm an Ole Miss fan who has put up with a lot this season. But I think this guy may back the Florida Gators even more than anyone ever: What do you think? I probably shouldn't have led off with that but it's first in chronological order. Plus it's damn funny and I hope I don't have to explain the pun attached to this.

Next is a pic of one of our tent regulars who came by on her 21st birthday weekend. I'll give you one guess as to which person in the pic spilled their drink four times in a row after refilling it.

No, you jackass. It was her. No matter how overserved I've been at the tent, I've never spilled my drink...more than once.

Next is a pic from when I went dove hunting one afternoon in September down in Tunica, MS. Isn't that beautiful?

Yeah, the scenery was beautiful. But my shooting was abismal. I went through five boxes of shells and shot 3 doves. I found one. Do the math. That's 125 shots for one dove. The other two were weird. The second dove fell into the sunflower plants a few dozen rows away. I never could find it. That really makes me mad. I hate waste. I searched up and down the rows for 10 minutes but couldn't find him. The third landed at the top of a crest in a tilled field. For those of you who've never left the urban area of your respective cities, a tilled field is one which has only dirt on top. The ground has been churned over. In other words the bird landed at the top of a slight rise in the dirt. I saw it fall and another man saw it fall. When I walked to where it was supposed to be, it wasn't there. The other hunter came over and we walked around on top of the exposed dirt to find...nothing. I've never seen or heard anything like this. Weird, right?

This next pic is from the Ptolemy Fall Party (Old School Party) at Ernestine and Hazel's. It was a blast. On the right is Amy "The Fun Sister." I'm not sure who the girl on the left is.

Here are those two again with Beth and her unseparable tiara.

After that party, I packed to head up to Minneapolis for a work seminar. It was a whole lot of classes and a whole lot of partying. You know who were some of the coolest folks I met? The ones from Canada. Not only can they drink but they would say "Eh" and "aboot" all the time. I'd laugh and say "Yall are hilarious. I love your accents." They would in turn reply "Oh my God, it's my first 'yall'." That went on for one long night at the bar.

The last night in Minneapolis I went with a group to the Mall of America. It was awesome. They actually have roller coasters inside. But if my town was frozen for 9 months out of the year, I'd probably build a mall with roller coasters inside. Seriously, how can you justify living somewhere that requires you, due to the severe climate, to PLUG YOUR CAR INTO THE OUTLET IN YOUR GARAGE OVER NIGHT SO IT STARTS IN THE MORNING? Human beings aren't meant to live like this. Is this supposed to be a test of a communal strength? Or are these people so bat-shit crazy that they think the rest of the world is like this? Do they think Jamaicans live on the beach in the sun from June to August before hibernating the rest of the year? Of course they couldn't! Their dreads would snap off sometime around December 27 from being frozen for 4 months straight! That is of course if they didn't snap their owner's neck from the increased weight over that time.

Anyhoo, one thing they do that I thought was cool is a Promotion called "Disco is Dead." That's pretty cool. These posters were up everywhere in the mall.

By the way, people in Minnesota have no sense of humor. They are very dry and not overly sociable. At least the ones I ran into. Maybe I'm spoiled from living down South. But if you made a witty quip, they'd just stare at you until you gave them a straight answer. Before you automatically say 'well maybe you just weren't funny, Philip' this is an conversation between a waitress at lunch and one of the other seminar attendees from Jackson, MS.

Lady: "Are you finished with your plate?"
Guy: "Well, I was contemplating finishing the rest of my corn off the cob, but maybe I'll opt for the dessert plate instead. I think I can lick that clean.

Lady: "..."

Guy: "Um, yes ma'am. You can take it."

Oh yeah, they don't have any hot sauce at restaurants. The only type of sauce they have is A1. And that won't help the bland food.

Ok that's enough bashing of the Minneapolis. They were nice people, but just different from what I'm used to.

A week or so later was the Alabama at Ole Miss weekend. I went down Friday night for a bachelor party. By the time I got to Oxford they were so drunk that they had left the bar, taken the bachelor of honor to Old Venice, and were shoving pizza at him to sober him up. So I left and went elsewhere on the Square. I ran into one of my old friends, Brandon (aka WB). He was the one who called me at 2PM that afternoon when I was still at work to inform me he opened the first bar on the Square and had already had one Jack and Coke. I ran into him with a group of folks at the Rib Cage (a BBQ restaurant and bar). He was good and drunk. I said hey and met the rest of the group. This was around 10:30ish. When I excused myself to grab a drink from the bar. He said "get me a Jack and Coke, bitch!" I said "excuse me" to which he responded "you heard me!" I walked over to the bar and ordered to drinks. I had a vodka tonic and set his drink in front of him. He was in the middle of an animated conversation and stopped midsentence to exclaim "WHAT THE F**K IS THAT?!?" I said "It's your Shirley Temple...bitch."

