4/26/2006

UPSET

No, I'm sorry for that lie. I am

FUCKING PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!

Why? Because I was driving home from the gym, when a friend called me crying about some drama. I put the phone down and all I heard was Robert Earl Keen in Memphis tonight. I called bullshit. She said it's true.

I called DP (he and I have been to at least 5 REK shows together). I asked him if he knew anything about it. He said no. Since I was driving, I had him check REK's website for tour dates. The tour starts in Nashville tomorrow night. That's what it has said for the last month. I had a thought and told him to check Pollstar. Pollstar confirmed that REK is playing at the New Daisy tonight.

Let's do a quick explanation as why I'm not going:
I just got home from the gym. I have to shower and get dressed (that'll take maybe 15-25 minutes). I need money as I am broke (ATM 5 minutes). I have to drive downtown (15-20 minutes). I will have to park and walk to the show (10-15 minutes). It is 9PM and the show just started (I'm sure). That means by the time I get to the door to buy a ticket, it'll be 10PM probably. Since he'll play anywhere from an hour and half to 2 hours, I'd miss at least half the show.

I am kicking myself because I'm not going. But I have to cover the sales and shipping departments tomorrow (both guys are on vacation). So I'll be covered up. Let's see. I can deal with that with or without a hangover. Hmm...

I think the official verdict is go see REK the next time he rolls into a town nearby. Roadtrip anyone? The next time he is close to Memfricano is tomorrow night in Nashville. Well shit. I guess I'll catch the fall or winter tour.

Curse you Memphis media!!! Why do you advertise for stupid bands, but nothing good?

OMUGAWD!!!

In high school, I had a great friend named Grant West. We have drifted apart over the years and I don't know his number now. I'm sure if I got off my lazy ass and called his mom I could get it. But I digress. He and I ran cross country together. He came to the lake with our family one weekend. That happened to be the same weekend as a Nascar race on Saturday night. My family had never really watched Nascar. He was a huge Dale Earnhardt fan. We watched the race and I was hooked. I became a Dale fan (my brother became a Jeff Gordon fan). When Dale Jr came along, I (like most Dale fans) cheered for him too. I watched when Dale crashed and died. It was pretty sad because he seemed like such a real person to me.

This morning I heard on the radio that Dale Jr was going to race a black car as a tribute to his father in this weekend's race at Talledega. I forgot about it until a few minutes ago when I saw the story. I hope no one gets upset (i.e. foxsports) but I had to put up this pic of the car:

To make things even stranger in this tale, I actually got goosebumps when I saw this car. Is that weird? No, just the country boy in me.

Songs on the playlist:
Rolling In The Hay - Whiskey River
Duran Duran - Planet Earth
Billy Joel - I May Be Crazy

My Bad

I think I owe you an apology. I didn’t warn you that the story was so long. My bad. I still think it is worth reading when you have time. But it’ll take you a while. I just felt like telling a story from back in the day. You can get whatever moral from it you want. I think it is a good example of keeping a balance in every relationship AND NOT GETTING WHIPPED!!!

Songs on the Playlist:
The Killers – Somebody Told Me
The Grateful Dead – Going Down The Road Feeling Bad
Bob Dylan – Meet Me In The Morning

4/25/2006

Bedtime Story - 12 months

I'm going to tell you a story. This is a true story. The names of some have been changed. Some of the facts have been changed for two reasons:
1. To protect those involved because, well, I don't know how to contact some of the people involve and I wouldn't try to contact others.
2. I remember the story as I have told it over the past 6 years. After 6 years some details may have inadvertantly changed.
Here is your bedtime story:

Back in college, I lived in the Fraternity house during the fall semester of my freshman year. Our house was built in an L shape. I lived in the first room on the right after you came upstairs. My neighbor who will be called "Val Venis" was a junior (I am calling him Val Venis after the pro wrestler that he thought was the funniest guy in the world that year. Obviously that's not his real name).

I'll give you a little background on Val Venis. He was from another Southern state. A very nice guy. Very studious (he is in post-graduate school in a medicine-related field). He had a nice, loving family. He worked out 6 days a week. He was a huge guy, but a gentle giant.

One random December weekend just before exams and Xmas break, a few girls came over to the house for a late night. A few were semi-regulars in this one group with a particular girl who wasn't in school yet. Val Venis met this particular girl and found out that she was starting her freshman year in the spring there at Ole Miss. This particular girl we will call Corvette (I'll give the reason for that later). That was the last I heard of the story until the spring semester started.

Corvette Timeline: Known Each Other for One Month (Mid-December to Mid-January)

The start of the spring semester was a period of new beginnings and changes that year. My parents decided that living in the fraternity house was not in my best interest so they moved me to a dorm. I kept my room in the fraternity house but lived in the dorm.

Much like my change in living accommodations, Val Venis had a change of venue. No, he didn't move out of his room. He started dating Corvette and spent every night in her dorm room at Martin (the women's dormitory). He ended up staying there ALL SPRING. For those of you who don't know why this is a big deal, let me "splain it to you Lucy": men were not allowed in the women's dorms after 12 or 1. That means that every night all spring long, he snuck into her dorm building after 2, took the stairs to her floor, snuck to her room, and was out by 6 AM. If he had been caught, he would have been arrested for trespassing. Literally, I knew people that were drunk and were caught. If you were somewhat sober, you could run away from the security guard downstairs (nicknamed Fat Bastard because HE LOOKED LIKE FAT BASTARD!!)

A few weeks into the spring semester, Val Venis actually brought her by the house to meet the guys. Since he spent every waking moment over in her dorm and most the night there too, we never got to see him much. A few of the guys were talking to her and out of the blue she said the following:
"I'm really mad at my daddy. He traded in my corvette for my beemer. I miss my corvette."
Hence the nickname Corvette. This has been quoted so many times, I'm 100% sure it's verbatim. FYI a beemer is a BMW.

So Val Venis and Corvette were attached at the hip. No big deal right? Everyone has a girlfriend or two like that in college. We planned to go to Panama City Beach for spring break (aka the Redneck Riviera). I mean we had probably 30-40 people total going down there. I was in a group of about15 that got rooms at one hotel. Val Venis and Corvette decided...no wait, Corvette decided that Val Venis would share the fee for a room with us, but she'd get a suite from "Daddy" in the adjourning tower at the hotel. The suite was two bed rooms. She told "Daddy" that she her four girlfriends would stay there. When we were about to leave for PCB, Val Venis informed us he was riding with her and staying in her room. I was thrilled because now I got my own bed.

While we were in PCB, we (i.e. everyone else) saw Val Venis and Corvette two times. TWO TIMES in 7 days. No big deal right? Oh wait, we were staying in the same hotel. One of the times, it was because I went to their room just to make sure they were alive. This is what I saw:
Two bedrooms. One had three girls and their luggage in it with a full sized bed (not a queen). The other room had Corvette clothes and makeup thrown everyone (she wore too much btw) and a King Sized Bed. What a nice friend she is to the other three girls, right? That was the extent of our interaction with Corvette and Val Venis. But that's not all that happened as we found out post-spring break.

While they were there, they made a run to the liquor store. Corvette said "Val, I don't understand why everyone keeps telling us we need to wait to get married."
Val "Yea, I hear you."
Corvette "Then it's settled. We'll get married this summer!!!"

Corvette Timeline: Three Months (Mid-December to Mid-March)

That was the "marriage proposal". So now Val Venis and Corvette were getting married that summer. We never saw them much even at FIJI Island our big spring party. Mostly because Corvette was jealous and didn't want Val around any other girls. Literally, that was explained to us. From him. (F-ing weird)

Spring came and went. That July was the big day. Corvette would not let Val have a bachelor party or even just one last night drinking with the boys. Grandparents on both sides refused to come to the wedding. Guys from the house were literally debating whether or not to attend because she was such a bitch.

At the rehearsal dinner, you could have cut the tension with a knife. Neither set of parents approved (his less than hers), but they loved their children and supported them. Anytime one of the guys who was there (I was not in the wedding and not invited to the dinner) got up to give a toast (not roast, but toast), Corvette just glared at them with hatred. No one said anything bad. After the dinner was over, everyone was leaving and the groomsmen were trying to convince Val to come have one last "free man's" drink with them. He was hesitant. When Corvette found out about this, she said "Val, I want you to stay with me."
He turned to the guys and said "I'm not going."
They pleaded with him and then tried to carry him out. Like I said before, he worked out 6 days a week. He bowed up and shoved one guy back very forcefully. "I'm not going."
The general response was "Fine! F-U! Make your own mistake!" They left and went to have a wake for Val at a bar in Memphis (the wedding was in Coldwater, Independence, or Nesbit, MS).

We later found out that Val and Corvette went back to the hotel where he was staying. They got in the hot tub and then a few hours later, went to his room. They then woke up together ON THE DAY OF THEIR WEDDING and she went home to change into her dress. Let me repeat that:
THEY WOKE UP TOGETHER ON THE DAY OF THEIR WEDDING
I just wanted to make sure you read that part.

The wedding was a small Baptist thing. The reception was in the back of the church. It looked like they had moved everything from the Sunday school room to the sides so people would have somewhere to stand. On the left side of the room was the grooms cake. On the right, the brides. Back of the room was the wedding cake.

