5/31/2006
Random Dating Post
I have many married friends in my various circles of friends. So over the last few months, several of the wives have decided that they can find “the perfect woman” for me. It’s been real and it’s been fun. Hey, in some cases it’s been real fun. Some cases it got bizarre. But each time, I’ve taken the same attitude and had fun with it. In the end that’s all I can do.
I’m really appreciative to all my friends who have tried this. I am grateful for their interests in my wellbeing even if I have met a few nutcases.
So why am I writing this when I never talk about my lovelife on my blog? Because I have come up with a few rules of civility that need to be reminded to everyone in the dating world. This is not an all encompassing list, but something I want to share with you because it makes me laugh (even if some of the things were embarrassing when they happened). They didn’t all happen to me, but many did:
- When setting someone up on a blind date, be sure to tell both parties about it. Don’t just give one person the other’s phone number.
- When eating dinner, make sure the other person is done eating their meal before you start chain-smoking.
- Ladies, if you are not interested in the man, thank him for the evening and tell him that you don’t think it’ll work or you just want to be friends or something. Don’t bring up the taboo date topics (i.e. dirty sex stories) in a way to disrespect your date. Men don’t think that way.
- If a date is not going well, that is not an excuse to start heavy drinking to make it better.
- Do not take your date bar hopping if it is going well. End it earlier than you would like to leave them wanting more.
- Do not seem desperate for a relationship, even if you are. Desperation stinks. You can smell it a mile away. No one finds desperate people attractive (except desperate housewives, except Nicollete Sheridan. She is a skank) Don’t believe me? Remember the last time you were at your local meat market (i.e. singles bar). You can tell the people who have their sh*t together and the people who are just dying for anyone to be with them. Which ones do you think were desperate? That’s right. The latter.
Ok, I’m done with this rant. Have a good one and don’t get none on ya.
Songs on the Playlist:
Jimmy Buffett – Manana
ACDC – Highway To Hell
The Beatles – Dig A Pony
Johnny Cash – Greystone Chapel
Pete Yorn – Life On A Chain
Run DMC – It’s Tricky
Pat Green – Me and Billy The Kid
Shooter Jennings – Solid Country Blues
David Gray – This Year’s Love
The Who – You Better You Bet
5/30/2006
Weekend Recap
I hope you had a great weekend. Mine was fun. Not long enough though. I partied too much and didn’t do enough housework. So that means it was good.
Friday I left work at 3PM. I raced home to change into my suit. My sister is going to be a debutante this year in the Southern Debutante Assembly. They have a garden party in May and the actual Debut in December. When my cousin was a Deb, the garden party was at a house just outside Greenwood, MS. This year it was at the Antebellum home in North Carrollton, MS. The original owner was a former MS governor. I took a ton of pics from the party, of the town, and of the house. I’ll post those pics in another post sometime. It was really cool.
The party lasted from 7 to 8. It had champagne…no, wait, that was sparkling grape juice. It was sans-alcohol. Not a big deal though. I had fun with the family. Well everyone except Dad. He was at the Tophatter’s Dinner for Carnival (my sister told him to go to that). (The Tophatter’s Dinner is a private dinner for the King and Queen of Carnival full of toasts and other things. I’ve never been so I don’t know much about it. It’s full of past kings and presidents as well as the other “who’s who” of Carnival.)
After the Garden Party was over, I chugged a Red Bull for the drive back to Memphis. I probably got back to the highway about 8:45. When I got to Winona to get back on I-55, I decided to grab a little dinner. I got McDonald’s…for the first time in over 6 months. Sorry, but I’ve seen Super Size Me. That is nasty. But I just had a craving for two cheeseburgers from there. To be honest, it wasn’t that bad.
Funny thing though, anytime you go to a fast food restaurant in Memphis, the folks who take your orders and give you the food can’t speak. It’s not that they won’t speak; they actually cannot speak. Allow me to provide an example of what they (what you are reading is the way their words would be spelled):
“We’come to MaDonalls (Burg Keen, Winday’s) my nam is **. Canni take yo orda?
Wood yu leik fries wit dat?
Okay, you want a dubba chee’burger wit kachup, mus, an prickles.
Whatchuwannadrink?”
Why am I making fun of these people? Because I have grown so accustomed to these a’holes who can’t annunciate their words that at the McDonald’s in Winona I was blown away when the girl who gave me my food said the following (typed the way it was said):
“Did you all go to graduation this evening?”
All I could say was no, I’d been at a garden party and thank her. That completely caught me off guard.
I rolled into Memphis late in the evening. I got home and changed into jeans and a shirt. I couldn’t find anyone who was going out so I decided to head up to Newby’s. Holy crap. I walked in and saw my Dad there with some of the other Tophatters. I couldn’t believe it. So I hung with them and some of the regulars. Had a good time and got home around 2am. I was hungry so I called both Dominoes and Pizza Hut. They were closed. When in the hell do they close that early on a Friday night? That’s ridiculous.
Saturday morning I woke about 7:30 and couldn’t go back to sleep. I remembered this breakfast place I had driven past on Summer a few times, I threw on a Tshirt and shorts and went to Bryant’s Breakfast near Summer and Graham. I got two sausage/biscuits and an order of grits to go. I got home and fixed an OJ. Oh my Lord! It was delicious. Old fashioned sausage & biscuits. I am in love. I have a new place for breakfast. This is way better than anything you’ll ever get at a coffee shop like Huddle House, IHOP, or CK’s. Yeah I know it’s sacrilegious to say that, but it’s true. I went back to sleep and napped on the couch for most of the day.
I had a date Saturday night so of course I won’t tell you about that. I will say that if you eat at Automatic Slim’s downtown, don’t get the “Tale of Two Fish”. I found A fish and a bunch of other stuff I couldn’t eat. Although the cocktails with dinner were badass. They make the best mojito at Automatic Slim’s. After that we walked to Silky’s on Beale, and thing’s progressed downhill. Too many beers and too many jagerbombs. She had too go home so we caught a cab eastbound at 1. She had a plane to catch at 6:30 Sunday morning so that’s what killed the evening too early. Funny thing though, as I got out of the cab at home, my brother called me to see what was going on. And we headed to Ernestine & Hazel’s downtown for late night soulburgers. Too good.
Sunday I was bad hungover. I woke up at 9 for no reason and couldn’t go back to sleep. I think the jagerbombs were still killing me because I threw on my clothes and drove to Target. I walked in and couldn’t remember what I went there for. Is that a bad sign?
I went back home and crashed for the rest of the day. I ignored all phone calls as I nursed myself back to health. I had made a promise to my friend Paul that I would go to his cookout that evening. He had stressed the fact that I HAD TO BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT. I vegged and napped all day and finally made it to his house around 5. My suspicions were validated when he introduced me to one of his wife’s friends. It was quite interesting. I was trying to kill the final remnants of my hangover, be polite, nurse the first beer, and chat up a hottie all at once. How did I do? You know I never talk about the love life in detail. But I will say I had a great time despite the fact that Paul burned the burgers. I stayed late and listened to stories until well late in the evening.
Oh yeah, all during the weekend (and a lot on Sunday) I watched Vh1’s History of Metal and SuperGroup. That’s actually been very entertaining.
Monday I woke up and swore I wasn’t going to drink anymore. I had been drinking a lot for three nights in a row and I couldn’t handle anymore. Dad called around lunchtime and invited me out for ribs with the family for dinner around 5. I said yes and watched Band of Brothers on the History Channel all day. I love Memorial Day Weekend. War movies and shows all damn day. That rocks. Dad cooked some badass ribs and “the it is” hit me about halfway home. I rolled into the house and turned on war movies again. I never could take a nap again but I did get to watch all these great movies. I ended up going to sleep around 11:30. And the alarm went off too early today.
Overall a badass weekend.
Songs on the Playlist:
Tony Bennett – Just In Time
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Breaking the Girl
Soundgarden – Limo Wreck
Robert Johnson – Crossroad Blues
Stone Temple Pilots – Dead and Bloated
Hank Williams – I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry
Paul McCartney & Wings – Jet
ACDC – Jailbreak
Derek & the Dominoes – It’s Too Late
ZZ Top – Waiting For The Bus>Jesus Just Left Chicago
Robert Earl Keen – Undone
Bob Dylan – Tombstone Blues
Cake – Short Skirt, Long Jacket
Billy Squier – Lonely Is The Night
Tesla – Love Song
Widespread Panic – All Time Low
The Who – Won’t Get Fooled Again
Widespread Panic – Hope In A Hopeless World
The Grateful Dead - Friend Of The Devil
Tuesday Update
5/26/2006
Planning a Wedding?