He stares at the drink, then at me, and then back at the drink. Everyone else starts cracking up. He's silent for about a minute before he says "you know what? I'm going to drink this. And I'm going to enjoy it. Watch!" So I had to take a pic of him "enjoying" his shirley temple with his Muppet haircut.

We were there for a little while longer before going to another bar, one of my favorites from college: Pearl Street Pasta. Of course it was my favorite in college because I knew all the bartenders and would get quick service/small tabs. Apparently that doesn't happen anymore.

Part of the rest of the night is a blur due to double vodka tonics and a whole lot of really fun conversations that I can't remember so many weeks later. Oh yeah, the Jager shots didn't help. Need proof of the evil effects of Jager? Here you go from my sister's camera:

Yeah, it's the return of the shocker to drunk pics.

After they closed the bar/kicked everyone out, there was a lot of drama going on in the street outside. In fact there were three "incidents" that we were involved in/witnessed. Of course the memory is hazy in parts due to the excessive alcohol consumption over several hours (I can't remember the second incident but it had nothing to do with us). But here's the first one (sorry for hazy pics):

This guy who we'll call Napoleon (short man's complex joke!) stumbled out of the bar just in front of us. He was walking near our group obviously agitated about something. He made it vocal at that time. Now I don't remember what the exact issue was, but I decided it was my job to encourage him to find the source of his frustration. I think I contributed by giving him a lot of "Yeah you're right, man!" "I do think whitey is keeping you down!" and other such comments. He (thank God) wasn't catching onto the large amounts of sarcasm I was throwing out there. After a few minutes of entertaining my group with this drunken buffoon (pot calling kettle black!) by channelling what I call Tucker Max drunk, I told him we were leaving and he needed to head the other direction so he wouldn't hit me with his car when he drove home. He stumbles across the street and walks PAST (that is key) this random girl and her friends (she's in the pic below). He turns to start berating her. For the record none of us approved/sanctioned/applauded this behavior. She was just an innocent bystander who happened to walk past young Napoleon Bonaparte. He berated her in string of explatives that lasted for about thirty seconds straight. Almost everyone on the street stopped to watch this idiot. This poor girl stopped dead in her tracks, turned to walk back to him, shoved him backwards (he did in fact stumble because this is all clear to me), and said "What did you call me, you little bitch?" Her friend (also a girl) had to walk this little guy away until the girl he insulted decided she had enough and was about to beat his ass. At that time her friend let go of Napoleon and walked her friend back to their car. Literally forced her to their car. This little bastard stood their while the crowd erupted into a din of shouts directed at him. Most involved one of two things. They either questioned his manhood or told him to go away before they came and whooped his ass.

After he finally stumbled away we stood there laughing. The next incident is kinda hazy, but it involved someone completely not related to the previous incident trying to start something in the same general location as the previous incident but leaving. All I know is that when that person turned to leave, my friend Laura shouted "Run Rudolph Run." Don't know where that came from or why it's funny, but we thought it was hilarious.

The last incident was all me. Well, me channelling the inspiration of Tucker Max (yeah, I think I read some of his stories the week before going down there). This is a group of Bama fans on the bench in front of the Rib Cage:

From left to right, you have guy in Bama hat, drunk guy passed out on bench with Bama "A" on his shirt (can't see it in the pic, but it was there which is what caused me to do what you're about to read), and girl in pink shirt. As we were walking to our vehicles to head home for the night, we walked past this group on the bench. I believe someone said "is he going to be alright?" It was directed at me or my group, but I immediately decided to give my medical opinion. Well, not so much a medical opinion but more of an opinion inspired by Jim Carrey from Ace Ventura. As I walked past this group in the pic, I turned and replied "I can tell you what's wrong with him! He has been possessed by the spirit of Bear Bryant! I need an old priest and a young priest and A HOUNDSTOOTH CAP so I can EXERCIIIISE THE DEMON!!!" We all laughed, but apparently the girl in the pink shirt didn't find it too damn funny. She didn't vocally express her lack of appreciation for the humor I had bestowed on the situation. She physically expressed it in the form of a slap to my face. I paused. My group went silent. I started laughing again and kept walking to our cars.