I introduced myself to the parents on both side. It was from a family member on his side that I found out about the hot tub the night before. Everyone from the Fraternity who came stood by the grooms cake milling around. As soon as they came in the room, she walked him to the right side of the room. 30 minutes after they had walked in, he stepped away to come say hi to us. He was there two minutes before she called him back over to see more of her friends that he still hadn't met. That was the last time that day she let him get away from her side. Does anyone else notice a pattern here?

Corvette Timeline: Seven Months (Mid-December to Mid-July)

That fall raced by. We hardly ever saw Val Venis. Her parents bought them a condo (not a nice one). I joked whenever I actually did see him that I was going to come and throw food through the bars on the balcony to see if I could get some food to his cage.

This is what happened that fall between them:
He worked 40 hours a week at Dominoes and took 18 hours in school (plus 3 labs, so actually 21 hours). She took 12 hours and went shopping. She was spending all the money he made plus still using "Daddy's" credit cards. She went out and bought rims.

And that was all I ever heard about it. We never saw him. It was kinda sad. But things got really bad. Everything I am about to tell you I didn't find out until December.

When she was not spending his money, she was alienating him from his family. She called his mother and after winning her confidence, started telling her that he beat her. I'm sorry but I don't know when he could fit that into his schedule. She told her folks the same thing. She played mind games with everyone on both sides. And he was trapped.

Sometime in October, the big word came down. I don't know if Val said it or if Corvette did. But someone said Divorce.

CORVETTE TIMELINE: TEN MONTHS (MID-DECEMBER TO OCTOBER)

By the time November began, the divorce was being finalized. He just wanted out and nothing to do with her. The truth came to light and everyone knew he never hit her. In fact, I heard that she had actually hit him in one fight, but he never swung back (smart guy, actually).

In mid-November, the divorce was final. Val was physically and emotionally exhausted. But he was free of that crazy biotch.

That's the story of my friend who met a girl and divorced her in less than 12 months.

G'night.

Halleluja!!!!!!

THIS JUST IN!!!

Cindy Margolis to Pose for Playboy!

Personal note: as happy as I am that this is going to happen, I have lukewarm feelings on it. I would have preferred if she had done this years ago. Why? She was the "most downloaded woman on the internet" back when/before I was in college. That was before the first Austin Powers movie when the internet was just budding. We'll be nice and say that was about 8-10 years ago. She is now and has had two three kids. I hope she looks hot. I know women who are mothers and still look hot, but I really don't see the appeal for the married men out there to see another mother naked.

Let's think about that. (Gotta put yourself in that place) You are a happily married man with a lovely and loving wife and your 2.3 kids. You open an issue of Playboy to see a hot young twenty-something college student, but you get a mother. How are you going to feel?

I don't know, maybe I am being impulsive and she'll blow me away with the pictorial. But I'll just have to wait and see.

WAIT A MINUTE!!! What do I care, they'll airbrush her all over so she'll look perfect. Problem Solved!!!

Songs on the Playlist:
The English Beat - Mirror In The Bathroom
Weezer - Keep Fishing
Kenny Loggins - Footloose

Kittens

I saw this and had to share it. Every once in a while you need a pic of some kittens to cheer you up. Have a great day.

4/24/2006

Weekend Recap

Before I get started, do you fellow Memfricanos remember that bad rain storm that came through Wednesday last week? This is a pic from Airways & Central at 7:50 IN THE MORNING. For those of you who can't realize what the problem is, let me explain it to you: at 7:50, even if we have a bad rainstorm, the sky isn't black like this.So it’s finally Monday, and I am tired. I don’t know why. The last time I posted anything was at the office Friday night about ten after 7. After I finished posting, I didn’t leave for another 20 minutes. I raced home (like I had predicted) and took a fast shower. I turned on my computer and cranked up the stereo. The roommate was gone so I left the door open and jammed out in the shower. It made the day just fade away.

I left the house at 8:30 and ran up to Newby’s. Is it a bad omen when you are walking to the bar and this pic is you see across the street at the Dominoes?

Walked in and found HM with the FIJI boys and grad brothers from the University of Memphis State University chapter. I wasn’t a member of this chapter, but HM invited me along. It turned out to be a great time.

That was one of two reasons I headed up to Newby’s Friday. The other was to watch Ingram Hill at the Phoenix Club Fundraiser. The crowd sucked. I don’t know if they made money. It was bubble gum rock. The only time I was actually entertained was for the cover of Phil Collins’ “In The Air Tonight”. That was ok, but the highlight was the girl next to me, Bonnie, sang it to me. Funny thing was she kept screwing up the words and wanted to hit the drums too early. They’d get to the end of a verse and she’d try to air drum it with my buddies wife and they’d both be early. Way early. Other than that Ingram Hill sucks. Sorry. I’m not a 19 year old girl who doesn’t know what decent music sounds like. Or a 19 year old guy who is there in the hope that said girl might think he’s deep because he came to hear the band (but everyone knows he came to try and get laid).

Funny story, though. There was some groupie walking around. She had on jeans and some type of jacket (like a blazer, but it wasn’t a blazer). The jacket was buttoned tightly around her waist which allowed the top front to open wide but still tight and show her store bought teats. I think I pissed her off when I was standing at the door with a few of the Phoenix guys. She walked past. No wait, she walked through our group. She had that bitchy attitude that you just hate. While she stumbled through, she made some comment to someone about her name being Tiffany or someone called her Tiffany. I just piped up and to no one in particular, said “Hey, her name is Tiffany. She’s with the band.” She looked back at me with a half puzzled, half deer-in-headlights look. The gears in her head turned over and I think she realized that I was making fun of her attitude. But hey she had a backstage pass to get on the bus. She stared at me. I didn’t back down. She turned to the drunk guy walking around with her. He looked at me sized me and realized it wasn’t worth it. I don’t know how he came to that conclusion. He was younger and much more drunk than I was. Maybe the fact that the security guards were all standing there with me and we were about to escort the cash box to the Phoenix President’s car. I don’t know. But she gave me the eat-shit-and-die look. Whatever, if she can’t take a joke, forget her. Besides I’m sure she needed to go on the bus and get friendly with the band.

Another funny story, I took no responsibility at the concert. There were other Phoenix guys who were working. Me? I won’t work anymore events. Ever. (I’ll tell that story another time) so I was standing at the door with my friends who were trying to sell the merchandise. This group of ladies (I’m being nice here) walked out and someone said “Hey, yall need to buy some Tshirts!!!”
The girls looked at them and then the tshirts. They gave a polite “No thanks.”
My buddy Brown said “Well hey, how about some Ingram Hill panties? I’ll model them for you!!”
(Let me pause and say one thing: Brown is married to one of the sweetest, lovely women in the world. She was standing there during this whole thing, laughing.)
So Brown modeled the panties for them. They still didn’t buy them. Don’t believe me? Check out the pics. First is Brown when he wasn't expecting a pic. I think his sister was either putting some tickets in his shirt pocket or taking them out.
After I took that one, he said "Wait, let me pose for the ladies!!! Maybe then they'll buy it!"And yes, those are the panties that Ingram Hill sells at their concerts. I told you they were bubble gum. I have changed my mind. They are douches.

So obviously I behaved myself most of the night. I had about 6-7 Rockstars (like Red Bull and Vodka, but Newby’s has a deal with Rockstar I guess) between 9 and 12 when I left. I got home and crawled into bed. I tried to sleep. After about 30 minutes, I realized I had more caffeine in me than I’d had over the entire last month. So I turned on my computer and made two mixes to pass the time. And then I watched Old School. About 2-2:30 I was finally able to fall asleep.

I got up around 7, took a shower, and raced to the office for inventory. That was boring with no good stories. Sorry. I stayed after it was over and and cleaned up around my desk a bunch (if you’ve ever seen my desk, you’d know why). I left and was going to race home and go to the Crawfish boil. I get a call from my buddy Todd.
“Hey man, where are you? What time are you getting here?”
“Get where for what?”
“The cookout, man. You promised me last week you were going to come by.”
I stopped by on the way home from work. I told myself I was only going to be a few minutes. Next thing I know, I’ve had a few burgers and a lot of beers, and I have dropped my phone in a cup of beer. I race home, shower and race over to the Crawfish Boil. I get there. The crawfish area is cleaned up. People are watching a movie and the rest are outside sitting down. There is no one left who is rowdy. I stay about an hour and have a nice epiphany. Somehow every year, I screw up getting to this party. Something comes up and I don’t get there on time or whatever. Last year, I got there 45 minutes after the last batch of crawfish were cooked. This year I get there well after sunrise. But every other party Jennie and Walker throw, I am on time. Oh well, I still had fun.

Oh yeah, the phone didn’t start working properly again until after I got back home Saturday night. It is Monday morning and it still smells of two day old beer. Nice right?

