I've been banging my head against the wall trying to figure out when and where I can watch the Olympic triathlon races. It's so difficult to navigate through all the online stuff at nbcolympics. Well through msn I finally found when the women's and men's triathlons come on TV and where. Hopefully this will stay accurate:
The women's triathlon will be shown between 9PM and 11PM Central (my) time on Sunday August 17th on NBC Channel 5. I'm sure I won't be able to watch the entire race because they'll cut away to something boring like synchronized diving or swimming.
The men's triathlon will take place at 9PM Central on Monday August 18th. I don't think it's going to be shown on Channel 5 and I can't find where it will be shown on TV. It's getting pre-empted by other events like women's beach volleyball (which I watch), track and field events (which I may watch), and I have no idea what else. But since we have a better chance of winning gold in the women's than the men's, it's better to watch that I guess. It may be shown on MSNBC between 11AM and 4PM Central on Tuesday August 19th. Hmm...I guess I'll just TIVO that.
Showing posts with label Triathlon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Triathlon. Show all posts
8/10/2008
Another Race Done - FitCity Triathlon Recap
Yesterday was the FitCity Triathlon at Herb Parsons Lake. I'm not sure exactly where it is though. Everything I saw said it was just north of Collierville, TN. But there were paramedics and sheriffs on hand from Fayette County (they always have paramedics at these races just as a precaution). After thinking it over, I think we spent part of the race in Shelby County and part in Fayette County.
Anyway, it was a lot of fun, except the hills on the bike were killer. I have been working on my biking and it still whooped me...ok, it flat kicked my ass. They advertised the race as a 1/2 mile swim, 23 mile bike ride (road), and 4 mile trail run. Let me tell you when I hit that 23rd mile on the bike and didn't see the park or anyone else, I thought I was lost. Turns out it was a 24 mile bike ride, and after I went so hard and fast on miles 22 and 23, I had hardly any energy left for mile 24. It was brutal and mostly uphill. I was about to turn around when I came around a corner in the woods and saw a family there. They cheered me on and said the park was around the next corner. I don't know how I kept going, but I did. Now I forgot my ankle brace so I didn't really run much on the trails which is good because I almost rolled my left ankle twice.
Here's the breakdown of my times:
First there was the half mile swim in the lake where you jumped in with a 5 second stagger start from a dock. Very weird but very fun. You had the option of diving or jumping. It was at a weird angle, but I dove anyway and passed the two in front of me in no time. My time was 17:09 which placed me 4th out of my bracket, Male Clydesdales all ages (Clydesdales are men who weigh over 200 lbs). There were 14 Male Clydesdales overall.
I had the longest transition 1 time out of my bracket with 4:55, but that's fine because that's better than what I did in the last one where I was 8:18.
On the bike I was 13th out of my group with 1:26:31 with a 16.78 average mph. That's good for me because in my last race, my average was 13.3 for a shorter distance. So my bike training has really worked for me lately.
My transition 2 time was 5:03. I still need to take off a few minutes, but I did take a hammergel nutrition pack and had to chug a bunch of water with it. By the way, the Banana flavored Hammer Gel tastes like monkey butt (the chocolate tastes bad too). I would have gone with my standard strawberry-banana flavored GU Gel which I like, but I went to the Ptolemy Prospective Member Party Friday night and had a few beers instead of being responsible and replenishing my stock of GU and electrolyte pills that I used up in bike training. Wow that was a long sentence that said probably nothing you cared about. If you don't like it, bite me.
On the run, I really walked a bunch because I was exhausted and every time I came to a water station they were out of water mostly. Plus my legs were killing me from the bike for the first two miles of the run. I was only able to start jogging again in the third and fourth miles. My time was 48:14 which I think is pathetic. I need to do a few things so I can start running a lot. I need to get some new damn custom inserts to prevent my shin splints from flairing up whenever I try to run. Anyway, I was 12th in my bracket in the run.
I like to look at my triathlons as a competition against myself. I tend to start competing during the race with people around me, but that's stupid. So I'm looking at a similar race for comparison from last year when I weighed less and was (supposedly) in better shape than I am now: the 2007 Tupelo King of the Hill. The King of the Hill was 1/2 mile swim, 22 mile bike ride, and 3.6 mile road run. I'm not really looking at the run as much because my legs cramped up bad last year due to dehydration. Anyway, here's the comparison
SWIM FC 17:09 / KH 15:55
T1 FC 4:55 / KH 6:58
BIKE FC 1:26:31 (16.78 avg mph) / KH 1:42:04 (12.94 avg mph)
T2 FC 5:03 / KH 2:49
RUN FC 48:14 / KH 45:19
It really looks like I have improved a lot. Especially on the bike where I was faster while covering more miles than the King of the Hill (and the Mighty Mite which was only 13 miles). So here are my goals to work on before next season starts:
1. Improve transition time
2. Improve running ability (i.e. get shoe inserts to prevent shin splints)
3. Continue to improve biking performance
Unfortunately this is really the end of triathlon season for me. I may do a few bike races or run races throughout the rest of the year, but football season is almost upon us and that means my weekends are about to be filled with partying. Then it hunting season and xmas party season. So it's going to be a while until the spring races start.
Have a good one and get off your lazy ass.
Anyway, it was a lot of fun, except the hills on the bike were killer. I have been working on my biking and it still whooped me...ok, it flat kicked my ass. They advertised the race as a 1/2 mile swim, 23 mile bike ride (road), and 4 mile trail run. Let me tell you when I hit that 23rd mile on the bike and didn't see the park or anyone else, I thought I was lost. Turns out it was a 24 mile bike ride, and after I went so hard and fast on miles 22 and 23, I had hardly any energy left for mile 24. It was brutal and mostly uphill. I was about to turn around when I came around a corner in the woods and saw a family there. They cheered me on and said the park was around the next corner. I don't know how I kept going, but I did. Now I forgot my ankle brace so I didn't really run much on the trails which is good because I almost rolled my left ankle twice.
Here's the breakdown of my times:
First there was the half mile swim in the lake where you jumped in with a 5 second stagger start from a dock. Very weird but very fun. You had the option of diving or jumping. It was at a weird angle, but I dove anyway and passed the two in front of me in no time. My time was 17:09 which placed me 4th out of my bracket, Male Clydesdales all ages (Clydesdales are men who weigh over 200 lbs). There were 14 Male Clydesdales overall.
I had the longest transition 1 time out of my bracket with 4:55, but that's fine because that's better than what I did in the last one where I was 8:18.
On the bike I was 13th out of my group with 1:26:31 with a 16.78 average mph. That's good for me because in my last race, my average was 13.3 for a shorter distance. So my bike training has really worked for me lately.
