PSA's: Sharpie Ban, Bathing Suit Season, and Party Distinction

The states of Texas and California have asked that all citizens keep sharpies away from their Mexican neighbors. Beware all Transplant Yankees living in the South! We are currently in bathing suit season. Do not be alarmed.
In case you ever wonder what kind of party you are attending, this pic shows how to tell if you are at a gay party.Have a safe weekend kiddies and don't get none on ya!

FU Friday - BUTT OUT, YOU ASSES!

This week's F.U. Friday is dedicated to all these people who are telling me how to do this. Butt out. This is my thing. If you don't like it, you can kiss my ass. If you don't want a pic to land on here that you might be embarassed by, don't pose in a provacative position. I don't post names of people on here so no one will be called out. The only people who can figure out who you are when I put up nicknames or initials are your friends. So this is for you: So kiss my ass. Also if you don't like what you see here, don't read this.
Have a nice day, yall. And have a great Fuck You Friday.
Be sure to tell MG and TequilaGirl if you're playing FU Friday.

Top College Cheerleaders

OLE MISS REBELETTES
THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA'S CRIMSONETTES
LSU'S GOLDEN GIRLS
THE UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE'S ROCKY TOP GIRLS

Rockstar:Supernova Recap Elimination Show 8/16/06

If you’re looking for the HNT, it’s the next post down.

Ok so last night was the Rockstar:Supernova (aka Tommy Lee’s Unit) encore and elimination show. So we’re all dying to know who was going to get the encore, but Supernova decided to pull a fast one. Like a groupie going to bed with Tommy Lee for the first time, we were completely shocked to learn that Supernova was going to play one of their new songs with a rocker. They chose Dilana…after saying that “this doesn’t mean the competition is over” seven hundred times. Dilana got out there and rocked a new song called “Leave the Lights On.” It’s not going to go to the top of the charts, but it was a good song. Something amazing happened during the performance. Four hot-chick dancers (yeah, that’s the technical term) came out and after a minute walked to where Dilana was. She played along and started dancing while she was singing. And you know what? She actually looked hot. My roommate and I both were shocked. She’s always been this attention grabbing performer. Last night she got sexy. Anyone else think so?

So after Dilana kicked ass, it was encore time. They gave it to Ryan Star. He did another killer job with Phil Collins “In The Air Tonight.” By the way, has anyone else noticed that he wears a black sweatshirt each week to the elimination show? Everyone else dresses like they’re ready to perform. But he’s in jeans and a sweatshirt. Anywho, the house band was back with electric instruments, BUT the string quartet was still there, and that was pretty badass.

After the encore, Brook “now that I’m pregnant I have to hide my cleavage” Burke gave us the Potential Bottom Three:
Zayra
Patrice
Toby
Magni
Storm
Dave Navarro was surprised by both Magni and Storm being there. That was about all the discussion.
They called out Zayra first. She sang “Razorblade” by Blue October. Neither Supernova nor I have ever heard that song or band. It was just like Zayra: weird. One minute I liked it; the next I wanted to fast forward. I did notice that most of the time, her voice squeaked like she has no control and was hitting sour notes. She really needs some voice lessons or something.
Patrice sang Hole’s “Celebrity Skin.” Wow, how many times this season will we have to hear this song? She did a decent to good job…until she walked into the crowd, up and through the rockers area, back through the crowd, and stops up on Supernova’s stage. It was a gutsy move that may have postponed her departure for a week or two.
The final rocker was Magni. Wait Magni!! What the hell? My exact words were “that’s bullshit!” So what does he do? He acts like it’s no big deal. He goes out and sings Radiohead’s “Creep.” Isn’t this like the fifth time this season someone’s sang this? Well Magni was the best. When he sang “I don’t belong here,” you felt like he meant it. He doesn’t belong in the bottom three. And his version was more of a slap in the face of Lukas’s earlier performances. This was just badass. After he was done, the camera cut to the rockers and you could see…DILANA CRYING! I couldn’t believe that. I mean I thought it was a moving performance, but to make her cry was unbelievable.

When it came time to kick someone out, they told Magni he was fine and sent him back to the rockers’ area. They told Patrice she was ok, because she still has growing left to do and has the potential to lead their band (now that's bullshit). And then they finally answered my prayers and CUT ZAYRA!!!! I was so happy: Captain Weirdo is finally gone.

Overall I thought it was a great episode. What did you think?

HNT - Holy Crap & Cougar

So Tuesday night I went to the Hollywood Casino with the other folks from the Autozone Liberty Bowl hospitality/behind the scenes committees as thanks for the work we do. We got to eat comped in an upstairs lounge. I gorged on fried shrimp. It was great. We had a comped bar as well. Well out of nowhere this overserved wanna-be cougar starting trying to talk smack with us while her husband just stood off in the corner. She was calling us "fagmos" because we were dressed nicely. I guess we can't all be as cool as she is. Later I got a pic with her just so I could have cougar proof. And yes, DM and I were calling her "COUGAR" to her face. She thought it was her funny nickname. Dumbass! Of course now I wonder if we would have called her that had she not tried to be funny and call us fagmos. Here's the pic

After the wanna-be Cougar disappeared, I was enjoying my vodka tonics and decided that I needed to go to the tables. I went downstairs with my buddies PF, HM, DM, Chardonnay, and T. A few of the guys go to the craps table. Some play roulette. I went to the blackjack table. I walked around the floor until I found one that I liked. I sat down with a bunch of old guys. Wait, that could have been any table. Anywho, I played blackjack for about an hour and half or so. I was up, then down, then up, then down. You know how that goes. Well, I lost a $5 hand so I put down $10. The dealer beats me again so I put down $20. The dealer beats me again so I put down $40. I tell the other guys at the table that if I lose this damn hand, I'm walking away because someone upstairs is trying to tell me something. I get a 6 and then a 4. I double down and suddenly have $80 on the table in front of me. My heart stops realizing what I just did. The dealer takes the card and puts it face down on the table in front of me. I said that was ok, but the suspense was killing me. A few of the other guys bust. Then the dealer hits 20. She turns over my card and I have an Ace. My friends, I shit you not. I couldn't believe it, but I followed the rules and said I was done. I cashed in all my $5 chips for bigger ones and went to the casino cashier. I then went upstairs to the bar for another comped cocktail. And this is my HNT with what I was holding
I have never won like that at the casinos. I know it's chump change, but I'm pretty happy to have the extra scratch. And yes, that is my Vodka Tonic at the top.
Happy HNT yall.