Sunday I roll out of bed around 11. I went to the couch to start watching TV and said screw that. I read on the couch instead. After a while I realized how beautiful it was outside. I walked out, sat in the sun, and read. About an hour later, the roommate came home from Church. One of his friends was confirmed and they went to that and then to Sleep Out Louie’s. After a while we cleaned the kitchen. It looks great now. I went back and read on the front porch out of the sun. I ordered two pizzas for Sopranos night and left to get them before heading over to DP&AT’s house. As I walked out, this lady pulled up to watch TV with the roommate. She has to be the hottest girl I have seen in the last 6 months. Easily. I was in pure shock. I only saw her for a minute so I don’t know how much is natural beauty and what not.

I went to pick up the pizza. I got the Alternative and the BBQ Chicken from Memphis Pizza Café. I actually liked the Alternative better. Sopranos rocked. AT had her bachelorette party the night before. Some of the less risqué gifts were sitting around the living room. It is amazing what clean cut girls will buy their friends for bachelorette parties. That’s all I’ll say about that.

I cut out after Sopranos and went home. I read until about 12 and the fell asleep. That was my weekend. How legendary was yours?

Songs on the Playlist:
Jimmy Buffett – Lovely Cruise
North Mississippi Allstars – Someday Baby
James Brown – Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag
Hank Williams – Hey Good Looking
Kris Kristofferson – Sunday Morning Coming Down
Joe Diffie – Pickup Man
Bush – Monkey
Billy Joel – Uptown Girl
REM – (Don’t Go Back To) Rockville
Brooks & Dunn – Only In America
ZZ Top – Waiting for the Bus>Jesus Just Left Chicago
Oasis – Wonderwall
Animotion – Obsession
Phish – Harry Hood
Nickelback – Figured You Out

4/21/2006

Hi, My Name is Determination

Well hello there Determination. My name is Philip and I am bored. It is 7:08 at night and I am still at the office. I have been up since 7 this morning so 11 of the 12 hours I've been awake have been at work. But hey, I need to be here so I'm not that pissed. I'll be pissed if I'm here tomorrow after 1, but I'll deal with it. I love this blog thing because I can bitch and not have to dump it on anyone. If you don't want to read my bitching rant you can just not read a particular post.

Soon (God, please let it be soon) I will rush home and shower. Then I'll head up to Newby's for two events. The first is a party for graduate brothers (alumni) thrown by the Memphis chapter of my Fraternity. The second is a Phoenix Club fundraiser concert with Ingram Hill. At this moment, I'm not entirely enthused about either reason I'm going there. I'm looking forward to walking into the damn bar and yelling "Yo bartender, Jo-Boo needs a refill!" If you are so culturally clueless that you don't know what movie I am quoting, I'll led you in:

Major League

If you've never seen it, I recommend you take back whatever chick flick you and your significant other got at the movie store or ordered from Netflix. Get Major League, sit down, and laugh your fat ass off. Laughing is better for you than crying. No, I'm not a doctor, but it is common sense. If you watch a sad, dramatic movie, you are very sensitive and have a strong urge to look inward in an attempt to grow as a person (blah blah blah). If you watch a great comedy, you will (obviously) laugh and smile. And what kind of person do we want to be around more: a person who is smiling or someone who needs to change their emotion tampon? (was that too harsh? if so, go to a PETA fundraiser, you Politically Correct wimp)

So I'm going to put up a few great comedies you need to watch if you haven't seen them:
Blazing Saddles
Something About Mary
Young Frankenstein
Space Balls
Caddyshack
Some Like It Hot
Old School
Animal House
Coming To America
Anchorman
Christmas Vacation
Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail
The Great Outdoors
The Blues Brothers
Kelly's Heroes
The Ladies Man
Office Space
Swingers
Wedding Crashers
40 Year Old Virgin
Van Wilder

That should be enough flicks. Go laugh and make everyone around you happier by your friggin change in personality.

I'm outta here. "Bartender, Jo-Boo needs a refill!"


Songs on the Playlist:
Scorpions - Winds of Change
Stone Temple Pilots - Lady Picture Show
Bob Marley - Three Little Birds
Bob Dylan - One of Us Must Know (Sooner or Later)

4/20/2006

Not WOW!, but wow

That was a very unenthusiastic "wow".
What is wrong?
Either I need to be shot or Paris Hilton does.
What's wrong this time Philip?
I just saw this video on Break.com. Paris Hilton sings 'Happy Birthday' to Hef. How does this no-talent assclown stay in the spot light? I hate this society sometimes. The only thing she has ever done to contribute to society is screw on camera. That is it.
I bet if she had been in the Garden of Eden, she wouldn't have needed the snake to tell her to eat the forbidden fruit. She'd have eaten it just to screw mankind over.
Why are you so cynical about her? Where does this hatred come from?
She is constantly watched and worshipped and hasn't accomplish anything besides giving some guy a little head. She has no talent yet pop culture America follows her every move. We need a collective slap to the face for that. She is nothing but a waste of oxygen. Tell her when she's ready to give me back my rib to call me.

Songs on the Playlist:
Palo Alto - Naked Sorority Girls (this is a college band from my days at Ole Miss; they lasted about a year and half but had this hit on the college circuit)
Bob Dylan - Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again

4/19/2006

Ch Ch Ch Changes

God that is a cheesy title.

Ok so what's different here? I'll give you a quick recap of how I screwed the pooch and then saved the day:

I was posting my HNT (Half Nekkid Thursday post) and looking at other people's posts at the same time. There is one guy who is kind of the guru/head honcho of the HNT. I forget his site (sorry dude). So I was looking at his site through someone else's when I noticed he had HNT links that I could put on my page which would link to his and therefore link to all other HNT participants. Sounded like an OK idea at the time.

So I copied his source code and made the specific changes to it for my Template (if you have no idea what I'm talking about, just nod your head and keep reading. I don't know what I'm saying either). I hit Preview and a new window opened, but nothing ever came up. I closed that window and did it again. Now I'm frustrated. I close out and try to get out of it and somehow delete the entire ability to show anything on my blog. I finally realized that the only two ways to get this back up and running are either deleting the entire blog or trying to get a new template/background/whatever. So I tried the new background first. And that's great. But now I am f'ed because I have to remember how to do links again. And I have lost my tracker whic really pisses me off because I was getting between 70 and 90 hits a day lately. Oh well, I'll fix it all again. At least I was smart enough to print out the names of the links before I screwed this all up.

Can someone give me the source code for posting links in the template?

Gracias

HNT



As in the post detailing my weekend, I mentioned fishing all day. If you can't tell from the pic taken Sunday, I got a little sun, and I wore a watch all damn day. It is now Thursday (Half Nekkid Thursday) and I still have spots on my arms that are red as hell.

Enjoy my pain and suffering bitches.

TomKitten Birth Footage

THIS JUST IN!!!

There has been a leak for the birth of TomKat's baby. Some Scientologist present at the birth has leaked this footage of the birth.


DISCLAIMER:
I am not one of those celebrity obsessed folks. I just don't understand how something like this gets so much press. How in the hell is this news? I think that anything like this deserves to be mocked as much as possible. All parties involved who perpetuate the hype and coverage (including the actors a.k.a. the media whores themselves, the print media, the television media, the radio media, and the paparazzi) should be tarred and feathered, twice in the same day. Again that suggestion is only for the individuals who perpetuate the hype over stupid shit like this.

Now "I Is Regusted"

I am sick. Physically sick. I don't have a virus. I don't have a bug. I have disgust. Let me pause before I explain what is below.

I never try to make this political. This isn't a shot at Democrats. This isn't about politics. This is a shot at the stupid voters in the Atlanta suburbs. I hereby extend to you a question to ponder:
HOW F'ING STUPID ARE YOU?

What am I talking about? This story. They continually vote for a congresswoman who will ASSAULT A COP. Wow, I am stunned. But hey, I guess it is the same as the Fords being elected year after year from Memphis. So maybe I shouldn't be so surprised. I guess I am just embarassed for thinking that people can actually think for themselves.

Ok, I am stopping this before I start preaching.

Have a great day.

I Is Regusted

I feel worn out. I didn't fall asleep last night til well after 12 and rolled out of bed at 6:45. I'm probably not going to post many great things this week unless I feel some huge inspiration. We have inventory at work so I am staying late everyday this week busting my ass pushing papers and billing whatever needs to be done. I've been at work after 6 all week long and I'll be here Saturday too. Oh well, it only happens once a year.

I have a funny email conversation to relay to you. I got it from a friend who is going to be "arrested" for one of those fundraisers. She sent out a cute little email and asked everyone to donate a little so she could reach her goal of $500. I'm sure I'll help out, but I couldn't leave this one alone. Some of you may recognize my first comment because I accidentally hit 'reply all'. Oops. I'll start with my reply to her:

ME: How much can we pay to keep you there after you've made bail?
HER: You are so not funny!!
ME: Sorry I thought I had hit reply not reply all. But seriously, how much can I donate to keep you in there an extra hour? How much for overnight?
HER: You would really hate for me to have to stay overnight, wouldn't you?
ME: Not really because I'd probably hang outside the cage for a few hours after the deal was over eating a pizza and having a few beers while having a nice laugh. Then I'd probably leave and cut the lights out so you could get a full night sleep. But don't worry, I'd leave you some bread and water.
HER: you are so mean!
ME: Hey, my buddy was thinking about putting his girlfriend in this, but he wants to know if he can get a conjugal visit.