My transition 2 time was 5:03. I still need to take off a few minutes, but I did take a hammergel nutrition pack and had to chug a bunch of water with it. By the way, the Banana flavored Hammer Gel tastes like monkey butt (the chocolate tastes bad too). I would have gone with my standard strawberry-banana flavored GU Gel which I like, but I went to the Ptolemy Prospective Member Party Friday night and had a few beers instead of being responsible and replenishing my stock of GU and electrolyte pills that I used up in bike training. Wow that was a long sentence that said probably nothing you cared about. If you don't like it, bite me.
On the run, I really walked a bunch because I was exhausted and every time I came to a water station they were out of water mostly. Plus my legs were killing me from the bike for the first two miles of the run. I was only able to start jogging again in the third and fourth miles. My time was 48:14 which I think is pathetic. I need to do a few things so I can start running a lot. I need to get some new damn custom inserts to prevent my shin splints from flairing up whenever I try to run. Anyway, I was 12th in my bracket in the run.
I like to look at my triathlons as a competition against myself. I tend to start competing during the race with people around me, but that's stupid. So I'm looking at a similar race for comparison from last year when I weighed less and was (supposedly) in better shape than I am now: the 2007 Tupelo King of the Hill. The King of the Hill was 1/2 mile swim, 22 mile bike ride, and 3.6 mile road run. I'm not really looking at the run as much because my legs cramped up bad last year due to dehydration. Anyway, here's the comparison
SWIM FC 17:09 / KH 15:55
T1 FC 4:55 / KH 6:58
BIKE FC 1:26:31 (16.78 avg mph) / KH 1:42:04 (12.94 avg mph)
T2 FC 5:03 / KH 2:49
RUN FC 48:14 / KH 45:19
It really looks like I have improved a lot. Especially on the bike where I was faster while covering more miles than the King of the Hill (and the Mighty Mite which was only 13 miles). So here are my goals to work on before next season starts:
1. Improve transition time
2. Improve running ability (i.e. get shoe inserts to prevent shin splints)
3. Continue to improve biking performance
Unfortunately this is really the end of triathlon season for me. I may do a few bike races or run races throughout the rest of the year, but football season is almost upon us and that means my weekends are about to be filled with partying. Then it hunting season and xmas party season. So it's going to be a while until the spring races start.
Have a good one and get off your lazy ass.
7/21/2008
Quick Update
So it's late at night and I can't sleep. I guess I'll do a little quick blogging...which I'm sure will turn into a long post.
First thing's first: I am no longer unemployed. I started a new job last week. It's great, but I'm not going to go into it. But I did have a nice 2 month vacation. I just wish I had done more while I was unemployed. I should have gone to the lake for a while or just gone to the pool. I really should have trained more though. I did the Mighty Mite triathlon this past weekend in Forrest City, AR, and I could tell I was out of shape. I mean bad. So I'm going to turn that into motivation to get my butt to the gym or riding my bike afterwork.
Let's see what else...there's nothing really. I have found that I've lost my desire to post pics on my blog anymore. It's really time consuming when you use blogger, because you can only add them one at a time. And blogger tends to add extra spaces/lines in between the pics so you have to delete the lines. If you don't have a lot of time on your hands, it can be quite a pain in the ass. But it used to be the way I would get party pics to my friends. Now I'm on facebook and it's easier. Plus a lot of my friends are on it too. I do like it better than myspace...well except for Mailbox's facebook page. He has way too much crap on there.
My new job is down in Horn Lake, MS. I'm really thinking of doing a "Best of Horn Lake Scenery" post, because I have seen some funny shit down there. Really detail jobs on piece of shit cars. Rednecks that you wouldn't believe. All kinds of strange stuff. OH! That reminds me. Thursday I was stopped at a stop light not really paying attention to anything else when I noticed a door open that belonged to the car two ahead of me and in the right lane (I was in the left lane). This girl who had to be somewhere between 16 and 19 leaned out and dropped a jumbo fountain drink on the ground. I know you're saying "well she just poured out her drink, what's the big deal?" No, she just dropped it on the ground: cup, drink, lid, and straw. Before I could even comprehend what I had witnessed, the light changed and traffic started moving. How the hell do you react to that? Well I had maybe a dozen ideas pop into my head of what I or anyone else should have done had there been ample amount of time. These are my favorites:
1. Walk from my car, pick up the cup, tap on her window and say "you dropped this" before handing it to her (I think that would be funny and convey the right message)
2. Pick up the cup and stick it under her windshield wiper (it would be funny and a little mean, helping vent the anger)
3. Pick up the cup and throw it at her windshield (definitely a little more rage filled but still good)
4. Pick up the cup and shove it in her car's tailpipe (if I or anyone else did this, we would need some serious therapy time with Dr. Melfi)
What do you think?
I did see the new Batman movie this weekend. If you haven't yet, I recommend going soon. It was unbelievable except for this old couple behind me who made comments to each other everytime something happened.
Speaking of old people, what is the etiquette with cougar cleavage? I won't say where it's happened, but there have been a few separate occasions over the last month where I have been in the presence of cougars with over-zealous plunging necklines. One time it was a gray panther (i.e. too old to be a cougar). Actually the gray panther was too old to be a gray panther. She was old enough to have great-grandkids. It was at a large cocktail party and she was talking to everyone (she was a friend of my friend's family member...long, long story). It begs the question: is there a statute of limitations on cleavage? How old is too old? Honestly I can't define the cutoff point, but I know she was about 20 years past it.
Ok, it's getting late and this probably should have been a few separate posts, but oh well. G'night.
First thing's first: I am no longer unemployed. I started a new job last week. It's great, but I'm not going to go into it. But I did have a nice 2 month vacation. I just wish I had done more while I was unemployed. I should have gone to the lake for a while or just gone to the pool. I really should have trained more though. I did the Mighty Mite triathlon this past weekend in Forrest City, AR, and I could tell I was out of shape. I mean bad. So I'm going to turn that into motivation to get my butt to the gym or riding my bike afterwork.
Let's see what else...there's nothing really. I have found that I've lost my desire to post pics on my blog anymore. It's really time consuming when you use blogger, because you can only add them one at a time. And blogger tends to add extra spaces/lines in between the pics so you have to delete the lines. If you don't have a lot of time on your hands, it can be quite a pain in the ass. But it used to be the way I would get party pics to my friends. Now I'm on facebook and it's easier. Plus a lot of my friends are on it too. I do like it better than myspace...well except for Mailbox's facebook page. He has way too much crap on there.