Songs on the playlist:
The Doors - Love Me Two Times
Stone Temple Pilots - Creep
The Cars - Shake It Up
Queen - Another One Bites The Dust
Tom Petty - I Won't Back Down
Weezer - Keept Fishing

Your Name In Russian

Every wonder what your name looks like in the Russian alphabet (can't remember the name of the alphabet)? This site let's you type your name (first or first & last) in a box and then shows you. It's pretty cool.
Check it out comrades.

Rockstar:Supernova Recap 8/15/06

So last night I went to the Casinos in Tunica (more on that tomorrow in the HNT post). I didn’t get home until just before midnight. Did I go to bed like I should? Hell no, I stayed up and watched the damn Rockstar:Supernova show. It was the stripped down, acoustic show with a friggin string quartet. Pretty cool…until the tatted up fools, Dave Navarro and Tommy “The Tripod” Lee started taking their shirts off. I thought it was funny for a second, but I really didn’t want to see two old guys covered in tattoos hanging out, sagging all over the place (isn’t Tommy in his 40’s?).
So they jumped to the recap and in the meantime made the guys get dressed. They went to Vegas and partied like…well…rockstars. I took notes, but I don’t remember much about it. I know at some point Storm said “we were sssssstoked!” I don’t know about what, but I remember her saying it and laughing at how long she stayed with that damn ‘S’ at the beginning. They should the song selection. As usual no one fought…except for our Aussie stud, Toby Rand. There was a song with Gilby Clarke on guitar: Peter Gabriel’s "Solsbury Hill." Dilana wanted it and Toby said “I want that song” mate. Yeah I added the ‘mate’ there, sorry. How did they solve it? Dilana told Toby to run around naked to get it. He stripped, ran, and jumped in the pool. So he got it. And Supernova applauded him for it.

They also had a chance for someone to perform their original song. And guess who jumped at it: Captain Pluto herself, Zayra Alvarez. And they let her go first. As is now customary on the show, she wore a crazy outfit. It appeared to be a giant red down comforter that she turned into a skirt with a black bra. Her original song was called “Lluvia de Mar” and was in Spanish. The scary thing it this is the first song where I’ve been able to understand her lyrics. I didn’t understand the words, but I enjoyed it. I wrote in my notes that ‘as beautiful as it sounds and feels, I can’t get too into it because it’s in Spanish.’ Which is true. It’s hard to get into a song that I don’t know what the singer is saying. (Btw they showed a Cuban flag hanging in the audience from the balcony)

Magni popped up next to sing David Bowie’s “Starman.” I honestly couldn’t remember ever hearing this song before. But I liked it. It was a great performance and I think he should be safe this week. Yeah I know that’s not much, but it was good and I don’t need to analyze it too much.

Patrice Pike sang The Police’s “Message In A Bottle.” It was good. Actually kinda mediocre. She really didn’t do anything that set herself apart from anyone else (I feel they keep setting themselves apart from her). I did like how her voice sounded with the acoustic arrangement. For once I actually enjoyed her voice. But I’m afraid she’ll be back in the bottom three. I did notice that Supernova wasn’t too entertained during her performance.

Lukas Rossi was next. You know him, the Lemur King from Madagascar. He did the Spiderman song: “Hero” by Chad Kroeger. Did anyone else think he kinda looked like a priest in that outfit minus the sleeves? I was actually more interested in figuring out if he was wearing a priest’s shirt that he cut the sleeves off than I was about the song. That’s not good. It doesn’t help his cause. But he’ll be safe because he’s a fan favorite.

Storm Large was up next. For those of you who’d like to see her nude pics, they are linked on this previous recap. This week she sang Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.” And she turned disco into rock. I enjoyed the performance. And I think she audience enjoyed it too. But Supernova (aka Tommy Lee’s Unit) was not impressed. I was entertained and actually thought that she arranged the song where it wouldn’t sound ‘disco’ at all. I liked the ending. She has a great voice, and I hope she goes far. So what did the judges think? Dave “hated it.” The Tripod said some cheesy line. Gilby just didn’t like it.

Toby Rand was next with “Solsbury Hill” and Gilby Clarke on guitar. He took the song and did a great job. Kicked up the tempo. He played on the congas at the end of the song. I thought it was a great job and thought he might win the encore.

Ryan Star sang Phil Collins’ “In The Air Tonight.” I thought he wasn’t bald enough to sing Phil Collins, but that’s ok I guess. I noticed on the first verse that he kinda mumbled the words. He did stayed in one spot during the performance. Other than that, it was a great performance. Dave thought it was the best performance of the night. I thought he might end up in the bottom three with it. I guess we’ll see who’s right.

Dilana Smith was next. Does it even matter what she sings anymore? She just kicks ass week in and week out. But for the sake of your sanity, I’ll recap her for you. She sang the classic “Cats In The Cradle.” Apparently it’s by Harry Chapin. I thought it was done by Cat Stevens and then Ugly Kid Joe. Anywho, I thought she did a great job. She won’t win the encore, but it was great (that was my initial thought). But then Dave said it was better than Ryan’s performance. Wow. By the way, I read on someone else's blog that he hopes Dilana will lose just so she doesn't have to get stuck with Supernova. I guess it's because we all know that Supernova will be a one hit wonder.