Here we have a lovely couple getting married in front of a beached whale. I hope this convinces you that getting married on a beach may not be the best thing in the world as there will be people besides yourselves there.
Word of the day: Cropdust - to let loose a large amount of flatulence and then walk through a particular area in an attempt to spread the fumes all over the area. Ex. "I was standing in the hallway talking to Barbara when Tom came through and cropdusted the entire hallway. That dude stinks!"
Songs on the Playlist:
Southern Culture On The Skids - Walk Like A Camel
Jimmy Buffett - Mental Floss
5/25/2006
Upcoming Concert Schedule
Saturday 5/27/06 Todd Snider @ Gibson Showcase Lounge
Monday 5/29/06 The Roots @ The Premier Nightclub
Thursday 6/1/06 Cowboy Mouth @ Peabody Hotel
Monday 6/19/06 Cracker @ HiTone
Thursday 6/22/06 Bryson Jennings & Alabaster Brown & Vince Herman of Leftover Salmon @ Newbys
Saturday 6/24/06 Jack Ingram & Sheryl Crow @ Orpheum Theatre
Friday 7/28/06 Widespread Panic @ Midsouth Coliseum
Saturday 7/29/06 Widespread Panic @ Midsouth Coliseum
Thursday 8/3/06 311 & The Wailers @ Mud Island Amphitheatre
Saturday 9/23/06 Built To Spill @ Young Avenue Deli
(yea if you can't tell, I'm really bored right now. I decided not to do anything tonight and I can't go to the gym since I screwed up my ankle. It sucks.)
HNT - Sprained Ankle

Here is a shot of my ankle today (Thursday). The bruise is above where my other brace is. I have a matching bruise at the bottom of the side of my foot. I don't know why I'm all bruised up, but oh well. I can actually walk like a human being again. I don't have to do an impersonation of Igor from Young Frankenstein (pronounced "E-gor").

5/24/2006
Last Night's Dinner
How was it? Well somehow I screwed up the damn baked potatoe. I overcooked it (I forgot about it until I smelled something funny from the kitchen). But that's fine because I didn't have any room for it. The steak was awesome. The inside was a little too medium. I like it medium rare, but it was still juicy and good. The tomato was awesome. I was going to take a pic of the steak for you, but I couldn't wait to eat. Here is a pic before I finished off the last of the tomato:


Songs on the Playlist:
Jimmy Buffett - Trying to Reason With Hurricane Season
Bob Dylan - Idiot Wind
Salute to Idol Fans

For those of you who read my blog regularly and/or know me personally, you know how much I despise this ridiculous farce. So I’m not going to hop on my soapbox this early in the morning. But if you are going to watch it, enjoy your vanilla entertainment. And don’t get none on ya.
Songs on the Playlist:
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band – Mr. Bojangles
John Cougar Mellencamp – Hurt So Good
The Clash – Rudie Can’t Fail
Today’s Word of the Day:
Cougar – A female (single, divorced, or married) who hangs out in bars looking for any younger man to satisfy her carnal desires. Cougars typically are between the ages of 40 and 60. They hunt for men between 18 and 30. They dress like they are 14 and have the appearance of being terminally tan from too many years in tanning salons. Cougars typically appear to have been “ridden hard and put up wet.” Beware the cougar as she ready to bed any male who smiles at her.
5/23/2006
Email from Amy on D&Z Show
hey guys! thanks for reading my e-mail on the air. I didn't catch it, but my husband did. he got a kick out of it. he knew it was me even though I didn't tell him about it. who ever chimed in with the grab the mop remark, you were absolutely right! I just don't get women today--they are ALL crazy. They bellyache about how they can't find a good man, or they can't get the one they have to act right. Well, my response to them is this: Get off your ass, clean the f'ing house, and have dinner on the table when your man gets home from work. It does not matter if you both work, go to school--whatever! YOU, ladies, are still the woman of the house. Your home, husband, and children are YOUR responsibility. Men are simple--feed 'em well, f 'em well, and they're happy. What's so difficult about that? I wake up at 5:15 every morning to cook breakfast AND lunch for my husband before he leaves for work, and, I assure you, he gets his lovin' whenever he wants it. (that's another issue I don't understand, cutting HIM off when your pissed. What sense does that make? If he isn't gettin' any, I'M not gettin' any, and I'm NOT going for that!) I could go on forever, but instead, I'll get off my soapbox-- I have laundry to do and floors to mop! Have a great day guys! Weed for life!
amy
Ok, it's me again. Now I have to say that they did discuss that this might be the husband using his wife's email address. But even if it is, it's pretty damn funny.
Have a great day and don't get none on ya!
Tuesday Update
More good news: I got a date for Crown & Sceptre. I’m taking Miniher. That should be fun.
Other than that I’m just taking it easy for the ankle to heal. The last thing I need is a bum ankle during waterskiing season. I’ve done that before and gotten the funky “ankle brace” tan.
Yeah, today's a boring post. Sorry. I don't have much going on right now that is worth talking about. Have a great one.
Songs on the Playlist:
The Grateful Dead – Sugar Magnolia (100 Years Hall)
Marvin Gaye – Mercy Mercy Me
5/22/2006
Weekend Recap
After we parked (and I had to explain that the Orpheum parking lot WAS right next to the entrance), I split off from them and went in to find my friends. I had some of the best wet ribs I've ever had at the 'Oscar & The Grouches' team. Thanks to those guys. After that I floated through about four or five different teams with my buds and ran in Kat at BBQ Republic. I had a good time there and saw a ton of folks. They kicked everyone out at 12 and my sister called to see if I needed a ride home. Why hell yeah! So I drove her car back to my house because E&H wouldn't let her in (she's only 19, but I guess that matters on BBQ fest week). She dropped me off and ran to a friend's house. I came home, ate a snack, and went to bed.
Oh yeah, when we were walking into BBQ Fest, the Bible beaters with the sign were talking on their megaphone about the Da Vinci Code. Those guys are nuts. They can take anything you say and argue against you like asinine fools.
Saturday I vegged around the house and then went to Lowe's. I bought 5 tomato plants and took them to Mom for her mother's day gift. Yea I know it's a week late, but no one bought them on Mother's Day. So my brother and I planted the plants in her garden. After that I came home. I mulled the idea of going back to BBQ fest, but I had partied for too many days and nights this week. I had some Pizza from Exline's Pizza (always good). And went to bed early.
Sunday I woke up and did a little laundry. I goofed around the house and didn't go to the gym. It was such a pretty day that I decided to go running. And this is where things went downhill. I was running through the neighborhood not paying attention. I saw some hot girl running the other way. I was watching her and stepped wrong on a curb. I twisted/sprained my ankle. I have now been gimped up at home since yesterday afternoon. I went to RiteAid and found an ankle injury kit. I put that on in the parking lot. It had an ice compress kit and gauze, etc. to wrap the ankle. I bought two new ankle braces too. After the cold pac stopped working, the roommate got me a refreezable one with a special brace. It was $20 but it rocks. It can be cooled or heated. How awesome is that? He had gone to get dinner anyway, so it didn't bother him to pick it up.
Anyway, the swelling has gone down considerably. How bad was it? My left ankle on the outside looked like a friggin' baseball. It was huge. I've kept it wrapped and iced all night and day and it feels fine. I have a doctor's appointment today at 3PM. So I'm not going to work today. I think I'll hook my laptop up to the net and do a little downloading. Yall have a great day behind the desks of the world.
Oh yeah, I read a great quote on a Jose Cuervo ad:
Good stories never start with "We were drinking Chardonnay when..."
5/19/2006
Thursday - BBQ Fest Recap
They ended the program with a “Who’s the Best” segment. They got 14 cowboys and cowgirls from some valley in California to taste unnamed BBQ from each region. I believe the scores were as follows:
North Carolina 17 points
Kansas City 28 points
Texas 30 points
MEMPHIS 45 POINTS
The most anywhere could get was a perfect 70 points. Hold on a second while we give ourselves a regional pat on the back.
So why did I post that? To brag, plus it is a decent segway into the recap of BBQ Fest. I caught a cab downtown despite my unhappy stomach. I don’t know what was wrong with it, but I soon realized it wanted beer. So I got to the first tent right at sunrise and took care of my stomach’s serious needs.
I think I visited about 7 tents last night. Last night was mostly about getting my bearings around the place as many teams have moved from their spots last year. I had fun. Here are the only two pics from last night. Oh yeah, I went with the novelty Tshirt just for the effect. I couldn’t walk past 20 people without someone reading my shirt or making a comment. There were a few dumbasses who wanted to talk smack, but I always ignore those losers. I went to one tent to find my buddy “The FD”. There was this girl in there staring me down. She came across the tent and said “I love your shirt. You don’t remember me do you?” She couldn’t tell me where I met her or when. She is married to the older brother of a guy I went to high school with. Then she proceeded to argue with me that the guy I remember is too young and I must know his older brother/her husband. Then she runs off. Very odd. But I did get my pic with her.