My new job is down in Horn Lake, MS. I'm really thinking of doing a "Best of Horn Lake Scenery" post, because I have seen some funny shit down there. Really detail jobs on piece of shit cars. Rednecks that you wouldn't believe. All kinds of strange stuff. OH! That reminds me. Thursday I was stopped at a stop light not really paying attention to anything else when I noticed a door open that belonged to the car two ahead of me and in the right lane (I was in the left lane). This girl who had to be somewhere between 16 and 19 leaned out and dropped a jumbo fountain drink on the ground. I know you're saying "well she just poured out her drink, what's the big deal?" No, she just dropped it on the ground: cup, drink, lid, and straw. Before I could even comprehend what I had witnessed, the light changed and traffic started moving. How the hell do you react to that? Well I had maybe a dozen ideas pop into my head of what I or anyone else should have done had there been ample amount of time. These are my favorites:
1. Walk from my car, pick up the cup, tap on her window and say "you dropped this" before handing it to her (I think that would be funny and convey the right message)
2. Pick up the cup and stick it under her windshield wiper (it would be funny and a little mean, helping vent the anger)
3. Pick up the cup and throw it at her windshield (definitely a little more rage filled but still good)
4. Pick up the cup and shove it in her car's tailpipe (if I or anyone else did this, we would need some serious therapy time with Dr. Melfi)
What do you think?
I did see the new Batman movie this weekend. If you haven't yet, I recommend going soon. It was unbelievable except for this old couple behind me who made comments to each other everytime something happened.
Speaking of old people, what is the etiquette with cougar cleavage? I won't say where it's happened, but there have been a few separate occasions over the last month where I have been in the presence of cougars with over-zealous plunging necklines. One time it was a gray panther (i.e. too old to be a cougar). Actually the gray panther was too old to be a gray panther. She was old enough to have great-grandkids. It was at a large cocktail party and she was talking to everyone (she was a friend of my friend's family member...long, long story). It begs the question: is there a statute of limitations on cleavage? How old is too old? Honestly I can't define the cutoff point, but I know she was about 20 years past it.
Ok, it's getting late and this probably should have been a few separate posts, but oh well. G'night.
5/05/2008
Recap
I keep hearing this tap-tap-tap sound. What the hell is that?
Oh, right I'm posting on the blog. (I promise that will be the lowest attempt at humor in this post).
So what's going on? Well I did finish the 44 mile swim in 12 weeks at the gym. I feel really good about myself. I was talking with one of the lifeguards on Saturday. I told him I only had enough time to swim 1.5 miles but I still had another mile to complete before they closed the gym Sunday. He said why don't I just say I did it and come in Monday to actually do it. I told him I couldn't do that. I'm not going to cheat myself from this accomplishment. So I came in yesterday afternoon to swim my mile. Then I went home and rode the bike. I really need to do that more often because I am really not up to my form from last summer and fall on my bike. Why am I kicking my own butt on this? I'm doing the Memphis in May Triathlon. It's going to be the longest one I've ever done. It's on May 18. That's a Sunday. For those of you who aren't keeping score. That the Sunday of BBQ Fest weekend. That's the Sunday morning after my friend's wedding. I need all the training that I can get before I begin the week of decadence that is BBQ Fest.
Speaking of BBQ Fest I am on a team. I know it completely goes against the pre-BBQ Fest post I've done for the last three years, but I found a team with a bunch of my friends on it and I am lucky enough to join it. And they put me in charge of designing the team tshirt and coming up with the slogan (with help from my brother of course). No I'm not publishing which team. I don't want a bunch of random rednecks walking up to the door saying "yea I know that Philip fellar over thar from the interweb thingy!"
What else? I went to Little Rock for Mr and Mrs Mailbox's wedding. I don't think I can come up with some cut Hollywood/Celeb nickname for them. Sorry. Anyhoo, I'll post the pics on that later.
I went this past Saturday to Young at Art's Kentucky Derby Party at the Dixon. I had a lot of fun there and I learned an important lesson. Don't try to go drink for drink when you're not drinking the mint juleps. Most of you know I'm not a whiskey drinker. So I had vodka and cranberry. Well the bartender would fill the highball glass to the top for vodka and cranberry while the mint julep was half full (or half empty if you were drinking it). So I'm basically drinking everyone there two for one. Not good. But I caught my mistake and started to pace myself and I made it through the party relatively unscathed. Here are a few pics from the party. The first two are with Mendi and the last one is with Shannon the Friggin' D.
It was a lot of fun. Though the race was only a minute and half long, the crowd was really into it. Afterwards half the guys went to smoke cigarettes while the other half pretty much fell asleep where they lay. Of course most of the women there were ticked off it didn't last long enough where they could get anything out of it.
Oh, right I'm posting on the blog. (I promise that will be the lowest attempt at humor in this post).
So what's going on? Well I did finish the 44 mile swim in 12 weeks at the gym. I feel really good about myself. I was talking with one of the lifeguards on Saturday. I told him I only had enough time to swim 1.5 miles but I still had another mile to complete before they closed the gym Sunday. He said why don't I just say I did it and come in Monday to actually do it. I told him I couldn't do that. I'm not going to cheat myself from this accomplishment. So I came in yesterday afternoon to swim my mile. Then I went home and rode the bike. I really need to do that more often because I am really not up to my form from last summer and fall on my bike. Why am I kicking my own butt on this? I'm doing the Memphis in May Triathlon. It's going to be the longest one I've ever done. It's on May 18. That's a Sunday. For those of you who aren't keeping score. That the Sunday of BBQ Fest weekend. That's the Sunday morning after my friend's wedding. I need all the training that I can get before I begin the week of decadence that is BBQ Fest.
Speaking of BBQ Fest I am on a team. I know it completely goes against the pre-BBQ Fest post I've done for the last three years, but I found a team with a bunch of my friends on it and I am lucky enough to join it. And they put me in charge of designing the team tshirt and coming up with the slogan (with help from my brother of course). No I'm not publishing which team. I don't want a bunch of random rednecks walking up to the door saying "yea I know that Philip fellar over thar from the interweb thingy!"
What else? I went to Little Rock for Mr and Mrs Mailbox's wedding. I don't think I can come up with some cut Hollywood/Celeb nickname for them. Sorry. Anyhoo, I'll post the pics on that later.
I went this past Saturday to Young at Art's Kentucky Derby Party at the Dixon. I had a lot of fun there and I learned an important lesson. Don't try to go drink for drink when you're not drinking the mint juleps. Most of you know I'm not a whiskey drinker. So I had vodka and cranberry. Well the bartender would fill the highball glass to the top for vodka and cranberry while the mint julep was half full (or half empty if you were drinking it). So I'm basically drinking everyone there two for one. Not good. But I caught my mistake and started to pace myself and I made it through the party relatively unscathed. Here are a few pics from the party. The first two are with Mendi and the last one is with Shannon the Friggin' D.