After the last commercial break, Brook Burke came back to tell us to vote and yada yada yada. Then they showed us the initial bottom three:
Patrice Pike
Toby Rand
Zayra Alvarez

Here’s who I think it’ll be:
Patrice
Zayra
Ryan or Lukas (just because I didn’t like Lukas’s performance)

Btw, I noticed that they wouldn’t show Brook’s belly during the majority of the close-ups during the show. Then I remembered hearing that she’s pregnant with her new boyfriend (like anyone knows who he is). Anyone else notice that?
Who do you think will be in the bottom three?

LSU Fans Smell Like Corn Dogs

I don't claim this as my own at all. I completely copied this from another site. But I know that most of my readers will love it nonetheless. Enjoy. We're getting close to football season so it's time to start talking trash. (If I could figure out how to post YouTube videos, I'd do that too)
This was originally posted on an Auburn football fan message board and has made its way around the net. I find it particularly funny being an Ole Miss fan and having friends who either went to LSU or are from Louisianna. So I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.

Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.

LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.

I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something better said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid.

I am afraid that they'll know I said it. I'll walk past an LSU fan someday, and he'll see that look in my eye that gives it away. That look that says, "gee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?" The next thing you know, I'll have flat tires on my car.

If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU fans how they smell - you know, like corn dogs.

LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue.

I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If youattend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, "Wow, LSU sure doeshave a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game."

It's hard. I know. It's like when you're having sex and you try to think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming. It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: "Gee, I wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like a corn dog?"; or "Is this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying to make me think it is a real person?" or "What did that giant corn dog just say?" or "Excuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly like corn dogs smell?" or, of course, after a silencer: "Madam, did you just let the corn dogs out?"

Heck, after what I've heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. That's okay.

You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them. They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But don't be obvious about it. Somehow they know you're trying not to breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. They'll likely punch you for that if they catch on to what you're doing.

If you do breathe it in long enough, though, it'll permeate your whole body, and then you'll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But don't say, "Dang, now I smell like a corn dog." They take offense to that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff. Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get stitches or something. Just don't say it. If you do start smelling likea corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay?

I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in their expression - indicating they smell corn dogs - might get a wrench or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, that's dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as you drive - on some other weekend.

I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog stuff. What puzzles me most is that I've never actually seen any of these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe there's no mystery there - maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows?Maybe there's a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there. Maybe, there's a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume. Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply - kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird. The big political issue during the city election is whether they should add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Don't comment on it though. It's not politically correct over there. It's like a malnutrition issue or something. It's like the corn dogs are probably added to the water to prevent starvation or something.

I know when you go to Baton Rouge, you're thinking: "Ahhhh. Here I am in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I'll bet the people here smell just like boiled crawfish or shrimp etoufe' or some fancy Cajun food." But just stop thinking that. That's just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.

In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn dog odor. And don't try masking the odor with something stronger. They'll curse at you. They'll say something like: "WTF, how dare you smoke a cigar in my home," or "WTF!! Are you too good for the smell of corn dogs?" and they'll cuss out your kids too: "WTF!!! Little Mister fancy pants over here acts like he doesn't want to smell like corn dogs."

Cajuns are not like us. Don't you see that, yet? They are really sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all. I know, I know. We sniff the bammers and the UGA dawgs and the Ole messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but don't press your luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Don't refer to Death Valley as corndog valley either. I mean that's just wrong. Even if you've been drinking, they'll beat you up and curse out your kids.

Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction - even if you're laughing about something else. Like baseball or football, or sex or whatever. If you can't control yourself and you must laugh though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell theircorn dog body odor from a distance or that you're choking on it or something. They'll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus building over just one snort.

So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams.You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this Saturday. Okay? Get your corn dog jollies at home.

Enough with this corn dog talk. Let's play ball...

Friday night recap (as typed on Sunday)

Yeah, I didn't do this yesterday. Why? Because I really didn't feel like hooking up the laptop. I was boring Saturday. I didn't go out Saturday night. I was headed to the office during the day, but I couldn't get in. Long story and I'll spare you the details because Friday night was so crazy.

I went to Sabafest at Premiere Palace. Instead of trying to remember everything, I'm just going to make a few statements, list who was there, and post the pics.

40 Watt Moon was good, but I was waiting on Walrus so I mostly stayed outside during their set.
Walrus kicked ass. As always. I want more keyboards though. And I don't remember if I heard Church's "Under the Milkyway". I really wanted to hear that one.

Who was there:
Mary
Duchess LH
Shady Hasbeen
Andy & Duchess Jana
Ash Mc (who won't get a nickname because she was lobbying for one. Maybe I'll call her McAsh...)
SR
Scottie Too Hottie (who doesn't like that name, mostly because people have come up to him in person and called him that now)
Mr & Mrs DP (who need to tone down their pregame)
HM
FL & his wife
Dr JR
Lots o' lovelies
Sam, the master o' bucks (wow, that's hard to figure out)
And a ton of other folks who I can't remember all of a sudden. So now it's time to go through the pics.