Oh yeah, I got my pic with Shawna from Newby’s but it was on someone else’s camera. I’ll post it when I get a copy.
When I was leaving I caught a pic of this. I am glad I missed their tent.

I’ll be back tonight with a vengeance. I'll probably skip the whole novelty Tshirt idea this time.
Songs on the Playlist:
Hank Williams Jr – Country Boy Can Survive
Warranty – She’s My Cherry Pie
Stone Temple Pilots – Interstate Love Song
Pearl Jam - Black
5/18/2006
BBQ FEST HAS BEGUN!!!
It's 80 outside now. I'm probably going in shorts and tennis shoes. Catch me if you can. What's the prize? If you catch me you can buy me a pronto pup or a cold beer.
Songs on the Playlist:
Kool & The Gang - Jungle Boogie
J. Geils Band - Freeze Frame
HNT
Post a celebration pic and repost your first HNT.
Here is the celebration pic. I am holding a Rockstar (rockstar energy drink & Vodka)

Here is my first HNT. It's a shot of my left leg. Obviously I don't wear "highwater" jeans. I had to pull them up for the shot.

Happy HNT to all you bloggers out there (this thing is kinda getting old, don't you think?)
Where's Waldo?
FISHING BABY!!!
Of course everyone at work wanted to know why I just took off a random Wednesday. My answer to them? NONEYADAMNBIDNESS!
Did I catch anything? Nothing worth keeping (i.e. nothing over ten inches).
Any stories to tell about it? Nope. All I did was fish and relax. I needed that like you wouldn’t believe.
Why didn’t I post anything about it Tuesday? I was busy after work and my computer at work was messing up all day. I couldn’t get on my personal email for some reason. Today everything is fine. So I went two days without blogging, and it wasn’t bad at all. I know some of you might have been a little miffed about it. Sorry.
Well what is on the schedule now? BBQ Fest tonight, tomorrow, and Saturday. I’ll put up plenty of pics for that starting Friday.
Oh yeah, I’ll get up the HNT later today too.
5/15/2006
Pics are Working now
Here is the pic from graduation. Who is the stud in the seersucker suit?

Here is the pic of the same stud with two hotties.

This is the pic of the Rockstar. The flash made it look like a screwdriver, but you get the idea. It had very little Rockstar and a lot of Vodka.

Here is a pic of Tishamingo. I recommend going to see them if you like Southern rock.

Songs on the Playlist:
Robert Earl Keen - Feelin Good Again
Weekend Recap without pics (thanks Blogger)
It’s time for the weekend recap. Why haven’t I put it up yet? Because I was going to take a ton of the pics and crop them to make them look better. But hey, I spent my Sunday doing other stuff. And I don’t have Photoshop or Picassa at work. So the few pics I put up will be the unedited ones. I know I won’t have time to do it tonight because I’m going to work late and then go to the gym.
Friday I worked late. I probably left the office just before 6PM. I knew I had to get up at 6AM so I declined all invitations to go out. Of course I passed up the invite to the Super T show at the UClub. I heard from various sources that it was just ok. There was also a rumor floating around that I was going to Raiford’s after the show. Let’s see, that was a 1AM phone call. Where was I? In bed trying to sleep. What was the rumor? I had been at the UClub and I was already headed down to Riaford’s to meet up with everyone. Yea, I don’t think so. I haven’t been to Raiford’s since November. The last time before that, the “world’s biggest asshole/cokehead” had a group of us there. He convinced us to let him get the VIP room and after we got it, he told us to pay up $40 each. Then he tried to get us to take the Raiford’s limo back to Beale. I don’t like going to Raiford’s. It is overrated unless you have a hot dance partner to take with you. (now you partly understand why I don’t like to go to Raiford’s).
I also got a call inviting me down to Silky’s on Beale St. I had to decline that one unfortunately. That would have been fun though.
Why is it that the nights I am staying in to get up early on Saturdays, people want to know what the hell I'm doing? I'm not complaining. I just think it's funny.
At 3:30AM the roommate came home. I heard what sounded like a herd of women in high heels walking on the hardwood floors. Obviously it woke me up. I tried to go back to sleep, but they were pretty loud. Then nature called so I threw a shirt on and headed to the bathroom. For some reason they were standing in the hallway: two girls and the roommate. In my groggy state, I said “morning” and walked into the bathroom. When I walked out, one of the girls was all into the roommate and the other was smiling at me. I was tired. She was kinda cute, but I wasn’t ready to have the drunk girl/sober guy conversation. She wasn’t cute enough to make it worth the trouble. I just went back to bed. Then the herd of women in high heels left with the roommate.
About three hours later my alarm went off. I needed another few hours of sleep, but I wasn't going to get them. I got to my grandmother’s house around 7 to go to Ole Miss graduation for the brother, but of course she was running late.
We got to Oxford and the graduation was delayed an hour due to rain. It finally let up and everything was great. Here is a pic of myself, the brother, and the sister in front of the Grove after commencement. I’m pretty proud of him for this.
(this is where the first pic would be)
After graduation we went to my other grandparents’ house. Had a late lunch and a few bottles of champagne. I looked at my watch at five till 5. I remembered I had to be at Lolo’s downtown at 7PM. I grabbed my grandmother, threw her in her car, and went ‘boogedy-boogedy-boogedy’ up I-55 to Memphis (that’s a Nascar term for those of you not in the know). I dropped her off. On the way up I got an invite to preparty at Duchess Jana’s crib on Main St. Great apartment, great view. After a glass of wine, we went to Lolo’s Table where I saw RD and Kat. Hung out for a while, said hi to Kellie Ann (who will be missed), and left. Because of UNrepeatable drama that was going down at Lolo’s, I raced out to go to Newby’s. I had been texted by Duchess Les to meet up with her and a few friends. I got there early and had a few coronas and an order of tots. A little while later Duchess Les and her two friends showed up. One was Amanda and I can’t remember the guy’s name. He was pretty cool. He’s getting his masters at Mississippi State. Despite that, he was a pretty cool guy. Here’s a pic of Amanda, a really hot guy, and Duchess Les.
(here is where a pic of yours truly with two lovely ladies would be)
I had a few more coronas and then we switched to Rockstars (bad idea). I remember being asked to save the cups so they could take them home. Bad idea. I know I had Rockstars as did Les and Amanda. I remember at the end of the night they had about 6-8 cups between the two of them (we had a few on the band side too that weren’t in the fancy cups). Here is a pic of one of my Rockstars from the band side. It was really stout. The pic makes it look like there’s more Rockstar than Vodka, but trust me I actually winced when I took a sip. It was awesome.
(here would be a pic of my hand with a drink)
Oh yeah, we caught Tishamingo (or Tishaminga). They rock. I’ve heard about them through the music scene for a while, but never really had any desire to see them. I am glad I went. They remind me of the Allman Brothers in their sound, but with more of a Mississippi feel. I really enjoyed myself. They finished and I got home around 2:30AM.
(here would be a pic of the band)
I woke up at 9 Sunday for no reason and couldn’t go back to sleep. I watched TV but there wasn’t anything good on. I basically wasted Sunday morning and early afternoon napping, eating, and watching TV. I went to my parent’s house for Mother’s Day. I got home about halfway through Grey’s Anatomy. I watched the second half of the episode so I have no idea what’s going on between Christina & Burk. Other than that I picked up everything. Anyone want to give me a little detail about what I missed, I’d appreciate it.
Remember how I said that things were lining up in weird ways, I wasn’t joking. Saturday night was full of drama, anxiety, and a ton of fun. I have to say it was a pretty good weekend.
Songs on the Playlist:
O.A.R. – Night Shift>Stir It Up
Billy Squier – Everybody Wants You
Jimmy Buffett – Jimmy Dreams
Widespread Panic – Wondering
Pat Green – 1-900-Lover
‘Irish Drinking Songs’ – Drink and Fight
The Who – Love Reign O’er Me
Judas Priest – You Got Another Thing Coming
The Grateful Dead – Truckin’
Jack Johnson – Fortunate Fool
INXS – Pretty Vegas
The Rolling Stones – Prodigal Son
Def Leppard – Let’s Get Rocked
Jet – Come Around Again
5/13/2006
Ruh Roh
I'll be downtown at Lolo's Table (never been there) and then there's no telling where I'm headed after that.
5/12/2006
USA! USA! USA!
Sorry to my international readers for putting you through this segment of American patriotism
Hot For Teacher
Now I want to go back to school. Or at least college. I don't want to take any tests. I just want to chase women.
Thursday Recap


On the way back, the welfare employees were still hard at work making sure the front yard didn’t float away. I’m so proud of the hard work they are putting into our society. If it weren’t for people like them, we would all have to start drinking Colt 45 malt liquor.
After work was over, I headed to Midtown to help the Porters move the last few items from her old house to his. I was told that I would have to get 1 couch, 1 dresser, 1 bed frame, 1 TV, and 1 or 2 boxes. Of course as I was told this information, I was looking at this sky at 5PM:

Take a look at these pics and tell me if you think that we only had to get 1 couch, 1 dresser, 1 bed frame, 1 TV, and 1 or 2 boxes.