It was a lot of fun. Though the race was only a minute and half long, the crowd was really into it. Afterwards half the guys went to smoke cigarettes while the other half pretty much fell asleep where they lay. Of course most of the women there were ticked off it didn't last long enough where they could get anything out of it.
Wait. Was that a sex joke?
Other than that I'm just trying not to spend money right now. I have some bills to pay, and I'ld like to save a little money. Real boring right?
Oh yeah! I got into a wreck. Someone ran a stop sign and t-boned my truck. I'm OK. I have to have my truck repaired. No one was hurt in the accident and the other driver admitted fault...through his interpreter.
Well that's all I've got for now. Have a good one and don't get none on ya.
1/28/2008
I'm not going to give you a title
So it’s Monday January 28th and I’m a little down. Duck season is over after finishing the final day in a “freezing fog” hunting south of Jonesboogie, Rockansas. Still not sure what “freezing fog” is. The only explanation I can come up with is based on my experience yesterday. Standing in the fog, you couldn’t see twenty feet in front of you. Driving was just as much fun. The turn off the highway was so obscured that I almost missed it. Not fun. That’s not exactly a definition of “freezing fog.” That’s the description of the intensity of that fog. Wait, can fog be intense? Imagine the Macho Man Randy Savage as a fog. That’s the only way I can see an intense fog. Anyhoo, the freezing part came in when the moisture of the fog froze on contact with anything. Not like freezing dew on the ground. This froze both on top and on the bottom of things. It was weird. But we still got a few ducks. It was a weird hunting season.
What else is going on? Well I have officially started training for triathlon season as well as other athletic events I’m planning on doing this spring/summer. I have the Memphis Mile Swim on February 10 and the Germantown Half Marathon (if I can do it) on March 16. The Rebel Man Triathlon in Oxford, MS, is March 29. No races in April yet. I have the Memphis In May Triathlon on May 18. For those of you taking notes, yea that’s the Sunday after BBQ Fest weekend. How awesome is that going to be!!! I already feel bad thinking about it. But I may not have to worry about BBQ poisoning the night before the race, because a friend is getting married Saturday night of BBQ Fest week. Calm down. I know you’re shouting “someone’s getting married on BBQ Fest weekend!!?!? What are they thinking?” But I’m sure she has a rational explanation. I don’t know what it is nor could I come up with an explanation (I just know I’m going to get a hateful email for this). But for me this is a blessing in disguise. I’ll go to the wedding (assuming I’m still invited now) and reception, then I’ll head home early to get a good night's sleep.
As far as my training, I'm doing over three miles a week in the pool. I would like to start running in the next week or so, but I've been swimming so I can drop a little weight before running really. A good friend of mine has run a few half marathons and he said the best way to start is do 2 miles 2 days a week and then do a longer run on Saturday or Sunday (like 4-6 miles) and then increase my distance over time. Sounds like a good idea so I'm going to try that. I'm sure I'll need to go get new shoes. And I'm really putting off visiting Campbell Clinic. Nothing's wrong. I ran cross country for four years in high school and developed shin splints at that time. The doctor at Campbell Clinic made custom inserts for my shoes which made the pain disappear over time. Now over the last decade or so (yeah, I graduated from high school ten years ago) whenever I'd start a heavy running regiment again, my shin splints would flare up again. It hasn't happened in the last few years so I hope I'm ok. It just really, really hurts. (skip to the next paragraph if you want, I'm going to describe how it feels to me) Imagine someone tearing the muscle away from the shin bone on the inside of your legs. That's what it felt like at its worst in high school.
Back to BBQ Fest, I'm joining a team. Yeah I know. I've spent the past two BBQ Fests advocating the wonderful part of being a floater. But I think I'd like to try and experience this from a new way this year. I'll let you know more details when I see fit.
This is the last bit before I go to bed. I've also been reading a lot. Hey, it beats watching that shitty show, American Idol. I won't get onto my rant about that though. Anywho, I just finished Slash's autobiography, Slash. I read Ghost by Alan Lightman and Clapton by Eric Clapton. I'm not sure what my next book will be, but it will either be something by Hampton Side, Pattie Boyd (Harrison-Clapton)'s autobiography Wonderful Tonight, or Nikki Six's autobiography The Heroin Diaries. I was turned onto the books by Hampton Side, Alan Lightman, and Eric Clapton from the Drake and Zeke show on 98.1 the Max. They do a great job of being both cynical and inspirational. Drake talks about a lot of books he reads, and that's where I've picked up a few ideas. It definitely helps clear my mind. I find that reading and exercising clean the cobwebs and stress out of my mind.
That's all I have time for today. Hopefully, I'll get to something else soon. By the way, if you've been waiting to see either Smokin' Aces, Norbit, or Children of Men on HBO or Skinemax, don't bother. They are all really bad. Children of Men could be good, but I'm just not in the mood for an apocalyptic film. I'm in too good of a headspace right now.
Have a good one and don't get none on ya.
What else is going on? Well I have officially started training for triathlon season as well as other athletic events I’m planning on doing this spring/summer. I have the Memphis Mile Swim on February 10 and the Germantown Half Marathon (if I can do it) on March 16. The Rebel Man Triathlon in Oxford, MS, is March 29. No races in April yet. I have the Memphis In May Triathlon on May 18. For those of you taking notes, yea that’s the Sunday after BBQ Fest weekend. How awesome is that going to be!!! I already feel bad thinking about it. But I may not have to worry about BBQ poisoning the night before the race, because a friend is getting married Saturday night of BBQ Fest week. Calm down. I know you’re shouting “someone’s getting married on BBQ Fest weekend!!?!? What are they thinking?” But I’m sure she has a rational explanation. I don’t know what it is nor could I come up with an explanation (I just know I’m going to get a hateful email for this). But for me this is a blessing in disguise. I’ll go to the wedding (assuming I’m still invited now) and reception, then I’ll head home early to get a good night's sleep.
As far as my training, I'm doing over three miles a week in the pool. I would like to start running in the next week or so, but I've been swimming so I can drop a little weight before running really. A good friend of mine has run a few half marathons and he said the best way to start is do 2 miles 2 days a week and then do a longer run on Saturday or Sunday (like 4-6 miles) and then increase my distance over time. Sounds like a good idea so I'm going to try that. I'm sure I'll need to go get new shoes. And I'm really putting off visiting Campbell Clinic. Nothing's wrong. I ran cross country for four years in high school and developed shin splints at that time. The doctor at Campbell Clinic made custom inserts for my shoes which made the pain disappear over time. Now over the last decade or so (yeah, I graduated from high school ten years ago) whenever I'd start a heavy running regiment again, my shin splints would flare up again. It hasn't happened in the last few years so I hope I'm ok. It just really, really hurts. (skip to the next paragraph if you want, I'm going to describe how it feels to me) Imagine someone tearing the muscle away from the shin bone on the inside of your legs. That's what it felt like at its worst in high school.