And she still hasn't responded to that question, so I guess the answer's no.
Happy Hump Day. Go get some!


Songs on the Playlist:
Willie Nelson & Waylon Jennings - Luckenbach, Texas
Robert Earl Keen - Walkin' Cane
Cory Morrow - Nashville Blues
Jimmy Buffett - Love And Luck
Robert Earl Keen - Think It Over One Time
Widespread Panic - The Take Out
Stone Temple Pilots - Interstate Love Song

TomKitten


Well congrats to Tom & Katie for their new little bundle of joy. Here is the unofficial pic of the bundle of joy this morning. They named the baby Surri. Kinda makes you wonder if that is short for 'Surrogate'. Hmm...
I wonder if the baby has started its Scientology brainwashing courses yet. Maybe they'll let it eat first. I think it may be hungry for YOUR SOULS!!!

4/18/2006

Calendar

Ok, here is what's on my calendar for the next several days:
Today: nothing
Wednesday: nothing
Thursday: Ptolemy Happy Hour at Cafe Ole' 6PM. We'll be around the bar or on the patio if it's not raining. Sorry the flyer didn't turn out better. I tried to stretch it out but it made everything look funky. Here is what it says:

Do you know who these people are? They are YOUR 2006 Ptolemy Royalty. Still don't recognize them? Well, come to this month's Happy Hour on April 20th at Cafe Ole in Cooper Young. We'll see if we can't make them drink margaritas and put on sombreros. Hey, what good are our royalty if we can't make them drink tequila and wear funny hats at a Mexican restaurant. So we'll be at Cafe Ole' at 6PM rain or shine. And so will you.
Happy Hour details: April 20 at 6PM. Cafe Ole' in Cooper Young. We will be around either the bar or on the patio (if it's not raining).
We are going to have a blast. Bring your hollow leg.

Friday: Phoenix Club fundraising concert at Newby's with Ingram Hill. I'll be at this.
INXS is also playing at the Orpheum.
Saturday: Jenny & Walker's Crawfish Boil (invite only) in the afternoon and at work in the morning.
The Grand Krewe of Luxor is having it's annual Oktoberfest fundraiser at Shelby Showplace Arena. I went to that last year and HAD A BLAST. I can't make it because I don't know when I'm going to be done with work. But I am heading to Jenny & Walker's Crawfish boil because I always have fun with them.
Sunday: Nurse hangover and watch TV
Monday (24th): Bob Dylan & Merle Haggard @ Orpheum (I'm not going because I'll be broke)
Tuesday (25th): ditto (ditto)
Wednesday (26th): Carnival Business & Industries Luncheon

Here are a few items of note in the far away future (more details later on each):
April 30 (Sunday) Ptolemy Poker Run
May 6 (Saturday) DP&AT's wedding
May 18-20 (Thursday - Saturday) Memphis In May Barbeque Fest!!!
June 2-10 (Friday - following Saturday) Carnival Memphis: 75th anniversary
June 16-18 (Friday - Sunday) Bonnaroo!!!



Songs on the Playlist:
Pink Floyd - On The Run
The Rolling Stones - Can't You Hear Me Knocking
Cream - Sunshine of Your Love
The Clash - Should I Stay Or Should Go
The Grateful Dead - Bertha
The Grateful Dead - Truckin'

Brokeback Mountain 2

Now this I will definitely see.

4/16/2006

Complete Recap (very friggin long)

Ok, the last thing I posted was the fact that I did go to see Shooter Jennings at the Deli. And it was awesome. The roommate was covered up with beautiful women at the rooftop party. I was not at the Deli. But I had one hell of a time. So in the end that makes up for it.

Normally I go to shows and either like them or love them. I loved this show. How awesome was it? Bad ass. So great I actually bought his new cd, Electric Rodeo. It is awesome. Very Southern Rock/Country mix. I remember at the show he said all these cool things and sang all these cool songs, but I didn't post them the next day and now I've forgotten them. One thing I do remember is I kept thinking how the bass player reminded me of Jimmy Page. Like in the early Zeppelin years. It was funny to me. Whatever.

But the next time Shooter Jennings comes around town, I'm going. No questions. In case you haven't seen Walk the Line or do know what Shooter looks like if you have seen it, here's a pic: So that was Thursday night. Friday was work and then going to bed early. Why because I went fishing on Saturday. Why did I behave myself? Because I had to be at HM's house at 6 in the morning. His buddies from college Big Mike and O brought a boat and we were all over the lake. So Friday night, I came home and tore apart my room looking for a DU comittee shirt that we got last year that is basically a fly-fishing shirt. I was going to wear that, but I never found it. So I went to Bass Pro Shop off I40 to buy a new one. I bought two and a new pair of fisherman's shorts. They are awesome. The next morning as I took a shower before running out of the house, I realized that I was making a rookie mistake. I'm going to a lake to fish with an entirely new outfit. Wow. That stills sounds lame when I typed it. Oh well F that. I looked good and I had fun. What else do I care?

Here are two great pics I took before we got on the water:



So we were on the water between 7:15 and 7:30. We didn't get off the water until about 2. We had a great time, but the wind was gusting from 20 to 30 mph so there were only a few places we could go where we weren't being beaten to death by the waves and wind. And of course those areas only had fish smaller than 10 inches (don't ask how we measured) or garr (spelling?). If you don't know what a garr is, imagine a fish left over from the dinosaur times. Think about that:

teeth, attitude, will bite off any bit of you it can, doesn't take good.

Sounds a lot like your ex-wife/ex-husband doesn't it? Fortunately we never had a hook in a garr well enough to get it to the boat. So afterwards we went to fish off the piers there for about an hour. After 5 minutes I was bored so I grabbed a lawn chair and walked up the hill to some shade under a magnolia and took a nice nap until the bugs started messing with me. We fished there for a while, packed up, went to the bait shop to get some fried chicken for lunch, and headed home. I finally got to my house a little before 5. I walked in, put up my stuff, and hit St. Mattress like a ton of bricks. I slept until about 6:30. Then I got up and went to...

The Redbirds first win of the season. Hell yeah baby. Of course first pitch was at 6:05 and I got there in the top of the 6th inning. I had one beer. A 12 ounce beer for $7. Yeah SEVEN DOLLARS. And after I found everyone and chatted a few minutes, I headed back to get some BBQ nachos and they had just closed the stand. WTF! I was really craving those. Fortunately there was one concession place open and I ordered A corndog and was handed TWO corndogs. Oh well, sounds like a good time and it was.

After the game a few of us headed over to Silky's on Beale St. I got a few pics. This is Sloan, Zac, and Ross. Sloan and Ross are engaged and the big day is in a few weeks. Congrats to them. They are two of the coolest, laid back folks you will ever meet.

Oh yeah, as soon as we got there, Zac ordered a friggin' diver for the table. Thanks buddy. This one girl with us ordered a Red Bull and Vodka and told us it was $10. I had two and my tab was $18.50. Either the waitress liked me more than her or...I don't know what.
We saw the goat up on the slide at one point. I decided to act like a tourist and take it's picture. I tried it without the flash and with the flash. It never turned out right, but there were these two glowing eyes in each pic. I pulled up the best pic on the computer today and edited it to get this:
I think Silky's damn goat is possessed or something. Plus it is the size of a buick. That thing is HUGE. The girl with us who had the "$10" Red Bull and Vodka swore it was a cross between a donkey and a goat at least. Someone asked if that was because it was hung like a donkey, but she declined to answer. We finally decided to give it the scientific name "Be-Donka-Donk". We are going to publish that in a scientific journal next week so don't steal that. I want to retire before I turn 27.

OH! There was this band outside (as always), but we noticed one of the singers had an interesting hair thang going on. It turned out to be a rat tail. No, he was not a white dude in a 80s cover band. He was a black guy in a soul/rnb cover band. Look at the pic (I forgot to crop it), you can see it going almost halfway down his back.

Ok, so I left Silky's about 12 and headed home. I'm glad I did because there were only three people remaining in the group. Two guys and a girl. And they went to E&H and then Newby's. I got a call from one of them today at 5:30 and he sounded like the black plague had him.

Today I went to Church at the 9am service in the new seersucker suit. It was pimp with a white shirt and green/blue tie (depending on the light, sounds weird, but really sharp). I was there with the family and EVERY SNEEZING COUGHING CHILD IN THE WORLD. But there were so many cute little kids who had the Easter outfits one. It was pretty cool. For a minute I actually wondered what it was like to be a proud father carrying my child through the Church on Easter Sunday. Then I snapped back to reality and thought back to who the mother could have been had I already married and had a child at this age. I quickly thanked God for unanswered prayers (and Garth Brooks for that song). I'm not saying anything bad about ANY of my exes, but none of them were "the one" and I'm glad I realized that with each one.

After Church I raced home, changed, and went to the folks' house for Easter lunch/bday lunch for the brother. That was great. I came home and have done laundry and cleaned ever since besides watching the Sopranos and What about Brian? Those were both good shows.

Wow it's 11:21. I'm going to bed.