Before I went home to get dressed, I stopped off at McAllister's to pick up some alcohol absorbing food. After I walked out, I noticed this sky to the west. For those of you who don't know, the west is where most of our weather fronts come from. I don't know about you, but this looks like trouble on the horizon. Maybe I should have stayed home...naaahSo I get to the party and while standing outside, four girls decided they needed to be photographed. And for once it wasn't my idea. Good luck deciphering who these belong to.Premiere Palace is located just down the street from Sun Studios. And around the corner from Platinum Dolls or Downtown Dolls or whatever they're calling it. Basically someone turned the old Club 616 in Memphis into a shake joint. It's hard to tell in the pic, but the big neon thing on the right is a woman dancing. From where we stood, it looked like they have three entrances to it. One on the right of the building had a sign that said "Live off Beale." I can't remember what the other two said because they weren't that interesting either. And for some strange reason none of us ventured over there...thank God.There were many strange things that happened during the night. At one point, one lady's toe decided it had enough of her drinking and tried to escape. It kept making a break through, but she'd always catch it. But if I had to walk around in shoes like that, I'd try to escape too.Apparently Janet Jackson decided to possess a few folks. I told you that strange things were happening.Here I am with Duchess LH. The bartenders gave us some jager shots because they insisted we try them. They had the jager machine that chills it. The white stuff on the outside of my cup is condensation that turned to ice. I shit you not. You may also notice that I have three times as much as she does. She kept saying "someone has to do some of this; I can't do it all." No one was willing to help her out, so when I wasn't looking she poured half of hers into mine. Thanks. Like I really needed it.I gave the Ode to Gunpowder toast and we took the shot. I shot two mouthfulls and this was how much was left. While we were both cringing, HM took this pic. Yeah, thanks. I had to keep shooting while she talked about how bad it tasted. After a while, McAsh showed up. Here I got a pic with her and the Shady Hasbeen. Always nice to fill your hands and keep them busy.Here's Andy with Bill's girlfriend. Bill was the guy of whom's honor the party was thrown (does that sound right to you?).Here's Patty from Walrus. He'd been doing some crazy shit on the guitar, but I couldn't get my camera turned on in time to catch it. Dammit.Here's a shot of the rest of the band.HM found some lovely lady to dance with and she wanted me to take a pic.OH YEAH! Mr and Mrs. DP finally got tired of me calling them an old married couple, so they decided to grace us with their presence. The problem was they had been pre-partying for a few hours. They pull up and I meet them in the street. Here was the first quote from DP: "Hey hold my beer while I park this thing." I immediately thought 'what are a redneck's last words?' Fortunately they parked ok. In the time it took him to park, I drank most of his beer (in case you haven't learned anything, never hand me an opened beer, you fools!). Mrs. P walked up to hug me and then grabbed the beer. I had left maybe an inch or two in it. She got pissed and threw it all over me. WTF!?! Why would she do that? I started yelling at her and threw the bottle into the street where we were standing. All of a sudden the crowd outside the party looked over and went dead silent. I kept yelling at her and then DP came over. She apologized and I suggested we all go get a drink. And everything was fine. As we walked back over some fag with a pony tail said "Hey, let's not break anymore bottles. Ok?" I shot him a look that basically translated "shut your pie hole, you weak bitch." He quickly turned back to whomever he was talking to. We went inside. This is the first pic with DP. Funny thing is he was worse off than I was.Here I am with AP, can you see the wet sleeve I had. I told you she soaked me with the beer. And I told you DP was drunk. He only does that after he's had a few "col' berrs."Here's a pic of SR and AP.The Shady Hasbeen came running up at one point on the dancefloor and wanted to do another one of her favorite pics. It actually took us three times to get it right. Whoever was working the camera kept cutting out parts of us. Hmm...must have been a drunk.Mr and Mrs P wanted a nice pic of them together. Instead they got this.So they tried again and we got this.Scottie Too Hottie decided to introduce me to some girl he was talking to by saying "This is Philip. He's famous." Not picking up the sarcasm, she actually asked why I was famous. Hello new comedy routine! I told her I was an underground sensation in the Memphis area. She asked why. I think I told her that I had done something badass, but I wasn't supposed to talk about it. I told her the best way to find out was to google me. I told her my real name was 'Chuck Schwartz.' I know that was some movie character but I couldn't remember who. I told her that I was also an amateur party photographer and I was supposed to get pics of Scottie Too Hottie with interesting people. I told her to stand next to him and smile big. This was what happened.Nice face, Scottie. I then said I needed one where she kissed him on the cheek. She wouldn't go for it so I said how about he kiss your cheek. She said ok and this was the result. She pointed to her face and he started in before she realized what he was trying to do. There was this hottie named Natalie from Little Rock who I met. We started comparing movie quotes. The only problem was my brain had stopped functioning properly earlier in the evening. So I couldn't answer any movie quotes that didn't come from comedies. While we were doing this, some dude with glasses went walking by. I asked him if I could get a pic of her in his glasses. He actually went for it. So I got this shot.Here's a pic of AP, SR, and Jana. I raised the camera to get an aerial shot. Can you tell who didn't follow the camera?Not only did McAsh bust my balls for a cool nickname for the blog, she wanted a damn pic with me. I shit you not that we took 8 pictures to get a good one. It got to be ridiculous. I'd take a good one (or I thought it was good at the time) and she'd want another. Over and over and over. I think this was the best.

After Walrus ended, I caught a ride with McAsh and SR. HM and I had rode down there together in John's cab, but he left to head to another bar with Mary, Shady Hasbeen, and Duchess LH. They left during Walrus's last set, but I wasn't ready to leave yet so I kept dancing. Or at least my best attempt at dancing. So when I left with McAsh and SR, we went to McAsh's house to drop her off. On the way we drove by Ernestine & Hazel's and Raifords. AND THEY WERE BOTH CLOSED!!! I couldn't believe it. I heard that Raifords was getting some remodelling or had been shut down by the health department or both. So that killed our late night plans. After we dropped of McAsh, SR dropped me off at my house. I went in and passed out in the bed. It was a fun night.

Blogger Bash Recap

If you are looking for the F.U. Friday, it's the next post down.