Back to BBQ Fest, I'm joining a team. Yeah I know. I've spent the past two BBQ Fests advocating the wonderful part of being a floater. But I think I'd like to try and experience this from a new way this year. I'll let you know more details when I see fit.
This is the last bit before I go to bed. I've also been reading a lot. Hey, it beats watching that shitty show, American Idol. I won't get onto my rant about that though. Anywho, I just finished Slash's autobiography, Slash. I read Ghost by Alan Lightman and Clapton by Eric Clapton. I'm not sure what my next book will be, but it will either be something by Hampton Side, Pattie Boyd (Harrison-Clapton)'s autobiography Wonderful Tonight, or Nikki Six's autobiography The Heroin Diaries. I was turned onto the books by Hampton Side, Alan Lightman, and Eric Clapton from the Drake and Zeke show on 98.1 the Max. They do a great job of being both cynical and inspirational. Drake talks about a lot of books he reads, and that's where I've picked up a few ideas. It definitely helps clear my mind. I find that reading and exercising clean the cobwebs and stress out of my mind.
That's all I have time for today. Hopefully, I'll get to something else soon. By the way, if you've been waiting to see either Smokin' Aces, Norbit, or Children of Men on HBO or Skinemax, don't bother. They are all really bad. Children of Men could be good, but I'm just not in the mood for an apocalyptic film. I'm in too good of a headspace right now.
Have a good one and don't get none on ya.
9/19/2007
Short Post
Sorry to do a short one. I was going to make this long but I have to run back to the office now to fix a problem. Yeah.
Real quick though, I did my third triathlon this past weekend in Conway, AR. The CATS triathlon. It was a 500 yard swim, 14 mile bike ride, and a 3.1 mile run. I finished it in approximately 1 hour 42 minutes and 50ish seconds. A new personal record. I felt so great when I finished it.
Anyhoo, I have to run now. Adios.
Real quick though, I did my third triathlon this past weekend in Conway, AR. The CATS triathlon. It was a 500 yard swim, 14 mile bike ride, and a 3.1 mile run. I finished it in approximately 1 hour 42 minutes and 50ish seconds. A new personal record. I felt so great when I finished it.
Anyhoo, I have to run now. Adios.
9/13/2007
Quick Post
So I know I'm slacking this week, but I'm busy. I've got a triathlon in Arkansas on Sunday and I'm really focusing on finalizing my training leading up to it. I did manage to go out to dinner last night with almost the entire group from "the toe incident." The brother didn't make it but the rest of us did. And the stitches are out, so the Shady Lady V can finally walk around with shoes again.
Other than that, not much is going on. So in order to continue to keep you entertained, here's another video from that great BBC show, Coupling. Here Jane gives a post-coital critique of Patrick. Enjoy.
Other than that, not much is going on. So in order to continue to keep you entertained, here's another video from that great BBC show, Coupling. Here Jane gives a post-coital critique of Patrick. Enjoy.
7/16/2007
Mighty Mite Medal
Here are a couple of pics of the medal I got. On the front side is the name and logo of the race:
On the back side it says "Triathlon Finisher."
7/15/2007
Mighty Mite Recap
So as you regular readers all know, I did my first triathlon yesterday at the Mighty Mite Triathlon in Forrest City, AR. I had a blast. It was a .3 mile swim, 13 mile bike ride, and 3 mile run. I did what I went to do which was finish. Not only did I finish, but I finished in under 2 hours. My overall time was 1 hour 49 minutes 50 seconds. I'll break down the details below for you at the end. First here's how the day started:
I woke up at 3:55 AM and hit the snooze button. Finally got out of bed after 4:10 and grabbed my gear. Had a quick breakfast and headed out. I noticed that there was a nice foggy mist throughout Memphis as I drove through town. I had the iPod playing random to wake up before putting it on a "get ready to do a competition" mix which was mostly heavy metal (Metallica, GNR, White Zombie). Basically fast, loud, aggressive music that would put me in the mental zone I needed. As I crossed the Mississippi River, I noticed that the fog appeared to have lifted. It hadn't. About the point where I-55 and I-40 meet, the fog popped back up. It was so think I couldn't see two car lengths in front of me. Always great driving conditions when you're speeding down I-40 and can't see a car until it's right in front of you. Just before I got to Crowley's Ridge, the fog lifted. I pulled into and walked around like a deer in head lights. Everyone else knew each other and seemed to know what the hell was going on. I registered and was ready to do my thing. I was about to walk out of the registration area when a lady stopped me to write my numbers on my arms and legs. I'm number 323 for the rest of the day.
I grabbed my gear and changed into the tri shorts I'd have the rest of the day. I headed to the starting point, 13 miles down the road in an Arkansas state park. Most triathlons have the same start/finish area. This one was different. It started and finished 16 miles apart. You start with the swim course, head to the first transition area (T1), do the bike course, head to the second transition area (T2), and run to the finish line. They started us in waves at the swim course. The first wave was Men under 40, then Men 40 and over, then women and relay teams, and finally all beginners. I'm obviously in the beginner category. They put everyone along the shoreline of this lake and have a mass chaotic beginning. There were people literally swimming over me. This one bi-otch kept cutting in front of me over and over no matter how many times I tried to get out from behind her. I guess she had some sonar built into her ass or something. Anyhoo, I get to the first turn and make a wide turn to get out of the crowd so I can finally hit my stride without having to stop every 5 seconds when I hit someone's feet. I get to the shore and head into the first transition area where I had my bike stationed. I dry my feet with my doo rag that I wear under my helmet before taking off.
The bike course was along Crowley's Ridge. I had the worst bike there. I'm not joking I actually did. I thought it was an old bike that belonged to the brother. Turns out it is my sister's old bike, an old Target Huffy mountain bike. So not only was it a girl's bike that was too small for me, but it was heavy as hell which made the uphills really difficult. My bike time was horrible, but I wasn't too focused on that. I really just enjoyed the country side and the view along the way. Yeah it sucked having people pass me all the time especially the 12 year old girl in the first mile (don't worry, I passed her 5 minutes later). The bike was probably the most scenic part of it. We got to ride past a peach orchard, but the best site was when I had been focusing on the white line on the road for so long trying to just power up this incline. I finally got to the top and reached down for my water bottle. I took a sip and looked around to find myself alone at this crest along the ridge. This was one of the few spots along the way without woods so I was surrounded on all sides with just a few fields and a beautiful sky above me. You wouldn't believe how breathtaking it was. It wasn't anything spectacular, but at that moment, it was one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.