Later

4/14/2006

Revised Easter Weekend

What did I go with last night? Shooter Jennings at the Deli. I’ll post that story after work tonight with pics. So to answer your question K, there’s nothing wrong with the Tshirt and jeans crowd.

Since the last post the weekend plans have changed considerably. Here is the revised schedule:
Tonight I’m going to be before 10PM. Why? Because I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow morning to go fishing. HM found some buddies with a boat so we can go on the water to fish. No more bank fishing. So sorry Phoenix Club, I’m not going to the fundraiser. I get to save my hard earned cash money. So I’m going to get up tomorrow morning, head west bound across the river and hopefully come back with an assload of fish. How much is an assload of fish? I think that’s a lot. After we finish fishing, hopefully we’ll have to clean a bunch of fish and freeze them or cook them. Then I’ll head home to shower and probably take a nap. Tomorrow night I’m headed to the Redbirds game at Autozone park.

Sunday the plans are still the same, but I am not responsible for cooking my badass tomatoes. I learned the recipe from HM. I still have to get a bday present for the brother. I don’t know what I’m going to get him so I’ll have to figure that out by Sunday too.

That’s all for now.

Songs on the Playlist:
Jimmy Buffett – Little Miss Magic
The Grateful Dead – Terrapin Station (I lasted for about 5 minutes of this song before I had to skip ahead)
O.A.R. – Hold On True (live)
Twisted Sister – We’re Not Gonna Take It
Drivin N Cryin - Straight To Hell

4/13/2006

Easter Weekend

Ok, I have no plans yet, but things are starting to flow together for tonight and the rest of the weekend.

I have two options for tonight. I can either head to the Peabody Rooftop with the roommate and his buddy from college. Or I can go to see Shooter Jennings with ‘MiniHer’ and friends at the Young Ave Deli. Let’s think logically about this:

If I go to the Peabody, I’ll probably pay a large cover, hang out in a meat market, and pay for expensive ass drinks. But there are always HOT women there and I may have a DD. I will have to dress up in a Lacoste and slacks with loafers though.
If I go to the Deli, I’ll pay a decent cover, hang out with the Midtown hipster crowd, and drink PBR. There aren’t always as many hot women there. Very unkept, jeans/tshirt type crowd. I can wear a polo shirt with jeans and boots and be fine.

I think I may go with Shooter. I don’t know though. I’m sure it’ll all depend on who’s leaving when and when the night will end, etc. I do have to work tomorrow. I think the deciding factor will be at which one will I have more fun. And that’s the tough question. Or as Barney would say: Which one will be more Legendary? (see Tuesday’s post on How I Met Your Mother)

Tomorrow night the Phoenix Club has a fundraiser at Newby’s for (of course) the Boys & Girls Clubs of Greater Memphis with a show with Ingram Hill. Here is the breakdown:
$25 general admission for the show
$65 for the show and a preshow cocktail meet & greet with the band
If you need tickets give me your email address. I don’t know if I want to go or if I’ll get into the show. That’ll be a gut decision tomorrow night.

Saturday I’m going fishing then probably going to watch the Redbirds with Z and several others that night.

Sunday is Easter and I’ll be in church with the brand spanking new seersucker suit. I bought it in August and still haven’t worn it (you don’t wear it before Easter fool!). After that I’m running out to the folks’ house for bday lunch. The brother has a birthday on Tuesday so the whole fam damily will be together again. Sunday is Sopranos night also. So that’ll be fun.

Anyway I’ll post a recap of whatever I decide to do over the weekend.

Songs on the Playlist:
George Strait – Amarillo By Morning
Chris Clagle – Laredo
Pink Floyd – The Happiest Days Of Our Lives
Ray Charles & Bonnie Raitt – Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?
Tom Petty – I Won’t Back Down
Pat Green – Here We Go
Hank Williams Jr – Whiskey Bent & Hell Bound
Robert Earl Keen – Gringo Honeymoon
Pearl Jam – Better Man
The Rolling Stones – Jumpin’ Jack Flash
Pat Green – Holdin’ On
Lynyrd Skynyrd – Free Bird (live)
Owen Temple – Dry Creek
The Grateful Dead – (Walk Me Out) In The Morning Dew
Robert Earl Keen – What I Really Mean

HNT


Happy Half Nekkid Thursday. This one is for the guys who read my column.

In case you can't tell, this isn't a pic of me.

But it is a lot sexier than I can ever be.

4/12/2006

An Old Promise to Myself

I read Kat’s blog post about the single thing and being a candidate for a good girlfriend. It got me thinking about what kind of qualities I would want in a woman. Then I remembered a promise I made to myself years ago:

I will not try to define a perfect or ideal woman or look for specific things such as blonde, tall, good laugh, etc.

Where did this come from? Years and years of bad experiences. I all of a sudden say something like “I’d like a petite blonde”. I get one but she was not what I want (and made my life hell). After several experiences similar to that very vague (on purpose) example, I realized that trying to pinpoint your soul mate based on physical appearance or personality of a potential mate was a very stupid thing to do. Since then I’ve had better relationships. Not necessarily great ones but the quality has gotten better.

Partly because of this epiphany I eventually came to another realization which ties into Kat’s blog post: I shouldn’t put out things about me that I think might attract someone to me. Just be yourself and the right person will fall in love with you. Yeah, you may need to polish a few rough edges and drop a few bad habits, but for the most part being yourself is what you have to do. Because when you hide certain things and they later come out, you are basically caught in a lie about yourself.

The other thing I have learned is be patient. I won’t go into details, but it involves an egging of a car and worse things. To give a vague but acceptable answer, I’ll say you don’t need to rush things or else you end up in an f’ed up situation.

So the rules we learned today are be honest with ourselves, be honest with others, and be patient. You will find love and be happy.



By the way, does anyone else think it is kinda funny that the first song on the playlist for this post was I Want You To Want Me? Sorry if this was a rambling post but I wrote it in a hurry.

Songs on the Playlist:
Cheap Trick – I Want You To Want Me
Johnny Cash – Boy Named Sue
Ugly Kid Joe – Everything About You
The Grateful Dead – High Time
The Beatles – Mean Mr. Mustard
Jack Johnson – Fall Line
Dave Matthews Band – Let You Down

Cleatus & Lurlean: The Agony Continues

Now who didn't see this coming eventually? I thought the kid would make it until 9 months before they nearly killed him again.

Now let me say this before I finish: I don't wish any ill will on the kid. I hope he turns out very well both healthwise and as a man. But how can you expect two people who have had every done for them for the last 4-7 years to take care of a baby. Cleatus (aka Kevin, K-Fed, Mr. Britney) isn't even interested enough in this family to stay at home. Lurlean (aka Brit-Brit, Britney, the scourge of everyone from the South who is not white trash) probably hasn't wiped her own ass since she "Hit Me One More Time" came out. So how are they supposed to be responsible parents?

The Letter

Ok, I try not to get political on here because...well that's not funny. Plus if I were to start saying one thing, go into a rant, and contradict myself without realizing it, I would look like an idiot. I may be an idiot, but I don't want to look like one (kidding). And do not turn this into some sort of political debate over immigration or illegals' rights.

Another thing I try not to do is throw emails on here, but this one is pretty funny. It came from a friend through business who is about 60 years old and usually sends "old man" humor. It is rarely funny, but every once in a while he will forward a jewel. To me, this is a jewel. I hope you enjoy it:

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

4/11/2006

Is it Tuesday already?

Ok, I’m sure you’re still waiting on a post-Friday night weekend recap. Here’s a quick one:
Bachelor party was awesome. But I have one warning for everyone else in the world: no matter what the bachelor wants, do not let him drink a half bottle of red wine with dinner because he will probably take shots later.

Shots + beer + red wine + jack + red bull = an early ending AND a terrible hangover for the fool of honor.

Sunday I went to the Memphi Queen’s coronation at the Hunt & Polo Club. The Queen is really nice and really cool. And I hear her eldest son is a friggin’ stud. It was really good to see all the folks I saw there. I’m sorry I couldn’t say hi to everyone. By the time I got home from that Sunday night, the roommate was watching recorded shows. He is about 3 episodes behind on the Sopranos so we didn’t watch it. Now it is Tuesday at lunch and I still haven't seen it.

Last night was Mom’s bday so by the time I got home I was tired. But I did have enough energy to watch How I Met Your Mother, which was a new episode. I have finally figured out CBS’s collective mind on this. They go 4 weeks of reruns (or bball) and then play a new episode. So now we have to wait until the first week of May before we get another episode.

