American Idol HNT

Ok, under no circumstance have I watched an episode of American Idol. But when I was checking Break.com last night I noticed they had a bunch of pics for one of the female contestants: Antonella Barba. I know nothing about her. But they had a bunch of hot pics so instead of taking a lame ol' pic of myself, I figured I'd treat my loyal readers to a great set of pics I snagged off Break.com.
Enjoy and have a happy Half-Nekkid Thursday.

Apparently she enjoys a little BBall.Is she a sexy librarian or teacher?God Bless America!!! Peekaboos are patriotic!Playing in the fountain: it's like Friends, only hot!

Several Subjects...Enjoy

- Cool friends are hard to come by. But when you get them, you better do your best not to neglect the friendships. That being said, thanks to everyone who hosted and attended the Unemployment Fair this past Friday. The BBQ was great and the beer was cold. I was going to show up after my interview but my alternator decided to die and a wire in the wiring harness was the culprit. A few hours and too many dollars later I was able to finally show up and start drinking.

And thanks to all my friends who called/texted me to come out Friday night after I left the Unemployment Fair. I'm sure I would have had a blast at Brookhaven, the Windjammer, Newby's, Celtic Crossing, and E&H, but I had been drinking for about 7 hours and needed to go to bed.

- You already know about Saturday night. Sorry I was kinda down and harsh on the people who frequented the theater that evening. But I had a huge lack of respect for the general public after witnessing the theater incident. (see previous post)

- So far this week I have had a job offer. It's nothing fancy but it is an offer nonetheless...to work at a liquor store. I'd pull the trigger, but I just went through the first round of an interview with a great logistics company that'll start me off about 8K less than I was making. Hopefully I can swing a job there. That would be great.

- Oh yeah, this Thursday we are restarting our happy hour crew (as Uncle Scottie Too Hottie named it: "Thursday Tactical Drinking Team"). Most of our charter members won't be there, but we've got a ton of new talent showing up. I know I've invited a ton of folks, but I keep feeling like I forgot to invite some. So email me if you normally came last year and didn't get the email. I'll give you the details.

- Lent: As I've said a few times here, I've got two things I'm doing/giving up for Lent this year:
1) Not drinking more than 2 nights a week
2) Swimming at least 4 miles a week
So far I'm doing very well on both. The first one is harder than I thought initially. I like to go out on a week night every once in a while and if I do, then I have to either be a designated driver or stay in one night on the weekend.

Well that's all I've got for now. See most of you tomorrow after work.
Have a good one and don't get none on you.

Adventure in Suburbia (movie theater drama)

I'll talk about Friday in another post. It'll be long, I promise.

Tonight I went to catch a movie and almost witnessed a hate crime. Let me explain:

I have already met my quota for going out this week (Lent: can't drink more than 2 days a week). So I could play DD for drunk friends or I could go catch Black Snake Moan. I chose the latter. I picked the7:30 showing at the Collierville movieplex, because I figured that it wouldn't be too busy on Saturday night. After all, no one goes out or does anything worth mentioning in the suburbs, right. It'll be pretty empty, right? Obviously I was wrong.

I get my ticket for the flick after waiting in line. When I think of the type of people who would move to Collierville, I imagine nice, polite families and retirees. Of course the families might have the rebelling teenager, but so what? It's a suburb of Memphis, and a supposedly nice one at that.

Well imagine my surprise when I arrive in the ticket line and realize that the bowels of Frayser, Byhalia, and Selmer opened up over the Collierville Cinema-Plex to release all of their worst elements. Every demographic's lowest common denominator was present. People were bumping into each other without apologizing and cutting in line. Of course there were a lot of nice folks who wouldn't ever be any trouble. And I'm sure a lot of great people. But apparently everyone there had stolen my idea of an easy night away from drama to catch a movie.

So I get my ticket and head in the front door. There's a guy there with the ticket box to tear my ticket. Apparently he has two responsibilities: model his pimple farm for all to enjoy and direct you to the appropriate next ticket box on the left or right depending on your film's theater location.

Have we as a society become so stupid we can't read a sign that tells you which movies are in which theaters? I know that we have to have the Nutritional Facts on our bottles of water, but are we now that much dumber?

So I get my Cherry Coke and head to my appropriate theater. I pick a seat in the middle of the row. I sit down and start to lean back, only to find that the seats here don't lean back as much as the Paradiso theater in East Memphis. I repeat the promise to myself that I'm going to get a damn good job and move from the vanilla suburbs back into the city, dammit!