So last night I went to a visitation for a few friends whose mother died this week. It was nice and I had a good time with everyone despite the reason we were there. She raised three wonderful children. Of course I was called back to the office halfway through it and had to race back.
I left after 7 and headed to the Deli for the blogger bash. I walk in and don’t see anyone I know. Then I realized that I didn’t know these people anyway. Fortunately Serrabee recognizes me and calls out to me. I met Paul Ryburn, Serrabee (obviously), Kat (I already knew), Pulp Faction Rachel, Rachelandthecity Rachel, John Sparks, and a bunch of other folks. Paul and/or Serrabee were taking names and blog addresses, but I don’t know if they made the complete list. I know it’s not on Paul’s blog yet.
I sat in the very middle of the table (Serrabee offered me the head of the table when I got there, but I told her it wasn’t my show). I was between Pulp Faction Rachel and Paul. I’m really glad I didn’t get the head of the table because those “Drinking Liberally” people showed up and crashed for a little while…and started talking politics. I think a few people warned me to not get into that conversation. I don’t know if they know my political beliefs or not, but they did know my warnings about becoming belligerent and offensive if I got involved in political talk. I think a few folks agreed with me and didn’t want it to get political either. I forget who, but someone said that at the last blogger bash there was a large contingency of political folks and only a few social bloggers. Apparently people just argued back and forth and no one ever listened to anything the other folks were saying. And you wonder why I don’t like talking politics?
I think the highlight of the night was the “hipster” dude that Rachel knew. I’m slowly beginning to understand what the hell a “hipster” is and beginning to appreciate the fact that I won’t ever be one. If I understand it correctly, a hipster is an individual who does things (i.e. dresses a certain way, listens to a certain type of music) for shock value. What’s my proof? This guy was proud of his haircut. I guess I’m the demographic he’s trying to shock. I mean do you actually get so much satisfaction from the shock value that you will leave the house looking like this? If I ever show up anywhere looking like this (except for a Halloween party), you all have my permission to kick the living shit out of me.

BTW that’s Rachelandthecity with him. Yes, he has a mullet. Yes, it is business in the front and party in the rear. And yes, he has lines shaved in the side. If he's going for shock value, he's definitely got it. If he's going for some strange ass, I doubt he'll get it. Anyway, I’ll be back Sunday. This time I’ll bring plenty of cash. They wouldn’t let us have separate tabs. And that was fun with people coming and going. It was really fun when I went to the ATM and it wouldn’t work. Now I owe Serrabee for what I ate and drank (the muffaleta at the Deli is not good by the way).
Have a good one and don’t get none on ya

F.U. Friday - Thunderclouds

This week's F.U. goes out to those thunderclouds that pass over while making noise, but never rain. It's hot! I want some rain!!!

Fuck You!!! Quit teasing us and rain!!!

Edit (Friday 7AM): So that was the original post I typed last night. I wake up this morning and it's raining. Spooky. Very spooky.

Rockstar Elimination Recap 8/9/06

Are you looking for the HNT? Next Post down.

This is my recap of last night's Rockstar:Supernova (aka Rockstar:Tommy Lee's Unit).
I don’t really have much to say about this elimination show except WOW! There were several surprises:
- two encores instead of one
- the survivors will go with Supernova to Vegas after the show
- and…well I’ll save that one until the end

So they started the show with a clip from back at the mansion. And what happened? The Italian couldn’t stay bottled up inside of Jill for too long. She started some shit. She called all the girls out for not wanting to play with Gilby. When one of them threw it back in her face, she said that she already had. Me-ow! Cat Fight!!!
Well not really. It was more subdued than a verbal cat fight, but you could tell Jill was ready to let the claws fly. I think the others realized that she wasn’t up to their level and just let her go. Of course the guys (I think it was Ryan and Toby) just stood there stunned.
After that they talked for a second back at the show. Blah blah blah. It was boring and I was losing interest until Supernova announced that last night’s survivors would board a private jet to Vegas after the show to party at the Hard Rock Casino/Hotel with the band. Now that’s cool.
Then they said there would be two encores. My initial guess was Lukas and Magni. And in fact Lukas Rossi was first. He came back out to do Radiohead’s “Creep.” The only difference was he had the fishnet gloves which just looked weird. What was up with that?
They went to commercial (Victoria’s Secret Heidi Klum again!!!) and came back. Magni was asked to come sing Live’s “Dolphins Cry” but this time with the house band. I loved it. It was just as good as the first performance.
After that Brook Burke came back out to announce the rockers who were in the bottom three at some point in the night. By the way, did anyone else notice how hot her cleavage was? Yummy!
Sorry I had to remember that for a second. So who were the people in danger?
Jill Gioia
Josh Logan (the crowd was surprised)
Zayra Alvarez
Ryan Star (the crowd was REALLY surprised)
Patrice Pike
Brook started saying who ended up in the bottom three: “Zayra… … … (long ass pause as Zayra started to walk to the stage), you’re safe this week.” WTF!!! How could this weirdo be safe? That makes no sense. I am officially going to say that the voters collectively decided that if Supernova was going to be stupid and not vote her off they’d quit putting her in the bottom three to get rid of the other dead weight.
So who ended up being the first rocker? Jill. She sang “RESPECT” by Aretha Franklin. And you know what she played her banshee roll from the first lyric on. Way to go Jill! You know how much I love your shrieking: about as much as I love a lobotomy. I think at that point I was praying for them to kick her off.
Next up was Josh. He did Bad Company’s “Shooting Star.” Tommy had said he might be in the bottom three for having played his guitar which cut down on his stage presence. And then Josh played his guitar again. Wow. Not too smart. But still a good performance.
The final rocker was Ryan Star. I guess the world didn’t really like his eyes painted the previous night. He rearranged Depeche Mode’s “Enjoy The Silence” to make it current and harder. The only bad part of the performance was when he took off his sweatshirt in the middle. It was kinda funny because he actually struggled singing and taking it off. But other than that it was a great job.
Then it was time for the hatchet to fall. Supernova told Ryan that he was safe. Then they cut BOTH JOSH AND JILL!!! Wow! I got what I wanted and then some. Jill obviously didn’t have the talent or the voice for the job (although she had the power to belt out loud voices she didn’t have the touch needed to actually hit notes). Josh obviously was more of a soul singer (self-proclaimed) than a harder rocker that the job needs.
So I was shocked by the double elimination, but it’s going to lead to more competition among the remaining rockers I think just because no one is safe now.