Yeah, it was a ton of stuff. This second pic is an example of what a great driver he is. Now, in his defense he was driving down Poplar near the main library (very narrow lanes). But, I’ve seen crackheads do a better job.
From there I headed out to the parents’ house in G’town. My sister had to move out of the dorm yesterday. Mom took my truck to Oxford to load all the big stuff. My sister was supposed to get home and have everything but the heavy crap out of my truck. When I got to there, she still wasn’t in Memphis yet. So I threw all her crap into the garage and took off. I went home to get ready to go out.
I headed to the Blue Monkey on Madison (the only standing one). There I met up with Lil’ Lloyd, Duchess Les, Duchess Jana, Queen Laura and her consort, Duchess Jana’s roommate Ashley, and two folks who work with D. Les. I had a few Coronas before the band started. THEY SUCKED. The drummer was that big guy with the curly white hair that was in the old Thursday night band, but the rest of the band was new. The singer chick reminded me of Winona Judd on a bender. The keyboarder looked like a washed up former Cars or Talking Heads member. The guitarist, well he wasn’t that impressive. They were just playing mellow stuff. I think they were just a bunch of washed up former hippies trying to get one last flashback before their bastard kids throw them into a third rate nursing home.
Was that a little harsh? Sorry, but they killed our table. I mean we were starting to really get to know the folks we didn’t and have a good time, but they were too loud and too boring. I think “buzzkill” was the word I used last night. It was so bad I had to leave. Nothing really exciting happened so I didn't get any pics from the bar. Sorry, but none of you want to see people just sitting around the table.
Oh yeah, I saw my friend Alisha there. She was with a bday party for the "most annoying man on the earth". Oh yeah, he is also the king of c-b's (he can c-b himself!). Quick story to explain his title: last summer I gave this guy a ride from my party to his car down the street (just over a mile away). As we walked out these two dorks were talking ahead of us. They said "what a bunch of tools. How stupid was that? A Hawaii 5-0 theme!" I said "Yeah, it would have been a lot cooler if we had just gone and gotten our faces all pierced up like you, huh? Get the F outta my party now!" The most annoying man just walked along and laughed. The next week I heard he was going around telling everyone that I was too drunk to drive but I did anyway and he had to restrain me from fighting. Both things were wrong. Apparently he takes stories and exaggeraes the hell out of them like that. I'll be the first to admit that I have driven when I shouldn't have in college. Now though, I'll take a cab if I shouldn't drive. So whatever.
Anyway, off that crap. I had fun last night except for the band. Thanks to Duchess Les for the invite.
What am I doing this weekend? Well I would go see Super T at the UClub tonight if I didn't have to get up at 6 tomorrow morning and drive my grandmother to my brother's graduation. Tomorrow night I am going out for Kellie Ann's going away party. Sunday is Mother's Day. I'm sure I'll come up with more things to do, but for now, I am just going to work and not worry about it.
Songs on the Playlist:
Black Sabbath – Paranoid
Brooks & Dunn – Hard Workin’ Man
O.A.R. – Delicate Few
The Grateful Dead – St. Stephen
The Doors – Love Her Madly
Eric Clapton – Hound Dog
Widespread Panic – Climb To Safety
Bush – Monkey
The Beatles - All You Need Is Love
George Strait - The Chair
The Grateful Dead - Little Red Rooster
5/11/2006
HNT - Ron Burgundy Style