The theater's filling up and the previews are starting. I notice in my peripherals a group of four bodies sitting at the end of my row to the right. The preview sucks so I just glance over. It's a family coming to watch Black Snake Moan. I notice that it's a Momma, a Daddy, and two kids. Not necessarily a big deal until I realize that the older of the two kids is shorter than I am...and I'm sitting low in my chair with my feet on the one in front of me. I think these two little girls couldn't have been older than 11 at the most. Probably more like 8 or 9. Still don't think it's a bad thing? Black Snake Moan is about a (basic plot spoiler!) bluesman in a rural town in Tennessee who tries to help this nymphomaniac overcome her sickness. And they provide plenty of examples of her nymphomania.

Just a little inappropriate for little girls. But I'm not their father.

So the movie starts, and I really enjoyed it. But about halfway through it, someone's phone rings. I've had this happen with my friends before at movies. We always feel a little embarassed that we were too stupid to turn off our ringers. But I realize that this ring is coming from the little family group to my right. (Cue bad but now proven stereotype!) That daddy answers the phone: "Hullo? Yea ******, I'm watchin da movie... Naw, it pretty good... Naw, I can taulk... Fo' real? Shiiiiiiiit."

About that moment I (and everyone else around) hear a real loud thud from that direction. Turns out an old man from another demographic kicked the back of Phone Guy's seat. Phone Guy said this before finally hanging up the phone: "...You know what? I'ma halfta call you back. Some dead fool just kicked my m*****-f***ing seat." He hung up the phone and stood up. I finally got a good look at him as well as the guy behind him. Phone Guy was about five foot four and looked like a basketball with arms and legs. He turned to face the guy behind him who was older and grey headed but kinda skinny. Phone Guy said "you gonna kick my seat, huh? You gonna back it up?"

His old lady made him sit down before Seat Kicker could respond. Then she went to get a manager. The whole time she was gone, I could hear Phone Guy: "M*****-f***er kicked my g-d seat. I'ma whoop his ass." She finally came back with a manager and pointed it out. I couldn't hear them, but I imagine that when she said the part about her man being on the phone and the manager noticed the 11 year old girls in the R movie, she probably mentioned that it was in everyone's best interest that they leave. The only evidence that I have to this is that the woman walked back to the seat, grabber her drink, and dragged her family out of there. The whole way out Phone Guy kept saying "I oughta shoot that damn m*****-f***er!"

We were able to watch the rest of Black Snake Moan in peace. It is a pretty damn good film. And Phone Guy never came back with a gun to shoot anyone. I kept waiting to see if I was going to witness to a hate crime or not, but nothing happened. Needless to say no one was quick to be the first out of the theater.

So what did I learn? That most of society's winners do not go to movie theaters in suburbia. And if someone answers their cell phone in front of you, kick their chair if you want to get shot.

Have a good one and don't get none on ya

Random notes

Tonight I went to Cigar Night. Had a blast. Only had a few beers but that's one of my two nights for this week. So now I have to choose between Friday and Saturday. Looks like it's going to be Friday. After my interview tomorrow, I am heading to the first meeting of the Unemployment Fair. There will be plenty of PBR and ribs. Turns out within the last two weeks I have two friends who quit jobs and another who was fired. So we're all hanging out, eating, and calling whomever will be the most pissed to hear "Hey, have fun at work! I'm unemployed but I'm enjoying my Friday by eating ribs and drinking PBR." If you get a phone call, sucks to be you. If you don't, I couldn't reach you or didn't call. Remember, if the phone doesn't ring, it's probably me.

Don't know if I'll go out Friday night...or if I'll even be able to go out Friday night.

Other than that, there's not much going on right now. I think I need to schedule another meeting of the Thursday Night Drinking Team or whatever the hell we called ourselves. It's been too long since we were all together.

Oh yeah! Shannon the FD sent me this pic from the Ptolemy Coronation Saturday night:

Thanks, bud.

Yall have a good one and don't get none on ya.

Dancing HNT

Ok so I was going to take a good pic for this week, but I had a job interview today and completely forgot. So I'll just reuse the pic from this weekend of me dancing with McAsh. Happy HNT yall (technically she's closer to HN than I am though).

And she corrected me the other day: she didn't go to the cancer bed for this; she went to get a spray tan.