So anyway, last night’s episode rocked…on the Barney front. What Up! We have two ideas of what happens after 2a.m.: Barney’s philosophy and Ted’s philosophy. Ted takes the pessimistic view based on what his mother told him (Go to bed. Nothing good ever happens after 2a.m.). Barney takes a more optimistic view based on…well no one knows exactly where his philosophy comes from (Only legendary things happen after 2a.m.). After watching this episode, I officially am no longer in Ted’s corner. He takes this stupid, pessimistic attitude and ruins his chances with Robyn. He is such a loser. He used to be a lovable loser, but I can only deal with someone screwing up so many times and not learning their lesson before I don’t care anymore. This goes with both people on TV and in real life. Perfect example: I know a girl from college who started seeing this guy. She played hard to get in the beginning. He told her in the first few dates that he was really into her. He brought her flowers on a random date. Not a little flower, but flowers. Not 15 dates in, but around date 5. So she started getting interested and chasing him. He’d go a while without calling her back and she’d never take the hint. Then she’d get upset because he gave all these signals. And she’d wonder what she did to make him change his mind. This is the female equivalent of Ted. You shoot yourself in the foot and wonder why you are in such pain. Yeah, I know it’s easy to see what to do when it’s not you, but still. You can see Ted screw up a mile away and you could see this girl screw up a mile away too. She was such a sweet girl, but just couldn’t do the right thing with this guy and it messed her up for about 6 months.

(FYI, she eventually started to learn her lessons and ended up very happy with someone else for a few years. He treated her very well. We’ve lost touch unfortunately because she graduated before me and moved to the east coast. She’s one of those folks you wonder about and have no way of finding out until you randomly cross each other’s paths in the future)

My point is you need to learn from your mistakes and if Ted doesn’t, I’m going to be very, very pissed. Barney obviously learned from his mistakes and “suited up.” He seems happy and Ted seems down. So remember, everything after 2a.m. becomes legendary!

Wow, that was way too deep for a Tuesday. Finish your lunch and go back to work.

Songs on the Playlist:
The Grateful Dead – Ramble On Rose
Jerry Jeff Walker – I Feel Like Hank Williams Tonight
Pete Townsend – Let My Love Open The Door (E.Cola Mix)
James Brown – Sex Machine
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – Don’t Come Around Here Anymore
Traffic – Empty Pages
The Steve Miller Band – The Stake
Widespread Panic – Action Man
Pink Floyd – Comfortably Numb

4/08/2006

Friday: hookers, pimps, cybertech, and empty pints

So yeah.

I had a decent day. How was yours? Glad to hear it. No really I am.

So anyway, it was a typical Friday, but we had incliment weather in the area...AGAIN. I mean a bad rain. Everyone told me there was hail falling all over the city. Shortly after the rain stopped the other guy at work came back from picking up his lunch and I ran some errands. I ran to my bank and then had to stop by another bank's branch to pay a bill. The problem was that between my office and where my bank was there are two offices of the other bank. One is on 3rd Street in South Memphis and they have 4 inch thick BULLET PROOF GLASS. The other is on Brooks Road.

For those of you who are, well, unfamiliar with Memphis, let me take a brief moment to explain something about Memphis. There are four streets in Memphis that are notorious for having women walk them. They are Summer Ave, Third Street (south of the interstate), Lamar Ave, and Brooks Rd. How do I know this? Well that burning senstation...KIDDING. Just watch the news. Or live with a cop. I've heard stories (that will not be repeated!) about arrests for prostitution. It will blow your mind.

So I thought to myself as I was racing back to the office, "hmm...bullet proof glass or hookers on the street. Which is safer?" I decided that Brooks Road was safer because a hooker won't shoot you (I hope) and it had just finished raining...with hail, so there won't be any hookers out. Wow, I love being right. Because here we have a pic of a lady just walking down Brooks Road. I wish I had a better pic of her because she can't be a hooker! Oh no! She has to be some hard working woman walking down the street to pick up lunch or somethi...oh my God! She is a hooker! Amazing. It must be hard out here for a pimp if he's got his hoes running the trails after weather like that. Thanks for explaining that to us Three 6 Mafia. Well after I drove past her, I went to the bank, paid the bill and headed back to the office. I thought I might see her so I could get a shot of her face for you because...she was a little rough on the eyes. Excuse me while I go puke.

Unfortunately, she was no where around (must be behind a building or something), but I was able to get a pic of what may be her pimp:

Are those spinners? Haha.

Ok enough with the hookers and pimps. Here are a few shots of "landmarks" I saw on Brooks Road. These first two pics are of the same location. I tried to get a better shot, but the traffic started rolling. What we have here is an OLD gas station that apparently was turned into some company that is no longer in business. Hmm...I wonder how a company called Cybertech that is located IN AN OLD GAS STATION IN THE FRIGGIN HOOD could go out of business? I really want to meet the rocket scientist who gave those guys a loan. I bet the bank didn't fire his ass.


The other thing about Brooks Road that you need to understand is not only does it have plenty of hookers to give you some type of STD. It also has a few strip clubs (here are a couple of nicknames my friends have for them: 'Titty Clubs' and 'Shake Joints'). There was one called the King of Clubs that was closed because it was a public nuisance and was closed by the city. How is it a public nuisance and none of the others are? Well, it was 18 and up. And it was cited for many, many times for prostitution (again watch the local news and you'll hear all this shit).

Well I wonder when they reopen under new management or whatever if it will be considered a public nuisance? Look at the pic of some obvious construction and make your own judgement:

I'm pretty sure that those silver things over the entrance are going to become legs and an ass. I'll have to drive by sometime and get a pic when it's done.

So after I hightailed it from Brooks Road I stopped by the newly remodeled Subway on South Third (which is really cleaned up and has some cool folks who work there). As I got out of the trunk I looked down and saw this. I don't have any thing to really say about it. I just think it is a cool shot...even though it is an empty pint bottle in a puddle. I like the way the sun is reflecting off the puddle and all the drops of water in the bottle (it was half submerged).

So why am I posting this at 1 in the morning? Why am I not out boozing it up or in bed resting up for Saturday and Sunday? Well, I watch the Grizzlies win tonight and fell asleep on the couch. Then I got a text message from the Friggin Douche (yes, that is his nickname, but only a few know him as that). He was drinking up at the Brookhaven pub. I told him I'd come have a beer or two with him. He was there with some singer dude named Nick Pagliari. (Yes "singer dude" is an official description) We hung out for a few beers and then I came home. About the time I got home, I realized I still hadn't posted the hooker thing. So now I have this HUGE post that if you are still reading, kudos to you.

Ok, I'm going to bed. Adios muchachas!

4/07/2006

Auto-Rite?

I DO NOT want to seem racist, but I have to ask this question:
Does this seem like someone is trying to make a racist joke or is this a coincidence? Or are we all so racist to begin with that we automatically notice the joke when we say the words on the sign out loud?

Discuss
Songs on the Playlist:
Phish - Meatstick
Def Leppard - Love Bites

Free Sol Saturday



I just got this on MySpace. If this is the band I think it is, they are are always good.

Do they play at the Flying Saucer on week nights? I can't remember.

Weekend Planner

Ok, in case you are wondering what’s going on this weekend, here’s the schedule of events.

Friday night: Brooks Uncorked
Here is the official info from the invitation I received:
Hard to believe Brooks Uncorked is next week! Thanks to all the hard work from committee members, the Art of Good Taste Season has really begun! You can still help by buying your tickets today (544-6209, or online www.brooksmuseum.org) and by forwarding this ebrooks to interested friends! Happy weekend everyone. From: ebrooks@brooksmuseum.org

Please pass along to friends! If you are unable to view the images in this e-brooks please click here to view them using your web browser. Thank you, Memphis Brooks Museum of Art

I don’t think I’ll make it to this. It'll be cool, but the roommate has a bday today and if they aren’t going to Tunica tonight, I’m going out with them.

Friday night: Hayseed Dixie at Newby's. Great band. I hope I can make it to this.

Saturday afternoon into evening:
Overton Square Crawfish Boil. Should be fun. I don’t think I’ll make it though. Depends on several things. Mostly I need to save my money for Saturday night.

Saturday night: Bachelor Party for David
I’ll be there. If you weren’t invited, you won’t know where we’re going and aren’t invited. If you see us out, say hey.

Sunday: nursing a hangover

I was really starting to lose faith in my playlist. It had been playing the same artists over and over. But now it is starting to get interesting. I love the random feature.
Songs on the playlist:
INXS – Mystify
Jimmy Buffett – Barometer Soup
Widespread Panic – Walkin’ (For Your Love)
George Jones – Choices
ACDC – Thunderstruck
The Band - The Shape I'm In

Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me

Huey Lewis & The News - Workin' For A Livin'

Making an Insurgent

Wow! And you thought we had freaky farmers over here. Check this out.

Warning: If you don't like the idea of an insurgent screwing a donkey on infrared (sp?) cameras don't watch.

I don't know which is worse the guy doing it, or the commentator acting like he's giving a lecture on it.

4/06/2006

HNT - what is that?

I’ve only been doing this blogging thing since the end of February. So that makes me a “baby blogger” I guess (my own term, but you can steal it). As a newbie, I am still learning things. I’ve heard this HNT thing mentioned many times, but until today I never knew what it was. Hell, I barely understand ttyl, wtf, lol, and brb. I quit using IM stuff when I moved out of my college dorm in 99. I’d rather share a beer and talk face to face with someone.

So as a newbie, I’ll jump on your little technogeek bandwagon and put up an HNT. So here ya go, it’s a small part of my leg. I hope this gives you some revelation into my life. As if I don’t talk about it enough on here. Enjoy.

Now get ya ass back to work.