That's pretty much all the shenanigans from that night. I will say I felt like ass the whole next day. My face didn't hurt but the rest of my head did from all the damn Jager shots. And it was Oktoberfest at the tent but I never really took any pics I think. What I did get a pic of is when the Alabama graduate who was working the replay for the referees royally screwed us out of a great come back win. By the way the rumor that I've heard is that he has been reprimanded so many times over the years for biased calls that he can't even be a ref on the field during the game anymore. Hmm... But again that is the rumor I heard...from a Southern Miss fan. Much more credible than coming from an Ole Miss fan who is biased against them. Anyhoo here's the pic.

Now that's a short "Best of" post covering part of the fall. I still need to get pics from my trip to Houston and...I have no idea what else. I'll try to come up with more stuff but I have been swamped with work and all. I guess I spoiled everyone when I was unemployed for so many months. I had so much free time that I could post whenever something came to me.

Anyhoo, have a great one and don't get none on ya!

Double Recap

So it's been a while since I posted. Sorry. But this (hopefully) short recap will be a good example of why I've been so damn busy. (I just finished it, and it is really long. Sorry)

Let's see, my last post came on Thursday week before last. That night I went to Newby's for the Lord T & Eloise video shooting. I had heard they were going to start shooting around 10. I was wrong. Some local white guy rapper named Kaz started out. The crowd was full of your regular Lord T folks and the folks who showed up to be in a rap video. There was this one girl there wearing a tight orange dress. I'll say that she was not the type of girl who should wear anything tight. Between her gut and her bedonkeydonk she needed to be a little less revealling. She was definitely a source of entertainment for all of us around. The real act came on around midnight. Unfortunately we only stayed for a few songs, because some of us have to work for a living.

The next night (Friday week before last, Labor Day weekend) I took it easy. I swam and then packed to go dove hunting the next morning. I woke up Saturday morning around 3:45, grabbed the hunting stuff and we headed west into Arkansas for a dove hunt. We picked a horrible spot and only ended up with 4. We high tailed it home. After unloading the truck, I took a quick shower and had my two pregame beers (one before my shower and one in the shower). I grabbed a quick bite at Vanelli's Deli (I'll post about them sometime soon). Got down to the Liberty Bowl and went into the game with my buddy Daniel. It was a good game for the first half and then the Rebels started to stink it up in the second half. Fortunately our team pulled out the win so I don't have to hear those obnoxious Memphis fans at work talk trash for another year. The week leading up to the game was just brutal. They kept playing the "Colonel Rebel's Crying" (aka the Coach O song) over and over at work. Funny thing is, most Ole Miss fans think it's great. I laugh every time I hear it.
After the game I raced home to pack for the lake. I grabbed my stuff and started rolling. I hit the bridge over the Mississippi at 8:50. I made it to the lake house at 11:15. I was exhausted, but I had a few beers before I got went to bed. The rest of our group showed up Sunday morning. We went on the water around 11:30. Sometime around 12:30 the Shady Lady V started screaming by the back of the boat. Turns out she cut her foot. We jumped back in the boat and drove to the marina. We pulled ahead of the other boats and docked to get her out of the boat and into a car. I grabbed the first aid kit and HM was about to start bandaging her toe for the ride to the hospital. I ran into the marina's office and asked for directions to the hospital. In the meantime this guy walks up to HM and asks if he can help. HM says "well, I'm an Eagle Scout and a former lifeguard." The guy says "I'm a combat medic." HM immediately steps away and replies "man, have at it." I walk out to see this random guy spraying anti-bacterial stuff on her toe and bandaging it up. He was done in no time at all. We thanked him and everyone else who helped us.
We walked the Shady Lady V up to the car and went back to the house. It was out of gas so she and I had to jump in my truck. We got to the hospital in Heber Springs in about 25 minutes. We'd have been there sooner, but there was a stupid tractor driving down the road at 15 mph. He finally pulled off. We didn't leave the hospital until after 7PM. She got 10 stitches. We had dinner at the house and tried to watch Talledega nights until everyone started falling asleep. We got up Monday morning (Labor Day) and packed up to head home. It was pretty uneventful.

This past week I spent time working (of course) and training for my next triathlon. I did go to a planning meeting for the Ptolemy Fall Party at Ernestine & Hazel's on Sept. 29. It's going to be good if the lawyers don't kill all the good ideas for "safety precautions." I'll post more details about the party as they become finalized. But the theme is Old School. I call it an excuse to party like you did in college. But knowing some of my friends, that's going to be a scary thing.