I finally finished the bike portion when I got to the second transition. I jogged out of there and took off down the road. Having pedalled so much for the previous thirteen miles I was worn out. I could job, but my quads were so weak that I could hardly lift my feet for the first quarter mile. I finally got my strength back and started down the road to the finish on some more rolling hills. I was at the peak of one hill when this police officer told me it was all down hill the rest of the way (he was being nice because there were two more little inclines in the last mile). But I started passing all these people who kicked my butt on the bike course. As I rounded a corner into the heart of Forrest City there were families on their porches or in their yards cheering us on. One man was sitting in a lawn chair with a hose. He'd put a mist in the air for you to run through. I told him that God definitely had a special place in heaven for him. I went over a little hill just after that and saw the finish line. Then I remembered someone at the water station at the two mile mark saying that once you see the finish line you have another block to go. By this point I was really running. I came around the final corner of the block in what felt like a sprint (probably still jogging though) and as I crossed a sensor point the guy on the PA system yells out "And finishing his first triathlon ever, it's Philip (my name with an added nickname he thought was funny)." FYI they let you velcro a computer chip to your leg so they know how long you took on each portion of the race and transition areas.
After I crossed the finish line, I headed over to the gatorade cooler before finding the people I met as well as some other friends who did triathlons. I hung out for a bit before someone asked where my medal was. Turns out all beginners got medals. I'll post the pictures later.
Overall I had a blast and can't wait to do the next one or two in August. I always thought this was an almost impossible goal to reach but I did it. I'm really proud of myself and of this new hobby I've chosen. Everyone I talked to about it said it was a huge commitment, but honestly, it's not that big of a commitment. I just cut out a few things I used to do. I'm eating healthier and working out more than going to the bar. Some people may think that is a bad trade, but honestly, I'm in better shape than I've been for the last three or four years. Plus I still go out to party and my tolerance hasn't gone down. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.
Anyhoo, for those of you who want my time intervals there below this paragraph. Have a great week.
Of the 53 male beginners, I placed 42nd overall. On the swim course I placed 11th out of 53. On the bike course I placed 48th. On the run course I placed 17th.
My swim time was 10:57 for .3 miles.
My first transition time was 5:59 - I really took my time getting ready and drying my feet before putting on socks and shoes. Turns out that was smart because a lot of people who didn't wipe their feet had wet socks and rocks on their feet from the walk/run from the water to their bikes.
My bike time was 1:04:11 for 13 miles (12.2 miles per hour)
My second transition time was 2:50.
My run time was 25:54 for 3 miles (8:38 minutes per mile average).
My overall time was 1:49:50.
I woke up at 3:55 AM and hit the snooze button. Finally got out of bed after 4:10 and grabbed my gear. Had a quick breakfast and headed out. I noticed that there was a nice foggy mist throughout Memphis as I drove through town. I had the iPod playing random to wake up before putting it on a "get ready to do a competition" mix which was mostly heavy metal (Metallica, GNR, White Zombie). Basically fast, loud, aggressive music that would put me in the mental zone I needed. As I crossed the Mississippi River, I noticed that the fog appeared to have lifted. It hadn't. About the point where I-55 and I-40 meet, the fog popped back up. It was so think I couldn't see two car lengths in front of me. Always great driving conditions when you're speeding down I-40 and can't see a car until it's right in front of you. Just before I got to Crowley's Ridge, the fog lifted. I pulled into and walked around like a deer in head lights. Everyone else knew each other and seemed to know what the hell was going on. I registered and was ready to do my thing. I was about to walk out of the registration area when a lady stopped me to write my numbers on my arms and legs. I'm number 323 for the rest of the day.
I grabbed my gear and changed into the tri shorts I'd have the rest of the day. I headed to the starting point, 13 miles down the road in an Arkansas state park. Most triathlons have the same start/finish area. This one was different. It started and finished 16 miles apart. You start with the swim course, head to the first transition area (T1), do the bike course, head to the second transition area (T2), and run to the finish line. They started us in waves at the swim course. The first wave was Men under 40, then Men 40 and over, then women and relay teams, and finally all beginners. I'm obviously in the beginner category. They put everyone along the shoreline of this lake and have a mass chaotic beginning. There were people literally swimming over me. This one bi-otch kept cutting in front of me over and over no matter how many times I tried to get out from behind her. I guess she had some sonar built into her ass or something. Anyhoo, I get to the first turn and make a wide turn to get out of the crowd so I can finally hit my stride without having to stop every 5 seconds when I hit someone's feet. I get to the shore and head into the first transition area where I had my bike stationed. I dry my feet with my doo rag that I wear under my helmet before taking off.
The bike course was along Crowley's Ridge. I had the worst bike there. I'm not joking I actually did. I thought it was an old bike that belonged to the brother. Turns out it is my sister's old bike, an old Target Huffy mountain bike. So not only was it a girl's bike that was too small for me, but it was heavy as hell which made the uphills really difficult. My bike time was horrible, but I wasn't too focused on that. I really just enjoyed the country side and the view along the way. Yeah it sucked having people pass me all the time especially the 12 year old girl in the first mile (don't worry, I passed her 5 minutes later). The bike was probably the most scenic part of it. We got to ride past a peach orchard, but the best site was when I had been focusing on the white line on the road for so long trying to just power up this incline. I finally got to the top and reached down for my water bottle. I took a sip and looked around to find myself alone at this crest along the ridge. This was one of the few spots along the way without woods so I was surrounded on all sides with just a few fields and a beautiful sky above me. You wouldn't believe how breathtaking it was. It wasn't anything spectacular, but at that moment, it was one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.
I finally finished the bike portion when I got to the second transition. I jogged out of there and took off down the road. Having pedalled so much for the previous thirteen miles I was worn out. I could job, but my quads were so weak that I could hardly lift my feet for the first quarter mile. I finally got my strength back and started down the road to the finish on some more rolling hills. I was at the peak of one hill when this police officer told me it was all down hill the rest of the way (he was being nice because there were two more little inclines in the last mile). But I started passing all these people who kicked my butt on the bike course. As I rounded a corner into the heart of Forrest City there were families on their porches or in their yards cheering us on. One man was sitting in a lawn chair with a hose. He'd put a mist in the air for you to run through. I told him that God definitely had a special place in heaven for him. I went over a little hill just after that and saw the finish line. Then I remembered someone at the water station at the two mile mark saying that once you see the finish line you have another block to go. By this point I was really running. I came around the final corner of the block in what felt like a sprint (probably still jogging though) and as I crossed a sensor point the guy on the PA system yells out "And finishing his first triathlon ever, it's Philip (my name with an added nickname he thought was funny)." FYI they let you velcro a computer chip to your leg so they know how long you took on each portion of the race and transition areas.