Songs on the Playlist:
Garth Brooks – Wrapped Up In You
Better Than Ezra – This Time of Year
Marty Robbins – El Paso
Soul Asylum – Runaway Train
David Allen Coe – You Don’t Ever Call Me By My Name

Crash and Burn, Maverick

Well dear readers, I am pissed off. The end of the day started well yesterday. I called Cingular about the ear piece on my phone going bad and they have sent me a new one under warranty. It should be here in 5 business days. So until then I have to walk around like a dork with an ear piece when I use my phone.

But that was fine and I left work about 5 and went to my grandmother’s house for dinner. We had gumbo with shrimp and oysters and other seafood. I can’t tell you what all was in it because I ate it too fast. It was gone in no time. But damn it was good.

From there I left and ran to Target (pronounced “Tar-je”, haha) to get some new gym gloves because I lost the old ones, but they stunk so it’s ok. I also bought a plastic storage box for winter clothes to put in the attic.

At this point of the evening my night was still on the rise. I went to the gym and did chest and back. It hurt bad. I did more than I usually do and I am losing weight again. Hell yea! (Moving, not running, and drinking a lot of beer over the weekend didn’t help my springtime health kick). I left the gym and went by Smoothie King to get a post gym smoothie (my blender is still in a box somewhere and I am out of fruit at home).

When I got home, the roommate reminded me that his b-day is tomorrow. So now I have plans for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. So much for resting and relaxing this weekend. But hey I was still having a great night that it really didn’t matter. So I’m going to have fun this weekend

Then he drops the bomb. I didn’t realize the devastation until later. He told me that the cable box screwed up and locked up. He had to shut it off and let it reboot. I thought this wasn’t a big deal after we got it working again. I took a shower while he watched his golf stuff. I folded clean clothes. And went to the living room. Turned on the dvr and started Lost. I got 30 minutes into and a commercial break started which I fast-forwarded through. Halfway through that break the damn show stopped. I didn’t think this was a big deal because the dvr showed another recording of 31 minutes afterwards. I start that one and nothing happened. I didn’t record it. So (SPOILER ALERT scroll down to the next paragraph if you haven’t seen last night’s episode and care about it) the last stuff I remember seeing was Hurley attacking Sawyer and then chasing his imaginary friend through the jungle to where Charlie and Ecko were doing construction work (although I missed the entire rest of the episode I assume they are building a church). Then it was a commercial. Maybe I got that backwards. Maybe Hurley ran up on the construction site, had a flashback, went to Sawyer for meds, and then attacked him.

So please dear readers, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!!! I have printed out the EW.com version of what happened, but it is usually commentary and won’t tell you what you missed. It barely gives a plotline.

So that’s what sucked. The island has started messing with people again and I don’t know what else happened with the captured other. What did he tell them if anything? What happened with Hurley? I remember from the preview from last week that he was going to be near a cliff but I missed that. Please someone give me a synopsis.

Thanks

Songs on the Playlist:
The Grateful Dead – Cosmic Charlie
Derek & the Dominoes – Layla
The Band – Don’t Do It
Jack Johnson – Belle
Dwight Yoakam – Pocket of a Clown
Beastie Boys – The New Style
The Doors – Love Me Two Times
James Taylor – Fire and Rain
The Cars – Candy-O
The Who - Shakin All Over

4/05/2006

Go Leonard Part 6, Go!

I tell you what, I loved it when Eddie Murphy did his impersonation of Bill Cosby chastising him in Raw or Delirious. I laughed my butt off (of course I didn't hear it until I was in college in the late 90s or early 2000s). But a few years ago, Bill Cosby jump leaped and bounds back into my respect when he told people to clean up. I forget the exact details of what was said, but I do remember the respect I had for the man for saying what he felt was important as he chastised the youths he spoke to. It blew my mind away. I remember it was along the lines of get an education and don't be so damn ignorant.

Now he's back. He is calling for New Orleans residents to cleanse themselves of the crime that devistated that city. Being from the South I know stories from friends who lived there. It used to be very bad. A good friend of mine had a roommate who walked out the front door to her car in the middle of the afternoon and was robbed at gun point...in one of the nicer neighborhoods. The stories just go on and on.

I hope that the citizens of New Orleans who return take heed to his words. And I REALLY hope that the evacuees who stay in Memphis, Jackson, Houston, Little Rock, etc. don't return to their old ways. Consider this a chance to start over and be a better person. There's plenty of work to go around if you are actually willing to do the work.

God Bless You All

Songs on the Playlist:
Motley Crue - Live Wire
Joe Diffie - Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox
Johnny Cash - Closing Medley (Live at San Quentin)
Aerosmith - Draw the Line

O MU GAWD, YALL!!!

At 2 minutes 3 seconds past 1 today it will be
1:02:03 04-05-06

At 2 minutes 4 seconds past 1 today, no one will care anymore. Sorry but it's true. This isn't an episode of Lost where the numbers have some sort of cosmic importance, unless you are some kook looking for answers in anything.

What Title?

Is anyone else really tired of those truth.com commercials? Usually I watch most shows after they’ve aired on my Tivo (when I had Directv) or on the dvr. The beauty with that is I don’t have to watch those damn commercials, infomercials, and other wastes of time. But last night I was watched The Daily Show and then the Colbert Report (pronounced “Colber Repor”). During the Daily Show, there was one of those damn truth.com commercials. I don’t know why but I just got pissed off. I know smoking is bad for you. So don’t beat me over the head with it. Get over yourself, you righteous pricks! Sorry buy those damn commercials really get to me.

And now I’m going to rant about something else too: You know cigarettes will cause cancer. You smoke anyway. Then when you’re an old man/woman, you get lung/mouth/throat cancer and decide to sue the Tobacco companies. Did you get logic cancer too or were you born an f’ing idiot? Think about it, you knowingly buy their product to put smoke into your lungs even though for hundreds of years people have gotten cancer and tuberculosis from smoking. You still get sick and decide to sue the tobacco companies. You are retarded.

Here’s a little disclaimer: I was born in ’79 so I don’t know if the tobacco companies did actually advertise that cigarettes were healthy back in the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s. But if you thought they were, you had to be pretty gullible.

Let me say this: the Tobacco companies put out a product and advertised it. They sold an image that would promote their products in a sexy/hip/cool light like any other product in the world. You buy it and use it even though there are health warning ON THE BOX. You get cancer and sue the same Tobacco companies. Wow, you must have made a perfect score on every test in high school.

I have an idea! Why don’t you go buy a baseball bat, beat your legs until you are crippled, and sue the sporting goods store for damages incurred. That makes as much sense.

Some of you who know me well, may say “well, you smoke cigars, Philip. Isn’t that a little hypocritical of you to criticize these people?” No, it’s not. I smoke cigars probably once every few months. And I’m not going to sue the tobacco companies if I get lung cancer. It can be any number of causes that would hypothetically given me cancer. Of course, I won’t date a girl who smokes cigarettes, so does that make me a hypocrite? Probably. But I don’t light up a cigar every day and if I did, I wouldn’t try to kiss her until after I used a little mouth wash. I don’t like kissing an ashtray.

Ok, I’m done bitching about that. Get back to work.

Songs on the Playlist:
ZZ Top – Cheap Sunglasses
The Grateful Dead – Attics of my Life
Stevie Ray Vaughan – Tin Pan Alley (AKA Roughest Place in Town)
The Grateful Dead – Tennessee Jed
Nirvana – Polly
Neil Young – Rockin’ In The Free World
Talking Heads – (Nothing But) Flowers
Bob Dylan – Tangled Up In Blue
Better Than Ezra – Desperately Wanting
Tom Petty – Running Down a Dream
Third Eye Blind – Semi Charmed Life
Aerosmith – Amazing
Aerosmith - Angel

4/04/2006

The Playlist Thang

Ok, I feel I should explain this playlist thing. I like to have music playing all the time. That does not include crappy radio stations like 104.5FM the River here in Memphis. I have to listen to it on the intercom here at work and I hate that station. Anyway, I like to share good music with my friends so I thought I’d throw in my playlists with my posts. I thought it would be something that some of you might enjoy. I included it since day one as much as I can. Today someone posted a comment that asked about this morning’s playlist. Which made me realize that some might wonder “How do I come up with these playlists?” Simple.

On my work computer I have about 11 gigs of song. Most are albums that I ripped with Musicmatch Jukebox. So I go through my library and add all the songs under certain artists. Once I get all the artists I want added to the playlist, I’ll click the random sort button and let musicmatch put them in a random order. That way I never know what’s coming next. It does piss me off when I get the same artist three songs in a row. Right now I am on song #455 (Jimmy Buffett – Margaritaville live) out of 2579. I've been working on this particular playlist for several days. I probably won't get to the end of it before I redo it. I put the playlist on very low in the background at work and just tune in and out depending on what’s going on.

At home I have more music on my laptop. To make those playlists, I’ll just grab a few songs I want to hear and throw those on. I don’t spend as much time on my computer at home as I do at work so it is a less random playlist.