Have a good one and don’t get none on ya.

HNT - Where I'd Rather Be

The theme for this week's HNT is where I'd rather be: two fisting in the lake. And for my Texas buddy: yes, that is a can of Lone Star beer I'm drinking.
Instead of being there, I'm stuck at work just like the rest of the world.

Happy HNT yall

Social Calendar

So I was looking through the thousands of bulletins on myspace and thought I’d share a few cool things coming up. Then I realized that I hadn’t put up a social events calendar recently. Here you go:

Wednesday 8/9/06
At the HiTone: Four Square, The United, and DJ Court $5 9PM (thanks for the heads up Shawna).
At the Flying Saucer (downtown I guess), the Roxanne Lemon Band at 8:30PM. You can’t ever go wrong with a little of Foxy Roxy.

Thursday 8/10/06 (HNT!!)
Blogger Bash at the Young Ave Deli at 7PM (I’ll be a little late)

Friday 8/11/06 (F.U. Friday)
SABAFEST!!! Or if you want to be a douchebag and not help out a worthy cause, the Nick Pags Trio is playing at Garcia Wells in Overton Square. Go support this guy sometime. But be at Sabafest first.

Sunday 8/13/06
PR said something about being at SleepOut Louie’s at 11 on his blog. Dunno.
Blogger Bash 7PM at the Young Ave Deli
Roxanne Lemon at Newbys 9PM

Monday 8/14/06
Roxanne Lemon plays at Margarita Mondays at Café Ole in Cooper/Young

Put these future events on your calendar:
8/26/06 The Phoenix Club of Memphis hosts its Annual Speakeasy Martini & Cigar Celebrity Mixer (fundraiser benefiting the Boys and Girls Clubs of Greater Memphis). If you would like tickets, email me at memphisphilip (at) hotmail (dot) com.

9/2/06 Lord T & Eloise at the HiTone. Their first show ever. Be there ya bastards! Wanna know what they do?? It’s called ‘aristocrunk’. Check it out, bitches!


9/3/06 My football season kicks off as Your Memphis State no talent assclown Tigers come to Oxford to take on My Ole Miss Rebels, bitch. It’s going to be one hell of a party at the tent. Invite only bitches.

Rockstar:Supernova Recap 8/8/06

The show started with the usual intro: what’s happened in the last week? Magni’s wife and son came to visit (and were there for the performance). Dilana found the songs. She was the only one who wanted the one with Gilby on guitar. Yada yada yada...
After the recap, Dave Navarro chastised the rockers for not fighting for the chance to sing with Gilby. I mean, he verbally spanked them all for being stupid. He said “if it were up to me, Dilana would win it right now.” Bold statement.
And that was actually a nice lead into the first performance: Dilana Smith singing The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again.” I have to say the one thing I don’t like about this show (hey Mr. Producer, Mark Burnett! Pay attention here!) is how they’ll take a great song like this which is normally eight and half minutes long and cut it down to a two or three minute version. The beauty of longer songs is how much is in there. I understand it’s an audition, but come on. That being said, Dilana killed it. I like the way her voice was a nice contrast to how Roger Daltry normally sings it. They had a camera on the end of Gilby’s guitar which made for a few great shots of the performance. They really worked well together. I thought it was a great performance. It wasn’t her best, but that’s only because it’s going to be really hard to outdo her earlier performances of “Ring of Fire” and “Lithium.” After her performance Dave said “as if it didn’t suck to follow Dilana before, now you have to follow Dilana with Gilby Clarke.” Gilby said “Dilana, I’m sure everybody knows this, but you’re a star. And after that, I have no doubt a woman can front our band.” Wow. I wonder if she’s going to drop the ball over the next few weeks or if she’s going to keep it up.
Next up was Jill Gioia singing Tracy Bonham’s “Mother Mother.” I have one question for Supernova (aka ‘Tommy Lee’s Unit’): when are you going to vote her off? She tried to change it up by sitting at the beginning. I was actually enjoying the first half because she had toned down her banshee shrieking, but sure enough she belted out one loud shriek at one of the later choruses. I’m begging you Jason and Gilby. Gag Tommy Lee so he can’t vote tonight and kick her off. We know he’s the one keeping her, because he loves the ladies. The only good thing she did was finish her performance in the middle of the crowd. I literally spent the entire time wondering when she would be kicked out. Dave said he didn’t want to say anything bad, because he felt like he was watching Carmella Soprano on stage. Maybe that’s why she’s lasted so long. The mafia won’t let them kick her off.

Then we cut to commercials, now I normally don’t talk about the commercials because I fast forward through them, but I had to go back and watch the Victoria’s Secret bra commercial with Heidi Klum. Wow, she is still hot as ever. Excuse me, I need a minute.
And I’m back. BTW there was a Verizon Wireless commercial for the new ‘Chocolate’ by LG phone. Can anyone tell me what that song was? I want it. It sounded real badass.