In honor of this weeks HNT, I give you two quotes from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy:
"The only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show [kisses his biceps] and see if she likes the goods."
"Ohh, it's a deep burn! Oh, it's so deep! Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand."
Songs on the playlist:
Widespread Panic - Coconuts
Chris Isaak - They Did A Bad Bad Thing
5/09/2006
BBQ Fest Guidelines
Rule 1: Get on a team
This is easier than you think. Ask around among all your friends if they have a team. If none of them have teams, get new friends. Or find out if any friends of friends have teams. Express interest in joining their team.
It's too late to join a team now. You should have done that back in January or February. If you are interested in joining a team, then I recommend that while at BBQ Fest ask a team member of whichever team you like how you can join or be brought up for membership, etc.
What team am I on? I'm not. I have friends spread out through about 10 teams. Several of them are trying to get me to join their teams for next year. I will visit these teams (and others) and see what I like. Cold beer, hot girls, and no dorks are a plus in my rankings.
Rule 2: Don't join a team
If you aren't going to join a team or can't, that doesn't mean you can't have fun. Send an email to everyone you know but don't carbon copy them. Say something like:
"Hey, I'll be at BBQ Fest this year and I want to be sure to see all my friends. If you are on a team, please let me know because I want to say hi. Blah Blah Blah."
Don't carbon copy (cc) everyone. Just Blind Carbon Copy (bcc) or send individual emails. The key information that you want to get is
a. Team name
b. All team members you know
c. Booth location
Each bit of information is critical. You want (a) because that's the name of the team (if you don't understand that concept pull the nail out of your temple so you can start thinking again). You want to know (b) because if buddy 1 leaves and someone asks you who you know, you can point to buddy 2. Also the more people you know on a team, the more fun you'll have. And the more likely someone will know the hot girl by the keg and can introduce you (Duh!). You want to know (c) because you can't go to something if you don't know where it is.
Rule 3: Get enough of cash
You will need to buy a ticket in and you will need cab money (see rule 4)
Rule 4: DO NOT DRIVE!!!
You are going to be downtown at BBQ fest and you can't walk home (for distance and inebriation reasons). Get a cab. Or a hot girl to drive you home. What's that? You can't get a hot girl to drive you home! Well then get a cab you wimp.
I recommend a cab down there and back. Why? You take a cab down there. Say it's $20 one way (I believe that's what it is from High Point Terrace to Beale). The cab pulls up to Beale & Front to let you out. Why is this important? Because if you (or one of your friends) drove there, you will have to park in a parking garage or at someone's house. If you go to a parking garage, then you'll have to pay at least $15 dollars to park. And you'll probably have to walk a half mile just to get to Beale & Front where the cab would have let you out. Then someone will have to drive home after all that BBQ and beer. Let's do the math here:
Taking a cab: $40 round trip
Driving: $15 parking and several thousands of dollars in DUI fees and court costs
Rule 5: Pace yourself
No one wants to deal with your drunk ass at 6:30PM, so pace yourself. Eat a big meal before you go down there. No, they don't always have free food for you. So you want to deal with it properly. I also recommend either getting a B12 shot or start taking Super B Complex vitamins (I take them anyway. They help reduce stress supposedly and it's just like a B12 shot). This is critical if you are on a team and will be there almost 24/7.
Rule 6: Bring a Camera
Need an excuse to talk to a pretty girl? Have her take your picture with you and your buds. Or better yet take her picture. Tell her you need proof that there actually was a hot girl at BBQ Fest who wasn't slutting around from tent to tent. Kidding that line would never work, but you get the idea. Or just be honest. Chicks dig honesty right? Not.
Ladies, do you see some hot guy you want to talk to but he's too stupid to come say hi? Have your friends take a random pic with him. Sure it's forward, but you'll be the one woman that'll stand out to him for the rest of the night. At the least, you'll have a pic to make your friends who were too cool to come jealous.
Plus how cool would it be to have a pic with you and 25 of your newest friends screaming and cootie brown drunk.
Rule 7: Be prepared for the mess
Wear comfortable clothes that you don't mind getting muddy. Simple enough right? Look good, but for God's sake, be ready to get covered in beer, mud, and sweat. Hmm...beer mud and sweat...that sounds like a redneck wedding right?
Rule 8: Be prepared to stretch your bladder
There are no bathrooms beside porta-potties. Be cool and don't mess them up. Best bet is always to be at a friend's tent when nature calls. Each team has one porta-pottie (some bigger ones have two).
Rule 9: Watch the language please
Late at night when everyone is tore up from the floor up, just about anything goes. But remember that Wednesday night is for the families (and is not open to the general public) and some people will bring their kids in the early evening. So while the kids are around, watch the cussing, you dick.
Rule 10: Ladies, watch the four letter words
Ok, this one is for the women. Ladies, at BBQ fest, there are no four letter words. Four letter words include but are not limited to the following:
"can't"
"won't"
"stop"
"don't"
Ok, I'm kidding. And I totally stole that joke. But ladies, if you are going to BBQ Fest, don't put up the "bitch shield" please. We are cool and are all having fun. This is BBQ Fest. We don't have any room for your ego inside these 'small' tents.
Rule 11: Wear sunscreen
People bump into each other. If you are there during the day, you need to put on sunscreen. Otherwise you're going to be in a lot of pain all day and night.
Rule 12: If you are sketchy and drunk, don't dance on the bar. For the love of humanity, please don't dance on the bar.
Last year, I was with a group and one of the guys had a friend with a team nearby. We went in and had a few beers and jello shots. They had a bar built in a U shape. On each of the three sides, there was a stripper pole built into the top of the bar. There were these hot drunk girls dancing. One of the girls obviously brought the ugly friend. Well the ugly friend had gotten a hold of a few too many jello shots, obviously. The ugly friend wanted attention, so she had her friend and several people lift her drunk ass up on the bar. Let's take a brief pause to memorize this formula:
Drunk girl craving attention + too many Jello shots + dancing on bar + beer and liquor spilt all over top of bar = funny ass fall
That's right, she fell and busted her ass. I heard through the gossip telegraph in the crowd that she ripped one of the following items: her skirt, her shirt, and/or her panties. That makes for a semi-funny story. An embarassing story for her, but a semi-funny one for us.
Rule 13: finally, HAVE FUN!!!
This should go without saying, but you need to have some fun. You've worked hard and have had a lot to deal with in your life. So go have some fun. If you see me, say hi, but at least remind me how we know each other. If you're just a reader whom I've never met, let me know.
Songs on the Playlist:
Pearl Jam - Evenflow
Johnny Cash - Folsom Prison Blues
Cory Morrow - Nashville Sucks
Michael Buble - How Sweet It Is
Michael Buble - Save the Last Dance For Me
Better Than Ezra - Good
Better Than Ezra - Extra Ordinary
5/07/2006
Weekend Recap
Well, when the weekend began I had already been out of the office for an hour and half (I got off work early). I raced home and showered, etc. I got to the rehearsal at the Church at 5:30 like we were supposed to. Well everyone else was late of course. We rehearsed. I didn't pay attention and made as many jokes as possible. Remember the scene in Old School where Vince Vaughan coughed and said "don't do it!" in the wedding? Well I did it at the rehearsal. It's still funny, but I wouldn't do something like that at the wedding. I love those two too much to do anything to ruin their wedding.
After the rehearsal everyone went to the rehearsal dinner in the ball room at the Memphis Country Club. It was a great dinner. I gave a speech. Some told me it was the best because of the story behind the speech. Here's what I did. Back in November or December, I started threatening DP & AP with a speech detailing all the details I knew that they never wanted to be spoken again. I was still threatening them at the rehearsal before the dinner. They had a microphone for the speeches after the dinner. Apparently the groom went around and told everyone to not give me the mike under any circumstances. Three people gave speeches and then the brother of the groom (Hanky Panky) got the mike. He gave a quick toast and said "Hey, I think Philip has a speech prepared!" He walked across the room and handed me the mike. I look over and the groom is white with fear. I explained to all the folks that for the last 6 months or so I had been terrorizing the bride and groom with the threat of the "bad toast". I told everyone that I had written a speech, but it wasn't what the bride and groom were expecting. It was an honest toast. I pulled the speech from my pocket and read it. This is the speech I wrote:
Some people say that the major changes in life are always an end and a beginning. Something that has defined your life ends while something that will now define your life begins. I don't believe that. I know that what has defined your life is blossoming into something new.
You were two wonderful people who lived two separate lives. Tomorrow you grow into one family. And you will take all of us with you on this journey. We are here because each of us love and support you. You are an inspiration to us. Your love renews the love and strength of every couple here. Your love is proof to the rest of us that we will find that perfect person for ourselves.
D and A, I love you both and I am so thankful for the gift of sharing this experience with you. God bless you both.
After all that buildup, do you think they were shocked? Hell yeah. After I read it, I raised my glass to toast them and both of their mouths were open. I think I did my job.
Well, after all the speeches we had a few more drinks. No one could make up their minds where they were going afterwards. I told everyone we needed to go to Newby's because it was a central location. No one came. Bastards. I had two beers and called it a night. But the highlight of the time at Newby's was the house band from Wild Bill's was playing. And it was all Memphis rock, blues, and soul. It blew my mind. I really dug it. Oh yeah, I was playing text message wars with about 4 different folks (text message war = as you reply to one text message, another person sends you one and you have a few conversations going via text message)
Saturday, I screwed around and then got to the Church at 2. The wedding was at 4 and we all had to have pics, etc. The wedding was unbelievable. The reception rocked. The father of the groom had grilled several racks of lamb and they had lamb chops for us.
About halfway through the reception, I realized that we hadn't done anything to the getaway car. And we didn't know who's car it was. I had another groomsman figure out which car it was and I ran to Walgreens for supplies. I got back and we didn't have any rope or beer cans. So we improvized. I ran inside to the groom's cake where he had a duck decoy on the stand. I grabbed that and someone found some surveyor's orange tape in their car. We tied that to the car (the groom hunts fyi). I wrote on all the windows. A few minutes later, they left. They loved the duck. All in all, it was great.
After they left, we had to help do a little cleaning up. Then one of the bartenders came to us and said "which one of yall is Philip?" I asked what I had done, they said "You need to get these kegs unless you want to leave them at the church."
DING DING DING We have a winner!
So I threw the kegs in the back of the truck and took off for home. I sent out text messages to a ton of folks. If you didn't get one, sorry. I am still plugging all my numbers into my phone and I'm not halfway done yet. Or you never gave me your cell number. In that case, fo-get you homes!
So we had these kegs at the Ponderosa and some of the wedding party and a few other folks came over. This is where the pics begin. Here is Gary (one of the groomsmen) checking the tap. A very important job.