There’s your little peak into the window to the insanity that is my mind.
Have a great day

Songs on the Playlist:
Robert Earl Keen – Feelin’ Good Again
Dave Matthews Band – Don’t Drink the Water (Vh1 Storytellers)
Roger Creager – Love
Jimi Hendrix – Love Or Confusion
Nirvana – Pennyroyal Tea
Dave Matthews Band - #41
Barenaked Ladies – One Week
Widespread Panic – Sympathy for the Devil (cover)
Willie Nelson – Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain
Steppenwolf – Born to be Wild
The Grateful Dead – New, New Minglewood Blues
ACDC – Back In Black
Jimmy Buffett – Sea of Heartbreak
Jimmy Buffett – Knees of My Heart
Stone Temple Pilots – Vasoline
The Grateful Dead – Truckin’
Hank Williams Jr – Women I’ve Never Had
Johnny Cash – Busted (Live at Folsom Prison)
The Rolling Stones – Prodigal Son
Jimmy Buffett – Margaritaville (live with lost verse)
The Doors - Five To One
The Rolling Stones - Have You Seen Your Mother Baby, Standing in the Shadows
Delbert McClinton - Everytime I Roll The Dice

LindSAY WHAT?

Hi, I'm a former teen queen who's been embarassed by her family worse than a certain hotel heiress/socialite has embarassed her family with her porno tape. I want to be taken seriously as an actress. Everything I do is under a microscope. I used to have a kickass body, but I decided to trade it in for a supposed eating disorder. I used to be a super-hot redhead, but now I change my hair color more often than a leopard changes his spots. No, wait, is it a chameleon who changes it's spots? I forget. But I'm putting all that and every other scandal behind me. I'm moving on with my life in order to win an Oscar one day. So I hope you will support me in whatever I do.
If you won't support me, I have something you can kiss. Oh, wait, you might like that. Nevermind.
I'll just go accept my award at this show for kids. That'll show what a great person I am and how much talent I'm carrying behind me. I think this will show the world everything I bring to the table as a serious actress who loves her fans and will always give them what they want.

Crapie is Good for your Soul

At 4:20 yesterday afternoon (go ahead and laugh you stoners), I picked up the phone without realizing the time and called HM. Here is what transpired:
Me: "Hey bud what are you doing?"
HM: "I'm just finishing up a little work."
Me: "Do you want to go fishing?"
HM: "Hell yea! I've been thinking about it all day!"
Me: "Me too! Pick me up at 5 and let's roll."

So I went fishing AGAIN. We got to Porter Lake about 6PM after stopping at Bonds to pick up some Moon Pie and Pecan Pies. Those hit the spot.

We fished with a terrible wind in our faces. We got several nibbles but it was really choppy so sometimes you had the phantom bites that were nothing more than waves. At one point I looked over a HM and he was trying to reel in something. As I was watching him, I felt a tug. I froze and paused. I felt a harder tug. And then I caught the first crapie of the season! Hells Yea, Baby!! I'd post the pic, but I look funny in the pic so forget it.

At 7:30 we left Porter Lake to head back to El Memfrico. On the way we decided we were going to filet the fish and cook some steaks too. He dropped me off at my truck and I went to schnuck's to pick up some sirloins. We had the fish pan fried as an appetizer. It was great. Then we had sirloin with corn on the cob and HM's "I forgot to buy lettuce" salad (tomatoes, cucumbers, yellow pepper, onion, and dressing). I had beer with the fish and we had some Indian Wells cabernet & merlot with the steak and veggies. It was great. I got home about 11 and crashed.

I highly recommend the Indian Wells cab. I know they stock it at Gaslight on Summer (closer to High Point than Buster's is and with better parking conditions too). Indian Wells also has a reisling that I tried last night too. UNBELIEVABLE!! If you are a woman who has never ventured beyond chardonnay or (gag) white zin, try this. It is a good wine that almost has a pear taste to it. I don't like pears that much, but I really went nuts with it. Great flavor. It'll be perfect for late spring and all summer in Memphis.

Songs on the Playlist:
Spencer Davis Group - Gimme Some Lovin'
Guns N' Roses - Live & Let Die
The Rolling Stones - Ruby Tuesday
Jimi Hendrix - Fire
O.A.R. - Hold On True (I used to like this band when they first came out with Crazy Game of Poker, but now their music is too "high school" for me. It feels like they lost that fire from back in the day. Maybe it's just me)
Stevie Ray Vaughan - House Is Rockin
KISS - Rock and Roll All Nite

4/03/2006

Morning Playlist

Ok I forgot to put up the playlist with that last post. Sorry.

Songs on the Playlist:
Phish – You Enjoy Myself
The Grateful Dead – The Greatest Story Ever Told
The Rolling Stones – Dear Doctor
Def Leppard – Rock Brigade
Aerosmith – Just Push Play
Lynyrd Skynyrd – Comin’ Home
Garth Brooks – Thunder Rolls
Joe Cocker – She Came In Through The Bathroom Window
David Allen Coe & George Jones – This Bottle (In My Hand)
Jimmy Buffett – Island
The Who – Amazing Journey/Sparks (Live at Leeds album)
Kool & the Gang – Jungle Boogie
Def Leppard – Animal
Tom Petty – You Wreck Me
Free – All Right Now
Better Than Ezra – Southern Girl
Jimmy Buffett – Kick It In Second Wind
George Jones – Tennessee Whiskey

It's Monday Morning Already?

So, how you durin? I'm alright. It's Monday and I'm alive. So I've got that going for me. And now blogger is screwing up. WTF? It says that I'm typing in italics but I'm not. Weird. Ok, on to the weekend recap:

After our last one-sided conversation, I hopped in the shower and went to the engagement party. I dressed nicely in a pair of slacks and blue button down shirt. I got there and DP was in khakis as everyone else was except this one guy in a 3 piece suit. What was up with that? Very weird. I don't think it was meant as a joke either. It was just odd. So I stayed there, ate dinner, and hung out until about 10:30 when everyone left. I headed back to the crawfish boil which apparently had really wound down. A few were left and I grabbed a beer. Everyone decided to leave just as the rain was starting so I asked who wanted to head to the Brookhaven Pub. GS said he'd go. I told him I was going to change clothes first. I raced home, threw on an obnoxious Tshirt that said "I'm Really Excited To Be Here" and a pair of cutoff khaki shorts, and was walking out the door when I got a phone call from GS. Here's how it went "Hey man, listen. The crowd is a little too...odd for me. Let's go to Newby's"

And we went to Newby's. They had some hippie band next door that was so bad I'm not even posting the pics of the crowd or the show. They were called Pnuma Trio. Some guy at the door called them "Memphis's Own Pnuma Trio". I looked at him like he was stoned...then I realized he probably was. It went downhill from there. GS and I went back to the regular bar and had a few beers and then decided to run in and check out the hippie show. Yea, when I stand there for 10 minutes and they play the same notes over and over, I'm not a happy camper. It wasn't even a jam. It was the same thing over and over. I could put a song on a loop and come up with the same crap. And it was a guy on keyboards, a drummer and a bass player. That's it. Oh yea, some rapper got up there and went "Uh, What?, Uh, What?". I kid you not. GS and I went up to the front during all this because...I really don't know why, but he made a beeline there. So the rapper dude was still going "Uh, What, Uh!" I channelled the genius of Dave Chappelle and yelled out "Turn my headphones up! I'm serious! What! Oh!" No one laughed because well they were all too stoned. Two minutes later they started laughing and then I had imitators. It was ri-donk-u-lous.

I got tired of these damn dirty suburban hippies and dragged GS back next door to sit at the bar. What happened then? Observe:

This is my friend, but he's sad and lonely. He needs a friend.
Hey look yall! He found a friend!
We asked one of the bartenders to take our picture. We tried it with and without the flash. My eyes were closed in the other one so here is the one without the flash. So we had a few beers and then I ordered Newby's wings to go. Took them home, watched Anchorman and went to bed about 4. I wake up after 12 on Sunday with a nice little hangover. I grab an orange and sit on the couch. I flipped channels and caught a little Nascar. I kept peeking out the window at the sun and contemplating sitting in a chair in the back yard and catching some rays, but decided against it. About 2:15 my phone rings and it's HM:
HM "Hey man, what are you doing?"
Me "Nursing a hangover."
HM "Are you doing anything else today?"
Me "No."
HM "Good. Put some clothes on, I'll be at your house to pick you up in 2 minutes."
Me "...Ok?"
He pulls up and explains that I am going to get in the blazer and we're going to Arkansas. "We might not accomplish anything," he tells me "but we're going to have a good time. What better way to take care of a hangover? Grab a beer for a little hair of the dog."

So we pile into the blazer, stop at the state line to pick up a six pack of Shiner Bock, and cross the bridge:


We stop at Wal-Mart in West Memphis. Suddenly I find myself buying a fishing license and a new rod/reel. We roll to Porter lake, telling stories along the way and laughing. After a few beers, my hangover has disappeared. We spend several hours just throwing jigs into the water and watching nothing happen. It was great. I got two nibbles, my hook stuck in a tree underwater, and another hook stuck in an over hanging tree. Best Sunday afternoon in a long time. Oh yeah, when we pulled up there was some dog barking at us. It came over, let us pet it, and followed us the rest of the day. It was a cool dog that just lived there I guess.
I hope you weekend went well.

Have a great Monday.

 
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