Songs on the Ipod:
Bob Marley - I Shot The Sheriff
Widespread Panic - Thought Sausage
U2 - New Year's Day

Studio 60 post-poned

I just read this story on CNN. I am kinda upset. It basically says what I feared: NBC will eventually/probably be cancelled. I really like that show actually. It's smart and funny. It's stopped being preachy and is more about telling a story now. But I noticed that my tivo didn't record it Monday. When I looked into it, I noticed that the Black Donnelly's played instead. Hopefully, NBC will be smart enough to bring it back.

Anyhoo, that's all I'm going to talk about now. Oh yeah, I've already had one job interview this week and I have another two left. Hopefully one of them will pan out and I'll have a job soon.

Change is a Good Thang

In case you aren't paying attention, I just updated the blog. I like this new version of blogger. It made it easy to update the right side of the blog. So now I have two sets of lists (blogs and regular websites) as well as a pull down option for my archives. I may change it again soon.

I would like to say that I don't read all those blogs all the time. But I do check out some of them daily and check others every once in a while (i.e. when I am REALLY bored).

Have a great one and don't get none on ya.

Followup: I tried to add all the additional stuff I had on the side (FU Friday, HNT, etc.), but I can't get it to forward over. But I was able to save my tracker. Anyhoo, just thought I'd let you know. I'm going to go swimming now.

Hurting

So last night I was inspired. I still don't know by what or whom, but I was inspired. I started swimming my laps and just kept going. By the time I hit the first half mile, I decided to keep going for an additional half mile. Up until this point I had never swam further than maybe ten cool down laps beyond a mile. I swam a total of a mile and half last night non-stop, all 53 laps.
Needless to say, I woke up very sore today. But I have hit a new personal milestone. I am quite proud of myself.

And if you can't I really don't have much else to talk about. Except I don't like downtown Paul dreaming about me. That's kinda creepy.

Day Time Commercials

One thing you do when you don't work is watch tv while searching the net for a job. You can definitely tell the demographics that the day time commercials are pandering to. There was one I had to talk about:

There's a phone out there for (obviously) senior citizens called Jitterbug. It has big numbers that light up, a soft ear cushion and an extra loud speaker all for the older generation. There's even a point where this old guy says "no cutesy symbols. No flashy lights. Just a great phone."
The only real reason I bring this up is because I just went to help my grandmother buy a new phone the other day. It is hard to believe how hard it is to explain a new phone to someone older. I actually wish they sold phones like this Jitterbug at regular cell phone places. But they won't because they make their money selling the other junk (huge plans and packages). And if you have a phone that only dials people, how can you sell the other stuff.

Red Flag

Question:

If while on a first date a girl says she doesn't like Bob Marley, is that a red flag?

I was just wondering that today. I would say yes.

Obviously I don't really have much to talk about right now.

Last Night

In case you already didn't know, last night was the coronation for the royalty of the Grand Krewe of Ptolemy. Congrats to all the royalty. The party was overseen by Chairman Walker.

Here's King Cy and Queen Kathryn making their way to their thrones. (edit: how did I screw that one up?)After way too many speeches and introductions, the bars openned back up and the band kicked on. They were incredible. I definitely recommend Almost Famous to anyone who is looking for a party band.

I got to teach McAshley how to dance. She wasn't as sure about dancing as she is about tanning.

Here I am with duchess Autumn.

Here's duchess Autumn with her sister and two work friends.

I danced for a while before someone grabbed my camera and started taking pics of me dancing with the Shady Lady V and her broken rib.

In case you can't tell, we were just a little cheesy.

Here is a great pic of our Queen Kathryn and her husband Chris.

After the party really started to wind down, most folks left. The brother and I headed to the library where the royals were hanging out. Here's (l to r) Duchess April, Duchess Kristie, Duchess Beth, Queen Kathryn, King Cy, Cy's wife Lana, and Duchess Autumn.

Now I took three pics because I couldn't ever get all of them to focus at once. Sorry, but they'd been partying for too long.

Sweet Lana wanted to point out that her toe didn't try to escape this shoe (inside joke).

Here is a great pic of Duchess Autumn.

After we finally got our group together in the car, we headed to Yosemite Sam's on Overton Square. Duchesses April, Colleen, and Autumn really wanted to sing. They actually got tired of waiting for their turn so they ran out and started singing with anyone who was on the mike. While that was going, the Brother, Shannon the FD, and I were hanging back laughing at them. I decided I needed plenty of pics for future laughs.