Here is a random pic from inside. Emmy is on the left. Mendi is in the middle. (yea, they are both on myspace) Why is there a blanket? Mendi was cold. Chilled to the bone.
After a while and much more everclear, Mike the Cordova Recluse declared that we were going to Pat O'Brien's down on Beale Street. ON MUSIC FEST WEEKEND. Again, I think Mike is absolutely retarded. Not retarded drunk. Just plain old retarded. And whenever he is done being shady and hiding in Cordova, he comes out and tears up the world like this.
Here is a pic of the Uncle (Justin from ATL) with one of Mendi's friends, Mendi, and Emmy. We are at Pat O's.
Here is a pic of Mendi and the Uncle at the piano bar. I'll give you one guess as to who was more excited about this pic.
After a while, it got really boring. How do I define boring? There was no particular girl I was flirting with and it was late. And I was ready to leave and stop drinking. So I caught a cab home and got in about 3 am. Of course everyone had left and the kegs were still here (surprise surprise). I tried to raid my fridge but of course, I didn't have anything that was ready to eat. Emmy was too drunk to drive to her hotel so I let her crash for a few hours in the spare bedroom. I crawled into my bed and fell asleep about 3:30 am.
I got up at 12:30 and saw she had already left. I started mopping up the kitchen. Mike was spilling a bunch of beer last night. Oh yeah, he decided to get into my wheaties stash and put wheaties in his beer. "It's good man! I can get nutrients while I get drunk. And fiber too!!!" I told you he's retarded. I had a text war with a few folks who couldn't make it. Kendall invited me to go to grab some food with her, her mom, and her friend in town for music fest. We went to Chili's in East Memphis. Kendall and her friend looked like they felt much worse than I did. They were chugging Diet Coke and Tea and eating. I decided that to listen to my own advise: The best way to detox is retox! So I had three frozen margaritas. Ok, stop before you get started. Chili's gives you two 10 oz margaritas when you order (happy hour deal until like 10PM). I can't order just one. I gave the fourth to Kendall's mom.
Kendall and her friend told me this funny-ass story about a girl they know at UVA. How can I describe her before I tell you the story? How about "tease"? I think that'll do it. Apparently this tease (who is also a Stage 5 Clinger) went to this guy's house after a party. They were making out and she stopped him to say "There is a line right her (she drew a line across her body just below the breasts). If you get to touch anything above this line, consider yourself lucky." If that wasn't funny enough, a few days later she was crying to Kendall and a few other girls. She couldn't understand why he hadn't called her at all. When she was told by one of the girls that all she did was lead him on and that he wouldn't feel any decent connection with her, the tease said "but he has a piece of me" and tapped her chest over her heart. They all started laughing. Someone told her "you probably gave him the worst case of blueballs ever!" I just about fell out of the booth laughing at that. I'm sorry, but that girl is just retarded.
After that I ran to Target (pronounced "Tar-je"). I bought some shorts, a few smartass tshirts, some boxers, and the movie Baseketball (it was on sale for $5.50). I came home and have done a little laundry.
OOOHHHH!!!! I almost forgot. I worked on some of the pics I have taken over the last month. So I will have the April/May Ghetto Fashion parade out this week sometime.
Have a great one.
Songs on the Playlist (home computer, random mix):
The Who - Eminence FrontINXS - Don't Change
The Cars - Dangerous Type
Pat Benatar - We Belong
Peter Gabriel - I Grieve
The Cars - Let The Good Times Roll
The Cars - It's All I Can Do
The Clash - Rudie Can't Fail
The Cars - My Best Friends Girl
INXS - What You Need
The Clash - Rock the Casbah
The Clash - Straight To Hell
The Clash - Armagideon Time
The B-52's - Love Shack
Pete Townsend - Let My Love Open The Door
INXS - Suicide Blonde
5/05/2006
How Country Are You?
HOW COUNTRY ARE YOU?
1. Have you ever gone muddin?
Hell yea baby!
2. Have you ever lived on a dirt/gravel road?
nope
3. Ever been swimmin' at the river?
Swimmin’ and canoeing
4. Ever had a bonfire party?
Yea, I’ve never thrown one except at sardis lake in college
5. Have you ever driven a tractor?
nope
6. Have you ever been on a horse?
Yea
7. Ford or chevy?
Ford baby!
8. kissed someone in a pick up?
Yea, many times
9. Whats your favorite country song?
Robert Earl Keen – The Road Goes On Forever
10. Ever done 90 miles per hour down a dirt road?
No. 50, but not 90
11. Worked/Lived on a farm?
No
12. Been to a rodeo?
No, I have been to a Dirt Track to watch stock car races in Batesville, AR. Fun!
13. Do you own cowboy boots?
Yea and I'm wearing them right now.
14. Do you have a cowboy hat?
Yea, one
15. Have you ever said git er done?
Yea, but as a joke. It is not part of my normal speech
16. country skyline or a city skyline
Looking over the Mississippi River at sunset from Memphis. Which is that?
17. Can you name a rodeo star?
nope
18. Do you think tractors are sexy?
no
19. Ever rode a 4-wheeler?
I own one
20. Are you from the country?
No
21. If so, are you proud of it?
I would be
22. Gone hunting?
Not this week, but yea
23. Gone fishing?
Yea, deep sea fishing is the best. But I love crappie fishing.
24. Is your heart in dixie?
Hell Yea
25. Been on a hay ride?
Yea, back in high school
26. Have you ever line danced?
Does the electric slide at an 8th grade dance count?
27. Camped under the stars?
Yea
28. Have you ever been cow tippin'?
No. I'd love to though
29. Do you drive a pick up truck?
Yea
30. fell asleep in a hay stack?
No
31. Own a pair of overalls?
No
32. Drank Moonshine?
Yea
33. Include the word "yonder" in your daily vocabulary?
Only when talking about Yonder Mountain String Band
34. Ever tried chew?
No
35. Milked a cow?
No
36. Is sweet tea your favorite drink?
Unsweet is better
37. Been to a race?
Not a Nascar one, but a dirt track
38. Country, Southern or Redneck?
Southern
39. Know all the words to at least one David Allen Coe song?
I know all the words to several DAC songs. And I know all the words to the songs that actually matter.
Like Father Like Son
5/04/2006
Earl HNT