This past Friday I had two parties planned on the same night. The first was the Art On Tap at the Brooks Museum. It had rained earlier that afternoon, so the weather was cooler but humid. I saw a ton of folks there. I actually met a guy who has been banned from the Brookhaven Pub for a year and half. I kinda wish I knew why but I was pulled away to talk to some other folks later. Didn't take any pics because I spent most of the time drinking and talking. If you've never been, I recommend it for next year. It's a beer tasting with every kind of beer that's sold in the Memphis market. I ran into a few guys from work. I asked one guy what he had tried and liked. He said "I'm just drinking the Miller Lite." When I inquired further, he said "well, I like Miller Lite. I only want to drink Miller Lite. And I don't have to walk through the crowd to get another one. Plus everyone I want to see will walk past me here at some point in the night." At least he knows what he wants.
I left there at 7:30 because I had to be on time for the next party. It was a surprise birthday party for my buddies Zac and Matt at Neil's. We had a pretty good time. Zac's birthday is a milestone age so his girlfriend got him a cake with a guy made of icing trying to crawl out of a grave. I'll post a pic later. I run across something I didn't know could exist. A friend of the group didn't know how to use the keg. How do you live into your late 20's and admittedly like beer, but don't know how to use the tap on a keg? Kinda blew my mind.
Unfortunately, I had to head home around 11:30. I had big plans the next day (yesterday) in Oxford and had to help the 'rents pack the trucks to go down Saturday morning. I got home around 12 and helped pack the coolers. I finally said I'm exhausted and went to bed.

We got up around 9:15 yesterday morning and finished packing the truck. Of course Murphy's Law was in effect. We finally get down and set up the tent around lunch time. Nothing really extraordinary happened. Some chicken headed college girls showed up and acted like idiots. Yankee brought the Maker's Tea (I had 5 and somehow was still standing). We ate, drank, and had a great time. I had friends stop by to say hey. It was real low key until right before we were going to head into the game. My friends Troy and Lauren walked up with their baby girl. She was absolutely precious. Somehow she slept through all the music and the rowdyness. She woke up a few minutes before we had to head to the stadium. She kept smiling at all the folks standing around looking at her. She was absolutely precious. We are all thankful she looks more like Momma than Daddy.
The game started out horrible. But Ole Miss started to rally against the Mizzou Tigers in the second half. Out of nowhere we started driving the ball and stopping their offense. It was really cool to see them play like that. I would have liked it better if we had won, but that didn't happen. Went back to the tent after the game and had some more of Yankee's Makers Tea.
We finish packing the trucks and head out around 10:15PM. We hit a line of stopped cars before the Sardis bridge on highway 7. The line didn't finally move until after 11:30. So we hopped in the back of the truck and ate the rest of our fried chicken, cheese, and water melon. It sucked that all the drinks were in the other truck but we were fine. After we finished the chicken. The brother and I decided we were going to walk towards the bridge where we thought the wreck was so we could see what was going on. People looked at us as we were walking towards it and just staring. I kept telling them that we'd bring them a report of what was going on. We got over halfway there when we saw a line of cars starting to move towards us as the cops finally let the vehicles through again. We turned around and started running towards our ride and everyone started jumping back in their cars too. When we got back to the truck there was a line of cars that went right past us, but we didn't move. The cops finally let our group through the bridge. We didn't get home until late and quickly unpacked the truck before going to bed.

So that's what's been going on. Hope you've been doing well. Have a great rest of your weekend. Sorry it was so long.

Songs on the playlist:
Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober
Coldplay - Lips Like Sugar (live in Paris, cover)
Hoodoo Gurus - Like Wow-Wipeout
Guns N' Roses - It's So Easy
Coldplay - Green Eyes
The Rolling Stones - Live With Me
GNR - Out Ta Get Me
The Smithereens - Too Much Passion
The Rolling Stones - Angie
Coldplay - Yellow
The Travelling Wilburys - Handle With Care
The Romantics - Talking In Your Sleep
Lord T & Eloise - Black Limousine
Lord T & Eloise - Pills
GNR - Mr. Brownstone
The Rolling Stones - Can't You Hear Me Knocking

Good Ol' Cracky Top

Came home today for lunch and thought I'd post this for yall really quick.
Found this story online. The basic synopsis is that a UT Football Player was arrested for possessing and selling crack cocaine. That's right, a Tennessee Football player was arrested for selling crack. I said that twice because I have plenty of friends who are big UT fans (I'm talking to you Big Guy!). This should knock ol' Rocky Top down a few notches.

Have a great weekend. And sorry to my UT crackhead friends, I couldn't pass this one up. Here's a little diddy I wrote for you:

Undercover cops went on Cracky Top
Looking for a moonshine still.
All they could find were cheap ass crack rocks
Sold by a Vol named Darrell.

Cracky Top, you'll always be
A drug friendly place to me!
Good Ol' Cracky Top,
Cracky Top Tennessee!

Why do I feel like this is going to come back and haunt me?

Have a good one and don't get none on ya.