We met some random girl there named Summer. She joined the group in singing. It was at that point we became a seasonal group: April, Autumn, and Summer.

Duchess April decided to hot dog it on one song.

Their actual song finally came up thirty minutes after they first started singing. Don't know why, but they picked "Baby Got Back." Funny thing was none of them knew the words or could rap with the screen. At one point they were just reading the screen. So this random guy comes running up and grabs a mike. He knows the words and does a great job.

At some point in the night they realized they had danced holes in the bottom of their dresses. It was confusing at first...

Then it was amusing.

I guess when you take off your shoes in a bar that tends to happen.

After we closed down the bar, I drove April to her house. We then took Autumn to her house. We would have driven Mailbox Mike home too, but he ran into someone from college and shaded out on us. When we got to Autumn's house, we found David on the couch.

We had a great time all together. There were plenty of friends there who I didn't get pics with on my camera. If any of you have pics you want me to post or just send me, put them in an email and send them over.

Have a good one and don't get none on ya.

Saturday Night Options

So you're stuck in the Memphis metro area and you're looking for something fun to do. Well there are a few options out there (besides hiding from the approaching storms).

First, tonight is the coronation for the Grand Krewe of Ptolemy at the UClub. $35 per person for non-members. Almost Famous is the band. They are supposed to be pretty damn good. It is black tie and will be a great time as always. There are supposed to be a ton of folks showing up.

If you're way out east and need some great music, check out

I've got it!!!

I now know what I want in my next job. I want to work somewhere just like Dunder-Mifflin in the Office. You know a place where nothing ever gets accomplished and you are surrounded by idiots and nut-cases. I think it would be great. I'd sit back in between customer's calls and laugh at everyone. Then after a week, I'd quit just so I'd keep my sanity.

On a serious note, a few of the companies where I had my foot in the door have been put on hiring freezes or are downsizing right now. That sucks. I've been close (final four or final two) in several interviews, but you don't get the paycheck when you come in second place. Anyone know of any good jobs (not free-lance insurance sales!) in the Memphis area?

Friday Night gigs

I'm not going to this, but I promised someone I would post it. I recommend going to Beale Street for the 18th annual Memphis Zydeco Festival. I went to it a few years ago and had a friggin blast. Of course I'm probably going to save my second night of drinking during the week (what I'm doing for Lent) for Saturday.

Also if you know the distinguished Mr. Kalb, wish him a Happy Birthday this weekend.

HNT

Happy HNT yall. Beware of the booze.

The Next Day

Earlier today I told a few folks that it wouldn't be Ash Wednesday if you didn't feel like ass. So yeah, I had a few too many Fat Tuesday libations. Don't believe me? Check out this pic:

No I haven't shaven since last week. That was at the first bar I went to. I got Mardi Gras beads, a mask, and maraccas from everyone's favorite overtanned blonde bartender, Miss Myspace. Let's back up, I first had a big steak dinner with plenty of libations to match the entree. Absolutely delicious. After that I headed over to Newby's. Ran into Uncle Scottie Too Hottie and Dr. No Name. Stayed there while Freeworld jammed out a bunch of New Orleans rock. I loved the covers of the Meters' songs. After Uncle and Dr left, I had one or two more drinks, then headed home. On the way home I decided to stop and have a drink at Doc Watson's (the old Bottom Line). There I met several interesting characters:

Don - the wise learned construction worker who told me that finding a career was more important than your friends

Cyndi - the future cougar who seemed as dumb as a bag of rocks, wears hooker boots and jean skirts. Apparently her parents were confused as to where to place vowels when they named her.

Sylvia - the attorney who just got screwed over

I had way too much fun there. I saw all kinds of things happen (most of which I can't really post here). I will say that there was definitely something in the water there. Everybody was having too much fun. I hate to say it, but I am really starting to like going to that bar. After I left there, I came home. I tried to watch some of the shows I tivoed last night, but I hopped on the computer and didn't pay attention. Next thing I know I drunk posted on here and sent a few too many emails and messages out to people. Btw if you got one from me, sorry.

I got up this morning and left the house early. I didn't have a chance to read what I posted last night and was actually a little sketched out by what I might have said. So when I finally got back on here to check it, I realized it was nothing bad.