And back to the show. Brook Burke said “and somewhere in this auditorium is Ryan Star.” Next thing you know, there is a camera on a hooded man in the audience walking and singing. Obviously it was Ryan. Did anyone else think that the stuff on top of his head looked like black feathers from a Sesame Street character’s head? I did, but then I looked again and I thought only of Garth Brooks’ fatass rocker persona from back in the 90s: Chris Gaines. So anyway, we have a hooded muppet in all black walking to the stage singing. He gets on stage and at the chorus rips off the hood to show that he’s actually shaved his face! Kidding. He had painted the area around his eyes black. It looked like a painted on Zorro’s mask, which is kinda cool because he was singing The Rolling Stone’s “Painted Black.” And you know what? He rocked it! At the end of the performance he leaned over and kissed some chick in the audience. All the judges were blown away. Dave said “unbelievable,” and “Ryan Star has just shown us that he is a contender.” And I’ll be honest, throughout the last few weeks, he’s gotten better and better with each performance. Jason Newstead said he hoped it was just the tip of the iceberg.
Another one of my favorites was up next: Storm M-Fing Large. She did Queen’s “We Are The Champions.” Her vocals were unbelievable. She was not over acting. She’s letting her vocals and the song itself do the ‘talking.’ She really showed her vocal range on that song. I also liked the way she changed the arrangement a little. All the judges like her performance, but Tommy said that he hoped she would still “go bananas.” Storm said “ok, I’ll spank the crap outta you.” Nice.
Next up was Zayra Alvarez singing Mott The Hoople/David Bowie’s “All The Young Dudes” with Magni on acoustic guitar. As usual her outfit was more interesting than her actual performance. She had a gold body suit that started down by her feet and stopped just above her breasts. She had dark, shiny elevator shoes with stiletto heels. And of course, she had a black top hat. It’s like she’s trying to be David Bowie in this costume, BUT I really want to call her the Anti-Bowie. Why? Because I can’t understand any of her lyrics, and I know the song! Bowie is always crisp and easy to understand. Zayra is singing with rocks on her brain and marbles in her mouth. So guess what, I didn’t like her performance. Dave said “if this show was called Rockstar:Planet Pluto, you would win by a landslide,” and the crazy bitch took that as a compliment! Gilby said she has great showmanship, but she needs to watch the keys, because she was flat. Not where I’m looking Gilby. Oh, you mean her vocals?
Josh Logan jumped on stage next to sing Stone Temple Pilots’ “Interstate Love Song.” He’s about to start and “The Unit” stops Josh so he can come play drums. Surprise! Josh honestly looked like he thought it was a joke. I thought it was a perfect song for his voice, and he didn’t let the fact that Tommy Lee was on drums inflate or deflate his performance. It felt natural watching that. Dave said it was a good performance, but asked at this stage is ‘good’ enough? Gilby said it was a great job. I think he should be safe from elimination.
Magni came up to sing Live’s “Dolphins Cry.” It him alone on stage with a guitar. And they put a spotlight on his wife and child in the audience too. It was actually really cool. He’s about to start playing, and the crowd is screaming. He hushes them and then rocks the song. I was honestly too mesmerized by the performance to write any notes. It was awesome. Gilby said “you have inspired everybody.” I think having his family there really charged up his batteries for this performance.
Patrice Pike came up next to sing John Lennon’s “Instant Karma.” I have to say that I like her, but I don’t think she has the right voice to stay in this much longer. She’s really starting to lose me. She was playing guitar during the performance and singing at the mike stand. Towards the end of the song, she grabbed the mike stand and walked to the end of the stage. That was actually kinda cool. In the end, she didn’t get much applause from the audience. And I have to say that when I compare her vocals to the competition she really doesn’t have much of a chance.
Lukas Rossi came out to sing Radiohead’s “Creep.” I’ve read the entertainment weekly online recap of this show and they keep referring to him as the Lemur King from ‘Madagascar.’ You know what I kinda see it. My initial reaction to his performance was thinking that he’s really into this song, and it doesn’t feel fake. It was a great performance. His body actually shook while he sang the song. He was really intense. And his vocals were on. It proved my skepticism wrong. The judges loved it, especially Jason who’s been trying to get him to actually sing for weeks now.
Toby Rand sang The Talking Head’s “Burning Down The House.” I thought that he looked great and natural singing that song. It sounded great too. Before the last verse, Zayra (now in an all black outfit obviously hiding her gold thing) brought out a megaphone with an Australian flag on it. Toby sang a verse through the megaphone and then sang on the mike for the last bit. At the end of the song he used the siren option on the megaphone into the mike. That was awesome, but Dave said he loved the performance until the megaphone just because he doesn’t like props. Jason contrasted that saying that he did like it and that he enjoys them as long as it doesn’t happen all the time. At the end Jason gave Toby a standing applause.
The initial bottom three were Jill, Zayra, and Patrice.

Here are my picks for the bottom three:
Jill
Zayra
Patrice

If it’s someone other than that, I will be really surprised. Those were the weakest performances.

Ok, I’m done now. Have a good one and remember “camo thongs are so you don’t see her coming!”

Rockstar Tuesday 8/8/06 Spoiler

Ok, I watched the internet show at rockstar.msn.com and here's a spoiler about what a few of your favorite rockers will be singing. They didn't show all the songs or say who got what, but this is what I do know:

Available songs
Mott the Hoople - "All The Young Dudes" (originally written by David Bowie)
This is a classic song from the 70s back in the androgenous (sp?) rocker era. You know when you couldn't tell if Bowie was trying to be a girl or boy.

Radiohead - "Creep"
Great ballad from this band back in the mid to late 90s. If you don't know this song, slap yourself for me.

John Lennon - "Instant Karma"
Ok, let me take that last comment about slapping yourself if you don't know "Creep" and apply it to this song instead.

The Who - "Won't Get Fooled Again" ...with Gilby Clarke on guitar
A classic. If you don't know this, go out and buy The Who's Greatest Hits album right now. Then drive to Memphis. We'll meet at a bar. I'll buy you a beer while we listen to it. Once the song is over, I'll slap the taste out of your mouth for not knowing that damn song.

So who got what? Well, Dilana found the songs and after looking through them, brought them to the rest of the group. The only real picking they showed was Dilana saying she wanted "Won't Get Fooled Again" and no one else going for it. I like how Ryan Star said that this is a show full of great singers and not great strategists. I agree. He went on to say that if Dilana kills this performance she can run away with the show and win it all. Guess what, Dilana got it.

Dilana sat outside smoking a cigarette with Lukas Rossi. She convinced Lukas to sing the ballad "Creep":
"They (Supernova, I mean 'Tommy Lee's Unit') wanted to hear you with a ballad. You can make it yours, man." They went back inside and Lukas took it. They later showed a few clips of him practicing. You can hear his voice struggling over and over. That may be risky. Let's hope he can bring it.