After I crossed the finish line, I headed over to the gatorade cooler before finding the people I met as well as some other friends who did triathlons. I hung out for a bit before someone asked where my medal was. Turns out all beginners got medals. I'll post the pictures later.
Overall I had a blast and can't wait to do the next one or two in August. I always thought this was an almost impossible goal to reach but I did it. I'm really proud of myself and of this new hobby I've chosen. Everyone I talked to about it said it was a huge commitment, but honestly, it's not that big of a commitment. I just cut out a few things I used to do. I'm eating healthier and working out more than going to the bar. Some people may think that is a bad trade, but honestly, I'm in better shape than I've been for the last three or four years. Plus I still go out to party and my tolerance hasn't gone down. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.
Anyhoo, for those of you who want my time intervals there below this paragraph. Have a great week.
Of the 53 male beginners, I placed 42nd overall. On the swim course I placed 11th out of 53. On the bike course I placed 48th. On the run course I placed 17th.
My swim time was 10:57 for .3 miles.
My first transition time was 5:59 - I really took my time getting ready and drying my feet before putting on socks and shoes. Turns out that was smart because a lot of people who didn't wipe their feet had wet socks and rocks on their feet from the walk/run from the water to their bikes.
My bike time was 1:04:11 for 13 miles (12.2 miles per hour)
My second transition time was 2:50.
My run time was 25:54 for 3 miles (8:38 minutes per mile average).
My overall time was 1:49:50.
7/14/2007
Goooooood Morning, Vietnam!!!!
So it's 4:23 AM. I'm having breakfast and about to head out the door for the nice long ass drive to my first triathlon. Let's go down the list of what I need:
Shoes? check
Bike? check
Running shirt? check
Goggles? check
Sunglasses? check
Helmet? check
Socks? check
Ridiculous looking bathing suit/bike shorts/running shorts? check
A completely positive mental attitude and a determination to kick ass today? Not really. It's almost 4:30 AM and I'm out of bed, so let's keep things in perspective.
Seriously, I'm really excited and am ready to complete this triathlon. Again, notice I said COMPLETE.
I wonder if they'll have beer there after the race is over? Hmm...
Yall have a great Saturday and don't get none on ya.
Shoes? check
Bike? check
Running shirt? check
Goggles? check
Sunglasses? check
Helmet? check
Socks? check
Ridiculous looking bathing suit/bike shorts/running shorts? check
A completely positive mental attitude and a determination to kick ass today? Not really. It's almost 4:30 AM and I'm out of bed, so let's keep things in perspective.
Seriously, I'm really excited and am ready to complete this triathlon. Again, notice I said COMPLETE.
I wonder if they'll have beer there after the race is over? Hmm...
Yall have a great Saturday and don't get none on ya.
7/13/2007
Ugh
I am a little hungover still. Too much fun last night at the Ptolemy Happy Hour. I'll have to post the story later. I'm about to head back to work, but I am compiling a lot of details from my co-drunks so I don't miss anything. The one thing I will say is that it's not a good sign when the bartender asks if you entire table needs to be cutoff.
Saturday I'm doing the MightyMite Triathlon in Forrest City, AR. That night I'm heading in town for a party.
Ok I have to get back to work. Adios
Saturday I'm doing the MightyMite Triathlon in Forrest City, AR. That night I'm heading in town for a party.
Ok I have to get back to work. Adios
7/11/2007
When a door closes...
The canoe trip this weekend is cancelled. Not so much cancelled as no one actually planned it. So I'm going to try to complete the triathlon in Forrest City, AR Saturday. Please note that I said "COMPLETE" and not "COMPETE". That's assuming that my bike gets out of the shop by Friday. Let's hope it works out.
What else is going on? Ptolemy has a Happy Hour this Thursday at Cafe Ole. As usual it's open to anyone to attend.
Also this Thusday, the Memphis Rebel Club has their Annual Kick-Off Meeting at the Memphis Botanic Garden. Special guests include head football coach Ed Orgeron, head baseball coach Mike Bianco, and head basketball coach Andy Kennedy. There are others but those are the ones I'd be interested in seeing.
Details: From 5:30 to 7 social hour and silent auction; at 7 program begins
EDIT: The Rebel Club meeting is next week.
Not sure what I'm going to do over the next few days besides work and the triathlon, but whatever it is, I'll give you a recap.
Btw anyone know of anything fun Saturday night? After the race, I'll want to go out that night.
What else is going on? Ptolemy has a Happy Hour this Thursday at Cafe Ole. As usual it's open to anyone to attend.
Also this Thusday, the Memphis Rebel Club has their Annual Kick-Off Meeting at the Memphis Botanic Garden. Special guests include head football coach Ed Orgeron, head baseball coach Mike Bianco, and head basketball coach Andy Kennedy. There are others but those are the ones I'd be interested in seeing.
Details: From 5:30 to 7 social hour and silent auction; at 7 program begins
EDIT: The Rebel Club meeting is next week.
Not sure what I'm going to do over the next few days besides work and the triathlon, but whatever it is, I'll give you a recap.
Btw anyone know of anything fun Saturday night? After the race, I'll want to go out that night.
6/20/2007
Triathlon Training Update
Today after work, I swam 1 mile, biked 7.2 miles, and ran 3.25 miles at the gym.
The standard "sprint" triathlon is .5 mile swim, 12.4 mile bike, and 3.1 mile run...I think.
I just need to keep conditioning myself so I can do it in the heat of July and August.
The standard "sprint" triathlon is .5 mile swim, 12.4 mile bike, and 3.1 mile run...I think.
I just need to keep conditioning myself so I can do it in the heat of July and August.
6/16/2007
A Post with Two Opposites
I have two posts in my head which I am now combining into one. I probably should make them separate, but I have a feelin whichever one I post first will be skipped over. These are important items that I feel need to be addressed. We'll start with the good news one and then I'll go on a rant (at this point I haven't typed it out yet, but I know it's going to be a big bitchfest rant so be ready).
ITEM ONE
I've decided to become a triathlete. I've been toying with the idea for a while now, but that's all it's been: an idea. I opened a magazine from January the other day and as I was skimming the pages there were a series of articles on improving yourself professionally, personally, physically, etc. Well, what else do you read on the can? Anyhoo, I landed on a short bit on becoming a triathlete. My initial idea of a triathlon was swimming 2 miles, biking 50 miles, and running a marathon. Then I looked up triathlon distances on wikipedia two days ago (link to triathlons on wikipedia) and found that there are shorter distance marathons and longer. So after that I made a life decision to become a triathlete (it's not a huge life decision, but it a bit of a lifestyle change). I went back to the article in the magazine and found they mentioned a website that lists all the triathlons in the country and there are a few coming up nearby. Awesome!!! Now I just need to buy a bike.