BUT I have been getting a lot of grief from my friends about the speedo thing. Let me say that it is not the banana hammock speedo that you are all thinking of. It's the speedo trunks. My old suits are all too big (they used to be too small) to swim laps. So I went to the Jaws Swim Shop on Poplar near Ronnie Grisanti's restaurant. These are the only kind of swimsuits they have. I bought a pair and love them. Plus I'm going to try and start swimming miles competitively (I just dropped my time from about 45 minutes per mile to 40 minutes). Don't worry, I'm not going to use them anywhere except to swim laps. And I'm sure as hell not going to take a damn picture of myself in them. However, I did take a pic just so you can see what the hell I'm talking about.

I feel that if I'm going to be serious about swimming laps to stay healthy and in shape, I need to use the proper equipment. I wouldn't go running in hiking boots, so this is the same thing. Anyhoo, enough of that.

In case you didn't know today is the start of Lent. Being a good Episcopalian, I will either give something up or do something. So here's what I'm doing/giving up:

- I'm going to swim at least 4 miles a week

- I'm only going to drink two nights total each week (including weekends) between Sunday and the following Saturday

Ok, I'm going to go and let you recover from reading this. Have a good one and don't get none on ya.

Ok FIRST!!!! Thank you to the grand-daughter of our neighbor who brought over girl-scout cookies to sell! Lord knows that J0-Bu loves his samoas!!! That really made my week.

However despite whatever EVIL that cookies bring onto me, I must mention that I bought a SPEEDO. Yeah, I put that in CAPS just to express what the F I bought. I bought a pair of speedos. Not your average, sterotypical, banana hammock speedos. But Speedos which grasp at the waist and cling just above the knee (past the thigh). The are the equivalent of "board shorts" that are tight throughout (the only negative is the lack of enhancement when I submerse myself in coldwater).

Anyhoo, it is fat tuesday. Let me rephrase that

IT'S FAT TUESDAY IN MEMPHIS, YA'LL!!!

I hope you celebrated well! I did a civic duty, swam a mile, went to Newby's (pic to be distributed later), and went to Doc Watson's. Let me restate:
BAD PIC from Newby's to be distributed ON THIS BLOG later!

Other than that, it was the usual FAT TUESDAY in Memphis. I highly recomment looking into the Phoenix Club's Mardi Gras Party on March 17. It is thrown by my friends:

THE BROWNS

Lord T & Eloise will be the musical entertainment, and I have been told that a mix that I do MAY be the music played before the main act. HOLY CRAP!!!

Last Night

Last night started off relaxed and cool. But by the end of the night, it had gone crazy. I promised the party involved that I wouldn't publish the details on here. Let me just say I have a friend out there who is lucky to be alive today. Enough of that though.

I saw that Britney Spears shaved her head. WTF!!! Bitch is CRAZY!

Anyhoo, I really don't have much to say since I promised I wouldn't go into last night's debacle.

Esta Noche

Tonight I met Scottie Too Hottie...WAIT! I mean, Uncle Scottie Too Hottie. Anyhoo, met the Uncle at the Young Ave Deli tonight as well as a few other folks. A Dr. "NoName" was there too. The downside was that it was team trivia night. We couldn't talk to the folks we met. Kinda sucked but we made do. Other than that I had a blast. Now I am back home watching the shows I missed:
My Name is Earl
The Office
Grey's Anatomy
Just finished the first two and am starting Grey's. Earl was funny as hell. The Office was beyond funny.

Ok, I just finished Grey's Anatomy. All I'm gonna say is WTF!!! Don't want to ruin it for anyone, but WTF!!!

Valentine's Recap

Well last night was a bust. The hype was...hype. There were cougars and FM Radio DJ's at the bar when we got there. The funny thing was that the cougars were chasing the FM Radio DJ. But HM and I had a good time. We hung out and after a while I started putting money in the jukebox. Too many dollars later we were listening to some great songs. The cougars tried to bait us into conversation. I wasn't distracted by their died blonde manes or plunging necklines. This evening I was not going to be their prey.
After we had our last round of drinks, we called it a night. On my way home I had a hankering for another beer. I stopped at Doc Watson's over on Kirby Pkwy (the old bottom line). After a few beers, I headed home and crashed on my bed.
Overall I had a great time. There weren't that many folks out. I guess most folks who aren't in couples would rather hide at home in pity parties than going out to celebrate another 364 days that aren't Valentine's Day.