Ok kiddies, it's HNT time. Like a dumbass, I hadn't taken a pic for the HNT and left the camera at home. So I went through my old pics and found this. Here’s the story:
I had a beard all winter for hunting season and because I am that cool (sarcasm). Around the end of January, it was unseasonably warm around here and I was getting tired of the beard. This particular Saturday morning, I took my beard trimmer and started shaving it off. By the time I stopped this was all I had left. I looked at myself in the mirror and laughed. I had bushy sideburns past my ears and an “Earl” mustache. I walked into the living room and showed my roommate. His exact words:
“Dude, you look just like Earl from My Name Is Earl! You have to keep that look and wear it out tonight.”
So I went to a wedding shower and a concert like Earl that night.
This pic was taken by my roommate immediately after I shaved the beard. And yes, I did have a hangover that morning.
5/03/2006
Alchie Quiz Time
1. First time you ever drank?
I don’t remember. Probably 13 or 14.
2. More of a beer or liquor person?
Liquor
3. What type of drunk are you?
Depends on the night.
4. Favorite Mixed Drink:
Depends on the situation:
Cranberry & Vodka in the spring
Hot Chocolate with Peppermint Schnapps in winter
Margarita in the summer
Bloody Mary in the morning
Red Bull & Vodka at night
5. Favorite Beer:
Ouch. Again it depends on the situation:
Heineken while duck hunting
Coronas during the summer & at the lake
6. Favorite Shot:
Tequila
7. Top 5 Favorite beers (if applicable):
Corona
Heineken
Shiner Bock
Guinness
8. More of a Bar or Club person:
Bar. I hate clubs. It must be a southern thing.
9. Alcohol you absolutely despise:
I can't think of one.
10. Ever bought a stranger a drink:
Yea, last night
11. Been thrown out of a bar/club for fighting?
Yea in college
12. Ever make out with someone in front of a cheering crowd:
Yea again in college
13. Ever buy a round for random people:
Sometime in the past year I’m sure.
14. Best band you've seen while drinking:
Robert Earl Keen, no wait, Jimmy Buffett. No it’s a tie.
15. Ever danced on the bar/stage:
Oh hell yea.
16. Best town/area to drink in:
Oxford. Just don’t drive
17. Do you forget a lot of what happens during a night of hard drinking?
Not always, but what I do forget I am usually reminded by someone else who was there.
18. Ever been drunk around your parents?
Oh hell yea.
19. Ever pissed yourself from drinking to much?
Honestly, no. I have come close.
20. What is the most shots you have had in one night?
I don’t know. There was that last little brother big brother night, but I really don’t know. And I don’t plan to find out.
21. Ever drank absinthe?
No, but I want to after reading the Tucker Max story about it.
22. What gets you into trouble when your drunk?
My words usually.
23. Ever blacked out while having sex drunk?
Not blacked out. I’ve stopped and just rolled over. Does that count?
24. Can you drink your friends under the table?
Some I can. Others I wouldn’t try to.
25. Who is your favorite person to be DRUNK with?
A HOT CHICK WITH LOOSE MORALS! (that was easy)
Remember tomorrow is HNT.
I feel fine now
Last night after work, I stopped by the gym on the way home. I feel fine now, but I will be sore as hell tomorrow. After taking a fast shower. I got dressed and headed to Newby’s. My buddy’s wife ran for a county commission seat (yea I didn’t know they had them either). Unfortunately she didn’t win her primary. The good news is now she can sit back and relax. I was up there with a good 20+ friends. I think I showed up between 7:30 and 8. I started to leave around 10:30, but my buddy CT bought a round of RockStars (Vodka, Rum, Gin, Tequila, and RockStar energy drink). It’s kinda like a Red Bull & Vodka. Very nice, but it’ll wake you the hell up. I probably had two. Ok, three. Towards the end of my second one I tried to leave and PF gave me another $5 and told me to play some music on the jukebox to prove if I had good taste in music. The answer? Hell yea I do. I rocked that joint like you wouldn’t believe.
Funny story. There is this guy who is friends with my friends that was at the party. When I was young (i.e. before first grade) he used to mow our lawn. So that puts him about 10 or so years older than me. I assume that anyone who is that much older than me knows when a woman wants him to take her home. Obviously he didn’t realize it or doesn’t know how to close, otherwise I wouldn’t be telling you. So yeah, he sat there and talked to this girl for about an hour and half at a table, just the two of them. She started getting antsy and finally said she was leaving. He never realized what she wanted. Just sat there in a daze I guess. Oh well we all make that mistake from time to time.
We sat around for a while and they finally cut out. I didn’t leave until well after midnight. I got home and ate a little BackYard Burger. They have the best Black & Bleu Bacon Cheeseburger in the world.
I rolled into bed after that and put Open Range in the DVD player. I started watching it and remembered back to a time when I lived by myself in Midtown in ’03-‘04. I’d come home on weekend nights from the bar tore up and hungry as hell. I had gotten these ten pound bags of frozen Tyson chicken wings from Sam’s Club. I’d turn on the oven and throw them in there. Once they were done, I’d get two bowls: one for the wings and one for the bleu cheese dip. I’d chow down on the wings and watch Open Range or the Great Outdoors or whatever.
So I watched the big gunfight scene and fell asleep.
Songs on the playlist:
The Rolling Stones – You Gotta Move
The Grateful Dead – Jack Straw
Incubus – Drive
Foo Fighters – This Is A Call
Widespread Panic – Blackout Blues
Toto – Rosanna
Talking Heads – Once In A Lifetime
The Beatles – Penny Lane
Metallica – Fuel
Willie Nelson – You Are Always On My Mind
5/02/2006
Top 10 Reasons to Skip Music Fest
1. You are not a stoner.
2. You are not in high school.
3. You are not a thug.
4. You are not white trash and/or have a mullet.
5. You don't like to pay $7 for a lukewarm Miller Lite.
6. It will rain because it always rains.
7. It will be too hot.
8. Your friend will puke before you get out of the parking garage because he/she is such an amateur.
9. The porta-potties (no explanation needed).
10. You need to save your energy for BBQ Fest!
Please note that if you are not from Memphis or have never been to the Beale Street Music Fest, you may not find this that funny. The rest of you probably will (unless you fit into one of those categories).
5/01/2006
Weekend Recap (April 28-30)
Friday I was working late (again) for the end of the month. DP & AT called me to see if I’d go to dinner with them at the Belmont (at Poplar & Mendenhall in East Memphis). I said sure and we met for dinner and beers at 7. They were late of course. They live 3 minutes away. I live 10. I beat them by 20 minutes. After that I actually talked them into going to Newby’s with me. We got there. DP was going to only have one beer and leave at 9:30. At 9:30 I had bought him 2 beers and he still hadn’t looked at his watch. We had a few great lies told. There were a lot of jokes. In general we had a great time. About 10:15, he said he was tired of beer, so I ordered him a Jack & Coke. He said he didn’t want it, but he drank that one and another anyway. AT didn’t need any convincing to keep drinking Coronas. Here are two pics from that night:
This first is DP & AT. After next weekend their nicknames will change. The next is DP and me. I am a stud. Or at least that's what I was thinking Friday night.
Because of this night I think I have found the way to keep DP at a bar. Let me explain: DP is getting married this coming weekend. Since he got engaged, he never goes out anymore. The fact that he came out Friday night after dinner (and again on Sunday) blows my mind. In a good way. He is always fun to hang around. So here’s the secret keep buying him drinks. The only real reason I was willing to do that initially was because he bought dinner for all three of us. So I didn’t mind buy their drinks. It was fun.
Saturday I woke up about 9:30. I rolled out of bed and screwed around for a while. I went to the gym, took a shower, and got ready for the Memphi & Ptolemy Picnic in Nesbit, MS. Let me describe the weather to my non-Memphis readers:
Windy between 20 & 30 MPH. Slight rain on & off all day. It was in the 60s for the high. Normally it is sunny and breezy and warm in Memphis this time of year. It was an absolutely freaky weather. So it made the layout of the party different.
The family who hosted it have about 150 acres or so. A huge house and a huge barn. Because of the bad weather, everything was set up in the barn (tables, buffet, band). Of course the petting zoo was still outside. They had a pond and I brought my fishing gear, but the weather wasn’t that great, so I blew that idea off. I had about 4 beers over the 2 hours I was there. I had a great time. I didn’t get any pics though. I am pissed about that.
After that I drove like a bat outta hell getting back to Memphis (15-20 minute drive) because I had Ross & Sloan’s wedding at 6:30 in Cordova. Logistically, there was no way I could leave the picnic after 5 and get to the wedding in time (I had to shower). I left the picnic at 5:20 and got to the wedding at 6:24. Absolutely amazing. I didn’t even get dressed in the car either!
Ross and Sloan had a wonderful wedding. The reception was great except for three things:
1. All single women there had dates.
2. There was a pregnant woman with a physically enhanced chest wearing a ridiculously low V cut dress. Don’t call me a perv yet. It was cut so low that it showed below where the breasts touch each other. It showed to the point where they stop touching each other. How did I know she was pregnant? Well no, she didn’t have a pregnant belly. She told me in line when we were at the sushi table (random chance btw) with these exact words:
Her: “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t get that one!”
Me: “Why not?”
Her: “Well, I’m pregnant and I’m not supposed to eat the raw ones. But I am craving it so I guess I’ll have it.”
I really hope her kid turns out ok other than the fact it’ll have a ditz for a mother. I actually had to scratch my head after she left to eat the raw sushi.
3. I didn’t get the garter. Ross threw it and as I reached up, some 16 year old cousin of his (with braces!) elbowed me in the stomach and boxed me out as he grabbed it. It happened so fast that I stood there staring in shock as I tried to figure out if that had actually just happened. So much for my streak of garters (this was going to be #3 in a row), I’ll have to start over this weekend at one.
Another funny thing at the wedding: I was exhausted about halfway through the reception (I ate a TON of the sushi). I actually walked outside to leave early. As I was looking for my truck, a giant gust of wind came and hit me in the face. I literally got my second wind and went back in. I walked back in and said to my buddies “I’m back baby! I got my second wind!” They proceeded to laugh before I could explain the wind thing. They started hinting that I had gone to my truck to do cocaine. Ok, they know me. I don’t do coke. I don’t see the appeal in it (although I know plenty of people who do). I never have and I never will. I told them to “f off” and went to grab another beer. About 45 minutes later (post-garter debacle) I cut out. I was exhausted again. I went home.
Sunday I got up at 11:00. I woke up several times before that and everytime I looked at the window I couldn’t believe there was sunlight coming in (it was supposed to be miserable like Saturday). I ran to the gym and raced home. DP came over about 1:15 and we headed to the poker run. That was a blast. Here is a quick explanation of a Poker Run:
There are 5-6 locations for stops. You go to each one and get an envelope. Each envelope has a card in it. When you get back to the home base, you open all your envelopes and make the best poker hand you can. Best hands win prizes.
Here’s how we did it:
You have each location be a bar on Beale Street. The headquarters is at T.J. Mulligans in the Pinch District by the Pyramid. You start at headquarters and ride a trolley down main street to Beale. Afterwards you take a trolley back to the Pinch District.
So DP and I got to T.J. Mulligans about 1:40. We registered and grabbed a bloody mary to start off. “The ex” wanted me to run her hand since she had to work one of the locations. I told her no thanks and she got pissed. She still doesn’t understand Quid Pro Quo I guess.
DP, Scott, Dominic, Matt, Jason, and I started out together. I think that was probably the last time all of us were together. We take the trolley with a bunch of other folks and start towards Rum Boogie Café. It was so crowded I said “let’s get a drink at the next spot”. The next spot was crowded too (King’s Palace outside). So we went to the third bar: Silky O’Sullivan’s. We rolled in there and it wasn’t as crowded. Mark asked if I wanted in on his diver. So we stayed there for about an hour drinking. I had more than my share of two divers and then two Coronas. Here is a pic of us drinking the first diver.
I’m on the right. You can see (left to right) Mark, Felix, Jennie, and Chris. Chris is the crazy guy looking at the camera and not drinking (amateur). If you've never had a diver, you don't know what you're missing. It's a touristy drink with beer and some fruity drink mixed together and put in that bucket. They give you a ton of straws and people act like idiots and drink it (see pic for example of idiots, me included, haha).
After that we went to the next stop at the Pig. Unfortunately the table was set up outside and it wasn’t anything fancy. So we went to the next stop for more drinks. We headed to Club 152. This was literally my first time there. Yea, I don’t like clubs. But it reminded me of everyone I went to back in Cancun years ago. I may head back sometime (despite the metal detector thing). We stayed there for…I don’t know how long. But I had 3 and half Coronas. Why only 3 and half? I finished the second half on the trolley.
When we got back to T.J. Mulligans, I didn’t have a good hand. I could have bought more cards for $5 each, but when I saw some dude pull out 4 kings, I decided to save my money. I did decide to enter the drink contest. Different groups (i.e. the other Krewe’s royalty) made drinks for the contest. It ended up being 10 drinks (Ptolemy removed theirs from the running in good taste). Each drink was about the amount of a shot. I didn’t do the one that smelled like Jagermeister on purpose. But I ended up doing the other 9. In three minutes. Everyone else was tasting and enjoying. I walked up and somehow channeled Tucker Max:
I grabbed number one. It was smooth. Number two was also smooth. After that I forget which ones tasted good and which didn’t. I just shot them all in three minutes. One of my friends (Joey R I think) just stared like “what the hell are you doing?”
I do remember that number 8 was awesome (turned out to be my mom’s group). I found out later it was a frozen mint julep. Badass.
After that I had a few more Coronas until DP decided to get revenge for making him drink a few whiskey drinks Friday night. He said he was going to buy my next and brought me a Red Bull & Vodka. It went down smooth.
After that I decided to walk around the silent auction again. I wrote down bids again on the massage and the dinner for two at Jim’s Place East. I ended up getting both. Funny thing is the massage is from King Trip’s sister-in-law. Is that a bad thing? I don’t know. But it is funny because I recall joking with him about her giving me a massage one day back at the Xmas party.
After this debacle ended, DP and I took off back to the Ponderosa (i.e. my house). He went home in his car, and I raced to Memphis Pizza Café. I got a large Alternative. I really like that. We watched Sopranos.
I left their house and went home. Had a great weekend. I think I need another one just to make up for and this next one won’t be it. It’s going to be just as crazy.
Have a great evening.
Songs on the Playlist:
Barenaked Ladies – Brian Wilson
Tim McGraw – Something Like That
Jimmy Buffett – She’s Got You
Jack Johnson – Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
Stevie Ray Vaughan – Texas Flood
Dave Matthews Band – Crush
Jimmy Buffett – They Don’t Dance Like Carmen No More
R.E.M. – Stand
Pink Floyd – Eclipse
Wilson Pickett – Mustang Sally
U2 – In God’s Country
George Strait – The Chair
Stone Temple Pilots – Silver Gun Superman
Weezer – Beverly Hills
Lemonheads – Into Your Arms
Jimmy Buffett – Frenchman for the Night
Stevie Ray Vaughan – Stang’s Swang
Beastie Boys – Intergalactic
O.A.R. – Hey Girl
Alice Cooper – No More Mr. Nice Guy
Marvin Gaye – Let’s Get It On
The Band – Forever Young (from The Last Waltz)
Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell – You’re All I Need To Get By
Work Playlist Update
I don’t remember how long ago it was that I started this playlist, but it has been at least three or four weeks. We are now up to song #1801 and going strong. Some of the songs in the last hour or so have been blowing my mind. It’s amazing what you don’t think about until it is played. Today’s songs began around #1736. Here are some of the songs I’ve heard today (not all just starting at #1790):
#1790 Beastie Boys – She’s Crafty
Al Green – Here I Am (Come And Take Me Away)
Aerosmith – Janie’s Got A Gun
Coldplay – Clocks
Robert Earl Keen – I’m Comin’ Home
Cowboy Mouth – Jenny Says
Chris LeDoux – This Cowboy’s Hat
Brooks & Dunn – Brand New Man
Widespread Panic – Hope In A Hopeless World
Pink Floyd – Run Like Hell
Phish – Free
Willie Nelson & Waylon Jennings – Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys
Shaggy – It Wasn’t Me
Allison Krauss & Union Station – The Lucky One
#1804 Faith No More – We Care A Lot
This a really eclectic song list. I get into one groove and then I roll into a completely different style but still enjoy it. Very odd sometimes from one song to the next, but very cool too.
For those of you who don’t have a clue what I am talking about, let me explain:
I have a bunch of songs on my computer at work. I went through the library on Musicmatch Jukebox and added artists’ catalogues to one large playlist. I hit the ‘random’ button and it sorted all songs randomly (duh). There was a rut for a while where I had a bunch of songs I didn’t really want to hear and then it hit great strides. This is just something fun to keep a random soundtrack in the background at work besides the crappy radio station we have to hear over the intercom. The last number on the playlist is #2579. That's a ton of songs.
Uhh...Title...Dude?
These pics are supposedly from the University of Colorado at Boulder on April 20. For those of you who have never subjected yourselves (voluntarily or otherwise) to the pot smoking/hippie culture, let me give you a quick lesson:
April 20 is 4/20. In the collective mind of all stoners 4:20 in the "international smoke out time" bro. How or why this came about, I will never know (you might want to check the urban dictionary or wikipedia). But every stoner thinks that it is the best time to get high. I think that's just because they have just gotten out of bed. Also people have said that the University of Colorado at Boulder is one of the biggest concentrations of stoners in the collegiate world (I'm not saying it is a bad school or it promotes pot smoking, but there are a lot of stoners there). Hey, it's in the Princeton Review every year for it (I tried to link to it for you but you have to sign up, so wait until the review comes out and some news service will report it. UCBoulder will be in the top 10 as usual).
So at 4:20 PM on April 20 (4/20) these stoners at the University of Colorado at Boulder (supposedly) got together and got high in a massive crowd. Kinda makes you want to slap a hippie, doesn't it? I bet none of them even showered that day either.