Now if you want to end reading this on a good positive note, stop before we get to item two. It's going to make you depressed/angry/pissed off.
I warned you.
ITEM TWO
I went to a store the other day in the suburbs to do a little shopping. I won't name the store because it's not their fault it happened. I wanted to come up with a funny nickname so you'd know what store it was in code, but that's really not fair to a place I actually like shopping at. Anyway, I felt the natural urge to sit down for a few minutes and let the Cosby kids go for a swim. So I did the normal thing and visited a room where you're not allowed to bring merchandise for a good reason. I walked into stall number 1 and someone hadn't flushed it. That pissed me off because people are just jerks sometimes. Then I walked into stall number 2 and realized that people are absolute pieces of shit. How do I know that? Well there were two pieces of that person on the floor next to the toilet. Seriously someone dumped outside the toilet on the floor. I imagine this was some high school kid from the cities of Germantown, Collierville, or the surrounding area who thought it would be funny to do that. I want to find this kid and after rubbing his nose in it ask him why he's so pissed at the world:
-Did Mommy and Daddy not buy him the brand new Hummer H3 or Mustang he wants even though he already has a new BMW?
-Or have the fumes from all the black fingernail polish finally gone to his head with the jet black hair and strong lack of pigments?
-Or did he take so much ecstasy at school that it felt good to have only one cheek on the seat and the other suspended in the air?
Enough of the hypothetical explanations based on broad stereotypes of high school pieces of shit. For all I know this could have been a grown man (I'm not even going to touch that one). Either way this person is an absolute piece of shit and I actually hope that karma exists to get him back (Help me My Name Is Earl, you're my only hope!).
The most pathetic thing is he did this in the damn handicapped stall. So some person with disabilities might have had to go in there and see that. They have enough hurdles to overcome and don't need this one too. This was just one of those moments that brings you down and puts a huge lack of faith in humanity in your head.
After I left the restroom, I quietly told one of the employees of the store that there was a bad mess someone left in the men's room that actually needed to be handled soon. She was polite and thanked me for letting her know before wishing me a great day.
Most men have been to bathrooms in bars. Some of your seedier bars have bathrooms where there's pee all over the seat/floor/wall (i.e. any college bar, most bars on Beale, bars in Midtown). But you never see that kind of disregard for your fellow man in friggin stores at 6PM on a weekday. This is just blatant contempt for every other person on the planet. I actually hope that this is something this piece of shit will remember and regret for the rest of his meaningless life.
So I have to ask myself, what exactly would I have done if I had walked in immediately after the offender deficated? Would I have called him out in front of everyone? Would I have taken him to the manager? Would I have actually called him the piece of shit he is and used the other toilet? I honestly don't know. I actually hope I never have to deal with this again.
Ok, that's the end of my lengthy rant. If you wish you hadn't read it, I'm sorry, but I wish I hadn't seen the two Mr. Hankeys on the floor. I just hope that this story will inspire all of us to raise our children with a little more respect for everyone else.
Have a good one and don't get none on ya.
ITEM ONE
I've decided to become a triathlete. I've been toying with the idea for a while now, but that's all it's been: an idea. I opened a magazine from January the other day and as I was skimming the pages there were a series of articles on improving yourself professionally, personally, physically, etc. Well, what else do you read on the can? Anyhoo, I landed on a short bit on becoming a triathlete. My initial idea of a triathlon was swimming 2 miles, biking 50 miles, and running a marathon. Then I looked up triathlon distances on wikipedia two days ago (link to triathlons on wikipedia) and found that there are shorter distance marathons and longer. So after that I made a life decision to become a triathlete (it's not a huge life decision, but it a bit of a lifestyle change). I went back to the article in the magazine and found they mentioned a website that lists all the triathlons in the country and there are a few coming up nearby. Awesome!!! Now I just need to buy a bike.
Now if you want to end reading this on a good positive note, stop before we get to item two. It's going to make you depressed/angry/pissed off.
I warned you.
ITEM TWO
I went to a store the other day in the suburbs to do a little shopping. I won't name the store because it's not their fault it happened. I wanted to come up with a funny nickname so you'd know what store it was in code, but that's really not fair to a place I actually like shopping at. Anyway, I felt the natural urge to sit down for a few minutes and let the Cosby kids go for a swim. So I did the normal thing and visited a room where you're not allowed to bring merchandise for a good reason. I walked into stall number 1 and someone hadn't flushed it. That pissed me off because people are just jerks sometimes. Then I walked into stall number 2 and realized that people are absolute pieces of shit. How do I know that? Well there were two pieces of that person on the floor next to the toilet. Seriously someone dumped outside the toilet on the floor. I imagine this was some high school kid from the cities of Germantown, Collierville, or the surrounding area who thought it would be funny to do that. I want to find this kid and after rubbing his nose in it ask him why he's so pissed at the world:
-Did Mommy and Daddy not buy him the brand new Hummer H3 or Mustang he wants even though he already has a new BMW?
-Or have the fumes from all the black fingernail polish finally gone to his head with the jet black hair and strong lack of pigments?
-Or did he take so much ecstasy at school that it felt good to have only one cheek on the seat and the other suspended in the air?
Enough of the hypothetical explanations based on broad stereotypes of high school pieces of shit. For all I know this could have been a grown man (I'm not even going to touch that one). Either way this person is an absolute piece of shit and I actually hope that karma exists to get him back (Help me My Name Is Earl, you're my only hope!).
The most pathetic thing is he did this in the damn handicapped stall. So some person with disabilities might have had to go in there and see that. They have enough hurdles to overcome and don't need this one too. This was just one of those moments that brings you down and puts a huge lack of faith in humanity in your head.
After I left the restroom, I quietly told one of the employees of the store that there was a bad mess someone left in the men's room that actually needed to be handled soon. She was polite and thanked me for letting her know before wishing me a great day.
Most men have been to bathrooms in bars. Some of your seedier bars have bathrooms where there's pee all over the seat/floor/wall (i.e. any college bar, most bars on Beale, bars in Midtown). But you never see that kind of disregard for your fellow man in friggin stores at 6PM on a weekday. This is just blatant contempt for every other person on the planet. I actually hope that this is something this piece of shit will remember and regret for the rest of his meaningless life.
So I have to ask myself, what exactly would I have done if I had walked in immediately after the offender deficated? Would I have called him out in front of everyone? Would I have taken him to the manager? Would I have actually called him the piece of shit he is and used the other toilet? I honestly don't know. I actually hope I never have to deal with this again.
Ok, that's the end of my lengthy rant. If you wish you hadn't read it, I'm sorry, but I wish I hadn't seen the two Mr. Hankeys on the floor. I just hope that this story will inspire all of us to raise our children with a little more respect for everyone else.
Have a good one and don't get none on ya.
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