Patrice Pike got "Instant Karma". Let's hope she does well and doesn't end up in the bottom three again.

That's all I've got for now. I'm going to head to the gym. If I don't get to the recap after the show tonight, I'll do it in the morning.

Have a good one and remember:
"Camo thongs are so you don't see her coming"
Thanks Kevin. That's a great line.

Theta at Vandy confirmation / Queen of Fiesta (San Antonio)

Ok, so I don't really like to repost things (previous post) BUT it has been confirmed by multiple sources that this is in fact the Kappa Alpha Theta sorority chapter at Vanderbilt.
How was it confirmed? Well there was one alumnus (or is it alumnae?) of this chapter from the 90s who said "it's not their finest hour."
I had another friend from college who emailed me today with this story. I have edited a few bits ONLY to save her identity and the identity of the girl she singles out.

...I was going through today and came to the one (email) he sent of your blog with the Theta pic from Vandy. You are never going to believe how random this is...ok

we have this thing in SA where one girl gets voted to be the queen of fiesta...(edit) anyway its like this big deal with older people and parents is like a 110 yr tradition, supposed to be very high honor and all that BS, you represent the city for a year ...(edit)... anyways this years queen was (name deleted) and she went to Vandy and was a theta. Anywys, about 2 weeks ago someone went around to all the mebers of the society club that votes doors and posted this pic HUGE and worte on top "CAN YOU FIND YOUR QUEEN" she is dead center in middle....i thought it was all a myth until I saw your pic....isnt that random???? so damn funny....kinda mean someone did that ...(edit)...sorry for the rambling on, just could not believe it when i clicked on your link and saw this infamous pic i have heard so much about but never seen....

So, yall have a chance to finally see the San Antonio Queen of the Fiesta. Supposedly she's in the center area with blonde hair and not much cleavage.

Arkansas's New Gift

The great state of Arkansas has brought us many wonderful things throughout history:
-Prime duck hunting land
-Some of the best rice in the world
-Jim Dandy
-Bill Clinton ("I feel your pain...while I feel your wife's thigh")
-Charly ("I'm Asian, I'm hot, but I don't know Michelle Wie so stop asking!")
Arkansas has also brought us some terrible things throughout history:
-Hillary Clinton

But the great state of Arkansas has finally redeemed itself and will now go down in the history books as the inspiration to the single greatest invention ever to be brought before mankind. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...

Camo Prom Wear!!!

I'll tell you what boy, she is hawt! I want her phone number. Yum Yum! I bet she's got a bikini that matches that. Hmm...if you wear a camoflauge thong does that mean it's see-thru?

And does anyone know where I can get some yellow boots like he has? I need some of those.

Weekend Recap

Well the blogosphere is boring today. It just seems like no one is doing anything fun. They just talk and talk. Give me a story people! Paul at least put up pics from an evening of drinking. He talked about some dude named Ish who was obnoxiously drunk. That was interesting. Why don’t other people understand that? We want to read interesting things. I don’t care about you cleaning your A/C ducts. You are boring us. And if you are boring, you suck. End of story.

Ok, now that I’m done with that, how are you doing? I spent most of my weekend trying not to be the main entertainment for a 7 year old. Yeah, my cousin was back at the lake with us this weekend. I had a good time, but I really don’t like spending my precious free time entertaining a 7 year old.
So Friday after work, the brother and I left the office and headed to Arkansas. Before we were out of the city we saw this minivan. It had spinners on the driver's side but not on the passenger. The passenger side only had regular hubcaps (maybe he's waiting for this month's welfare check to get here). Check out the pic. I think we need a press conference to tell this guy how much of a pimp he is.

We picked up beer and booze at Porter’s Liquor in Augusta, AR. That’s the last stop for beer on the way there. He got a 4 pack of San Salvador’s premixed margaritas (or ‘road pops’ as we call them). I saw that they had a new mango flavored style. I love mangos. I love margaritas. How could this go wrong? It was a weird kinda sweet. Too much of a “fru-fru chick drink” for me. It got better the more I drank, but I just didn’t really like it enough to get it another time. Next time, I stick with the tried and true regular margarita. We got to the house and started grilling hot dogs and burgers. We stayed up drinking and watching the Three Stooges.
Saturday we went on the water, tubed, and then went in to hang out and start dinner. We had steak, grilled bbq chicken, twice baked potatoes, fried green tomatoes with a remoulade sauce, tomatoes with basil & gorgonzola cheese, and fresh watermelon. We had several bottles of wine among everyone. After everyone went to bed, Dad, the brother, and I stayed up to watch Casablanca. Always a great movie.
Sunday, the grandparents and cousin left early. I decided to come home earlier rather than around sunset. I’m glad I did, because Dr. JR called me to invite over to hang out by the pool at his place and eat some fish. Hmm…fish…pool…beer? I’ll be there. I headed over to find two dogs, one doctor, and no one else. I thought it was going to be a party, but it turned out to be just us, and another guy with his wife and daughter. We had pan seared grouper with jerk sauce in fish tacos and a grilled grouper. It was too damn good. So after plenty of fish and a 6 pack of Bud Light. I headed home.

So that was the weekend. Remember there are a few functions coming up this week and weekend to check out:
For bloggers, you have the blogger bash Thursday and Sunday at the Young Ave Deli at 7.

For everyone there is the Sabafest party/fundraiser benefitting St. Jude.

Have a good one and don't get none on ya.

Songs on the Playlist:
The Allman Brothers Band – Revival
The Allman Brothers Band – Wasted Words
The Allman Brothers Band – Blue Sky
The Allman Brothers Band – One Way Out
The Cars – You’re All I’ve Got Tonight
The Allman Brothers Band – Melissa
The Who – Eminence Front
The Cars – Bye Bye Love
The Allman Brothers Band – Blue Sky