4/30/2006
Need something to do?
I know this is last minute, but if you want to do the Ptolemy Poker Run this afternoon downtown, go to TJ Mulligans in the Pinch District. Registration is from 1-2 and the Poker Run starts around 2ish.
I'll post a recap of the Poker Run and the rest of my weekend later with pics. The weekend wasn't legendary, but I had fun.
Philip
4/28/2006
Bush said what?
When the president was asked at a Rose Garden question-and-answer session whether the anthem should be sung in Spanish, he replied: "I think the national anthem ought to be sung in English, and I think people who want to be a citizen of this country ought to learn English and they ought to learn to sing the national anthem in English."
This is from CNN. I just hope everyone can agree with that statement.
I wish I could play a soundbite from Pulp Fiction: "English Mothafucka! Do you speak it?"
Calendar
Saturday April 29
Oxford Double Decker Festival (always a blast. I won’t be there though)
Memphi/Ptolemy Picnic in Nesbit, MS. Invite only (I’ll be there for a little bit)
Ross & Sloan’s Wedding (I’ll be there)
Tinsley Ellis @ BB Kings on Beale (I won’t be there. I put this up because I recognize the name, but I have no idea why)
Sunday April 30
Ptolemy Poker Run. Here are the details from the Ptolemy email:
Hail Ptolemites! Rain or Shine the 2006 Ptolemy Poker Run will be taking place THIS SUNDAY. Registration begins at 1:00. Run begins at 2:00 at T.J. Mulligan's in the Pinch District. You don't want to miss out this year!
We have a NEW drink competition: For $5 you get to sample 11 adult beverages concocted by the 2006 Carnival Krewe Royals and vote on your favorite.
We also have an INCREDIBLE silent auction: You don't want to miss these bargains:
- 4-Course Dinner for 8 at the winning bidder's home prepared by Stella's award-winning chef Johnny Kirk
- Get Bluetooth Installed in your car (any service provider)
- Real Estate Appraisals
- Tickets to Mama Mia
- Tickets to the Beale Street Music Fest
- Rounds of Golf
- Skipworth Portrait Session
- BOOZE!
- Spa packages
- Dinner for 2 at McEwan's
- Dinner for 2 at Lolo's Table
Just to name a few..... (don't forget to bring your checkbook for the silent auction- all proceeds go to FirstWorks!) Plus, you can pick up this year's T-Shirt designed by King Trip's lovely wife (and better half) Elaine!
Friday – Sunday May 5-7
Beale Street Music Fest
Friday May 5
Southern Culture On The Skids @ Young Ave Deli (probably won’t make it)
DP & AT’s rehearsal dinner
Saturday May 6
DP & AT’s wedding
Saturday May 13
Brother’s graduation from Ole Miss
Tishamingo @ Newby’s
Sunday May 14
Mother’s Day
Remember to take care of Mama, cause if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t NOBODY happy.
May 18-20
Memphis in May BBQ FEST!!!
June 2-10
Carnival
Thursday June 8
Ptolemy Clubroom @ University Club
June 16-18
Bonnaroo
Sunday June 18
Father’s Day
4/27/2006
The Cosmos are Laughing
Classics
The first time I saw it was last summer. My folks had another couple at the lake and I was there with a few folks. The other couple watched these old movies like that, On The Waterfront, and Streetcar Named Desire. I had never seen any of those and I now understand why they are so well known. They are unbelievable. Great films. They didn’t have a lot of special effects, but they had great plots and characters.
Here's a great idea: the next time Hollywood comes out with crappy movies (i.e. the last 3 years and probably the next 2) watch those classics that you've never seen. Watch movies on AMC. I actually watched a great film with Goldie Hawn, Walter Matthau, and Ingrid Bergman a few months ago. I don't remember the name of it though.
Ok, that’s enough serious stuff for now. I’ll come up with something funny later.
Songs on the Playlist:
The Who – The Relay
Stevie Ray Vaughan – Mary Had A Little Lamb
Cowboy Mouth – Hey Bartender